ktc Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) We all have read the same stories over and over. Long story short. 3 year relationship. It was rocky. We did have on & off again due to trust issues. I noticed come this new year he was being distant, and I was actually taking time to focus on myself other than the relationship. I didn't realize he could potentially lose his job. He had just been shutting me out and not talking to me. I went to check up on him, blew up over a trust issue we had, and then when he came home from work, we had an honest talk on what was going on in his head. He spoke about how he was unhappy with his life in general, including the relationship. I was very cautious with my words, and watched him cry for a very long time while he broke up with me. I know he cried more than I did, because as much as I didn't want us to break up, I knew it would happen. We had issues that couldn't be resolved together, because he wasn't willing to make it a "we" effort. I didn't fight with him, I consoled him. I didn't beg him to stay, only offered to take a break instead. He didn't suggest being friends. He only said he could only decide by himself if he was making a mistake. He also said he wasn't sure if either of us would change/grow and I did believe him when he said it wasn't someone else. That is a lot coming from someone who has trust issues. I told him I loved him, I forgave him, and I believed in him. I stayed the night but we weren't physical. He said he did love me and that he didn't think it would be fair to be intimate with me because he just broke up with me. And the next day I finally left. He was acting a little cold, and he looked a little sad. I felt he was trying to avoid talking about it, which is fair. But I left, and haven't contacted him since. That was Feb 28. So its been a few weeks. I have accepted it and been focusing on myself. But just because I accept it, because this is the only thing I can do besides throwing a pity party, I realize yes, not contacting him allows me to reflect on it. I see what I did wrong, and what he didn't do. That yes, maybe I gave more into the relationship than he did, but my trust and my tearing him down only made it hard for him to want to love me. I do want to get back together, when I get to a happier place, because I was at an unhappy point in my life and relied on him to make it all better. And that wasn't fair to him. But I do still love him, and giving him space is the only thing I can do for him. I think my main issue is figuring out if he will come back, and I guess no one can answer that. But I don't think someone who presumably loved you and stayed with you through some of the worst times, even if they weren't the most understanding, can just completely forget about you or give you up. So naturally, I am going to continue to focus on me and move forward with my life even if he doesn't come back. But it's that thought that lingers that if we broke up on a really emotional but positive note, where he didn't indicate that we would never meet again, that it really is the end. If that makes any sense. Because even if he did come back tomorrow indicating he made a mistake, I know we both know we aren't going to rush things like we did before. But I guess I'm looking for that hope from someone who has been in his shoes or my own to know he still may come back. Edited March 17, 2015 by ktc typo
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 He'll be back. Guys always come back. It's the girls that don't. It seems that you two truly had a good relationship overall and with a little time for him to get his life back together, he will reach out and want back in. Just my opinion... 1
Gridlock Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Trust issues are hard to get past, especially when you doubt the relationship and whether or not it still makes you happy. When me and my girlfriend broke up the first time, I was pretty much getting past her when she came back into my life and ****ed it up with her love. The problem was, I never trusted her truly like I did the first time. I still loved her at the time and forced myself to give it another shot, and in the end I was ALWAYS looking over my shoulder, waiting for her to give up again. I miss her, but everytime I ask myself the questions "is that what you really want? Is that kind of relationship going to make you happy anymore?" the answer is always the same : No. Edited March 17, 2015 by Gridlock 1
AprilTears Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Trust issues are hard to get past, especially when you doubt the relationship and whether or not it still makes you happy. When me and my girlfriend broke up the first time, I was pretty much getting past her when she came back into my life and ****ed it up with her love. The problem was, I never trusted her truly like I did the first time. I still loved her at the time and forced myself to give it another shot, and in the end I was ALWAYS looking over my shoulder, waiting for her to give up again. I miss her, but everytime I ask myself the questions "is that what you really want? Is that kind of relationship going to make you happy anymore?" the answer is always the same : No. Simply said but perfect way to look at it. It's how I look at mine too and how I have been able to stick to NC for 2 1/2 weeks now. I would not be happy with him again so I am keeping on my path of NC. OP - Keep it up. It will get easier. Take this time to do what you said and focus on you. I know everyone says that and it's easier said than done but it really will keep you sane and more aware of what you had, what you want and what you don't want. 1
Satu Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) You might get back together and you might not. But I think it best to proceed under the working assumption that you won't. I suggest this because it makes it easier for you to think more about yourself than him. The worst case consists of you thinking about him and him thinking about you. That means that nobody is thinking about themselves. Believe me, this happens... I wish you well. Edited March 18, 2015 by Satu
Author ktc Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I completely get what you're saying. I have friends who all are dealing with breaking up with their first loves within the last couple of months. I know they broke up with their boyfriends because they didn't believe they would change. So I watch them cry about how much they love them and miss them but refuse to be with them. But I know I am changing and am happy. Just not necessarily happy with thinking I may never see him again. But in all, I think my story was more based on, if a breakup ends on a good note, and I clearly ended it not threatening, begging, fighting, breaking, ETC... then wouldn't that mean something? That I've matured? Not that anyone really knows me as a person, but that honestly is a huge achievement coming from someone who has done those stupid things before during a breakup.
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