smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 My general story is that my ex girlfriend finished things with me on New Year's Eve over WhatsApp, citing that she was unhappy with me at home and she had found happiness being on her own. Found out she'd been chatting to other people online and through apps, messy dragged out break up that lasted a couple of months. Most people's opinions on LS is that she was either a BPD or an emotional manipulator which I believe to be true. Anyway, she's with someone else now - I believe immediately after break up she jumped into it with this person. She did same with me to her ex. So, no surprise! Last time I spoke to her she was shouting "I'm HAPPY! I've met someone and I'm HAPPY!" at me, so whatever. I haven't heard from or contacted her for a while - I've been full NC but not counting the days so not sure how long it's been. Coping-wise, I think I'm generally coping 'OK' - I wouldn't say I'm coping well, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I think about her often and I miss her company... I miss her cuddles, and her cooking. I even miss little things, like her fingers or her teeth - lol. She'd often refer to us as "the same person" and I wonder if I ever even cross her mind. I know she's probably wrapped up in this new person, I know how she is in the early stages. Because she's most likely a BPD or a narcissist she really idealises the person, showers them with compliments, makes them feel amazing - I'm sure she's doing all that to whoever this is. I still live in the flat we shared and I still feel her energy here which is hard. Everytime I turn around there will be something that reminds me of her, even if it's just something silly like a packet of herbs, or a shelf that I put up because she asked me to. I have to sleep with the TV on just so that I don't overthink. It's incredibly difficult, but I try my best to get through each day. The relationship meant a lot to me - I viewed it as forever. She'd always talk about us having kids and I met her family several times. She met mine, too - she was a big part of my life and I think about her every day. But because she has this habit of jumping from person to person, I don't know if she thinks about me. I presume not, and if she does I imagine she only sees the negative parts - especially as she's probably comparing it to the honeymoon period of this thing she's in now...even though we had our own honeymoon period...she forgets that. So yeah... that's it really. I wonder if she thinks about me, but probably not.
Satu Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 What she is doing, thinking, feeling, doesn't matter. What matters is what you are doing, thinking, feeling, The more you can turn your attention to yourself, the better. You are more important than she.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 What she is doing, thinking, feeling, doesn't matter. What matters is what you are doing, thinking, feeling, The more you can turn your attention to yourself, the better. You are more important than she. Hey Satu, Yes, what you say is correct. I feel like I am 50% focusing on myself and 50% focusing on her - whereas before it was 100% all on her in the early stages of the break up... As time is passing, I do start thinking about myself, more. Which is a good indicator of progress?
Satu Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Hey Satu, Yes, what you say is correct. I feel like I am 50% focusing on myself and 50% focusing on her - whereas before it was 100% all on her in the early stages of the break up... *As time is passing, I do start thinking about myself, more. Which is a good indicator of progress? *That indicates that you are making progress. You don't have to do anything instantly - things take time. Just remember that you are the one you have to take care of.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 *That indicates that you are making progress. You don't have to do anything instantly - things take time. Just remember that you are the one you have to take care of. Thank God. I feel so much more relaxed, not so tense. I feel like I can breathe. It does feel nice.... 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Today, I managed to pick myself up for long enough to head out and pick up some bits of shopping from the shopping centre. This place has little coffee shops, smoothie shops etc. I felt fine on the way there, in fact, I felt in quite a good mood. I was in the shopping centre for a little too long, though - my mood started going down as I remembered being there with her and kept remembering that she's with someone else, now. I just had to come home. I still can't believe this is happening and I feel like I keep getting propelled backwards.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I feel the same way man. I have a hard time staying in my apartment because I have so many fond memories of being with her there. Almost makes me want to move to escape these feelings.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 I feel the same way man. I have a hard time staying in my apartment because I have so many fond memories of being with her there. Almost makes me want to move to escape these feelings. Same - I feel like moving, so much. But why should we, really? It would be such a hassle when you think about it. But sometimes it feels like it would be worth it
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 The worst part about it is that she was the one who suggested that I move into my current apartment because when I met her, I needed a new place that I could afford. She's from this area so she was able to bring me to this place, which coincidentally is only a few minutes away from her house.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 The worst part about it is that she was the one who suggested that I move into my current apartment because when I met her, I needed a new place that I could afford. She's from this area so she was able to bring me to this place, which coincidentally is only a few minutes away from her house. So, does she still live locally?
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Yeah, she still lives with her parents as she's saving to buy her own house. She's about a ten minute drive down the way, but I have no reason to drive to that side of town so it's easy to not run into her.
na49 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I'd say she probably does think of you from time to time, but what does that do for you really? Sure, she hasn't completely forgotten you, but she is still getting smashed by a new guy.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 I'd say she probably does think of you from time to time, but what does that do for you really? Sure, she hasn't completely forgotten you, but she is still getting smashed by a new guy. I don't know what it does for me. Maybe it's just some sort of hope that she'll realise she does love me and will come back. But that's fantasy thinking.
na49 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I don't know what it does for me. Maybe it's just some sort of hope that she'll realise she does love me and will come back. But that's fantasy thinking. My ex has come back after the guy she left me for decided she wasn't for him. It's not as great as you think it is. It's so hard to just accept her for everything as much as she's apologized. It's not fantasy thinking that she'll be back, it's fantasy thinking that things will be exactly the same as they were before she left you, and saw someone else.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 My ex has come back after the guy she left me for decided she wasn't for him. It's not as great as you think it is. It's so hard to just accept her for everything as much as she's apologized. It's not fantasy thinking that she'll be back, it's fantasy thinking that things will be exactly the same as they were before she left you, and saw someone else. She came back? So what happened, how did she end up coming back?
totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 God I am in the same boat man. Was involved with her and her family so much as she was mine then she just walked away like nothing happened. Two months later was with someone else and engaged to him after less than two months, it really does suck mate.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 God I am in the same boat man. Was involved with her and her family so much as she was mine then she just walked away like nothing happened. Two months later was with someone else and engaged to him after less than two months, it really does suck mate. I can't comprehend it - and did your ex ever reach out to you?
totenkopf Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I can't comprehend it - and did your ex ever reach out to you? No she has not reached out at all other than her bf sending me a picture of the engagement ring.
SheleftmeforMichael Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 To answer your question. Yes, she does think of you, but probably not in the same manner that you want her to think of you (possibly coming back to you) if she has a new man in her life so I agree with what na49 stated from personal experience. She might think of you from time to time, and may even reach out to you to ask how you are doing (just as my ex did) but that won't change her trajectory in wanting to be with the other guy. After my breakup (which occurred a week before Christmas - great timing on my ex's part...sheesh), I often felt the same thing. Parts of the day would go great and my mind would be at ease, but all it would take was one small memory of the past / or place that I was with her to trigger the downward slope in my mood. For a good two months, I could not stand to be in my house (big emotional trigger) which we shared and did everything I could to not be home alone unless I had to sleep / do laundry. I was out constantly with friends / exploring new places to keep my mind busy and off of her as best I could (I still had my lapses here and there). But you have to keep going and keep moving forward and you have to want to get better and pull yourself out of the emotional rut we were/are in. It will take allot of time depending on the kind of person you are/ As the days/weeks/months go by, the visitations of the past relationship in your mind will slow down...especially if you have come to the acceptance that the past relationship is done/over and that she's probably not coming back no matter what we feel, say or do. It makes things easier...and those things coupled with sufficient time and distraction will heal you faster. While I can't say yet i'm 100%, I definitely feel better and my mind is clearer and in more in control instead of my heart.
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