DazedandConfused8 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Mini-rant time: I'm getting quite annoyed with people who commit they'll do something and then don't follow through. I'm a guy, so yes, my perspective applies to women, but I'm sure men are just as bad as women. I'm someone who takes his word very seriously. Whether it's work or play, if I tell you x, you will get x. But with other people, saying x is meaningless; it's pointless. There is no commitment to follow through. Why would you say it if you didn't mean to follow through on it? Two examples: 1. Hanging out with a long-time friend. It goes from "drinks on Saturday" to another time. No problem, it happens. But then there's no follow up. Nothing about going on Tuesday or Thursday or whatever. Then I look like the needy one if I bring up "okay, maybe THIS Saturday?" 2. OLD. There have been numerous conversations that go something like this: Me: "How about we go for a coffee/drink on Saturday?" Her: "Yeah, for sure!" Me: "OK, how's this bar at Sussex and Bay St at 7pm?" Her: silence... I have a few simple etiquette rules: - If you make an offer, you plan it. - If you receive an offer, you accept or reject it. - If you reject an offer, make an alternative!!!! Isn't this common sense, simple, and courteous? Am I putting too much pressure on the other person? I take my word seriously. Is it expecting too much for others to show the same level of commitment and respect? What do you think? Am I reading too much into this?
preraph Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It really is infuriating, isn't it? The OLD person clammed up and you have to assume that's a no. But the friend is I guess waiting for you to yet again be the one to plan everything and try to drag him there. Sigh. A friend of mine called me while driving to San Francisco airport heading for layover in my town but could never tell me what she wanted, when she was renting a car and leaving, whether she needed a place to stay. I was playing 20 questions with her. She mentioned breakfast but wouldn't give me any time whatsoever and the place she mentioned was out of town and not even a breakfast place open for breakfast. And after I told her to call me in the a.m. if she was still there, she blurted out "So I don't guess you're up for anything tonight" (after her plane gets in, IF she makes her plane because she probably misses more than she makes) and no way I'm going to the big airport in the middle of night, playing $20 for parking and hoping I'll find her and she'll show up and then have her drag me around while she figures out if the rental car is open or to get a hotel. No. People have just got to get their s**t better together than that because I'm not up for an all-night vigil. Never heard from her in the a.m., of course. Probably in a bar in SF, if I know her. 1
Author DazedandConfused8 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 It really is infuriating, isn't it? The OLD person clammed up and you have to assume that's a no. But the friend is I guess waiting for you to yet again be the one to plan everything and try to drag him there. Sigh. A friend of mine called me while driving to San Francisco airport heading for layover in my town but could never tell me what she wanted, when she was renting a car and leaving, whether she needed a place to stay. I was playing 20 questions with her. She mentioned breakfast but wouldn't give me any time whatsoever and the place she mentioned was out of town and not even a breakfast place open for breakfast. And after I told her to call me in the a.m. if she was still there, she blurted out "So I don't guess you're up for anything tonight" (after her plane gets in, IF she makes her plane because she probably misses more than she makes) and no way I'm going to the big airport in the middle of night, playing $20 for parking and hoping I'll find her and she'll show up and then have her drag me around while she figures out if the rental car is open or to get a hotel. No. People have just got to get their s**t better together than that because I'm not up for an all-night vigil. Never heard from her in the a.m., of course. Probably in a bar in SF, if I know her. So what is it with these sorts of people? Are we too nice? Are they disrespectful? Do they not care enough to see how their lack of organization affects other people? Are they playing the child and forcing us to be the adult?
Price2Play Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Mini-rant time: I'm getting quite annoyed with people who commit they'll do something and then don't follow through. I'm a guy, so yes, my perspective applies to women, but I'm sure men are just as bad as women. I'm someone who takes his word very seriously. Whether it's work or play, if I tell you x, you will get x. But with other people, saying x is meaningless; it's pointless. There is no commitment to follow through. Why would you say it if you didn't mean to follow through on it? Two examples: 1. Hanging out with a long-time friend. It goes from "drinks on Saturday" to another time. No problem, it happens. But then there's no follow up. Nothing about going on Tuesday or Thursday or whatever. Then I look like the needy one if I bring up "okay, maybe THIS Saturday?" 2. OLD. There have been numerous conversations that go something like this: Me: "How about we go for a coffee/drink on Saturday?" Her: "Yeah, for sure!" Me: "OK, how's this bar at Sussex and Bay St at 7pm?" Her: silence... I have a few simple etiquette rules: - If you make an offer, you plan it. - If you receive an offer, you accept or reject it. - If you reject an offer, make an alternative!!!! Isn't this common sense, simple, and courteous? Am I putting too much pressure on the other person? I take my word seriously. Is it expecting too much for others to show the same level of commitment and respect? What do you think? Am I reading too much into this? For example #2 I'm assuming you are refering to online dating aka OLD. Here's the deal, dates are better set-up through the phone. Get her number and then call and set-up a date AND not in the question form! If you get interest and there's back and forth communication and she gives you her number then CALL her to set-up a date. No texting for dates, man up and use the phone! Sorry but example #2 she just wasn't interested enough and probably had plans already in advance for the weekend. Busy people make plans with friends and family on weekends. Try to set first dates up during the week after work. I'm not saying you can't get a weekend date, she is just going to have to be really interested! OLD can be a beast, you need really thick skin. Hang in there and goodluck! Edited March 17, 2015 by Price2Play
Yookie Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) I agree with you OP. Here's the kind of stuff I have seen with online dating: There was one guy that I have exchanged a couple of messages back and forth with then the following happened. Him: What's your feelings about having a conversation at some point? Me: Sure, we can chat. Let me know when you’ll be online. Him: I don't chat online,I think that it's boring. I meant a verbal conversation. Me: Sure. Phone conversation is good. Him: Okay,my number is 800-867-0309. Me: When is a good time to call? Him: Anytime tonight I call him about ½ hour later. The call goes to voice mail so I leave a message with my phone number. Then I went back on the website and wrote him another message that said: Me: Hi I just tried to call you but it went to voice mail. 3 Hours later… Him: I was out for a while. :lmao: He never called me back that night. Next day I get a text from him mid-morning but I didn't answer as I have no desire to even talk to this one if he can't even schedule a simple phone call without playing games. Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Number changed
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I've learned that at least 75% of people are flaky. On OLD, make that 95%. I lose interest at the first sign of flakiness. My word is my bond, and I'm not interested in getting close to anybody who doesn't have the same standard. 1
preraph Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) So what is it with these sorts of people? Are we too nice? Are they disrespectful? Do they not care enough to see how their lack of organization affects other people? Are they playing the child and forcing us to be the adult? Well, I can't generalize, but I happen to know two of these people, and I know what both their problems are clinically. The one I wrote about is bipolar and a diagnosed narcissist. It is the latter that makes her think the world should revolve around her. The other one I know has mental issues as well. She is a doctor who had her license revoked. The board bent over backward giving her chance after lenient chance to take the assigned courses to get her license reinstated, and when she was giving a mutual friend of mine a lot of grief, I discreetly read the board findings. Over and over she failed to do what they said, which was all fairly simple, and over and over she sweet-talked them out of not giving her another chance (she did legitimately have a whopping big trauma in her life to derail her). But this went on for years with the board! Now she has a limited license, which I'm assuming they just gave her to get rid of her. She thinks she's ADD or something, but I think that's an excuse. I've known her since she was a teen and I know when she changed and it was when she started doing hard drugs. Edited March 17, 2015 by preraph
Author DazedandConfused8 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 I've learned that at least 75% of people are flaky. On OLD, make that 95%. I lose interest at the first sign of flakiness. My word is my bond, and I'm not interested in getting close to anybody who doesn't have the same standard. Good to know that we're (I'm) not alone!
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