Rosie564411 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 :love:Hi all: interested in your take. I went out with a guy -- without knowing whether it was a date or we're simply friends, yet he insisted on paying. He discussed being single, difficulty meeting people since moving to a new city, etc. I didn't say whether I was single or not, though I am, and long have been. We had a great time, then at the end of the night, as he walked me home, when I mentioned a particular store/restaurant spot, he said "That would be a great first date spot. If you ever go on a first date in this city, you should go there." What do you make of that? Was he trying to clearly draw a line and emphasize that he's not interested by bringing up me dating other people, or was he trying to feel out whether I was single? Thanks for whatever thoughts you have!
todreaminblue Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I wouldnt take it as a positive comment....what did you say after that comment he made and what was his reply.....can i have some context after the comment..sounds like to em that you were hanging otu as friends.....and he was fishing for advice on dating seeing he is new to the area maybe..........deb
Author Rosie564411 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Thanks for your quick reply. I didn't really say anything. And he somewhat elaborated: it's a bookstore/restaurant that he'd said would be such a good first date. So he said "oh it would be great because you could put your name down and wait for a table, and browse books while you waited." Then he made some self-deprecating comments about how he would simply browse the picture books. And things just kind of drifted into joking discussion of reading material. 1
Author Rosie564411 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Additionally, for what it's worth, we don't live in the same city. I was visiting where he lives (which I now do near-weekly, for work), and so he said "if you ever go on a first date in this city, that would be a good spot." Thanks again. 1
preraph Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I assume that means he is just friends, but damn if I wouldn't have said, "So let's go together sometime." 1
todreaminblue Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Additionally, for what it's worth, we don't live in the same city. I was visiting where he lives (which I now do near-weekly, for work), and so he said "if you ever go on a first date in this city, that would be a good spot." Thanks again. Do you like him as more than a friend?.... if so why not call him and say hey you know that bookstore we talked about....what are you doing next week want to check out the picture books with me......deb 1
Standard-Fare Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I would assume you're in the friend zone unless you see any evidence to the contrary. That remark was pretty pointed. There's a chance that he was responding to vibes from you. Either you were signaling that you weren't interested, and he wanted to show he was on the same page; or he assumed you weren't single (since that wasn't established). If you have any romantic interest in him, and you two do hang out again, you should make it absolutely clear that you're single, and send him more flirty signals. 1
Author Rosie564411 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Thank you both. I do like him! But nervous, and not wanting to misread signs if they're blatantly obvious. Appreciate your advice. 1
todreaminblue Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Thank you both. I do like him! But nervous, and not wanting to misread signs if they're blatantly obvious. Appreciate your advice. nerves suck...;0)...they always will suck and often they dont get better the more you wait just more intense....so ask...ask him and make it funny and light hearted...if he says no you have lost nothing....if he says yes...you have gained a lot more...you also have what you need to know either way...crossing fingers for you....like nike said girl...just do it....deb 1
DazedandConfused8 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 :love:Hi all: interested in your take. I went out with a guy -- without knowing whether it was a date or we're simply friends, yet he insisted on paying. He discussed being single, difficulty meeting people since moving to a new city, etc. I didn't say whether I was single or not, though I am, and long have been. We had a great time, then at the end of the night, as he walked me home, when I mentioned a particular store/restaurant spot, he said "That would be a great first date spot. If you ever go on a first date in this city, you should go there." What do you make of that? Was he trying to clearly draw a line and emphasize that he's not interested by bringing up me dating other people, or was he trying to feel out whether I was single? Thanks for whatever thoughts you have! It was a date but you were giving him luke warm/cold feelings, so he didn't want you to take it too seriously (hence the mention of a future first date). 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It was a date but he sounded a bit unsure.
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 How did you meet this man? Tell the full story, maybe I can shed some light on the matter.
Author Rosie564411 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Thanks very much. Full story: we met a wedding, nearly a year ago and had some great conversations. He was just moving away from where I lived but, several months later, when he was back in town invited me to dinner. That, though, was "to get my advice on work" (even though we do very different things and never discussed work; discussed family, hobbies, etc.) So I was confused but then we never really spoke again. Now, I'm in the city he lives often and let him know, and we got together. He's a very friendly person so I can't tell if he simply keeps up with people or is interested in something more. And, admittedly, I have been somewhat defensive since we first got together under the guise of work advice, and in that dinner I repeatedly asked "so what's the work advice you need?" (He kind of made something up -- a fear of making a certain type of call -- and I basically took it really seriously and spent time discussing it.)
Standard-Fare Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I see why you're confused. His behavior is definitely hard to read. It could be that he only wants friendship. Or he could be on the fence with his interest. But it's also possible that he IS interested and he's just being extra cautious for whatever reasons. Given your own interest, though, I do think you gotta step up your game to get this out of friend zone. See how he responds if you suggest something that's more clearly a date -- like, getting dinner/drinks on a Saturday night. If he backs away from that, you'll have your answer.
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Additionally, for what it's worth, we don't live in the same city. I was visiting where he lives (which I now do near-weekly, for work), and so he said "if you ever go on a first date in this city, that would be a good spot." Thanks again. He was fishing... hinting. That he'd like that "first date" you have in his city to be with him! What did you say in response?
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 He made reference to the good date place because "date" was on his mind. Yeah, it was date, he likes you.
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