CopingGal Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I'm done with losers. Yes, I'm still attracting them, but I don't go out with them. I stay by myself because I can't find anyone decent. My last boyfriend was a con-artist who was a compulsive liar and a very, very, very dysfunctional man. He just goes from one woman to the next acting as if everything is okay...not caring that he destroys everything in his path. I'm lonely, but I'm not interested in dating any losers...so I don't. 6
MLAZ1990 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Good for you! If only all girls thought like this! 1
mea_M Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Good for you! I attract them too! And like you I'm so done with it. 2
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Check out the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Relationships." Very helpful to read. I would also check out a book called the five love languages for FUTURE perspective on the next person.
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Not dating losers any more is a good plan. The best way to achieve that goal is to take a long hard look at your past relationships. You are the common denominator. What other commonalities do you see? When you identify the pattern, break it
Author CopingGal Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Check out the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Relationships." Very helpful to read. I would also check out a book called the five love languages for FUTURE perspective on the next person. It's been a long time since I've read a self-help book. I'm about due for one. Thanks.
Author CopingGal Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Not dating losers any more is a good plan. The best way to achieve that goal is to take a long hard look at your past relationships. You are the common denominator. What other commonalities do you see? When you identify the pattern, break it I actually did take a long look at my past relationships. I continue to do that. Some commonalities: -Staying in a relationship when the guy starts to treat me bad because it used to be good or I have hope for the future. I learned from that. The past or future doesn't matter. What matters is how a man is currently treating me. -Staying in a relationship because he keeps telling me he is very, very busy and does not have time and I'm trying to be understanding. If he can't find time for me, I'm gone...not matter what the excuse is, because many times that really is just an excuse. -Being mean. I've told myself, he was difficult and misunderstood. I told myself to be understanding because deep down he is good. I don't do that anymore. If he's mean to me, I'm gone.
fireflywy Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I actually did take a long look at my past relationships. I continue to do that. Some commonalities: -Staying in a relationship when the guy starts to treat me bad because it used to be good or I have hope for the future. I learned from that. The past or future doesn't matter. What matters is how a man is currently treating me. -Staying in a relationship because he keeps telling me he is very, very busy and does not have time and I'm trying to be understanding. If he can't find time for me, I'm gone...not matter what the excuse is, because many times that really is just an excuse. -Being mean. I've told myself, he was difficult and misunderstood. I told myself to be understanding because deep down he is good. I don't do that anymore. If he's mean to me, I'm gone. You DEFINITELY need to read that book then! You sound more like someone with an anxious attachment style. (I am too.) You see when someone does something wrong, or pulls away, our attachment mechanisms activate and we put aside ourselves to prove to our partner that we are worth their reciprocation and affection. Once you realize your attachment style and theirs, you can begin to work through relationships (or seek out the right partner) much more easily.
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