SycamoreCircle Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 So I ran across an OKC profile that grabbed my attention. Mainly, the pics. The woman responded to me and we've kept some banter going for about a week. She couldn't meet up this weekend because she was out of the city. So, I tried today to set something up for this week and she gave me an excuse similar to the one for the weekend. She wrote, "Unfortunately, this week is hard for me. I shall let you know when I am free. Thank you for the offer though." I guess my problem is that I find her incredibly physically attractive but I notice she has not asked ONE SINGLE THING about me. Well, maybe one thing. I also understand that she is out of a five year relationship and has listed "non-monogamous" as her relationship preference. When I asked her about this, she said she's not against dating someone but she is not eager to commit. I also notice that our texting banter has weakened considerably on her end. It's like I'm talking to a vapor! So, to her above text I responded..."If you're not feeling it, I'll understand. I don't want to badger you." Basically, I'm trying to feel out if I should stick around or not. She hasn't replied yet. What would Jesus...err, what would you do? Write it off completely? Or retain some ray of interest?
elliecoffee Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I wouldn't bother anymore. I think that, even if she's the busiest person ever, she'll try to make time for you if she really wanted to, don't you think? xx
Author SycamoreCircle Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Yes, I agree. If you're so busy, why are you stimulating chit-chat with a man on a dating site? I felt, especially during our last little back and forth a night ago, her interest level drop. She regards herself as shy, initially. And I can't tell if she's a boring person, shy or disinterested. Maybe a combination of the three, no?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Just go dark on her for a while, and see if she initiates with you.
Author SycamoreCircle Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Just go dark on her for a while, and see if she initiates with you.I also agree. Can do.
preraph Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Maybe she's just on there trying to prop herself up by seeing how many guys still find her attractive or something.
writergal Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 She wrote, "Unfortunately, this week is hard for me. I shall let you know when I am free. Thank you for the offer though." I guess my problem is that I find her incredibly physically attractive but I notice she has not asked ONE SINGLE THING about me. You asked her out. She turned you down, but in a very indirect way. She should have just told you the truth, that she wasn't interested. So yeah, it is a problem when you find the person attractive, but they aren't interested in you. If she was interested, she would have said so, and would have suggested a day and time she was free to meetup with you. 3
Author SycamoreCircle Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 You asked her out. She turned you down, but in a very indirect way. She should have just told you the truth, that she wasn't interested. So yeah, it is a problem when you find the person attractive, but they aren't interested in you. If she was interested, she would have said so, and would have suggested a day and time she was free to meetup with you.In our second conversation, I believe, she told me she was very curious about me. But then I think during our third I said something to account for my enthusiasm to meet her like, "I realize we may not click, so to speak. Still it's nice to talk with a stranger. I've been lonely, lately." I'm afraid I may have scared her off. Some women, especially ones afraid of commitment would probably be frightened by such a vulnerable admission. I think sometimes when I'm with a woman who I like, who I feel is emotionally withholding, I try to make up the distance. With unsavory results. There was radio silence on her end after that statement.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 So I ran across an OKC profile that grabbed my attention. Mainly, the pics. The woman responded to me and we've kept some banter going for about a week. She couldn't meet up this weekend because she was out of the city. So, I tried today to set something up for this week and she gave me an excuse similar to the one for the weekend. She wrote, "Unfortunately, this week is hard for me. I shall let you know when I am free. Thank you for the offer though." I guess my problem is that I find her incredibly physically attractive but I notice she has not asked ONE SINGLE THING about me. Well, maybe one thing. I also understand that she is out of a five year relationship and has listed "non-monogamous" as her relationship preference. When I asked her about this, she said she's not against dating someone but she is not eager to commit. I also notice that our texting banter has weakened considerably on her end. It's like I'm talking to a vapor! So, to her above text I responded..."If you're not feeling it, I'll understand. I don't want to badger you." Basically, I'm trying to feel out if I should stick around or not. She hasn't replied yet. What would Jesus...err, what would you do? Write it off completely? Or retain some ray of interest? Idk...she doesn't seem as interested in you as you are in her. And, since you say she's very attractive, I'm sure other guys think she is too - which means her inbox must be ready to implode (if it hasn't already). She may have sooo many suitors lined up that she keeps putting you off so she can date those other guys. If she hasn't clicked with any of the other guys she is dating and you come up next on her queue, that is probably when she may contact you. Plus, the fact that she put "non-monogamous" as her status probably means she just wants to have sexual flings and ONS; and if you're a serial monogamist, you guys might not be compatible. On the other hand, if your status matches hers, then hopefully she'll answer your text in a timely manner. Either way, good luck with this one, OP. But, if I were you, I wouldn't hold your breath for a response. .
writergal Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 In our second conversation, I believe, she told me she was very curious about me. But then I think during our third I said something to account for my enthusiasm to meet her like, "I realize we may not click, so to speak. Still it's nice to talk with a stranger. I've been lonely, lately." I'm afraid I may have scared her off. Some women, especially ones afraid of commitment would probably be frightened by such a vulnerable admission. I think sometimes when I'm with a woman who I like, who I feel is emotionally withholding, I try to make up the distance. With unsavory results. There was radio silence on her end after that statement. Even if it was your admission of loneliness that turned her off, you will never know. And really, does it matter? I mean, a woman who is interested in you will be flattered by your vulnerability with her. It won't deter her from reciprocating communication because the interest will be mutual. The unsavory results you experience with online dating rejection, is a fact of life. Not everyone you like, will like you back. Rocket science it is not. You gave it your best shot, Pat Benetar...you fired away and The Lady in Red didn't reciprocate interest in you. Now, go out there and get your date on. Try again! That's what online dating's all about. Right?
Omei Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Sounds like she engaged out of kindness. This is why when men msg me I think on it for a day or so and make sure im replying because im interested in return and not just amusing them. Edited March 17, 2015 by Omei 1
lovexocoach Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Move on and don't waste any more of your time. She's not interested. Find someone who is.
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Stop with the messaging and texting, ask for her number and call her. It's a much better form of communication. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Stop with the messaging and texting, ask for her number and call her. It's a much better form of communication. You say this in every thread gary lol. Texting is a great form of communication when used properly. 2
writergal Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Stop with the messaging and texting, ask for her number and call her. It's a much better form of communication. I agree with you Gary S. Calling gets to the bottom of every miscommunication brought on by emailing or texting. It's ridiculous how many people simply refuse to call the other person to discuss their misunderstandings. There's a time and place for texting, and it sure isn't when you are questioning the other person's motives or interest level. That's what I dislike about social media and online dating. No one calls anymore. It's ridiculous! 1
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) You say this in every thread gary lol. Texting is a great form of communication when used properly. - it really isn't. It's good for updates like "have a nice day", or, "I'm running late", but that's about it. Words (text) are only about 7% of communication. Voice inflection is 23% (the rest is body language). You can't read her attraction level nearly as good when you are texting. Ideally, you want to exchange 3-5 messages on a dating site, have one phone call and set up a date at the end of that call. He does not even know if he's talking to a woman!!!!!! How do you know the pics aren't fake?!!! You never heard of a catfish? Edited March 17, 2015 by Gary S 2
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I guess my problem is that I find her incredibly physically attractive Let's admit that THIS is the only reason why this thread even exists. If this girl were a 5, you wouldn't be asking this at all. Look, she's obviously not as interested as you are. You're probably #4 in line and she keeps blowing you off but talking just enough to keep you interested. What to do? Just stop talking to her. I have noticed that you are very self-defeating in some of your messages to women. Why do you keep sabotaging your exchanges? Telling a woman you've been lonely lately? Come on man.
Author SycamoreCircle Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Let's admit that THIS is the only reason why this thread even exists. If this girl were a 5, you wouldn't be asking this at all. Look, she's obviously not as interested as you are. You're probably #4 in line and she keeps blowing you off but talking just enough to keep you interested. What to do? Just stop talking to her. I have noticed that you are very self-defeating in some of your messages to women. Why do you keep sabotaging your exchanges? Telling a woman you've been lonely lately? Come on man.I'm not sure what other messages to women you're referring to. My last date was a number of weeks back and most of the women I've acquainted myself with since my ex have been interested in me. Because of this forsaken chain to my ex, I've cut things off. I just can't move on. With this woman, I totally agree. It's her looks. In our first few bits of conversation she admitted a terrible relationship with her parents and actually cursed them! I mean, flag of all flags! Honestly, I think I just wanted to meet her and maybe kiss her. That's it. I think the sad thing is...because of my hang-ups, because of my loneliness, because of my neither here nor there feelings, I'm just looking for anything that makes me FEEL something, if that makes sense. I don't really care if I never hear from this woman again.
Toodaloo Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 move on man She has agreed to meet another man and doesn't want to play the field. Your down the list SC...
Redhead14 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 So I ran across an OKC profile that grabbed my attention. Mainly, the pics. The woman responded to me and we've kept some banter going for about a week. She couldn't meet up this weekend because she was out of the city. So, I tried today to set something up for this week and she gave me an excuse similar to the one for the weekend. She wrote, "Unfortunately, this week is hard for me. I shall let you know when I am free. Thank you for the offer though." I guess my problem is that I find her incredibly physically attractive but I notice she has not asked ONE SINGLE THING about me. Well, maybe one thing. I also understand that she is out of a five year relationship and has listed "non-monogamous" as her relationship preference. When I asked her about this, she said she's not against dating someone but she is not eager to commit. I also notice that our texting banter has weakened considerably on her end. It's like I'm talking to a vapor! So, to her above text I responded..."If you're not feeling it, I'll understand. I don't want to badger you." Basically, I'm trying to feel out if I should stick around or not. She hasn't replied yet. What would Jesus...err, what would you do? Write it off completely? Or retain some ray of interest? You've reached out to her a number of times. I'd just let it be. The ball is in her court. If she wants to hit it back, she will. In the meantime, continue the search. If she does come around, decide then if you're still interested.
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Stop with the messaging and texting, ask for her number and call her. It's a much better form of communication. Calling her at this point = recipe for disaster. She has made it pretty clear she's not interested. OP, I know you think she's hot but come on..smell the roses man.... 1
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