My boyfriend wants to sit down and chat

[enocar]

Well i just got of the phone with my bf we have had some issues lately with him being distant and spending time with other ppl including females and not having any time with me which in turn made me get the attack of the green eyed monster.

Anyway he's said that he realises that he hasnt been treating me at all well and that if he was me then he would have left already and that we should have a chat about our problems, asked him if it was a break up chat and he says no and that the feelings are still there for me and he dosent want to break up but then added that he does not know whether he can change and has come to the conclusion that maybe he just cant live with anyone.

What i am thinking about is whether a Chat will end up making things worse what would be the best way to handle this, he doesnt really like to talk about emotions i have tried many a time and he has always told me to stop nagging but now he has suggested we sit and talk do blokes only do this when the end is nigh?

He did call me babes when he said bye and claimed to have said i love u thou i didnt hear it so that might be a good sign but then he also said that he wasnt sure what he wanted, it was in reference to life in general he is 32 and has a bad back and has been on the sick for 8 yrs, and this is getting him down.

Not gonna see him until tomorrow and then we will be at my parents and wont get home until late so the chat wont be for a few days so anyone who has been in this position plz post me some help as to how i should approach this

[enocar]

Another thing is that not so long ago he went out to take some mates home he gave me a kiss goodbye which was unusual because he does not do it without me asking and then phoned to say that he was out in the pub having a drink and said i love you at the end of the call which again was unusual and so i decided to check his icq to see if he had arranged to meet a girl in town *know i shouldnt have but i had worked myself up into a state* i didnt find any evidence of him cheating but what i did find was that he had been telling all his mates online including some girl he fancied before we went out and told me he was no longer in contact with that he hated me and wished i would go away and that he was going to ignore me and be horrible until i had enough and left him, we had been having some arguments and i asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he said he would not be with me if he didnt want to be, but then he told his mates that he didnt have the heart to tell me the truth and that he had been trying to save up to move out of our house and he had even asked his parents for money but they didnt have it and also said i was not the brightest of ppl and that i hadnt been able to do an iq test, this is true but then after half a bottle of vodka i find it hard standing too.

I told him about this and he said that it was when we were arguing and that he had forgotton all about it and that he hadnt meant any of it and that it was all a joke between friends and that he hadnt meant it to be bad but how can saying something like that be taken as being good humour ?

This is what set off my insecurity in the first place until then i was happy for him to do what he wanted (within reason) and see who he wanted but now i keep thinking back to what he said to his mates, half of it i cant remember but it was as bad as what i have written here, and i wonder after he said all that can he really still love me atall ? Thou he says he does it is easy to say i love you to some one without actually meaning it in the end its just a set of words unless there is actually feeling to back them up.

[very-confused-girl]

When I was reading the first post above, I actually thought that your boyfriend was way younger, I would have guessed - 20 or something like that. I was actually shocked that he is 32. I think he acts very immature for his age.

 

Firstly it is not normal of a person to be talking about his partner the way he talked about you - like that he hated you and stuff like that. Not even as a form of humour.

 

I dont think he necessairly hates you, but maybe he has some kind of love/hate relationship to you. He has some serious issues of his, some major insecurities, I would say he feels very inferior, therefore he is kind of dropping you down to make himself feel better about himself.

 

He is obviously neglecting you and in the same time he says he couldnt do anything to change it.

 

I mean, do you need to be with someone who treats you like that? Do you need to be with somebody, who is obviously neglecting you, absolutely realizes is and does not want to do anything to change it and make you happy? Do you want to be with somebody who has such serious issues that he is insaulting you in front of his buddies?

 

You dont need this, in my view. We all have some issues that we have to deal with. But let them take control over us, like in case your boyfriend, is not very good.

 

You should move on, honestly, he is not going to treat you any better...

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by enocar

 

i didnt find any evidence of him cheating but what i did find was that he had been telling all his mates online including some girl he fancied before we went out and told me he was no longer in contact with that he hated me and wished i would go away and that he was going to ignore me and be horrible until i had enough and left him, we had been having some arguments

 

but then he told his mates that he didnt have the heart to tell me the truth and that he had been trying to save up to move out of our house and he had even asked his parents for money but they didnt have it and also said i was not the brightest of ppl and that i hadnt been able to do an iq test

 

I told him about this and he said that it was when we were arguing and that he had forgotton all about it and that he hadnt meant any of it and that it was all a joke between friends and that he hadnt meant it to be bad but how can saying something like that be taken as being good humour ?

 

this is the kind of things a guy says, especially to a girl he liked (or likes) when he wants to convey that he is available even though he is in a relationship. as in "yeah, i have a girlfriend, but things aren't going well so i'll shag you, and it's okay because my relationship isn't working out anyway and it's going to end..." (girls also do this kind of thing, i might add.)

 

then he can hook-up ""guilt-free, and so can the person he hooks up with, because she is thinking "they're going to break-up, so i don't have to feel bad." (like she would have anyway )

 

 

this is no joke--there is nothing humourous about this at all. he has no respect for you, and you should leave him.

 

that's all i got.