secretdandelion Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Hi, I just broke up with my husband and first want to take some time for myself but I would like to start dating soon. I've been with my husband for 7 years and had a long term relationship right before that, so I never really dated. I met my boyfriends at school and there was never a dating period. Where do I start?
GTR King Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 take some time to heal your self.. Once your ready to start dating then go for it... Would you try online dating?
Author secretdandelion Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 I definitely want to take some time to heal as this was a tough thing to do (and still is). I have no objection to online dating.
GTR King Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) ok well once you have healed then do whats best for you... Edited March 16, 2015 by GTR King
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 At some point your friends may ask to fix you up. Let them. OLD is a possibility. Meeting people through a shared interest is an option. Look around in your normal routine -- where you get your morning coffee, where you eat lunch, men in the building where you work (not necessarily your own workplace), the gym after work, etc. You would be surprised who you may have over looked. 2
writergal Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 You're joking, right? You haven't even legally divorced your husband of 7 years, and you've already decided to rebound with another man? Well, have at it, I guess? If that's how you operate. The only way you'll ever truly heal, though, is to spend time alone. Have you ever spent any time alone between relationships, before your marriage? You don't seem very sad about your marriage breakup either. Like, it was a perfunctory marriage or something, for business purposes, rather than for love and commitment. At least wait until your husband signs the papers and moves out, before you start dating. Maybe?
Author secretdandelion Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 You're joking, right? You haven't even legally divorced your husband of 7 years, and you've already decided to rebound with another man? Well, have at it, I guess? If that's how you operate. The only way you'll ever truly heal, though, is to spend time alone. Have you ever spent any time alone between relationships, before your marriage? You don't seem very sad about your marriage breakup either. Like, it was a perfunctory marriage or something, for business purposes, rather than for love and commitment. At least wait until your husband signs the papers and moves out, before you start dating. Maybe? Wow, you really see the worst in people.. I am broken and it hurts like hell. I am trying to move on from this nightmare. I can't legally divorce him yet for very complicated reasons but we are definitely not getting back together. I said I want to spend some time alone first but I am trying to figure out what comes next. I didn't say: I'll sign up for online dating tonight. I am not even ready to start serious dating yet. I just never was in this position before, never was alone since starting dating, never had to deal with single stuff. And one part of single life is dating. So I'm asking out of curiosity and for the future. Not for today. Not for tomorrow.
road Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Wow, you really see the worst in people.. I am broken and it hurts like hell. I am trying to move on from this nightmare. I can't legally divorce him yet for very complicated reasons but we are definitely not getting back together. I said I want to spend some time alone first but I am trying to figure out what comes next. I didn't say: I'll sign up for online dating tonight. I am not even ready to start serious dating yet. I just never was in this position before, never was alone since starting dating, never had to deal with single stuff. And one part of single life is dating. So I'm asking out of curiosity and for the future. Not for today. Not for tomorrow. It takes a year to get over and heal after a marriage ends. It's complicated is just an excuse. Go see a lawyer and then divorce your husband. 1
writergal Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 It takes a year to get over and heal after a marriage ends. It's complicated is just an excuse. Go see a lawyer and then divorce your husband. +1 road. I agree with everything you've said.
writergal Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Wow, you really see the worst in people.. I am broken and it hurts like hell. I am trying to move on from this nightmare. I can't legally divorce him yet for very complicated reasons but we are definitely not getting back together. I said I want to spend some time alone first but I am trying to figure out what comes next. I didn't say: I'll sign up for online dating tonight. I am not even ready to start serious dating yet. I just never was in this position before, never was alone since starting dating, never had to deal with single stuff. And one part of single life is dating. So I'm asking out of curiosity and for the future. Not for today. Not for tomorrow. No, I just see through people's excuses and call out a spade when I see one. If you're so broken...so hurt, why on earth would you start a thread about online dating, when you're not even separated from your husband yet? I mean, you admit yourself that you aren't financially independent and need your husband's income to survive. That's why you won't divorce him. It's not because of your Visa situation, which can be easily straightened out with the help of an immigration lawyer. Quite a few of my family members have emigrated, so I know what I'm talking about. Online dating wouldn't even be on your mind at this point, if you truly loved your husband, which is why I find your whole thread mendacious. Edited March 17, 2015 by writergal
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 The best thing to do after divorce is to date, even if you don't want to. Nothing can take your mind off the old like a new man can. It's good therapy. You've dated before, think back... you had a couple of dates at the beginning of the relationships you were in, at least you hung out together with them a few times. Whether you are 26 or 66, all the same moves are there.... boy asks girl for her number (we still have phones!), boy asks girl out on date, boy kisses girl, wash, rinse, and repeat the last two steps! It' isn't... ....................wait for it............. .........rocket science At it's core, a relationship is a series of worthwhile dates. 2
Haydn Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 OP, get back out there. It always helps after a messy break up to get some attention again. Go out with a few mates, see whats around. Sure it won`t take long. GL 1
Author secretdandelion Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 No, I just see through people's excuses and call out a spade when I see one. If you're so broken...so hurt, why on earth would you start a thread about online dating, when you're not even separated from your husband yet? I mean, you admit yourself that you aren't financially independent and need your husband's income to survive. That's why you won't divorce him. It's not because of your Visa situation, which can be easily straightened out with the help of an immigration lawyer. If you know me so well, you would know that I rented an apartment and am moving out and got the bookings I was waiting for. That also means I am now financially on my own. Also you would know that the visa situation is making HIS life complicated and not MY life and that we're already working on that but it will take a while as it is definitely a fact, that a divorce would require him to leave immediately. So no, it's not "easily straightened out". I did talk to our immigration lawyer. The process will take time. Oh boy, you really seem to be a wonderful person. To everyone else: Thank you so much for your support. Looks like just not worrying about it too much is the way to go. 1
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