Recent break up

[Johnbob405]

This is my first post on here, so please bear with me cause I might start rambling. I recently broke up with my gf, her and I had a falling out. I told her we should have no contact, so it would be easier to move on. We went a day without talking and I spent the whole day beating my self up over the break up..the guilt, the what ifs, the "did I make a mistake" but she sent me a text yesterday telling me how hard it was and she just wanted to know I was doing good..that turned into us blaming ourselves for the break up. So a little about the relationship, we fought...a lot. A lot of it had to do with bad communication, her ex(she has three wonderful kids), or just arguing and passing blame over the arguments. When we would argue, I would try my hardest to communicate with her, but I usually got the cold shoulder, she would turn her focus to her phone, snap chat, Facebook etc etc. For whomever is reading this that has been in a relationship with a woman who has kids it's tough, she would always ask me if I was happy and what not..I would tell her that it's tough transitioning but it was so worth it, her kids changed me for the best(stopped drinking so much, became a stronger man, and I appreciated life more). So on to her ex, I know that he has to be in the picture, don't get me wrong...but she would intentionally pick fights with him when her and I were hanging out(which wasn't that much), she sent him a picture message of them together from the past, and always brought him up. When I did try talking to her and telling her how I felt it turned into an argument, it turned into her telling me I always talk about my emotions but never address hers. I don't like coming off like I'm putting all the blame on her, but I feel like I noticed all my problems and fixed them. I was never a good communicator, I always just bottled in my emotions, but I changed that for her and then she stopped communicating with me.

 

When we broke up, I was so confused my emotions were running a mile a minute. There was that part of me that was wanting her bad so badly, but then there was the part of me that knew it was for the best. The day I broke things off, she told me she knew it was going to happen soon(she said I looked miserable, but I was just so tired from trying to keep the relationship together) she told me "I didn't have the strength to break things off, so I just waited until you couldn't take it anymore and broke things off" I took quite the emotional blow when I read that, because I was really fighting to keep things together.

 

 

I know I have a lot more to say, but my emotions are all over the place and sorry if I just rambled. But I guess I just need that break up advice

Should I call her?

Should I try to work things out again?

Do I move on?

I feel horrible for breaking up with her, I've been broken up with before and it takes a piece away from you. Your self esteem takes a blow, you feel worthless, and you feel like a failure...but I also feel like I was fighting for the relationship alone.

 

 

Thanks for listening!

[Mi7522]

If you broke it off with her then it is definitely up to you to make the first move but I would be a little concerned with the following

 

she told me "I didn't have the strength to break things off, so I just waited until you couldn't take it anymore and broke things off"

 

This is a huge red flag, it seems as though she wanted out of the relationship before you did and was to much of a coward to do it herself.

[Johnbob405]

It was a red flag, I still feel like there is still fight left in me. Do reserve that fight and use it for something else? Do I try and mend things up? I'm going to be starting nursing school soon and I don't want to loose focus, but she was also my rock.

[Johnbob405]

I feel like the whole breaking up part was my fault and I accept some of it because I'm the one who did it, but I did everything I could to help keep it together.