ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) You aren't ready for a relationship. He senses that. It's done. Stay single for a little while and heal from your ex. Your projection of your past problems onto this new guy indicates you have work to do before you start dating anyone. Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
William Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Folks, this thread on dating started out with this sentence: "Where do I begin? I just got dumped 3 weeks into a relationship because I said something that I didn't mean." Since this thread is placed in the Dating section and is apparently about a dating interaction, adherence to topic demands remaining on that topic and those specific individuals. There are threads available elsewhere on our site, for free, to discuss religious (Islam is a religion, not a race) and racial differences and strife. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) So he's talking to me, albeit acting really distant as well. This morning we had a site visit in Brooklyn (we dress up professionally for class and go to Fortune 500 companies for presentations). At first I thought things were back to normal, but I just felt awkward around him. I couldn't get a clear reading on him- he was talking to me but at the same time I felt like he was also keeping a distance between us. I tried to play along, but inside I felt really sad. The whole dynamics of our relatonship/friendship has changed and I find it hard to even try to have a normal conversation with him. I actually had my weekly therapy session today and I spoke to my therapist about it. He said, that I had subconsciously found someone similar to my ex and I was literally repeating things. He said that while what was said was said, it wasn't necessarily my fault. I could have said things in another way, such as saying something that didn't attack him or his religion. I had acted impulsively because I had subconsciously wanted to him to break up with me (by the way, my therapist is Muslim as well, and he doesn't think that what I had said was in any way offensive). All I can do is be nice. There is nothing I can do in this situation because S was the one to make the decision to cut things off with me. P.S. It doesn't make sense at all that he even decided to block me on Facebook. Edited March 18, 2015 by xpaperxcutx
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) It wasn't just a kiss; he literally held me against the wall and started kissing me. This was the first person I had kissed aside from my ex in 3 years. Oh I understand now... you loved him...but .....you hated him....for eliciting such passion and emotion in you. Thin line between love and hate when it involves matters of the heart. I get it! BTDT! Edited March 18, 2015 by katiegrl
Zahara Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I tried to play along, but inside I felt really sad. The whole dynamics of our relatonship/friendship has changed and I find it hard to even try to have a normal conversation with him. I think at this point you have to tone down your expectations of it ever being the same. Yes, the dynamic has changed and will likely stay that way, but if it does change, then enjoy it. But for now, he's taken the lead and is doing what's comfortable for him. You can't really say something like that and then expect it to go back to what it was. It's not realistic. my therapist is Muslim as well, and he doesn't think that what I had said was in any way offensive). That's unfair and somewhat justifies your words. Your therapist is indifferent to you. This guys was likely emotional about you, and you did say you were friends so his reaction to what you said carries more weight and has more of an effect than to your therapist, who is indifferent and likely biased. P.S. It doesn't make sense at all that he even decided to block me on Facebook. It does make sense, OP. You need to own your words. If you blurted this to any of your friends, they would likely change their view of you and not really want you as a friend. My best girlfriend is muslim. If I told her today I hate all muslims, I don't think she would take too kindly to it.
SawtoothMars Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 So he's talking to me, albeit acting really distant as well. This morning we had a site visit in Brooklyn (we dress up professionally for class and go to Fortune 500 companies for presentations). At first I thought things were back to normal, but I just felt awkward around him. I couldn't get a clear reading on him- he was talking to me but at the same time I felt like he was also keeping a distance between us. I tried to play along, but inside I felt really sad. The whole dynamics of our relatonship/friendship has changed and I find it hard to even try to have a normal conversation with him. I actually had my weekly therapy session today and I spoke to my therapist about it. He said, that I had subconsciously found someone similar to my ex and I was literally repeating things. He said that while what was said was said, it wasn't necessarily my fault. I could have said things in another way, such as saying something that didn't attack him or his religion. I had acted impulsively because I had subconsciously wanted to him to break up with me (by the way, my therapist is Muslim as well, and he doesn't think that what I had said was in any way offensive). All I can do is be nice. There is nothing I can do in this situation because S was the one to make the decision to cut things off with me. P.S. It doesn't make sense at all that he even decided to block me on Facebook. Um... look if you are going to convert, then convert. Otherwise just back off and leave these guys alone. You don't play with Muslim guys unless you are also Muslim. Otherwise it always ends very badly. This isn't a religion that tolerates non believers or even moderates!
carhill Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Can someone give me any kind of insight or opinions in how I can proceed from here? I'm okay with being friends since our interaction didn't have me falling head over heels for him. I did ended up liking him and his presence made me forget about my ex. But at the same time, I also feel like our friendship is damaged. He didn't come to class today and I am worried for him. I want to be a supportive friend but he hasn't spoken to me. Leave things as they are and move on and solidify your preferences regarding religious compatibility in dating situations and and act on those preferences. With this guy, accept that you and he apparently have differing belief systems and that a future friendship may resume or may not. For now, leave him alone. There are lots of people in the world to be friends with. Billions. Some are around for a moment, some for a day, etc, etc. Life goes on.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 I think at this point you have to tone down your expectations of it ever being the same. Yes, the dynamic has changed and will likely stay that way, but if it does change, then enjoy it. But for now, he's taken the lead and is doing what's comfortable for him. You can't really say something like that and then expect it to go back to what it was. It's not realistic. That's unfair and somewhat justifies your words. Your therapist is indifferent to you. This guys was likely emotional about you, and you did say you were friends so his reaction to what you said carries more weight and has more of an effect than to your therapist, who is indifferent and likely biased. It does make sense, OP. You need to own your words. If you blurted this to any of your friends, they would likely change their view of you and not really want you as a friend. My best girlfriend is muslim. If I told her today I hate all muslims, I don't think she would take too kindly to it. I understand, and I accept the situation. Unfortunately, I still see him on a daily basis, but it seems he's been absent a lot from school since the incident. Like today, the TA in my class asked me where he is, and my only answer is that " he doesn't talk to me so I'm assuming he's sick." Everyone keeps asking me and I don't really have an answer anymore, and even when I do reach out to him about his status (because I was asked), he does reply albeit, his answer comes hours after my question. I'm not even going out of my way to contact him. I accepted the situation but it's like even if I'm trying to act like his friend, I feel like he thinks I want to get back together with him. I'm just not going to contact him anymore, even if everything that I have done so far has to do with our classes, and are nothing personal.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Um... look if you are going to convert, then convert. Otherwise just back off and leave these guys alone. You don't play with Muslim guys unless you are also Muslim. Otherwise it always ends very badly. This isn't a religion that tolerates non believers or even moderates! I don't go out of my way to flirt with muslim guys, or any guy at all. I am studying Information Technology and 90% of the class are guys.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Leave things as they are and move on and solidify your preferences regarding religious compatibility in dating situations and and act on those preferences. With this guy, accept that you and he apparently have differing belief systems and that a future friendship may resume or may not. For now, leave him alone. There are lots of people in the world to be friends with. Billions. Some are around for a moment, some for a day, etc, etc. Life goes on. Hi Carhill, how have you been? So nice of you to comment on my thread. I understand, I will just not make this an issue anymore.
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