Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) ^^ Actually it wasn't like that at all. On the first date, she made her beliefs quite clear. Said that she only dates a guy who focuses on her only. Since I had two dates that week, this basically forced me to choose between the two of them. I would have much rather gone out on second dates with both. But she was the first woman I've ever gone out with to be so vocal about what she wants/expects. That's why I felt I owed her the truth and decided not to date both. I mean who basically implies they want a commitment after one date? But it wasn't a matter of me settling. I always really liked woman A and was very attracted. Since she told me back then to follow up if I wanted to focus on her, that's why I reached out again. However, the sick text that seemed to be a blow off, caused me to pursue other women. Then when she actually did reach out, I already had another date planned. Just bad timing. Edited March 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Actually it wasn't like that at all. On the first date, she made her beliefs quite clear. I only date guys who put all their focus on me! I don't date multidaters!Funny you should say that. I don't date monodaters!:lmao: No, in all seriousness, good luck to both of you.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Give FFan a break CPA, he's just doing the right thing by being straightforward, something a lot of Women could learn to do. I had an A and B, and cut B loose since things with A were going so well. I told B that things with A were going really well, and getting more serious, so I didn't want to lead her on. Of course if A doesn't work out, i'll feel stupid for cutting B loose so soon I think that's where Ffan is at. Slightly more complicated though.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Already called and talked to her. She stressed she only dates a guy who dates only her. Do I think this is a naive way of thinking? Yes. A lot of guys in my situation would probably keep seeing her regardless and keep their dating history to themselves. That's why she thanked me repeatedly for my honesty. She also said to call her if I decide I only want to focus on her. Now a lot of women probably have the mindset of wanting a guy that only sees them from the get go. But they're also realistic and know that it takes time to develop a real connection. So they don't say it out loud or make that demand after 1-2 dates. This was the first woman I've gone out with who made it very clear from the get go that is what she wanted. So that's why I felt obligated to be honest with her. I figure if she is on the level with me, the least I can do is return the favor. Am I attracted to her? Hell yes. Do I feel chemistry? Absolutely. But I'm simply not ready to be committed to a woman after 2 dates. I currently have three other women that I'm in the very beginning stages of dating with. Granted, I only sleep with one woman at a time (serial monogamist). But I do believe in keeping my options open until I know for sure who I want to focus on. I liked the things I read in this post from you, FF. You seem to be an honest man who has consideration (empathy) for other peoples' feelings, you follow your own code of morals and you have respect for their beliefs and expectations - three specific and important character traits that are difficult (and damn near impossible it seems) to find in a person. When I start dating again, I hope to meet a guy like you someday. Also, I'm the same way with regard to keeping my options open until I figure out who I click with and who I want to direct all of my attention and energy towards. I wouldn't want to date a guy who's having sex with multiple women; but if a guy is dating multiple women, then he is doing the same thing that I'm doing, and that's something that is acceptable and reasonable to me. .
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I liked the things I read in this post from you, FF. You seem to be an honest man who has consideration (empathy) for other peoples' feelings, you follow your own code of morals and you have respect for their beliefs and expectations - three specific and important character traits that are difficult (and damn near impossible it seems) to find in a person. When I start dating again, I hope to meet a guy like you someday. Also, I'm the same way with regard to keeping my options open until I figure out who I click with and who I want to direct all of my attention and energy towards. I wouldn't want to date a guy who's having sex with multiple women; but if a guy is dating multiple women, then he is doing the same thing that I'm doing, and that's something that is acceptable and reasonable to me. . Well thank you BOZG. I must admit. The idea of cutting a video together, followed up long hours of bedroom fun, and then taking you to a great dinner with you dressed to the nines is an ideal day. But I'd have to give you a tutorial on FCP. I guess you could repay the tutorial in some creative way. Trust me, it was very HARD to be honest with her. Since I'm very attracted to her and enjoy her company, there was a big part of me that just wanted to see her tonight. But I do respect her a lot, and since she's vocal about her expectations, I'm not going to lie to her. Edited March 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365
spiderowl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 You have to be tactful with circular dating... you can't lie about it, you have to come clean if they ask directly. But at the same time, you should not offer any information. Honesty and openness are too different things. You don't have to make a lady your counselor and tell her everything. You only have so much time together, you can't share everything anyway - so choose to share the good and not the bad. It's romantic. On the other hand, it's great that you have so many options, it's a good problem to have, other guys will envy you. Yes, women should do this too. Don't mention your other dates but try to be tactful and honest if he brings up the subject of other guys. You could be evasive but if he asks you directly you might have to say you are seeing others
SearchingForMyself Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I liked the things I read in this post from you, FF. You seem to be an honest man who has consideration (empathy) for other peoples' feelings, you follow your own code of morals and you have respect for their beliefs and expectations - three specific and important character traits that are difficult (and damn near impossible it seems) to find in a person. When I start dating again, I hope to meet a guy like you someday. Also, I'm the same way with regard to keeping my options open until I figure out who I click with and who I want to direct all of my attention and energy towards. I wouldn't want to date a guy who's having sex with multiple women; but if a guy is dating multiple women, then he is doing the same thing that I'm doing, and that's something that is acceptable and reasonable to me. . BlackOpsZombie... You like Olive Garden...Im sure there's an Olive Garden somewhere in this country of ours. But there isnt a girl like you. How about one day we go to Olive Garden for dinner? Im craving some seriously fancy lasagna and breadsticks! We'll talk about philosophy, how bad dating is, video games, and the possibility of a second date! Hey, life is short, right? Hit me back up if by chance you take this joke seriously. #threadjacked
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Well thank you BOZG. I must admit. The idea of cutting a video together, followed up long hours of bedroom fun, and then taking you to a great dinner with you dressed to the nines is an ideal day. But I'd have to give you a tutorial on FCP. I guess you could repay the tutorial in some creative way. Trust me, it was very HARD to be honest with her. Since I'm very attracted to her and enjoy her company, there was a big part of me that just wanted to see her tonight. But I do respect her a lot, and since she's vocal about her expectations, I'm not going to lie to her. Giving me a FCP tutorial? HA!! First of all, I don't own a Mac; and second, I'm going to try Sony Vegas or Adobe Premiere because they're more within my price range! Um...as far as the other activities you've mentioned, it sounds interesting - as long as the video we cut is a horror movie teaser trailer about a zombie infestation... Yes, that's why I admire your honesty with her; I mean, you could've just dated her anyway and lied about not dating anyone else, most guys would've done that. But you didn't. BlackOpsZombie... You like Olive Garden...Im sure there's an Olive Garden somewhere in this country of ours. But there isnt a girl like you. How about one day we go to Olive Garden for dinner? Im craving some seriously fancy lasagna and breadsticks! We'll talk about philosophy, how bad dating is, video games, and the possibility of a second date! Hey, life is short, right? Hit me back up if by chance you take this joke seriously. #threadjacked The Olive Garden? Omg....I *love* their breadsticks and alfredo sauce served with their awesome salad on the side that has freshly shredded cheese dusted all over it! Okay...that was so mean of you to get my mind on this! What are you trying to do to me lol Philosophical conversations laced with talks of video editing and the perils of dating could be interesting, so long as we keep the breadsticks and alfredo sauce coming! .
Leigh 87 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Me and several men I have spoken to all believe the same thing: " when a person comes around who you are really into, you simply loose the need to date other people" Personally - I only go on first dates... a series of first dates... until I find someone who I am really into. Then I stop dating others. I have had enough experience dating! There is no need for me to date MORE people once I have met someone I like a lot. There are certain people that come up in life that are OBVIOUS choices. You don't need to " wait and see" if another option is a better date. Most people settle for mediocrity sadly, whereby they have to date two or three people at the same time just so they can "work out" who they "like the most". The best relationships I have seen, where the ones where BOTH parties both felt " wow this is special, I feel a lot more excited about this person than all the other people I tend to date" ^^^ people I know in these kinds of relationships have a really long honeymoon period and are head over heels. The people who multi date and settle on " meh, well girl b had the most in common with me", from what I have seen, never really develop intense feelings of love. They don't seem to fall crazy in love nor do they have a passionate marriage but it tends to last since there was never any crazy in love feeling to begin with. You're not that into any of the girls. - if they stood out and you felt something special with them when compared to other girls - you wouldn't need to date around. You don't have to commit geez - it is just dating after all. But honestly, if you are really into someone you deffs wouldn't need to juggle dates with others in order to "work out who you like best" 1
SearchingForMyself Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I think the obvious answer is try to go on a date with you. But the breadsticks are endless, as is my interest in you. But I can still bet you that by the time the dates over, we will have made an end to the breadsticks. I love food. In fact, my dream is to open up my own restaurant one day. A place where one can play video games and eat culturally varied food from some great local talented chefs of various backgrounds. I'll call it "Game N Grub!" I'll tell you all about it! Not to mention the dynamics in which the women's movement has brought more confusion to the wiles of dating, as well as meeting someone on an online dating site is nothing compared to finding weirdos on loveshack. And the best part, you can eat what you want because Im an eglitarian.(im sure I spelled that wrong) which means youre my partner, not my girl... But if it goes well, I know a place where you can feel all woman More details to come!
loverboy69 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) I get you were being honest with woman A but I would never bring up the fact you are playing the field on or after a first date unless I was not interested in ever dating that person again. By "being honest," and blowing HER off to date another and then coming back after Woman B doesn't work out you totally told Woman A: a) she wasn't your first choice b) you found another woman you prefer over her c) she potentially wasn't pretty enough or witty enough to keep around d) she wasn't worth a 2nd date You blew her off now she returned the favor. Unless the woman is insecure and desperate there is no reason for her to give you the time of day after what transpired between you. I'm sure you are a great guy and meant no harm. You made "your needs," known up front but unfortunately they didn't come across as endearing as you'd like. Learn and move on. Edited March 17, 2015 by loverboy69 1
Dybbuk Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Being honest is hard, but very much appreciated by most women. Basically, it's best to let A go. You and her are not on the same page on how a relationship 'should' progress. She wants 1 to 1. I get that, and many men are like that as well. She can find someone who will better suit her needs and give her that basic level of commitment early on. I'm like you and don't personally agree with that philosophy of dating, but I understand her position. It's just a way to protect herself from players out there. There are people who find partners going the 1 to 1 route. Now, please understand I don't see multi-dating equivalent to how players serial date women. I multi-dated and I am a woman. Why? Like you, I liked to keep my options open. Did the men I dated need to know this? No. If they asked? I was transparent, and if they had issue with it, I bid them good luck and farewell. You handled the situation the best way you could. I can't fault you for your methods nor your your handling of the situation. Quite simply you just need to keep pressing forward. Let A go. Continue your search, and always be honest. It's hard, but women will appreciate it. If she ever comes around at least you left her with a good impression of you.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Giving me a FCP tutorial? HA!! First of all, I don't own a Mac; and second, I'm going to try Sony Vegas or Adobe Premiere because they're more within my price range! Um...as far as the other activities you've mentioned, it sounds interesting - as long as the video we cut is a horror movie teaser trailer about a zombie infestation... . Haha.. You'd be at my place silly. I have an IMAC and FCP just for editing. Can't tell you anything about Premiere. But I used Vegas for a few years before I went to editing school.
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Me and several men I have spoken to all believe the same thing: " when a person comes around who you are really into, you simply loose the need to date other people" Personally - I only go on first dates... a series of first dates... until I find someone who I am really into. Then I stop dating others. I have had enough experience dating! There is no need for me to date MORE people once I have met someone I like a lot. There are certain people that come up in life that are OBVIOUS choices. You don't need to " wait and see" if another option is a better date. Most people settle for mediocrity sadly, whereby they have to date two or three people at the same time just so they can "work out" who they "like the most". The best relationships I have seen, where the ones where BOTH parties both felt " wow this is special, I feel a lot more excited about this person than all the other people I tend to date" ^^^ people I know in these kinds of relationships have a really long honeymoon period and are head over heels. The people who multi date and settle on " meh, well girl b had the most in common with me", from what I have seen, never really develop intense feelings of love. They don't seem to fall crazy in love nor do they have a passionate marriage but it tends to last since there was never any crazy in love feeling to begin with. You're not that into any of the girls. - if they stood out and you felt something special with them when compared to other girls - you wouldn't need to date around. You don't have to commit geez - it is just dating after all. But honestly, if you are really into someone you deffs wouldn't need to juggle dates with others in order to "work out who you like best" ^^I think Leigh makes some really great points here, especially the last paragraph. ff, I don't think either of these chicks knock your socks off quite frankly. So keep dating both, it's doubtful you'll last long with either of them anyway. When a chick comes along who REALLY knocks your socks off..you will know it and you won't even be thinking about other women, let alone wanting to date them! When you find her, you'll understand what I'm talking about! And by the way, don't knock those who prefer to focus on one at a time ....as opposed to juggling. Many people prefer going that route... more than you think. And Leigh is right, choosing to focus on one at a time isn't a "commitment" ...it's still dating. It's dating one at a time, until such time you decide this person is special and you both wish to move forward and up the ante ...or you decide she is not for you at which point you move on. Where is Redhead? She can explain it better than I can right now. I'm tired.... Edited March 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Yeah, I don't think jumping into a relationship or even professing that you want to regularly see them is out of the question - since you don't know them, a girl who you feel really drawn to and "wow" about may be a b*tch to the waitress the next week and you will lose interest. Nor am I suggesting it has to be love at first site like Romeo and Juliet.. I mean, sometimes people are interested in each other instantly and they fall for each other from day one - and then it ends up lasting sure and many say it is true love from first site. I digress, and say it was lust at first site and they got lucky. But it isn't a fairy tale to get your socks knocked off by a woman - I knocked the socks of a guy last week but when I broke it off he wasn't heartbroken or shattered - he was just really attracted to me from the first instant, and he really liked what he heard from me more and more as the first date went on - I was a "wow" compared to the other girls he had been dating but that doesn't mean it is some earth shattering " omg love at first site" thing from the get go... It is reasonable to wait for a woman who makes you feel like " wow, she is the only girl on my mind" When you meet "that" girl, trust me, you don't "need" to keep your options open - that is what being SINGLE is about - you have already KEPT your options open and remained single until that "knock your socks off" girl comes along. Every guy I have known of told me that they have/HAD met a girl who they just really liked the look and sound of - plenty of chemistry and something "special" and they sure didn't feel like accepting dates after meeting this girl.... No guy that has ever been head over heels for me, started out with " meh, I will go out and kiss other girls until I am exclusive" Guys who WERE NOT into me ALWAYS did that though. The men who thought I was really attractive, felt mutually great chemistry with me and who were generally excited about meeting me ALL dated me and only me from day one.
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 ^^I think Leigh makes some really great points here, especially the last paragraph. ff, I don't think either of these chicks knock your socks off quite frankly. So keep dating both, it's doubtful you'll last long with either of them anyway. When a chick comes along who REALLY knocks your socks off..you will know it and you won't even be thinking about other women, let alone wanting to date them! When you find her, you'll understand what I'm talking about! And by the way, don't knock those who prefer to focus on one at a time ....as opposed to juggling. Many people prefer going that route... more than you think. And Leigh is right, choosing to focus on one at a time isn't a "commitment" ...it's still dating. It's dating one at a time, until such time you decide this person is special and you both wish to move forward and up the ante ...or you decide she is not for you at which point you move on. Where is Redhead? She can explain it better than I can right now. I'm tired.... ^^To add to this -- would like to stress again that choosing to date one-at-a-time is NOT a commitment in any way shape or form. It's a dating style and people choose that style BEFORE ever even meeting the person. You choose to focus on one at a time until you realize that person is special and you envision a future with that person ...OR you realize not at which point you stop seeing each other and continue your search. A "commitment" is something you mutually agree to make with a particular person, because "that" person is special and you envision a future with this person. Choosing to date one-at-a-time is just a personal style of dating, as opposed to juggling many or a few, or even just a couple, simultaneously. If someone's goal is a long term committed relationship, IMO juggling defeats that purpose. When you juggle, you are so busy comparing and strategizing how to work each in, you will never get clarity on how you feel about any ONE girl..your feelings will go back and forth after each date with each girl. Girl A is great, but shyt I really like girl B too... and girl C just sent me a message ...I wonder what SHE's about? Juggling is a distance mechanism which prevents you from getting close to any one particular girl. ff, girl A is NOT asking you to make a "commitment" for heaven's sake. She is telling you that her personal dating style is to date one-at-a-time ...and she prefers to date men whose dating style is also one-at-a-time. And she made this choice for herself long before she ever met you! ff, someone asked you this earlier but what do you want? In the long term. Is your goal to find a woman with whom to make an eventual commitment? Do you even know? Most people have this figured out BEFORE they even start dating. IDK, you sound a little confused about that ...about what you truly want. And from what I can tell from your posts, you don't give any one woman half a chance. I mean come on, girl A was sick, and you automatically assume she's blowing you off ....so you quickly make another date with a different girl???? What's THAT about? Sounds like YOU are the insecure one in that scenario ... and probably other scenarios as well.
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It is reasonable to wait for a woman who makes you feel like " wow, she is the only girl on my mind" - This. Go Katie and Leigh! Great posts by you two! 1
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