Mx12345 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This guy and I have been exclusively dating for seven weeks. We've had the exclusive talk. I met him because he owns the bar my little sister started working at a couple months ago. I would go in for her and him and I started chatting. One night when I went in he asked me on a date. The date was amazing and we've been dating ever since. Super nice guy, I really like him and he says he likes me too. Our schedules are a little opposite but so far we still have been able to see each other 3-4 times per week even if one of those times is just for an hour. On Saturday we went to a nice dinner then out for drinks. I was dropping him off at the airport on Sunday morning because he already had a trip planned with his brother and they would be gone 12 days. We went back to his place to end the night. At almost 2am we were laying in bed, having foreplay if you will, when his phone rings. The phone was on the night stand right next to my head and just as a habit I looked over and saw it was this girl Jana. Back story. When I would go in to the bar to see my sister this young girl would come in and her and the guy I'm dating would hug, be friendly, whatnot. I noticed it but I didn't care at the time because I had only casually spoken to him a few times anyway. At that time my sister mentioned that he and that girl hooked up occasionally and she worked at the bar down the street and her name was Jana. I was like whatever. But now that him and I are dating I notice that she texts/calls him a lot. Him and I don't see each other that often (spend the night twice a week, see each other for a couple hours another two times per week) but she has texted him numerous times while I'm around making me wonder how often they talk when I'm not around. Now he's never mentioned her to me and I don't think he knows that I know he used to hook up with her, prob as recently as one month before him and I started dating. So she calls on Saturday at almost 2am. He quickly silenced the call. We go back to making out. Two minutes later she calls again. Again he silences it. Five minutes later she calls again! Finally I say something like "well maybe it's important." So he answers. I can vaguely hear her on the other line crying and carrying on. She's drunk, doesn't know where she is, can he help her. He asks her where she's at, she drunkenly asks someone and they say the name of this bar across town. He tells her "stay there I'll come get you and take you home." I have a wtf look on my face at this point. It's 2am, im half naked in your bed, were exclusively dating, and you leave for 12 days in the morning. But you're leaving me to go pick up and take home a drunk girl you used to hook up with? He doesn't even tell me anything (I guess he knows I heard the situation). He gets dressed, says I'll be back in an hour, kisses my forehead, then leaves. I'm livid at this point. I get dressed and get in my car and go home. About an hour later he calls me a couple times, I ignore it. I send a simple text saying I was at home (I didn't want him thinking I had vanished or anything) and that I was hurt and confused by what he did and that I was going to be spending the night at my own place. I also said I thought his brother should take him to the airport in the morning. 30 minutes after that he shows up at my house. It's almost 4am at this point. We basically argue for 45 min. He IS apologetic that he hurt my feelings but he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He says a friend was calling and needed help so he helped. He kept saying if a guy friend had called would I have still been "acting this way." I told him I knew him and her used to hook up and he didn't deny it he just said she was still a friend who needed help. After 45 min of not getting anywhere I finally told him to just go and have fun on his trip. He left. He's texted me a couple times so far and I've texted back but I can tell there's a lot of tension. Even though he's apologetic for hurting me, he doesn't think what he did was wrong. Which leads me to believe that this same situation could happen again. Maybe I'm being too uptight or critical? I do really like him. I don't know what to do. He left me in the middle of the night to help a girl he's had sex with only a few weeks prior to our first date. And she still texts him all the time too. We are not to the point in the relationship where I can question why anyone texts him let alone a girl he says he's friends with, I just have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole situation. Any advice would help.
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 It's not ideal but where was she? If she was in a dangerous situation he couldn't very well leave her there. It might have been better if he gave you the option of coming along. If you can't get past this, don't bother with him again. Otherwise talk to him.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 He silenced it a couple times before he finally answered, doesn't seem like a red-flag to me. I wouldn't make too much of it. Of course like the above poster said, its not ideal.... 1
Dybbuk Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I understand why you are upset, but on the same token let's just say worst case scenario... You convince him not to go get her and something happens to her that night. It wouldn't be your fault, and she should be responsible for herself, but your guy would blame himself, feel guilty about it... and that feeling wouldn't go away. It's very hard to turn away from someone at a time like that. He may have felt like he didn't have a choice it was either get her or hope nothing happened to her. I don't know all the details, but the fact that he drove to your house at 4am to apologize then and there speaks volumes about his feelings for you. I truly feel that he did this favor to her with the intention of being a good person. Is this something he should make a habit of? Absolutely not. He needs to sit down with Jana and tell her that you are his priority and he cannot be at her call anymore. He is not her boyfriend and therefore is not responsible for being her 'rock', her protector and her 2am ride anymore. That conversation needs to happen and he needs to make her understand that he has boundaries now that he is in a relationship with you. You need to communicate those boundaries to him, and figure out what you both can agree to. If he insists that he needs to be there for her, then you may need to rethink moving forward in this relationship. Best of luck. 4
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Urgh I am torn on this. On one hand if my boyfriend had done this, you'd better bet I'd have been upset about it. From my perspective it would seem so inappropriate. But on the other hand, many men are raised to still want to look out for the women in their life, and whether she's 'just a friend', there are still feelings, she likes him, whatever, a female he knew was in a dodgy situation (yep, her fault, what an idiot! Makes me wonder if she orchestrated it on purpose as I at 27 have not ONCE been in a scenario like that, alone, when drinking) and he probably couldn't live with it on his conscience if he just hung up on her, wondering what happened. He should have told her to call another guy ideally, but who knows what his thought process was at that time? On one hand he did ignore her a few times, but on the other clearly she thinks she can ask this of him, so I would reckon it isn't the first time. If I was stuck in a dangerous situation I wouldn't be calling a FWB I had no relationship with anymore, I'd be calling my boyfriend, my dad or brother, or a close male friend. An ex FWB would be bottom of the list. Personally I would imagine you can get past this, but you could tell him you don't think it's appropriate when they used to date, and then sit back and see how he handles himself with her in future. Hopefully this will be enough for him to see that it's really not cool to do this with his gf in his bed! I wouldn't attempt to solve this via text, I'd just be cool but nice until he returns and then see how it goes face to face. I know it's hard as you probably just want to feel okay with him already and 12 days is quite long but it's probably for the best. Oh and in future if something like this happens, the time to assert yourself is BEFORE he does it. I can see why he'd be mad if you let him go without saying anything and then slunk off to your place in a mood with him. Just be open and honest about your feelings with him when things crop up. 2
Zahara Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 You mentioned that since you have been dating, she contacts him a lot. Chances are she's doing it because she's trying to get a way in. This is a woman he's been having sex with and just before you two started going out. It would leave a bad taste in my mouth as well. The next time there has to be a boundary. He can't be rescuing her everytime she's drunk and can't find her way home. She's an adult and if she can't manage herself, she needs to figure it out herself. You need to talk to him about it. If anything I believe she was drunk-calling/dialing for very apparent reasons. 4
Gary S Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I hate to say this, but I think a bartender might not be the catch of the day. This story does not surprise me. If he works with alcoholics, he's likely to have alcoholic friends, and they can be trouble, as you have seen. 1
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 He might be one of those kinds of friends one calls when they're in trouble--as not everyone lives in the same city as their relatives, male or female--and to sign on with him means you're going to have to get used to that and be happy you're with him... ...or bounce and not be bothered with him. Was it ideal? No, but then again, you told him to answer the call. He was fine with ignoring it til you told him to answer it. Perhaps you should have gotten dressed and gone with him. You'd have killed two birds with one stone: been with him and shown her that he's with you now. He sounds like his friends are very important to him, more so than a 7 week long relationship at this point in time. Him arguing with you over this should tell you very loudly and clearly that that is how he thinks.
Author Mx12345 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 I just keep going back and forth. He IS a very nice person and she was crying so much at first that I couldn't make out what she was telling him. Maybe she was in real danger. But at what point does it become inappropriate to go rescue your prior FWB when you have the girl you're exclusively dating in your bed? Even if I wasn't in his bed? I still don't think it's ok. And she doesn't seem to have much respect for our relationship. He did mention in the argument that she knows about me and that he's dating someone. But that hasn't stopped her from texting him or calling him in the middle of the night. And I'm pretty positive she knew it was his last night in town for awhile, based on something he said in the argument. Now I'm wondering if he even told her when he picked her up that I was at his place waiting. Ugh this whole thing has me in such a funk.
Redhead14 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This guy and I have been exclusively dating for seven weeks. We've had the exclusive talk. I met him because he owns the bar my little sister started working at a couple months ago. I would go in for her and him and I started chatting. One night when I went in he asked me on a date. The date was amazing and we've been dating ever since. Super nice guy, I really like him and he says he likes me too. Our schedules are a little opposite but so far we still have been able to see each other 3-4 times per week even if one of those times is just for an hour. On Saturday we went to a nice dinner then out for drinks. I was dropping him off at the airport on Sunday morning because he already had a trip planned with his brother and they would be gone 12 days. We went back to his place to end the night. At almost 2am we were laying in bed, having foreplay if you will, when his phone rings. The phone was on the night stand right next to my head and just as a habit I looked over and saw it was this girl Jana. Back story. When I would go in to the bar to see my sister this young girl would come in and her and the guy I'm dating would hug, be friendly, whatnot. I noticed it but I didn't care at the time because I had only casually spoken to him a few times anyway. At that time my sister mentioned that he and that girl hooked up occasionally and she worked at the bar down the street and her name was Jana. I was like whatever. But now that him and I are dating I notice that she texts/calls him a lot. Him and I don't see each other that often (spend the night twice a week, see each other for a couple hours another two times per week) but she has texted him numerous times while I'm around making me wonder how often they talk when I'm not around. Now he's never mentioned her to me and I don't think he knows that I know he used to hook up with her, prob as recently as one month before him and I started dating. So she calls on Saturday at almost 2am. He quickly silenced the call. We go back to making out. Two minutes later she calls again. Again he silences it. Five minutes later she calls again! Finally I say something like "well maybe it's important." So he answers. I can vaguely hear her on the other line crying and carrying on. She's drunk, doesn't know where she is, can he help her. He asks her where she's at, she drunkenly asks someone and they say the name of this bar across town. He tells her "stay there I'll come get you and take you home." I have a wtf look on my face at this point. It's 2am, im half naked in your bed, were exclusively dating, and you leave for 12 days in the morning. But you're leaving me to go pick up and take home a drunk girl you used to hook up with? He doesn't even tell me anything (I guess he knows I heard the situation). He gets dressed, says I'll be back in an hour, kisses my forehead, then leaves. I'm livid at this point. I get dressed and get in my car and go home. About an hour later he calls me a couple times, I ignore it. I send a simple text saying I was at home (I didn't want him thinking I had vanished or anything) and that I was hurt and confused by what he did and that I was going to be spending the night at my own place. I also said I thought his brother should take him to the airport in the morning. 30 minutes after that he shows up at my house. It's almost 4am at this point. We basically argue for 45 min. He IS apologetic that he hurt my feelings but he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He says a friend was calling and needed help so he helped. He kept saying if a guy friend had called would I have still been "acting this way." I told him I knew him and her used to hook up and he didn't deny it he just said she was still a friend who needed help. After 45 min of not getting anywhere I finally told him to just go and have fun on his trip. He left. He's texted me a couple times so far and I've texted back but I can tell there's a lot of tension. Even though he's apologetic for hurting me, he doesn't think what he did was wrong. Which leads me to believe that this same situation could happen again. Maybe I'm being too uptight or critical? I do really like him. I don't know what to do. He left me in the middle of the night to help a girl he's had sex with only a few weeks prior to our first date. And she still texts him all the time too. We are not to the point in the relationship where I can question why anyone texts him let alone a girl he says he's friends with, I just have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole situation. Any advice would help. I do understand your position. However, she called him a few times and he silenced it. He wasn't going to answer it until you suggested he answer it because it might be something important. He was opting to ignore. In the future, let him decide whether to answer or not. Maybe she has a habit of doing this kind of thing and he didn't want to deal with it? Since, you suggested he answer it he was put in a bad position at least. He apologized. I'd leave it alone now and see if this kind of thing happens again. I know it's difficult, but . . .
elliecoffee Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I think you're right to feel upset and confused. As you wrote, you really like this guy and you're feeling insecure for everything that is happening: the girl is texting/calling way too much, they used to date, you don't feel she respects your relationship and you don't feel like your guy is showing you respect by telling her to calm down a bit. It is normal to feel threatened. Now, he did silence the call two times until you said it could be important. When he got home and didn't find you, he called you and an hour later he was at your door. I do think he cares about you. Maybe he didn't know how to approach the subject at 4 am in the morning and yeah, via text messages you're not fixing anything, let's be real about it. Don't let your mind wonder that much, 'did he tell her I was at his house? do they talk a lot when I'm not around? does he enjoy talking to her?' that's irrelevant honestly. And well, even if you're really mad about what happened, he did the right thing. What you can do is wait for him to get back and then talk to him about everything that is bothering you about this girl and what you expect and believe is acceptable in your relationship and what's more important, how is he going to handle this Jana situation in the future. If you don't like his answers or you still feel there's something weird going on, it would be better to walk away. Hope you're feeling well. xx 1
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I just keep going back and forth. He IS a very nice person and she was crying so much at first that I couldn't make out what she was telling him. Maybe she was in real danger. But at what point does it become inappropriate to go rescue your prior FWB when you have the girl you're exclusively dating in your bed? Even if I wasn't in his bed? I still don't think it's ok. And she doesn't seem to have much respect for our relationship. He did mention in the argument that she knows about me and that he's dating someone. But that hasn't stopped her from texting him or calling him in the middle of the night. And I'm pretty positive she knew it was his last night in town for awhile, based on something he said in the argument. Now I'm wondering if he even told her when he picked her up that I was at his place waiting. Ugh this whole thing has me in such a funk. I'm guessing you are stuck kind of stewing about this until he gets back. That is not a great place to be because you have to wait to get a resolution/ It does sound like she is not very respectful of your relationship & is doing things to come between you. That is not his fault. He can't control her. He can control how he reacts to her. I'm going to err on the side of caution & give him the benefit of the doubt. He tried to ignore her & then went to her when she was in persistent. Assuming she was in genuine danger, you can't put him in the place where if he hadn't gone & something happened to her, he'd blame himself. You wouldn't want that either. Let's assume (with all the inherent flaws of doing that) that he is a good guy who was trying to do the right thing. When he gets home tell him you like his Knight in Shining Armor persona but when he abandoned you for her, it felt like he was picking her. Let that sink in with him for a minute. If he spews defensive BS just let him rant until he's quiet again. Then ask how you two can prevent her from coming between you in the future. See what solutions he comes up with. Base your decision to stay & forgive or go on those responses.
TunaCat Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I'm sorry I'm on your boyfriends side of this. If my boyfriend's ex called at 2am and asked him to pick her up, would I be annoyed? Yes I would be, but then I would realize that I would much rather him go pick up the girl, make sure she gets home safe, than just leave her alone. It sounds like he was trying to do the right thing. He came over to your place at 4am to apologize. That speaks volumes to me. That tells me he truly cares for you and he wanted you to know that. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Nobody has so far thought to spell-out that people who work at bars tend to have networks of people who leave work at 2:00am. Thus, for them, it isn't as appalling to get/answer a phone call at 2:00am as is the case for the rest of us. Furthermore, tiz true that transportation alternatives are not as plentiful at 2:00am as they are at noon. Additionally, the random person out there at 2:00am is gen-er-al-ly a lot less trustworthy than is the average person on the street at high noon. This man's lifestyle, while not necessarily bad, is such that the scenario you describe could be expected to play-out on occasion. He resisted the call a couple of times, and then he answered, perceiving its urgency. You do NOT get to field this one as if it were some booty call and as if he leaped at the chance to jump up and service her before racing back to your arms. Furthermore, you did an *sshole thing in first letting him believe that you would provide a ride to the airport, only to leave him high and dry in that regard, at the last minute. You are allowed to have a bad taste in your mouth but when you've done the equivalent to hunting for dating material among the types of guys who are waiting for their girlfriends in strip-club parking lots at 3:00am... you are merely recognizing their abnormalcy to begin with, and then applying double jeopardy upon them for their being abnormal. Now maybe this is a good, solid human being who everybody recognizes as such, and who they depend on, when needed, but, for the same reason you don't leave the office at 5:00pm and race home and go to sleep at 6:00, you should be aware that it is normal for this man and his associates to be out and about after 2:00am, and perhaps interacting with one another via phone/text past that hour, for identical reasons. Lastly, you only provided the story from your perspective, and that girl could have been in any degree of grave danger at that hour... and maybe she phoned who she always phones in such situations. While perhaps he is the most reliable person who answers when she calls.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 If you go out drinking you should be required to load Uber onto your phone... uber cabs FTW lol. 2
CarrieT Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 If it was a friend in trouble, he could have been up front with you at 2:00 a.m., explained the situation, and asked you to come along to assist. He did not do that, giving this other girl the impression that he is at her beck-and-call 24/7. Cut the strings and move on. This will not be the first time something like this will happen. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 If it was a friend in trouble, he could have been up front with you at 2:00 a.m., explained the situation, and asked you to come along to assist. He did not do that, giving this other girl the impression that he is at her beck-and-call 24/7. Cut the strings and move on. This will not be the first time something like this will happen. Hm I disagree.. It was late and he probably didn't want to nag her to come along if she didn't want to. He did try and ignore this particular girl over 3 times too, if he was really at her beck and call he would have went right away. As long as it doesn't keep happening, I think it's premature to "cut the strings". Something similar happened to my roommate the other week, this trainwreck of a girl kept calling him and he kept ignoring it, and then she showed up at the bar we went to and was out of control and he ended up having to get her a cab out of there with us (as a friend -- no hookup intentions). 1
Author Mx12345 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 I don't mind that he gets calls late at night. He owns a bar. We've been almost asleep in bed when he's received calls from his bartenders at 3am that something is going wrong with a cash out or the money isn't coming out right. He sleepily takes the call. I don't think twice. One time we had a romantic date planned and a bartender called in last min with an emergency. We had to cancel our date because he had to go in and work a few hours. None of that bothers me I never for a min called it a booty call or thought as much. I have full trust that nothing inappropriate happened when he picked her up. It's the fact that he left to begin with and the fact that she is not respecting our relationship by calling to ask him to get her.. You are right. I said I would take him to the airport then I suggested he get his brother to. But I was upset. I could have still offered to pick him up in the morning. I wasn't hunting for anyone at that bar. I don't go to bars to find men. I'm extremely close with my sister and live only 10 minutes or less from the bar she started working at. So if I wasn't busy and wanted a drink, I would go there, to see my SISTER. I would chat with my sisters coworkers as well as the owner for over two months, before HE asked if I would like to go on a date. And owning a bar or bar tending is not equalivant to a woman stripping. I have nothing against strippers but you're reaching. If it was noon and she was drunk and needed a ride and called him it still in my eyes would be inappropriate. He actually only works nights twice a week. As the owner, he works mostly days. You're concluding that because he owns a bar that he's up till 4am every night. He's not.
Dybbuk Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 @Mx12345: I think the best thing to do in this situation is to calmly tell him that what happened is not something you are comfortable with nor something you will accept as your relationship progresses. I emphasize calmly because I feel he has taken significant steps toward rectifying the situation. He tried to apologize in person, and even ignored her calls initially. He could have handled the situation differently, but overall I think he tried to make the best decision at the time given the circumstances. You can be annoyed but blowing up at him for a misstep might cause a larger rift than there needs to be. I personally (not that you need to do this) would relay that I do understand why he left, and appreciate that he is a good enough person to not turn his back on a friend, however his friend is crossing a line. He needs to understand that. In this day in age she could have called a cab, uber, ....and the fact that she works in a bar setting you can bet your bottom dollar she knows of alternate ways a person can get themselves home safely. He needs to draw the line for her and let her know that he cannot jeopardize his relationship with you because she cannot give an appropriate level of space/distance and take care of herself. I would suggest you also reiterate that you have no qualms with him receiving late night calls because you understand his business and work does require he be accessible at those hours. However you also want other women he has been with in the past to respect both of you and your new relationship. I hope this works out for you two.
Zahara Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 It's the fact that he left to begin with and the fact that she is not respecting our relationship by calling to ask him to get her.. But you told him to pick up her call. You opened that door. I have to wonder if you were testing him. In terms of this woman not respecting the relationship, if he's enabling her communication, she's going to keep doing it. It's up to him to implement boundaries with her. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 But you told him to pick up her call. You opened that door. I have to wonder if you were testing him. In terms of this woman not respecting the relationship, if he's enabling her communication, she's going to keep doing it. It's up to him to implement boundaries with her. Yeah really OP... Your BF ignored it THREE times and you kept telling him to pick it up! He knew it was a girl he hooked up with, that it was 2am, you were naked, and he didn't do it. But you told him to. He probably thought - "Well ****.. If I don't answer it, shes going to get pissed for some reason, so ill just answer it". Did you really expect after she needed to be rescued that he would just tell her "Sorry you're out of luck"? Lol. It sounded like he was willing to just ignore the call for help, but you encouraged it. Don't be mad about it. God Women perplex me sometimes. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.....
Author Mx12345 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Yeah really OP... Your BF ignored it THREE times and you kept telling him to pick it up! He knew it was a girl he hooked up with, that it was 2am, you were naked, and he didn't do it. But you told him to. He probably thought - "Well ****.. If I don't answer it, shes going to get pissed for some reason, so ill just answer it". Did you really expect after she needed to be rescued that he would just tell her "Sorry you're out of luck"? Lol. It sounded like he was willing to just ignore the call for help, but you encouraged it. Don't be mad about it. God Women perplex me sometimes. Damned if you do, damned if you don't..... I didn't keep telling him to answer it. The third time I said "maybe it's important" at which he did answer it. I didn't know what she was calling about. I didn't know she was drunk, or needed help. I think ultimately I woukd have had him tell her "Jana I'm with Morgan right now, we're just about to go to bed. Is there someone else I can call for you? Can I call you a cab?" And if at that point she still needed help then so be it and we could have gone from there. But the fact that I was in bed with him didn't seem to be of concern to him at that moment. Which is why I am upset.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I didn't keep telling him to answer it. The third time I said "maybe it's important" at which he did answer it. I didn't know what she was calling about. I didn't know she was drunk, or needed help. I think ultimately I woukd have had him tell her "Jana I'm with Morgan right now, we're just about to go to bed. Is there someone else I can call for you? Can I call you a cab?" And if at that point she still needed help then so be it and we could have gone from there. But the fact that I was in bed with him didn't seem to be of concern to him at that moment. Which is why I am upset. What else do you think could have been important at 2am? It sounds pretty typical that she needed a ride. Fact is that you suggested he answer it, and now you're mad. The way you worded your thread title, it sounds like you don't trust this particular girl to be alone with your BF, but it doesn't sound like he'd cheat on you. He might just have a bit of a savior complex, which isn't always a bad thing (but can be). If it bugs you this much, just talk to your BF.
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I woukd have had him tell her "Jana I'm with Morgan right now, we're just about to go to bed. Is there someone else I can call for you? Can I call you a cab?" That's the kind of **** you say to sober people, not drunk girls at 2 in the AM. If you were so upset about this girl "not respecting your relationship" , you should have tagged along.
Zahara Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I didn't keep telling him to answer it. The third time I said "maybe it's important" at which he did answer it. I didn't know what she was calling about. I didn't know she was drunk, or needed help. It's 2AM. It's a Saturday night. It's a woman he's hooked up with. And one that is clearly interested in him. The reasons are pretty limited, don't you think? You should have just let him silence it. If it wasn't important to him to pick up, then it should not have been important enough for you to suggest he pick it up. I think you were testing him. And he failed the test and now you are upset. When you opened that door, you had to expect that he would have to leave when she needed help, or just ignore her and continue with you? I think ultimately I woukd have had him tell her "Jana I'm with Morgan right now, we're just about to go to bed. Is there someone else I can call for you? Can I call you a cab?" And if at that point she still needed help then so be it and we could have gone from there. But the fact that I was in bed with him didn't seem to be of concern to him at that moment. Which is why I am upset. But she was pissed drunk. Didn't know where she was. Crying and distressed. I don't think that would have been a realistic approach. Edited March 16, 2015 by Zahara
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