Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to?

March 17, 2015

You ladies are of the midset they you deserve an attractive man and almost no men are attractive according to the outrageous standards of you ladies. The purpose of this is for you ladies to whine to each other about it.

Problem is they are living in Egypt, the land of denial.

Problem is the tendency to only willing to date "10" when on their best day the are a "5".

March 17, 2015

lol...it's true about the sharing of men. The guy I like has a number of options, and has more than one woman at a time. I would honestly rather share him than have all to myself a guy who is not attractive.

Someone above said that this is lack of self-respect. It is and it isn't. It's "settling" for sharing an attractive guy, but it's also "not settling" for an unattractive guy that one could have all to herself.

The person I mention is just someone I like; I'm not actively sharing him with anyone, but I would.

I don't "wonder why I am single." I am single in large part because 90% of men aren't attractive to me. I am hyper-selective, but I would say that all the key things I want, I bring to the table myself. I am thin and pretty and look young. I work out every day. I have a college education, etc.

March 17, 2015

Also, I don't think it's that women want flawless men. The men I like are flawed, like all human beings. They are just flawed in ways that don't matter enough to me to not still be attracted to them. And they are "unflawed" in just the right ways -- that is, being witty, charismatic, in decent shape (not perfect shape, just decent shape; the guy I like doesn't even work out...he's not at all buff, just toned), being educated and speaking well, etc.

March 17, 2015

So so depressing reading this thread- it confirms absolutely everything I've read in the Manosphere.

'Women would rather share a high value alpha male than settle for a beta provider'. So 90% of men are sexually invisible.

Depressing stuff.

March 17, 2015

Women who are not attracted to most men: Are you also somewhat of perfectionists in other aspects of life?

Why do some of you feel you aren't attracted to many men?

Yes definately. I am never happy with the ordinary and strive for something more with everything. It means I am constantly improving, learning and striving for more in every aspect of life. I don't think I will ever be done with the improving part, there is always more to do. Why settle for an ordinary life if you have not put in honest effort to be extraordinary first?

I am unattracted for a few reasons.

1. My tastes in physical attraction aren't heteronormal. I do not find chunky, men (no matter how fit) to be physically attractive. I guess my neanderthal gene's went bye, bye sometime in the previous generation because the common male build does nothing for me. I'm not attracted to the usual indicators of high testosterone. In fact, I am attracted to those who have markedly lower testosterone as measured by their physical appearance.

2. I find typical male attitudes to be a big turnoff. Fixations on 'pussy' and similar indicators of having the mentality of a teenaged boy are pretty abhorrent. Other words sure to help me sort the wheat from the chaff, game, bitter, princesses, entitled, neutured, beta's, 'being a man' etc I could go on a very long time here. Any form of macho dick waving is a mood killer.

I prefer a man who isn't afraid of modern life and it's refinements. Who doesn't have a need to constantly express some long forgotten life of naked cave dwelling and cling to the advantages of his upper body strength. Strength these days lies in intelligence, maturity and the ability to capitalise on opportunities. Civilisation has been that way for several thousand years. Strange that a large portion of the population have failed to keep pace.

March 17, 2015

I've had relationships with beta males who I was in love with and who I wanted to stay with forever.

It's true that alpha males (the nice ones) are generally more attractive than beta males. It's the charisma thing that does it for alphas, as betas can be most of the same things as alphas (educated, in shape, good-looking face, etc.); they just don't have the same charisma and confidence.

But technically this is not about alpha males vs. beta males. It's about attractive vs. unattractive.

A lot of beta guys are attractive, in shape, educated, good in bed, etc. and can and do attract women.

March 17, 2015

... alpha males (the nice ones) are generally more attractive than beta males.

This whole alpha/beta thing is really quite ridiculous. The Manosphere (aka, limited male thinking) likes to promote the idea that there is one type of ideal male that absolutely all women want. That is the biggest fallacy there is.

It's been said before but needs repeating. Women saying they don't like 99% of men they meet =/ they all want the same man. My 1% is very unlikely to be the same as Markleymassraffs 1% nor smiley1's 1% etc. It's possible for all of us to be attracted to a small subset of the population, but for our subsets to also be different. We aren't homogenous in our attractions. I have no idea why men find this so difficult to accept.

I know for certain that not many women are into what I am, because the guys I like are usually single when I find them and have been without a partner for a while.

If there is one fundamental difference I've noted between men and women, it's that men are more likely to find conventional standards of beauty to their taste. If that's you, you're in luck because there is a large portion of the population who are conventionally attractive. I can look at a very good looking man, by conventional standards, and have no attraction to him whatsoever. That's because I like unconventional beauty. Horses for courses.

March 17, 2015

PS, Have you thought about visiting Canada? I once worked with a French-Canadian pilot. It was hard to concentrate on the job with there always being the sound of all the ovaries popping within a 200 meter radius :/

I live in Canada lol

I think this is why so many women are currently sharing men. They're simply not attracted to the vast majority of men they see

I couldn't share a man. Sexually, maybe. But what makes being with a man hot (at least for me) is knowing that no other woman is touching him, and that only I have access to the goods. That's part of what makes the sex hot. If I knew I was banging a d*ck that was in several other women recently.... just... eww lol

Women who are not attracted to most men: Are you also somewhat of perfectionists in other aspects of life?

Why do some of you feel you aren't attracted to many men?

I can't speak for everyone, but I am less of a perfectionist now than I was before. And if I knew why I wasn't attracted to most men, I think I would be more along solving this issue than I am now lol

That must be due to lacking self respect. And, or under the spell of the feminazi's trying to out dog the men.

I don't agree with this. Sexuality is fluid. It's just as valid to share one man as it is to be monogamous with one man. All forms of sexuality and relationships (open, polyamorous etc) are valid. Some of us just prefer some over others, and there's nothing wrong with that.

So so depressing reading this thread- it confirms absolutely everything I've read in the Manosphere.

'Women would rather share a high value alpha male than settle for a beta provider'. So 90% of men are sexually invisible.

Depressing stuff.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but be careful to apply this to ALL women.

1. My tastes in physical attraction aren't heteronormal. I do not find chunky, men (no matter how fit) to be physically attractive. I guess my neanderthal gene's went bye, bye sometime in the previous generation because the common male build does nothing for me. I'm not attracted to the usual indicators of high testosterone. In fact, I am attracted to those who have markedly lower testosterone as measured by their physical appearance.

I feel like we are focusing too much on the physical. I'm pretty sure every woman, at least once in her life, was seriously attracted to a guy who wasn't good looking. At least I know I was... one of my exes (please excuse my language) was a f*cking monkey, but I couldn't keep my hands off him. I look back now and think "How did I ever touch that" but anything can happen really.

March 17, 2015

This whole alpha/beta thing is really quite ridiculous. The Manosphere (aka, limited male thinking) likes to promote the idea that there is one type of ideal male that absolutely all women want. That is the biggest fallacy there is.
It's been said before but needs repeating. Women saying they don't like 99% of men they meet =/ they all want the same man. My 1% is very unlikely to be the same as Markleymassraffs 1% nor smiley1's 1% etc. It's possible for all of us to be attracted to a small subset of the population, but for our subsets to also be different. We aren't homogenous in our attractions. I have no idea why men find this so difficult to accept.

It is a fallacy and it's not. This one is hard to explain. You are correct that female tastes can vary by extremes, however I would characterize these as mostly cosmetic differences.

One woman may want Larry the Cable Guy, while another wants George Clooney.... however the personality traits they want in both men are often the same or similar.

I believe this is most likely because a good chunk of women personality type men based on appearance. They make broad general assumptions about the overall chemistry they will have with a guy based on his dress and mannerisms.

You are correct that men tend to want "conventional" beauty... however the explosion of "alt"... should be an indicator that this varies.

March 17, 2015

One woman may want Larry the Cable Guy, while another wants George Clooney.... however the personality traits they want in both men are often the same or similar.

I very much disagree with this. I think personality is what varies the most in what women look for. I, for instance, want a very social guy, whereas I have friend who want a man who is more quiet and reserved. I want a man who finds beauty in small things like the wind or squirrels, but other women might find that too sensitive and unattractive.

I think physically we look for similar things perhaps (it indicates strength, health etc) but when it comes to personality, we all want something different. After all, as women we all have different personalities, therefore we look for different things that we feel would balance us. Saying we all look for similar men is like saying we are all similar women. That's very inaccurate.

March 17, 2015

So so depressing reading this thread- it confirms absolutely everything I've read in the Manosphere.

'Women would rather share a high value alpha male than settle for a beta provider'. So 90% of men are sexually invisible.

Depressing stuff.

But this is only a small smattering of women. What you also forget is that we have also been speaking about how hard it is because we are all attracted to different things and its not usually something as obvious as good looks etc...

So If you turn that on its head and start looking after yourself so you not only view yourself as high value but treat yourself as high value then your chances of getting laid increase ten fold.

March 17, 2015

I very much disagree with this. I think personality is what varies the most in what women look for. I, for instance, want a very social guy, whereas I have friend who want a man who is more quiet and reserved. I want a man who finds beauty in small things like the wind or squirrels, but other women might find that too sensitive and unattractive.
I think physically we look for similar things perhaps (it indicates strength, health etc) but when it comes to personality, we all want something different. After all, as women we all have different personalities, therefore we look for different things that we feel would balance us. Saying we all look for similar men is like saying we are all similar women. That's very inaccurate.

Nearly every woman wants a "social guy". That's why socially awkward guys don't do well. Even women who want strong silent types also desire him to be good in social situations.

You want a guy that sees beauty in small things? That is a cosmetic difference in a personality trait practically all women want.

I'm guessing that most of the things you probably view as unique traits you want in a man are actually just minor variations on personality traits women more or less universally find attractive. Confidence for example... Virtually all women like confident men. I would bet that applies to you as well, however you are probably very picky about how that confidence is expressed. Does this make sense? That is why I say you are right and wrong at the same time.

March 17, 2015

I wish I had your attitude. I'm bothered by it, and I couldn't exactly tell you why. I guess I just see so many happy couples around, I get frustrated because I don't understand why they get to have so much love in their life and I don't.

I guess it's something to work on. I'm not sure how though, I'm a relationship person and I love intimacy. I've been craving to have a man's touch in my life for quite some time.

Hopeful, please stop comparing what you have (or don't have) to what others have, or what you think they have.

You may assume all these couples are happy, but do you really know? Unless you know them personally and closely, you have no idea if they're happy or even in love.

Couples get together for all sorts of reasons that often times have little if anything to do with love ...or even attraction.

Convenience, loneliness .... financial security just to name a few.

And let's face it, many people DO end up settling for the simple reason they don't like being alone. Sad.

You are fortunate in that you know what you want and you don't have to settle. You are only 27 .....you WILL meet your Mr. Right ....probably when you least expect it!

March 17, 2015

well, trying to be honest to myself ( because honesty, communication, and loyalty is key in any relationship, IMO ). I would be just looking for someone that is close to compatible or within my preference ( at who enjoys smiling and being in a positive atmosphere ) .....

not looking for the perfect match nor the perfect person either. just someone that will accept my faults ( no one is perfect ), and vice versa. perfection only work(s) both way(s) at when it s achieved in working w/ one another ( and not against each other ) .....

well, with me. I haven't had much luck with dating. I just need a sincere individual and not fake one

March 17, 2015

well, trying to be honest to myself ( because honesty, communication, and loyalty is key in any relationship, IMO ). I would be just looking for someone that is close to compatible or within my preference ( at who enjoys smiling and being in a positive atmosphere ) .....

not looking for the perfect match nor the perfect person either. just someone that will accept my faults ( no one is perfect ), and vice versa. perfection only work(s) both way(s) at when it s achieved in working w/ one another ( and not against each other ) .....

well, with me. I haven't had much luck with dating. I just need a sincere individual and not fake one

and those are the ones that are like gold dust to find.

March 17, 2015

lol...it's true about the sharing of men. The guy I like has a number of options, and has more than one woman at a time. I would honestly rather share him than have all to myself a guy who is not attractive.

Someone above said that this is lack of self-respect. It is and it isn't. It's "settling" for sharing an attractive guy, but it's also "not settling" for an unattractive guy that one could have all to herself.

The person I mention is just someone I like; I'm not actively sharing him with anyone, but I would.

I don't "wonder why I am single." I am single in large part because 90% of men aren't attractive to me. I am hyper-selective, but I would say that all the key things I want, I bring to the table myself. I am thin and pretty and look young. I work out every day. I have a college education, etc.

Same. I have a good 6 extremely attractive women in constant orbit around me for the past year. In turn, they each have other dudes that come and go. Yet, they always look me up again. Always come visit. (Like how my insanely hot yoga instructor did last weekend... will be going to wmc/ultra with her as well)

Since I'm not easily impressed looks wise, I'm willing to accept being part of this.

March 17, 2015

Truth is we all want the same, both men and women, we want mates who accept us for who we are and who will make us happy. BUT we also have to have one eye on our peers, friends and relatives and on society too.

So we want someone who is going to be "acceptable" both to ourselves (now and in the future) and to our wider social circle, otherwise it just gets complicated. We all want the best "catch" and the best "fit".

Taking all our wants and needs into consideration then why wouldn't it be that >90% of the opposite sex, do not meet our selection criteria?

March 17, 2015

Truth is we all want the same, both men and women, we want mates who accept us for who we are and who will make us happy. BUT we also have to have one eye on our peers, friends and relatives and on society too.
So we want someone who is going to be "acceptable" both to ourselves (now and in the future) and to our wider social circle, otherwise it just gets complicated. We all want the best "catch" and the best "fit".
Taking all our wants and needs into consideration then why wouldn't it be that >90% of the opposite sex, do not meet our selection criteria?

It's not necessarily that they don't meet our selection criteria. It's that we aren't always attracted to them. That's a physiological thing that none of us can change. You can't help who you are attracted to (or not attracted to.)

I can't even count how many times I've had girlfriends say, "Why am I not attracted to him? He's PERFECT for me! He has everything I want in a man." Women are as frustrated with this as men are.

And I read an interesting article about sexuality the other day. Basically it says that there are certain men who women would want to get pregnant from (their genes) but not necessarily want to raise their babies with. And it's a valid thing but not accepted in our society, because I can totally relate. Some men I wouldn't mind have babies with, but others I would prefer to raise them because they are more stable father figures, more trustworthy etc. It's unfair, but I can relate.

Maybe that's why it's so hard to find the whole package.

Edited March 17, 2015 by Hopeful30

March 17, 2015

It's not necessarily that they don't meet our selection criteria. It's that we aren't always attracted to them. That's a physiological thing that none of us can change. You can't help who you are attracted to (or not attracted to.)

But being attracted to a person is part of our selection criteria too, surely?

March 17, 2015

It's not necessarily that they don't meet our selection criteria. It's that we aren't always attracted to them. That's a physiological thing that none of us can change. You can't help who you are attracted to (or not attracted to.)

^^Very very true. It's NOT about looks. It's about energy ...and how much of it is generating between any two people.

That's how the word *chemistry* came to be... just like in science.

Good positive energy (including sexual) generating between two people = strong chemistry!

Being "attracted to" someone is about chemistry/energy. It has nothing to do with how attractive someone is to look at.

And that chemistry is usually, if not always, mutual. At least that's been my experience. I have never in my life felt strongly chemistry with man, and have him NOT feel it with me too!

Anyway, I find that many people confuse those two things. Finding someone attractive (lookswise) versus feeling "attracted to" them. Two entirely different things...

March 17, 2015

And I read an interesting article about sexuality the other day. Basically it says that there are certain men who women would want to get pregnant from (their genes) but not necessarily want to raise their babies with. And it's a valid thing but not accepted in our society, because I can totally relate. Some men I wouldn't mind have babies with, but others I would prefer to raise them because they are more stable father figures, more trustworthy etc. It's unfair, but I can relate.

Maybe that's why it's so hard to find the whole package.

For women there is a similar scenario, the "hot" babe (alpha) with the good genes lands the successful popular guy, but the babies are then handed to the nanny(beta) to look after.

March 17, 2015

It's not necessarily that they don't meet our selection criteria. It's that we aren't always attracted to them. That's a physiological thing that none of us can change. You can't help who you are attracted to (or not attracted to.)

I can't even count how many times I've had girlfriends say, "Why am I not attracted to him? He's PERFECT for me! He has everything I want in a man." Women are as frustrated with this as men are.

And I read an interesting article about sexuality the other day. Basically it says that there are certain men who women would want to get pregnant from (their genes) but not necessarily want to raise their babies with. And it's a valid thing but not accepted in our society, because I can totally relate. Some men I wouldn't mind have babies with, but others I would prefer to raise them because they are more stable father figures, more trustworthy etc. It's unfair, but I can relate.

Maybe that's why it's so hard to find the whole package.

This has been extensively covered in the Manosphere for the past ten years- it's called the 'alpha fux/beta bux' theory related to hypergamy. Look it up. The reason you are not attracted to the vast majority of males? It's simply- you're after that hot bad boy alpha who is ALSO an excellent provider and would be a good father. This is a very rare find indeed- hence my quote above:

"90% of women chase the top 10% of males" and if they don't get what they want, well, they stay single and lonely for years because they are simply unwilling to compromise on their stringent conditions.

The idea of women being prepared to share a male is really depressing thought indeed. I will never be that alpha male, despite being in excellent shape, very pretty to look at and having a good profession. It's a mindset, almost celebrity /zen like. Beautiful and rich and a good provider etc etc

Since logging back into okcupid a month ago it's quite sad to see dozens of women I seen last year, all beautiful, all single, all chasing the same alpha male. And still not making any progress with it. Sad indeed. Holding out for the perfect specimen just for the tingles and butterflies.

March 17, 2015

Truth is we all want the same, both men and women, we want mates who accept us for who we are and who will make us happy. BUT we also have to have one eye on our peers, friends and relatives and on society too.
So we want someone who is going to be "acceptable" both to ourselves (now and in the future) and to our wider social circle, otherwise it just gets complicated. We all want the best "catch" and the best "fit".
Taking all our wants and needs into consideration then why wouldn't it be that >90% of the opposite sex, do not meet our selection criteria?

It's not surprising that > 90% men don't meet the criteria of women, but one would have to be realistic about the percentage of men that are actually out there and available who do meet their standards.

March 17, 2015

I will never be that alpha male, despite being in excellent shape, very pretty to look at and having a good profession.

That's not the definition of alpha male. It's all in the pheromones. Any man can hit the gym, get a good job and make himself look good, doesn't make him an alpha.

One of my exes was an alpha despite being slightly overweight, crappy job and poor presentation. It's all in the scent. We are more primitive than we would like to believe.

March 17, 2015

It's not surprising that > 90% men don't meet the criteria of women, but one would have to be realistic about the percentage of men that are actually out there and available who do meet their standards.

10% of males is still millions. Hundreds in most cities.

So many single males and females are lethargic...talk about being unable to find a good partner but then put little effort into the process.

I'm the word's worse golfer...I wasn't on the driving range yesterday evening...don't take lessons. Gee whiz...I wish I was as good as some golfers...duh.

Can't get a great guy? Did you to to dance lessons yesterday....no. Join

EHarmony or Match...no ...if on them, add better photos...no. Go to a Meet group with lots of smart, fit guys (coed sports, science, etc)...no. Put on a dress, heels when you went grocery shopping...no. Volunteer at a charity...no. Join a political party...no. There are about 15 or so Meet Up hikes in our area this weekend...many wonderful people... Will you go to he ones in your city?...no

For decades people ask 'how to meet people'. Then do next to nothing to actually meet some one. Last evening at our dance lesson, there were 3 more males than females...what a great opportunity for some single woman to get to know one of them...but nope, some single woman is at home wondering why she can't meet a great guy.

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Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to?

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