Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to?

March 16, 2015

Professional and more cultured circles may help you meet these types of men. Openings at art galleries, the theater, orchestra, etc.

Check for meet ups related to these sorts of interests.

Agreed.

We have a variety of Meet Up groups that attract more cultured individuals. Tonight we are taking ballroom dancing lessons...Thursday a TEDX lecture at the university...also the outdoor nature/hiking groups have a high ratio of professionals.

I met my guy via Match six years ago but today would more than likely meet a partner via a Meet Up activity group.

March 16, 2015

hi hopeful,

I hear you, I also questioned my sexuality when i was younger because i felt no attraction to men who my "friends "told me what is wrong with you deb that guy likes you...he is hot....why dont you date him....i ran from guys ...a lot......i felt nothing for them bar friendship...actually some of them repulsed me...thinking about intimacy with them....the more i ran the more they chased.....so i questioned my sexuality.......

but i actually do like men...just has to be the right guy i actually feel something for....a connection......i am not a love at first sight girl or never have been before but i do feel connections.....and i will explore a connection normally as friends first.......i dont normally let a guy know i feel anything......until i am sure of his character.....

i have gone out with guys i feel nothing for......because i feel what i am looking for is so impossible...ill end up a nun with llamas in the alps if I dont.....the unhappiness i have found from dating guys i feel nothing for and the unhappiness i have left them with is enough to prevent me from dating unless i feel something for them.......deb

March 17, 2015

Wow, I have the identical problem, except I'm a guy!!

I can walk down the street in Manhattan and see maybe 2 girls I'm attracted to in 30 mins. And they don't knock my socks off either.

I've only found a very, very few on the planet that im really attracted to.

Very envious of those who are attracted to lots of people.

I can say from experience that being attracted to lots of people (or rather, having a very wide spectrum of appearances that I would find attractive) doesn't necessarily imply a decent chance of finding romantic love.

March 17, 2015

If men are saying, "why don't you move to Europe, then?", it suggests that you've brought up the comparison. It's a defensive response, because they feel put down.

You can steer these conversations differently by describing your preferences without regard to region. I'm certain there are cultured men in N. America who would fit your type (second generation immigrants, for example. I'm married to a 1.5 generation immigrant, immigrated to N. America as a child. He is like your description, but also quite N. American)

It feels bad being lonely and not being able to fit the role she is describing. It just makes me wish I was that guy. Seeing happy couple and reading stuff like this makes me depressed.

March 17, 2015

TBH, I can't think of one woman I've known in life who's had this specific complaint shared in this specific way. Yeah, plenty of jerky boyfriends and husbands and deals like ours where the M went south but never ladies complaining about not meeting attractive men. I think this is underscored by excruciatingly few women being single. In this demographic, with a surplus of men, I can't imagine women settling for someone they're not attracted to and boom, bam, they're in a relationship or married about as quick as they decide they're available.

I'll never know for sure if I was only one or one of dozens or hundreds the few single ones went through to find a guy they were attracted to. They go 'off the market' pretty fast so I can't imagine it being hundreds. Generally, they have a new guy lined up prior to the old one getting his pink slip, not in a cruel way but rather in a fill the job way to move on to the next one. I say this because the ones I've known, and there are plenty, don't move on and then break up. The guys become boyfriends or husbands. No ambiguity. Gotta admire that.

March 17, 2015

I'll never know for sure if I was only one or one of dozens or hundreds the few single ones went through to find a guy they were attracted to. They go 'off the market' pretty fast so I can't imagine it being hundreds. Generally, they have a new guy lined up prior to the old one getting his pink slip, not in a cruel way but rather in a fill the job way to move on to the next one. I say this because the ones I've known, and there are plenty, don't move on and then break up. The guys become boyfriends or husbands. No ambiguity. Gotta admire that.

Yeah, Carhill...I think you mentioned around where you are that before the internet that's how it was done. Or...for people who don't believe in using the internet to meet others.

Always some "Male friend" that was for her through the thick and thin of her divorce...and then "viola!" instant new boyfriend, or 2nd hubby. No chance for a man to slip in between the cracks. lol

March 17, 2015

I'm a woman and I also think it's about looks.

I am never (hardly ever) attracted to any man I see. Oh, sure, some movie star guy...maybe, but not often. Problem is, I'm not movie star looking either. Therefore, I decided to scre.w that noise and actually get to know the person and voila, I found out that I do get attracted to a man, but just need a little bit of time to get closer to him.

March 17, 2015

I'm a woman and I also think it's about looks.

I am never (hardly ever) attracted to any man I see. Oh, sure, some movie star guy...maybe, but not often. Problem is, I'm not movie star looking either. Therefore, I decided to scre.w that noise and actually get to know the person and voila, I found out that I do get attracted to a man, but just need a little bit of time to get closer to him.

I wonder if men realize this. I feel that if you're not instantly attracted to them, they just assume you won't ever like them and move on. I've had that happen to me a couple times. I wasn't attracted to them but then they grew on me a bit, but by that time they had moved on and were with someone else.

March 17, 2015

I guess I understand where the OP is coming from; because in my experience, it's been difficult to meet a guy on OLD sites that I feel an attraction for or chemistry with via messaging back and forth. Of course, physical (and facial) attractiveness is the first step for me when I look at their pictures...but after that, the rest of it is in how he communicates with me, if he's intelligent, witty, has an awesome sense of humor, if he's polite, considerate and respectful, if he's into the stuff that I'm into and if there are other attractive intangible things that I sense about him, THEN wow, I'd so totally go for it.

But for the past several months, there have been guys that almost fit this bill but then they'll say something inappropriate, disrespectful or outright rude and that killed any attraction or chemistry that I was feeling for them. I know that no one's perfect (I'm certainly not!) but I mean, I have boundaries, preferences and deal breakers that are absolute - just as every one else has about the person they date.

This is why I'm taking a hiatus from dating. I figure, I'm just going to let fate take over. If I'm destined to meet someone IRL, then it'll happen without me prompting it. As Mangina stated earlier, yeah...it gets lonely sometimes. But, I'd rather be lonely, alone and in PEACE than to date someone who is not what I'm looking for and to settle. I will NEVER settle!

.

March 17, 2015

I wonder if men realize this. I feel that if you're not instantly attracted to them, they just assume you won't ever like them and move on. I've had that happen to me a couple times. I wasn't attracted to them but then they grew on me a bit, but by that time they had moved on and were with someone else.

I look at that as gods hands......nothing i can do about it......i also believe that if two people are meant to be together...theres nothing that will stop that...because its divine in nature....what comes from above is certain to be love..cant be messed with or ignored.....if a guy walks away so easily....he was never meant to stay...deb

March 17, 2015

I wonder if men realize this. I feel that if you're not instantly attracted to them, they just assume you won't ever like them and move on. I've had that happen to me a couple times. I wasn't attracted to them but then they grew on me a bit, but by that time they had moved on and were with someone else.

"Just wait, I'll like you eventually" is not inspiring when you're waiting to date someone. lol

March 17, 2015

I wonder if men realize this. I feel that if you're not instantly attracted to them, they just assume you won't ever like them and move on. I've had that happen to me a couple times. I wasn't attracted to them but then they grew on me a bit, but by that time they had moved on and were with someone else.

I think in some ways women have a hard time understanding how deep the fear of being the settle guy is for many men.

March 17, 2015

I wonder if men realize this. I feel that if you're not instantly attracted to them, they just assume you won't ever like them and move on. I've had that happen to me a couple times. I wasn't attracted to them but then they grew on me a bit, but by that time they had moved on and were with someone else.

I didn't send them a memo telling them I wasn't attracted to them instantly. I just kept going out with them and after a little bit, I became attracted, then after more little bit more attracted and more attracted and finally in love! Happy ending!

March 17, 2015

I guess I understand where the OP is coming from; because in my experience, it's been difficult to meet a guy on OLD sites that I feel an attraction for or chemistry with via messaging back and forth. Of course, physical (and facial) attractiveness is the first step for me when I look at their pictures...but after that, the rest of it is in how he communicates with me, if he's intelligent, witty, has an awesome sense of humor, if he's polite, considerate and respectful, if he's into the stuff that I'm into and if there are other attractive intangible things that I sense about him, THEN wow, I'd so totally go for it.

But for the past several months, there have been guys that almost fit this bill but then they'll say something inappropriate, disrespectful or outright rude and that killed any attraction or chemistry that I was feeling for them. I know that no one's perfect (I'm certainly not!) but I mean, I have boundaries, preferences and deal breakers that are absolute - just as every one else has about the person they date.

This is why I'm taking a hiatus from dating. I figure, I'm just going to let fate take over. If I'm destined to meet someone IRL, then it'll happen without me prompting it. As Mangina stated earlier, yeah...it gets lonely sometimes. But, I'd rather be lonely, alone and in PEACE than to date someone who is not what I'm looking for and to settle. I will NEVER settle!

.

amen sister.....

theres nothing that makes me doubt attraction more than arrogance rudeness and disrespect......its killer.......

the opposite of those qualities melts my heart into a huge squishy puddle.....

with disrespect arrogance rudeness ignorance.....its like ugh what was i thinking even considering a date.....yuck.and i beat myself up for not picking them sooner for who they really are....thats why online dating and i dont go well together....i have to know a guys true heart......that comes through observation not words.........deb

March 17, 2015

I wonder if men realize this. I feel that if you're not instantly attracted to them, they just assume you won't ever like them and move on. I've had that happen to me a couple times. I wasn't attracted to them but then they grew on me a bit, but by that time they had moved on and were with someone else.

It's a challenge to accept that the opposite works differently sometimes, yes. Men worry about being strung along by a woman who isn't really attracted. Women worry about being strung along for different reasons--by men who are only physically attracted.

That kind of attraction that builds can burn longer and hotter than the instant kind. IME, anyway.

March 17, 2015

"Just wait, I'll like you eventually" is not inspiring when you're waiting to date someone. lol

I don't think hanging out with a guy over a period of one to two months is 'eventually'. I mean... that's not too long to develop an interest in someone... is it?

How quick do men typically expect this interest to develop? A week? Two weeks? How can you possibly get a true feel for a person in that short period of time?

March 17, 2015

I don't think hanging out with a guy over a period of one to two months is 'eventually'. I mean... that's not too long to develop an interest in someone... is it?

How quick do men typically expect this interest to develop? A week? Two weeks? How can you possibly get a true feel for a person in that short period of time?

A secure guy may be more likely to give it a few dates.

Some want women to function like men: be instantly physically attracted. If that isn't there, they feel insecure and bail.

March 17, 2015

^ But even a few dates isn't enough. The first 5 or 6 dates you talk about nonsense. It's only after that you get into the deep stuff, once you develop a comfort with the other person. Only then can you truly judge a man's character.

At least that's what I think. For women I doubt any attraction is instant unless it's purely physical, and even then it's not enough to make her want to go further than sex. It takes far more to catch a woman... well a real one anyways.

March 17, 2015

I've been to Italian events, Greek events and Russian events, but again, the men I liked were taken lol and of course there's also the case of when I like a guy who doesn't like me back, so that factors in also

That's a shame, but if you made enduring connections within the community and made it clear you were looking for a partner, someone would eventually come forward

As I said, it really is a numbers game. If you're only attracted to 1 in 100 men, well, better get dating

March 17, 2015

I do not know how many girls operate like that. They usually give it 1 date and if not attracted they file it under no chemistry and never see the guy agian

March 17, 2015

I wish I had your attitude. I'm bothered by it, and I couldn't exactly tell you why. I guess I just see so many happy couples around, I get frustrated because I don't understand why they get to have so much love in their life and I don't.

I guess it's something to work on. I'm not sure how though, I'm a relationship person and I love intimacy. I've been craving to have a man's touch in my life for quite some time.

I'm not one for pushing ideologies but it could be that you are sexual orientated person (sx) in which relationships are a core feature of your life. I'm a self preservation orientated person hence my ambivalence towards being single or coupled. That stuff comes from Ennegram if you are interested in exploring it.

I do think everyone is wired slightly differently, we are all the same but different which is why blanket statements like all women want babies and all men want to protect and defend, rankle so many. It doesn't take into account core desires/fears/phobias that make each of us unique.

March 17, 2015

I've seen exactly one man I thought was physically attractive enough to turn my heard in the last year (that wasn't on tv or something like that, someone on the street), and he was half my age. He's a wayward half-brother of a friend of mine. After I saw him I was trying to get control of my hormones for a couple of hours despite my better judgement and knowing what I know about him. Seeing as physically he's about an 8 and I'm about a 2 now, being old and fat, I put it out of my mind -- and then he tells her he'd like to hang out with me some more. I think she and I both know it can lead to no good, as she felt obliged to convey this info with a nervous laugh, so unlikely I'll ever find myself alone with him, and that's for the best. He has some very bad habits. So it is sad that the one guy that turned my head at all this year is such a mess and half my age, but that's what getting old is like. I don't even think about it unless something like him randomly pops into my life. Then it's a bit frustrating, but at my age, being frustrated momentarily is pretty minor to the cumulation of things I've overcome and gotten past, so I can't complain. As I told my friend, "It's ALIVE!!"

March 17, 2015

My latest OLD prospect just ranted at me over text for logging on to the site to check a message. I haven't even met him yet

March 17, 2015

^ But even a few dates isn't enough. The first 5 or 6 dates you talk about nonsense. It's only after that you get into the deep stuff, once you develop a comfort with the other person. Only then can you truly judge a man's character.

Dating isn't free for men. It makes poor financial sense to keep spending money on someone with unconfirmed interest. However, if she wants to hang out as friends (split costs) until she determines she's interested, then that makes more sense.

March 17, 2015

I don't think hanging out with a guy over a period of one to two months is 'eventually'. I mean... that's not too long to develop an interest in someone... is it?

How quick do men typically expect this interest to develop? A week? Two weeks? How can you possibly get a true feel for a person in that short period of time?

^ But even a few dates isn't enough. The first 5 or 6 dates you talk about nonsense. It's only after that you get into the deep stuff, once you develop a comfort with the other person. Only then can you truly judge a man's character.

At least that's what I think. For women I doubt any attraction is instant unless it's purely physical, and even then it's not enough to make her want to go further than sex. It takes far more to catch a woman... well a real one anyways.

Ha ha ha!

You sound very different from the women who are expecting instant chemistry.

I wish women were willing to give men chances to prove themselves. As you said, it's not really possible to see who a man is in a short period of time.

Though getting back to your issue, are you a woman who does that, go out with men you aren't instantly attracted to and taking the time to see if you're compatible?

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Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to?

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