Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to?

March 16, 2015

I totally hear you sister. I am not attracted to men easily, and I WISH I were, even just a little more so. As it is, I become truly attracted to a guy about once a year. (I see good-looking men on a daily basis, but only about once a year do I feel...attracted.) Last year it happened in late November, but before that I had spent a full eight months not being attracted to anyone.

I would like to be attracted to someone four times a year so that I have that many more things to be excited and alive about, and to maybe pursue.

It sucks!

The sad thing is that I am not puritanical about sex at all. I would have sex with ten guys in a year if I were attracted to that many in a year. And I would do it all outside the context of a committed relationship even. But I am just not attracted to that many, not even a third of that, in a given year. FML!

March 16, 2015

What the OP said is she likes older European men. All she's really saying if you read between the lines is that she meets lots of All American clean cut men, plus some Black men, Asian men, and Indian Men who don't do it for her.

I don't see where she's saying she needs or expects a perfect 10.

It's also not a look all woman want. I know the type she's describing & they turn me OFF. So it's not the situation where every other woman in the room is trying for the same guy she is. All she's trying to find is what room(s) the guys she wants are in.

Fair enough. I'm a White Male, and I'm only attracted to other White Females... Granted where I live, that means I have quite a huge pool of people that I'm attracted to

March 16, 2015

You might just have a thing for guys you sense are unavailable. The shy guy you were talking about in the other thread immediately struck me as a dead end.

Now you just have to figure out why that is. And once you do you can probably find a way to open up more options from there.

March 16, 2015

The problem for me is that I don't know what that special something is until I have a chance to see it.

So I may be attracted to the guy who comes across as really serious but is actually hilarious... or the guy who comes across as hard core but rescues mice in his spare time...

I don't know how any poor bloke is going to know what it is I am attracted to so I figure that they may as well be themselves, say hello and let me find it for myself.

March 16, 2015

What do you mean by European guys? That seems like a diverse group.

Is it the immigrant part? Accent? Culture? And which accent and culture?

March 16, 2015

Hopeful30, can you go into more detail about the men you know that you are attracted to.

How often do you run into these men?

March 16, 2015

yet I'm never attracted to 90% of guys who are out there.

I'm the opposite. 90% of the guys out there are totally fine by my book!

Definitely not something to be jealous of. It's kinda lame, because then people accuse me of having no standards, and say "nobody wants the girl who is okay with seemingly any guy".

But I can't help it. If a guy has proper hygiene, isn't deformed, and isn't an *******, I'm gonna find him attractive. I just generally find people attractive. Can't really change that about myself.

March 16, 2015

Didn't read the thread, but have you considered that maybe, just maybe, you're on the wrong continent to meet a lot of European men?

March 16, 2015

it's because these assptions are usually on the money. didn't say always. said usually. you brought up pickiness and others agreed. it's your own words that girls are picky and that's my experience. it's hard to get a girl and easy to lose one.

Yeah, she's pretty much like, "I'm not attracted to you or don't see myself dating you, but I'll bang you anyway."

March 16, 2015

The OP asked about how she can go about finding more men that she is attracted to.

Telling her that she needs to alter her preferences isn't really helpful.

Actually, this is likely the most appropriate advice given considering the nature of the question "How can I find more men that I'm attracted to" is purely subjective in nature.

There's real no advice that could match up with such a question. Only SHE knows what she's attracted to apparently, however, given the ensemble of average Joes or men she's already deemed not attractive enough that live probably locally.

I've known how there are always families or that one friend in the group that's in her mid-30's or 40's and is chronically single. Her friends and family advise her to say,

"Hey, remember Ken, he's always treated you right and he's asked you out 3 times already and you keep blowing him off...in the light of how the men you've recently dated treated you like crap...we know that Ken will treat you right, so perhaps you should take him up on his dinner offer."

Another piece of advice would be to simply relocate.

March 16, 2015

If she came on here & said that she likes Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream & wanted to know where she could get some telling her that she ought to give vanilla a try because it's easier to find, doesn't get her what SHE Wants, especially since she said she has previously tried vanilla but didn't care for it.

This is quite analogous when I was growing up. Like when I was a kid, we had Vanilla and WE LIKED IT! We were grateful for it.

"Mommyyyy...I want Mint Chocolate Chip!!" I wanna wanna wanna!"

"Sorry, honey, all we have is vanilla, so it'll have to do or you have none at all."

That's the problem with most people these days, they're spoiled.

March 16, 2015

What do you mean by European guys? That seems like a diverse group.

Is it the immigrant part? Accent? Culture? And which accent and culture?

I have to agree with this. It seems incredibly pretentious to speak of "European" guys. You realize you're talking about a continent of 500 million people? With diverse cultures, languages, etc. I don't feel like we know what you want, OP, and no one can give sound advice in that case.

March 16, 2015

What do you mean by European guys? That seems like a diverse group.

I'm generalizing when I say European, but I'm looking for the mentality (don't mind paying for a date, not afraid to approach women, will hold the door for you etc.) as well as European taste (don't think I 'overdress' every time I try to look nice and don't cringe when I eat escargot, frog legs, carpaccio or anything that isn't a hamburger).

As well, they are okay with certain gender roles that North American men complain about (a.k.a 'women fought for equality but complain men don't pay for dates'). I've never heard a European man complain about that.

Again, this is all generalization.

Hopeful30, can you go into more detail about the men you know that you are attracted to.

How often do you run into these men?

Very rarely, which is why I have questioned my sexuality before. Maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life (I'm 27) have I actually met men that made me sexually aroused (and not just physically, but by the way they speak to a woman, their perspectives on life etc.)

Didn't read the thread, but have you considered that maybe, just maybe, you're on the wrong continent to meet a lot of European men?

I know I am, but I grew up in North America (wasn't born here) so you can imagine how difficult it would be to make such a huge change just to have more dates or potential boyfriends.

Actually, this is likely the most appropriate advice given considering the nature of the question "How can I find more men that I'm attracted to" is purely subjective in nature.

Are you blind? Reread the question.

March 16, 2015

It's a universal dating conundrum that the people you want don't want you, and you don't want the people who want you. It's not easy to find someone you want who also wants you, and who clicks with you on all the other important levels as well.

I don't have any problem finding men I'm attracted to physically. But it's certainly difficult to find the whole package. I'm not expecting the moon. But so many people (men and women) fall short on the most basic requirements, like honesty and accountability. I just won't bend on character.

The times when I've met the best guys are the times when I've been most alive, happy, and in charge of my life, with a clear vision of the good things I want to achieve.

March 16, 2015

I'm generalizing when I say European, but I'm looking for the mentality (don't mind paying for a date, not afraid to approach women, will hold the door for you etc.) as well as European taste (don't think I 'overdress' every time I try to look nice and don't cringe when I eat escargot, frog legs, carpaccio or anything that isn't a hamburger).

Professional and more cultured circles may help you meet these types of men. Openings at art galleries, the theater, orchestra, etc.

Check for meet ups related to these sorts of interests.

March 16, 2015

Woman wants 'older, mature, confident alpha male' shocker. I guess you're one of the 90% of females chasing the top 10% of men, in which case you're in for a lonely life if you don't grab that elusive alpha. Have you ever tried approaching yourself? Or before that worked on yourself to be as attractive as possible to the type of man you want? Seeing as you've literally only been attracted to a handful of men over the years, I guess you're basically living a life of solidarity then? I bet that must be tough. Don't hold out for too long, your looks won't last forever- you'll have those 22 year olds nabbing at your feet. Start putting yourself out of your comfort zone and begin approaching- experience the rejection and learn from it. Just like men do everyday.

March 16, 2015

I'm generalizing when I say European, but I'm looking for the mentality (don't mind paying for a date, not afraid to approach women, will hold the door for you etc.) as well as European taste (don't think I 'overdress' every time I try to look nice and don't cringe when I eat escargot, frog legs, carpaccio or anything that isn't a hamburger).

As well, they are okay with certain gender roles that North American men complain about (a.k.a 'women fought for equality but complain men don't pay for dates'). I've never heard a European man complain about that.

Again, this is all generalization.

Very rarely, which is why I have questioned my sexuality before. Maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life (I'm 27) have I actually met men that made me sexually aroused (and not just physically, but by the way they speak to a woman, their perspectives on life etc.)

Wow, you've only met 3 or 4 men who have been your type? That is such a limited number of men. I can definitely see why you feel frustrated.

By the way, those generalizations you gave are very broad because many men will meet those criteria. There has to be something else that is ruling out 99% of all men.

Have you considered moving to Europe? That would most likely increase your exposure to men who meet what you are looking for.

March 16, 2015

It's a universal dating conundrum that the people you want don't want you, and you don't want the people who want you. It's not easy to find someone you want who also wants you, and who clicks with you on all the other important levels as well.

I don't have any problem finding men I'm attracted to physically. But it's certainly difficult to find the whole package. I'm not expecting the moon. But so many people (men and women) fall short on the most basic requirements, like honesty and accountability. I just won't bend on character.

The times when I've met the best guys are the times when I've been most alive, happy, and in charge of my life, with a clear vision of the good things I want to achieve.

Ironically that's when I met the worst man I've ever dated lol but that's another story

March 16, 2015

Wow, you've only met 3 or 4 men who have been your type? That is such a limited number of men. I can definitely see why you feel frustrated.

By the way, those generalizations you gave are very broad because many men will meet those criteria. There has to be something else that is ruling out 99% of all men.

Have you considered moving to Europe? That would most likely increase your exposure to men who meet what you are looking for.

I am in the midst of moving there, but understand it's a huge change just to make dating easier. It's just so sad that I have to change my entire life just to balance out that aspect (meaning love life).

Plus, it's not like there aren't European men in North America. They just all happen to be taken. (and I can see why, they're such a rarity here.) In any case, there is nothing wrong with North American men either, I just haven't found any that I'm attracted to (in all the respects I mentioned before.) My mentality is so different and North American men put me down for it (a.k.a 'why don't you move to Europe then?') Things like that only make me feel worse.

March 16, 2015

I am in the midst of moving there, but understand it's a huge change just to make dating easier. It's just so sad that I have to change my entire life just to balance out that aspect (meaning love life).

Plus, it's not like there aren't European men in North America. They just all happen to be taken. (and I can see why, they're such a rarity here.) In any case, there is nothing wrong with North American men either, I just haven't found any that I'm attracted to (in all the respects I mentioned before.) My mentality is so different and North American men put me down for it (a.k.a 'why don't you move to Europe then?') Things like that only make me feel worse.

If men are saying, "why don't you move to Europe, then?", it suggests that you've brought up the comparison. It's a defensive response, because they feel put down.

You can steer these conversations differently by describing your preferences without regard to region. I'm certain there are cultured men in N. America who would fit your type (second generation immigrants, for example. I'm married to a 1.5 generation immigrant, immigrated to N. America as a child. He is like your description, but also quite N. American)

March 16, 2015

I am in the midst of moving there, but understand it's a huge change just to make dating easier. It's just so sad that I have to change my entire life just to balance out that aspect (meaning love life).

Plus, it's not like there aren't European men in North America. They just all happen to be taken. (and I can see why, they're such a rarity here.) In any case, there is nothing wrong with North American men either, I just haven't found any that I'm attracted to (in all the respects I mentioned before.) My mentality is so different and North American men put me down for it (a.k.a 'why don't you move to Europe then?') Things like that only make me feel worse.

Seems to me you've identified "Your type". You didn't get a say in selecting what that "type" was, it just happened.

One last question though, I know here in Australia, we have many social groups surrounding various cultural backgrounds (e.g. annual Greek / Italian festivals, meet ups, etc).

Have you tried connecting with any cultural groups in your city?

If you're not attracted to most men, then it really just becomes a numbers game. You need to put yourself in front of as many men as possible.

March 16, 2015

Seems to me you've identified "Your type". You didn't get a say in selecting what that "type" was, it just happened.

One last question though, I know here in Australia, we have many social groups surrounding various cultural backgrounds (e.g. annual Greek / Italian festivals, meet ups, etc).

Have you tried connecting with any cultural groups in your city?

If you're not attracted to most men, then it really just becomes a numbers game. You need to put yourself in front of as many men as possible.

I've been to Italian events, Greek events and Russian events, but again, the men I liked were taken lol and of course there's also the case of when I like a guy who doesn't like me back, so that factors in also

March 16, 2015

I am very sincerely not attracted to the garden variety man. Just simple as that. High testosterone, hairyness, stupid dickish male attitudes....just no.

So as a consequence I come across a potential mate about once every 5yrs or so. I'm not frustrated by it though, I just realise that what I like in men doesn't exist very commonly on the planet and so singledom is fine for me as well. I will never settle for something else. So yes I can sympathise in that 98% of men are not for me, but no it doesn't bother me much though.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Buddhist

March 16, 2015

I am very sincerely not attracted to the garden variety man. Just simple as that. High testosterone, hairyness, stupid dickish male attitudes....just no.

So as a consequence I come across a potential mate about once every 5yrs or so. I'm not frustrated by it though, I just realise that what I like in men doesn't exist very commonly on the planet and so singledom is fine for me as well. I will never settle for something else. So yes I can sympathise in that 98% of men are not for me, but no it doesn't bother me much though.

I wish I had your attitude. I'm bothered by it, and I couldn't exactly tell you why. I guess I just see so many happy couples around, I get frustrated because I don't understand why they get to have so much love in their life and I don't.

I guess it's something to work on. I'm not sure how though, I'm a relationship person and I love intimacy. I've been craving to have a man's touch in my life for quite some time.

March 16, 2015

There's plenty of good men, and there's plenty of good looking men as well, yet I'm never attracted to 90% of guys who are out there. I could have had millions of boyfriends by now, because the men I've known have all been good men, with great sex drives and wonderful bf potential. But again...I'm not attracted to them.

Of course the men I AM attracted to are either taken or have kids (dealbreaker for me) so I'm wondering if there are any women out there who are also struggling. Part of it is where I live (North America, I like European men) and the other part is the men I like are always taken.

Men see a hot girl and think "She probably has a boyfriend." But when I FINALLY find a guy I like I think "Finally!" only to be disappointed when I learn he is taken.

To be completely honest, I'm very jealous of women who have no problem being attracted to men left right and center. I've even questioned my sexuality for the lack of men I'm attracted to, but quickly learned that no, I don't like vaginas.

Wow, I have the identical problem, except I'm a guy!!

I can walk down the street in Manhattan and see maybe 2 girls I'm attracted to in 30 mins. And they don't knock my socks off either.

I've only found a very, very few on the planet that im really attracted to.

Very envious of those who are attracted to lots of people.

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Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to?

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