lovesickpuppy Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/518390-some-insight-needed We have since met up, last Monday. I stayed over, we had sex. We cried, he told me I was amazing, I was beautiful, he was so upset and he is going to miss me so much..but he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We ended on good terms, the goodbye was so emotional and left me really confused..how could he say all of that stuff, how our relationship was perfect but it was his own issues yet still manage to dump me and maintain that he made the right choice? I went straight into no contact..for a week until today, I just had the worst urge. He owes me a bit of money. I kept upbeat, he asked how I was, where was I and how my holiday was and then I cut the conversation short. He sounded happy, I know I did too.. I'm just bothered, I can't accept its over. I'm analysing everything, I'm missing him, I am wondering if he'll regret it, I'm waiting for him to tell me he's made a mistake, I just want him back. He told me he doesn't want me and I just can't believe it. I'm hurting a lot. I'm keeping myself busy, but he's always there, in the back of my mind. When we were together he was the most affectionate loving person I have ever known. He had me fooled that he loved me in the way he acted. I don't know what I'm looking for love shackers, I feel so pathetic.
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Those urges are a curious thing, aren't they? On the one hand, you call him because you want him to miss you and come back, but as soon as you get the sense that he's happy with things the way they are, you put on a show to demonstrate that you don't miss him and don't want him back! You sabotage your mission because you recognize that you can never succeed. And yet, for some people, it's never enough. Sometimes they need to do that over and over and over again. Is that you? How many times do you have to be told? Now, this forum is full of advice about what to do... you'll find stories about people who take that advice, and stories about people who don't. After a while, it sounds like the same two stories over and over. It doesn't always turn out that way, but many times, it doesn't. When I was heartbroken, I worried a lot about doing no contact because I feared what my ex would think, about the message I was sending with silence. A very wise person explained to me, in the gentlest of ways, that with each day of silence that went by, the truth was that she wasn't thinking about me. At all. It made so much sense. That helped me stay strong and to keep my resolve. I'll never know, but in hindsight, it sounds right.
sabd Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 He told me he doesn't want me and I just can't believe it. So I'm not entirely sure what advice to give you here but from the above I can tell you this: you are fighting with reality and as long as you do this, you'll never reach acceptance and peace.
Stercrazy Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 the truth was that she wasn't thinking about me. At all. It made so much sense. That helped me stay strong and to keep my resolve. I'll never know, but in hindsight, it sounds right. This is exactly what I tell myself when I think about her. Fact is.......if she wanted to get back together she would tell me. Stay strong. You deserve to be loved. You deserve better! 1
acapelo_dp Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Your story sounds exactly what I am going through right now.. My ex and I broke up a little over three weeks ago. It was a mutual choice, but initiated by me because we wanted different things for the future. We cried and held each other. There was a lot of love left there. A week after we broke up I asked for some belongings back, he responded positively and brought them over right away. We got some food and caught up, went back to my place and had sex. He told me he loved me and it would be hard to leave, but that he knew that if we got back together the same issues would arise. He held me close all night, we kissed and laughed... And now we are back to NC. I know you are confused, and really I am as well by my ex. Can I ask what the reason was to break up? You can be totally in love with someone but know deep down that the relationship will not work out for whatever reason. And I think that is what your ex feels... Sometimes people can be totally in love but meet at the wrong time or there are issues that just can't be fixed, so they feel they have to leave. It's unfortunate but it's for the best right now. Maybe one day he will come back but don't wait around for him. Live your life and find yourself on the way.
Author lovesickpuppy Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Thank you for the replies. I think I'm just posting on these forums to hear what I want to hear and that's yes he's made a mistake and yes he's coming back. Which no-one can tell me, and I need to accept. I think the main reason we broke up is because he is not emotionally mature enough for a relationship. It took 6 months of dating before he called me his girlfriend, 2 days later he ended things saying he didn't know what he wanted. We met up, spoke about it and got back together. We were better than ever when we got back together. Then this break up, he said it's the same as last time, he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know if he could ever love me, or if he will feel that way about me. It just doesn't make sense he's so conflicted, so immature and I guess just terrified of commitment. I'm his longest relationship, and it was just 10 months
Lorelai Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I'm his longest relationship, and it was just 10 months I was my ex's longest relationship at 3 months. Yeah, it kinda sucks. But I really have to recommend no more ex-sex. After it'd been six months I decided to try to see if I could be friends with this ex, and sure enough, in his very first message he asked me to do something that I considered rather sexual. Once I explained I didn't want any sex and he realized I meant it, he's not messaged me again (though he was pretty gung-ho at first, responding quickly and all). Maybe some people can screw their exes and not get emotionally attached, but not me. All that oxytocin makes me bond more. And the better the sex, the more oxytocin. Murfle.
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