Genie1 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Hi all, No doubt if anyone has looked through my past posts/threads on here you'll see (and I'm happy to admit!), that I am a self confessed over-thinker and I can't stand it! Anyway, I suffer from slight anxiety and since changing on to a new birth control pill, my emotions have been all over the place and I have spent a few evenings having the odd few tears. Silly I know. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. Things are great. Before I met him I was well and truly single (by choice) for approx 2-3 years and I am happy to say I am very much in love with my boyfriend. However, and this is where I don't know if it's my over thinking or anxiety, but I feel like I am constantly waiting for something to go wrong!! Almost like my brain is telling me that he is only with me until someone else comes up, and he'll go off. * my last relationship : we were together for 3 years and the last 18 months were horrendous and he treated me so badly because he eventually stated that he thought if he was horrible to me I would leave him, so he didn't have to do "the dumping", nice huh * ^ and obviously it's just put a fear into me! Argh my brain. Lol. My current boyfriend and I have a gorgeous holiday abroad booked for 8 weeks time and I can't wait, we also have a special day trip to the city planned for the date of our 8 month anniversary (he booked it - I believe by coincidence that it's the anniversary , but it's cool either way :-) ) So Yeh - we have great things coming up but I STILL can't shake off the nervous feeling. I was at his place a week ago and I had to go into a bedside draw to get a tissue because I knocked water over and there was a hand written 'list' in there. Some of the things were personal errands he had to run but my name was on a few of the things: "Book city day trip" (involves me) "Make a day Serah day" (that's my name btw lol).... Why would he make a list involving me?? Do you people think that's cute? Is it positive? He knows nothing about my fears or worries and I do a good job at hiding it. I miss him so much when we're not together - we only see each other once a week or so due to work commitments etc. Anyway I won't go on, just posted this for general advice. If anyone has gone through this before? Xx
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I can only see this as a positive. Anyone who wants to create a "Michelle day" for ME is more than welcome Count your blessings and consider yourself one lucky girl if you've made it on his TO DO list. And please, please, please try not to over think things too much. I know this is much harder done than said but as a former over think, life is really great when you learn the art of enjoying the moment. Good luck!
badpenny Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Nope. never. I hate to say it, but you have to quit thinking that this is the way you are, you over-think and you can't help it. Actually (sorry) yes you can. It's your brain, and your Mind. The only person with any direct, hands-on connective control on what goes on 'in there', is you. you most certainly CAN shake off the nervous feeling.... Rather than succumb to these thought patterns, or consider them normal for you, or ask what they mean, or if anyone else thinks this way, change the objective: Challenge the thoughts. Examine where they originate. Ask yourself where they come from, and why. And above all, challenge their 'truth'. How honest are you being with yourself? when the question "what if..." comes up - darn well answer it. Ok, yeah: 'What if....?' Don't believe your Consciousness when it tries to feed you a negative line. Argue with it. Ask "where the hell did you just come from?!?" "More's important, what the hell prompted you to come in the first place?!" if you think you are unlovable, you're insecure. If your BF tells you he loves you, do you believe him? Why would he say it if he didn't mean it? But if you can't believe it, ask why, and examine whether you love yourself, too. I don't mean in a prideful, egotistic way. I mean in a healthy, dignified self-respecting way. When your thoughts make you feel insecure, something, somewhere, deep inside you, is lying. And you need to find it, and eliminate it. 1
fred123 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 i think its creepy he has a list of things to do with your name on it! it shows neediness and desparation and he is too keen to impress you/trying to win your affection. im sure most girls will agree with me
Gary S Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 He has a list of date ideas? He's a romantic, you are lucky to have him. Since your anxiety is not known to him and is not affecting your relationship, I don't see a problem. You are in love, congratulations! Since the birth control is negatively affecting your mood, you might want to consult with your doctor for a possible alternative.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 i think its creepy he has a list of things to do with your name on it! it shows neediness and desparation and he is too keen to impress you/trying to win your affection. im sure most girls will agree with me Wow. Talk about jaded I don't agree at all. I think it's endearing and even romantic that he has her as a priority on his list. I know I've done it and STILL do it whenever there is a milestone or important event involving my man. I'm a list person so adding him to my list isn't anything unusual. Geez. And what's wrong with trying to win a girl's affection? That's called ROMANCE! 2
Gary S Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 ^^^Michelle ma Belle, what you said is perfect, we must have been writing our posts at the same time! I make date idea lists and check movie times a lot. Always be ready with great date ideas! Women need romance like flowers need the rain. Guys like a recreational companion too, it's romantic for them. 1
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I hope one day I will have a man in my life that will make lists with my name on them :-) Dear, anxiety is worrying about the 'what ifs'. You worry about things that don't exist and it keeps you from fully enjoying the moment. So lets look at those 'what ifs'. What if he stops loving you? what if he finds someone else? what if he starts treating you badly? The answer is: You will cross that bridge IF you get there. What ever bad may happen in the future you will handle it THEN, you will over come the hurt, you will move on, and you will be alright because last time you were hurt and disappointed you did just that, you moved on and you ended up alright. Right! 2
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I cant' see anything negative in him writing a list that has your name on it. Perhaps you need to speak with your gyn about putting you on a different BC formula, since these are affecting you in ways you're not used to.
Author Genie1 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Thank you everyone, for your answers so far. I know how badly I need to smack this anxiety on the head. It's terrible. I'm constantly thinking I'm not doing enough to make him happy etc. If there's any guys out there that could give advice in any ideas of what I can do for a little surprise for him? Maybe like a spa day for the both of us etc? I know people think men don't appreciate things their gf's do - that's not true is it?! Haha
Mrin Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Thank you everyone, for your answers so far. I know how badly I need to smack this anxiety on the head. It's terrible. I'm constantly thinking I'm not doing enough to make him happy etc. If there's any guys out there that could give advice in any ideas of what I can do for a little surprise for him? Maybe like a spa day for the both of us etc? I know people think men don't appreciate things their gf's do - that's not true is it?! Haha Hard to beat a steak and BJ night. Okay sorry, it had to be said. Here's something that my GF did for me the other day and it was great. We both are single parents so while this was a big thing for us it might not be a big thing for non-parent types. She declared a sex, pizza and movie day off. We basically didn't get out of bed/leave the couch all day and all night. The day consisted of: lots of sex, lots of movies, lots of naps/sleep, more sex, pizza, Coke (real honest to God Coke - with sugar! We never drink soft drinks) and copious amounts of red wine. It was epic. 1
gaius Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 You could get him a smartphone so he doesn't have to write his lists on paper anymore. I actually wrote a real letter a few weeks ago because the only other form of contact I had for someone stopped working and it felt downright bizarre.
TunaCat Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Genie, like you I am a chronic overthinker. When I first got back together with my ex, I was constantly overthinking things. I am getting better at this, but it requires a lot of work, and a lot of positive self talk. Sometimes I do wonder why he still wants to be with me. Stupid, I know. I also have a lot of insecurities that I am working on. Your guy sounds like a stand up guy though.
Recommended Posts