Its gonna kill me

[mefisto]

Almost everyday i wake up and feel intense pain in my chest because of the memories that appear in my mind. It also happens during the day, evening and night. Sometimes i distract myself, but most of the times i cant. Sometimes i cry and yell when nobody is around.

I've read a lot about how such permanent stress can cause cancer and other illnesses. It probably will happen to me and there is nothing i can do. Mindfulness isnt working. Nothing will erase my memory. Nothing will bring me closure. Time does not heal, its been 7 months already and the wound is still as fresh as new.

I cant imagine what will change in future, what should happen so those memories would stop bothering me so much. I probably will live like this for the rest of my life, which would be very short one. Does permanent stress really kills me people? If so, im doomed to very bitter end.

Edited March 16, 2015 by mefisto

[privategal]

I was reading your old posts. Have you considered a life coach or counseling?

[Satu]

Almost everyday i wake up and feel intense pain in my chest because of the memories that appear in my mind. It also happens during the day, evening and night. Sometimes i distract myself, but most of the times i cant. Sometimes i cry and yell when nobody is around.

I've read a lot about how such permanent stress can cause cancer and other illnesses. *It probably will happen to me and there is nothing i can do. Mindfulness isnt working. *Nothing will erase my memory. *Nothing will bring me closure. *Time does not heal, its been 7 months already and the wound is still as fresh as new.

I cant imagine what will change in future, what should happen so those memories would stop bothering me so much. *I probably will live like this for the rest of my life, which would be very short one. Does permanent stress really kills me people? If so, *im doomed to very bitter end.

 

*If you keep telling yourself these things they might well come true. Its almost like placing a curse on yourself.

 

You need to change your thinking.

 

If you're not already in therapy, you should find a therapist.

 

Take the best care of yourself you can in the meantime.

 

All the best,

 

Satu.

[ApexTitanium]

I feel the same, its only been just over two months for me and I feel like it won't end. I saw her last night. We laughed and had fun. She hugged me for like 10 min and wouldn't let go and cried. Told me being single sucks, that she missed me and she wants to see me again. She can tell I have changed and may be regretting her decision but I'm not sure. She has been wanting to call and text me so many times but didn't think it was fair to me. I don't know if I should fight or not. I feel so drained just like you do and I'm scared she will find someone else.

We are both in so much pain....I'm trying to force my thoughts to tell me to move on...she doesn't love you or want you. It sort of works.

[NopeNah]

Agree about the therapy/life coaching. It's NOT going to kill you! You just have to accept the reality of your situation at this moment in your life and handle it! Own it...Feel it...Deal with it.

[d0nnivain]

Instead of focusing on the misguided belief that things will never get better, look at the positive. You have survived 7 months. That is a long time but you are still here. Every morning when you feel upset, take some calming breaths & say hey this is one more day that I am closing to being finished with my grieving process. Everybody grieves at their own pace but for it to still be this acute might be a reason to try therapy.

[mefisto]

I should have anticipated that everyone would talk about therapy. I cant afford right now and wont be able to afford it for at least another 3-5 months. So what can i do other than that?

Also about life couching and counseling - no such thing in place where i live. There are only expensive therapists and nothing else.

[d0nnivain]

Go to your local library & read books about

 

 

• the power of positive thinking
  
• healing from a break up
  
• cognitive behavioral therapy
  
• liking yourself
  
• positive self talk
  

[rollercoaster11]

I feel the same, its only been just over two months for me and I feel like it won't end. I saw her last night. We laughed and had fun. She hugged me for like 10 min and wouldn't let go and cried. Told me being single sucks, that she missed me and she wants to see me again. She can tell I have changed and may be regretting her decision but I'm not sure. She has been wanting to call and text me so many times but didn't think it was fair to me. I don't know if I should fight or not. I feel so drained just like you do and I'm scared she will find someone else.

We are both in so much pain....I'm trying to force my thoughts to tell me to move on...she doesn't love you or want you. It sort of works.

 

What's stopping you and your ex from being together. You said that she misses you and is sad about you and her not being together.....why cant you be with her. Im having to take the advice of some of veteran posters when they told me if my ex wanted me then he would be breaking down my door, calling me but he isnt. Could u be in denial...it happens.

[BlackbirdSong]

I feel the same, its only been just over two months for me and I feel like it won't end. I saw her last night. We laughed and had fun. She hugged me for like 10 min and wouldn't let go and cried. Told me being single sucks, that she missed me and she wants to see me again. She can tell I have changed and may be regretting her decision but I'm not sure. She has been wanting to call and text me so many times but didn't think it was fair to me. I don't know if I should fight or not. I feel so drained just like you do and I'm scared she will find someone else.

We are both in so much pain....I'm trying to force my thoughts to tell me to move on...she doesn't love you or want you. It sort of works.

 

I would give ANYTHING to be in your situation.

[Zahara]

I've read a lot about how such permanent stress can cause cancer and other illnesses. It probably will happen to me and there is nothing i can do. Mindfulness isnt working. Nothing will erase my memory. Nothing will bring me closure. Time does not heal, its been 7 months already and the wound is still as fresh as new.

I cant imagine what will change in future, what should happen so those memories would stop bothering me so much. I probably will live like this for the rest of my life, which would be very short one. Does permanent stress really kills me people? If so, im doomed to very bitter end.

 

The "forever" and "always" is a black hole. It's self-limiting and unrealistic. Keeps you a victim. The longer you think this way, the more you feed it and the more it trains your mind to stay running straight down the rabbit hole.

 

The longest it ever took me to get over a relationship was 2 years. 7 months, is still pretty early in the journey, but it doesn't help much when you stay in a defeatist mindset. Granted there are days you just want to give up but it's what you do with those bad thoughts rather than dwell and feed them as how you've expressed in your post.

 

If you can't afford therapy, you can try to do it yourself by reading and finding ways to self-heal and self-help. Hit the library and read books on rebuilding your life. Find out about how to do self-affirmations. Meditation is a great way to quiet and train your mind. Even by just hitting the internet, you can find lots of helpful articles that provide tips in how to make positive changes in your life.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Zahara

[KBarletta]

I should have anticipated that everyone would talk about therapy. I cant afford right now and wont be able to afford it for at least another 3-5 months. So what can i do other than that?

Also about life couching and counseling - no such thing in place where i live. There are only expensive therapists and nothing else.

 

If you can't afford therapy, look for support groups in your community for people coming out of marriages or long-term relationships. Google "breakup support group" or something similar and you will find something nearby, I bet. Often times these are held weekly or monthly at church halls or community centers for either very low cost or free. Others are organized through MeetUp or a similar site. Are you religious? Try talking to a clergy member. Or keep a journal. When your feelings are intense, write down exactly what you're feeling and why and what you can do about it. It will help you sort out your emotions and be better able to deal with them. And keep posting here. Most of the people here are here because they have been in your shoes (or are currently in them) and can offer support, advice, commiseration, etc.

[AaronSG]

I should have anticipated that everyone would talk about therapy. I cant afford right now and wont be able to afford it for at least another 3-5 months. So what can i do other than that?

 

What can you do about that? Well, maybe do as I did, close to 7 months ago while surfing the net for some on-line breakup help, I stumbled across an awesome Life Coach! His name is Richard Gannon, a certified on-line Life Coach! He just doesn't do solely on-line "one on one" Skype therapy visits, he also provides totally free, no strings attached, on-line materials, namely You Tube videos that were made to freely help people!

 

Richard primarily specializes helping people who suffer abuse, suffer breakups and suffer at the hands of narcissistic, psychopathic and sociopathic people! Give it a try, what do you got to lose?

 

This one might help you, seeing that this video primarily deals with people dealing with things "post breakup"!

 

Curing Post Breakup Over Analyzing

 

Perhaps jump into his channel and see if there might be some other videos that might help you out.

 

Hope this helps!

[Satu]

I feel the same, its only been just over two months for me and I feel like it won't end. I saw her last night. We laughed and had fun. She hugged me for like 10 min and wouldn't let go and cried. Told me being single sucks, that she missed me and she wants to see me again. She can tell I have changed and may be regretting her decision but I'm not sure. She has been wanting to call and text me so many times but didn't think it was fair to me. *I don't know if I should fight or not. I feel so drained just like you do and I'm scared she will find someone else.

We are both in so much pain....I'm trying to force my thoughts to tell me to move on...she doesn't love you or want you. It sort of works.

 

*Who will you fight and with which weapon?

[Satu]

I should have anticipated that everyone would talk about therapy. I cant afford right now and wont be able to afford it for at least another 3-5 months. So what can i do other than that?

Also about life couching and counseling - no such thing in place where i live. There are only expensive therapists and nothing else.

 

You can start journalling if you're not already doing it. It can be immensely therapeutic.

[CopingGal]

Almost everyday i wake up and feel intense pain in my chest because of the memories that appear in my mind. It also happens during the day, evening and night. Sometimes i distract myself, but most of the times i cant. Sometimes i cry and yell when nobody is around.

I've read a lot about how such permanent stress can cause cancer and other illnesses. It probably will happen to me and there is nothing i can do. Mindfulness isnt working. Nothing will erase my memory. Nothing will bring me closure. Time does not heal, its been 7 months already and the wound is still as fresh as new.

I cant imagine what will change in future, what should happen so those memories would stop bothering me so much. I probably will live like this for the rest of my life, which would be very short one. Does permanent stress really kills me people? If so, im doomed to very bitter end.

 

I hate to tell you this, but 7 months isn't very long. I'm still suffering somewhat and I left my loser bf 3 years ago. Then again, the reason why I suffered so much is because he mentally and emotionally abused me. Just keep on going, you will get over this person. Although it still hurts, it hurts a ton less than it did. My ex thought the pain he caused me was funny. It takes time to give over someone who turns out to be a monster, but I'm doing it.

[ApexTitanium]

What's stopping you and your ex from being together. You said that she misses you and is sad about you and her not being together.....why cant you be with her. Im having to take the advice of some of veteran posters when they told me if my ex wanted me then he would be breaking down my door, calling me but he isnt. Could u be in denial...it happens.

 

She misses me, and hates being single. May be having doubts but she won't break lose. She's so stubborn with her feelings. Every time I try she gets cold and says she doesn't see us being together. Yet tells me all this stuff about her always being there, always caring about me and she seems upset. Her friends are pounding it into her head this is for the best and she's afraid I'll go back to my old ways, upset I hurt her.

Its like she's about a smudge away from taking me back.....I just can't push her past that last millimeter. There's a god damn nuke in the way.

[ApexTitanium]

I would give ANYTHING to be in your situation.

 

Trust me you wouldn't. Having her be so close yet 100% refusing to take that last step or share her full feelings instead of letting it loose to her friends till the moment of wanting to take me back goes away.....sucks ass.

[mefisto]

I saw the ad of psychologist who offers free therapy. I wrote her a letter and she said that their psychological center put in me queue for therapy. I'll post here if they will accept me.

 

Go to your local library & read books about

 

 

• the power of positive thinking
  
• healing from a break up
  
• cognitive behavioral therapy
  
• liking yourself
  
• positive self talk
  

I will go to bookstore soon, because local libraries dont have such stuff. I doubt bookstores have it either, but i'll check it out.

 

 

Even by just hitting the internet, you can find lots of helpful articles that provide tips in how to make positive changes in your life.

Funny thing about internet - it can be helpful and destructive at the same time. Sometimes i read things that makes me feel good, but mostly i read the things that work like triggers for me - generally its other people talking about sex and relationships. Thats why i dont bother reading other sections on LS, i know they will make me feel bad.'

 

 

If you can't afford therapy, look for support groups in your community for people coming out of marriages or long-term relationships. Google "breakup support group" or something similar and you will find something nearby, I bet. Often times these are held weekly or monthly at church halls or community centers for either very low cost or free. Others are organized through MeetUp or a similar site. Are you religious? Try talking to a clergy member. Or keep a journal. When your feelings are intense, write down exactly what you're feeling and why and what you can do about it. It will help you sort out your emotions and be better able to deal with them. And keep posting here. Most of the people here are here because they have been in your shoes (or are currently in them) and can offer support, advice, commiseration, etc.

We have such groups and all of them are expensive to participate, there are no free ones. There are no sites like MeetUp too. Im not religious. I'll keep posting here from time to time.

 

You can start journalling if you're not already doing it. It can be immensely therapeutic.

I cant imagine how it might be therapeutic. Writing and reading my soul-crushing thoughts and emotions will only get me more attached to my misery.

 

I hate to tell you this, but 7 months isn't very long. I'm still suffering somewhat and I left my loser bf 3 years ago. Then again, the reason why I suffered so much is because he mentally and emotionally abused me. Just keep on going, you will get over this person. Although it still hurts, it hurts a ton less than it did. My ex thought the pain he caused me was funny. It takes time to give over someone who turns out to be a monster, but I'm doing it.

Im trying to get over two persons at the same time. Im afraid this might make miserable at least the next 5 years of my life, maybe even more. Its so sad that i let my life get ruined like this.

[Zahara]

I will go to bookstore soon, because local libraries dont have such stuff. I doubt bookstores have it either, but i'll check it out.

 

Bookstores have a wide range of self-help books. You can and will find them there.

 

Funny thing about internet - it can be helpful and destructive at the same time. Sometimes i read things that makes me feel good, but mostly i read the things that work like triggers for me - generally its other people talking about sex and relationships. Thats why i dont bother reading other sections on LS, i know they will make me feel bad.'

 

Yes, of course. That all depends on what your goals are and if you want to stay focused on your self-improvement, not on sex and relationships.

[Satu]

Every time you see her, or communicate with her, you're volunteering to be hurt.

 

Even if she doesn't want to hurt you, you will still get hurt.

[bigtrouble]

Almost everyday i wake up and feel intense pain in my chest because of the memories that appear in my mind. It also happens during the day, evening and night. Sometimes i distract myself, but most of the times i cant. Sometimes i cry and yell when nobody is around.

I've read a lot about how such permanent stress can cause cancer and other illnesses. It probably will happen to me and there is nothing i can do. Mindfulness isnt working. Nothing will erase my memory. Nothing will bring me closure. Time does not heal, its been 7 months already and the wound is still as fresh as new.

I cant imagine what will change in future, what should happen so those memories would stop bothering me so much. I probably will live like this for the rest of my life, which would be very short one. Does permanent stress really kills me people? If so, im doomed to very bitter end.

 

I'm sorry to hear you going through this pain...

I had this similar experience but it only lasted for 7weeks after BU...

-panic attacks

-chest pains

-1-2 hrs sleep

-body shaking stress

-over analyzing the failed relationship

-missing her

-urges to contact her

-sadness almost depression

-cynical

 

I got past this...

I fought back, I never had closure...

I tried to find reason to keep going on...

Each time I would find an anchor and this kept me...

 

I am now somewhat in control...

But I don't rest I constantly test myself...

I want every last bit out...

 

Don't give up...

Keep fighting it...

Honestly we can't turn it off...

Its so deeply rooted in us...

 

Be strong...

[Itspointless]

I cant imagine how it might be therapeutic. Writing and reading my soul-crushing thoughts and emotions will only get me more attached to my misery.

Writing is therapeutic because you do not write to read it back, but to release the stream of thoughts that accompany your feelings.

 

Like others said, seven months isn't that long. Yes it takes a lot of time to even reach that mark, but believe me life can and will get better. But you also need to learn a bit about psychology, the way you process things and why you learned to process them as you do. As for the books, order them online.

 

Good luck Buddy

[d0nnivain]

I will go to bookstore soon, because local libraries dont have such stuff. I doubt bookstores have it either, but i'll check it out.

 

Im afraid this might make miserable at least the next 5 years of my life, maybe even more. Its so sad that i let my life get ruined like this.

 

It will make you miserable for a long time if you let it. If you take steps to heal you should be fine. If you get a cold & ignore it, it will turn into pneumonia & possibly kill you if you ignore that. If you take vitamins, stay in bed, eat well & go to the doctor you get better. The treatment for a broken heart is different & not as straightforward as with an illness but the principles are the same. You have to take care of yourself.

 

If local bookstore & libraries don't have what you want / need since you are on the internet go to Amazon or some other big, western bookseller on line. They have tons of this stuff.