Author Toodaloo Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Never had any idea what `Alpha` was or `Beta` until i came here. Along with other terms like breadcrumbs. Thought they were all activities you did in the park. I was brought up in a pretty liberal household despite Dad being of a military back ground. Mum made the rules. They appeared to have a mutual RS and equality was everywhere. I never identified with being a `so called alpha or a beta` I was just me and i was and am very comfortable with my masculinity. If i was on the pull it usually worked. (Usually) Girls liked me for certain traits and others didn`t like certain traits. It`s very difficult to pin down i guess, i`ve never had to question it yet. See I grew up in a household where both my father and brother were very anti anything homosexual. One of the most hilarious things I have ever seen is when we went to a housewarming party. The couple were gay. They had been to our house had meals they were family friends. We went. Dad was having the most amazing time and then he saw two guys just peck each other on the lips... it was a shock for him to suddenly realise that all these really great guys that he had been bonding with and had been having fun with were all gay... The fear on his face! He learnt a really hard lesson that day. Sadly one of our friends died and the other became a recluse after it. I miss those guys. My brother has also faced a "baptism of fire", he wasn't at that party but his mother in law is gay and has a girlfriend. Funny how when you meet people, just as people, and see them as a human beings, their sexuality become irreverent... At least thats what Mum and I told my brother and my father. The whole denial thing... Yep that guy has been in denial for years. I think he needs some serious therapy but he will not go... Shame really. 3
Radu Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 There's also the whole 'pater familias' idea behind being a guy. In a way ... a daughter is first protected by the father and then the husband. The son ... is expected to protect and lead his own family ... the transition from these 2 might be difficult for the guy to understand in the first case.
Shepp Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Makes me chuckle when guys refer to themselves as Alpha. To me it always comes off a little like referring to yourself as cool. If you have to say it mate, your forcing something you haven't got. You see this guys in pubs and what have you, competing to be most 'alpha' by the chick they pull or the beers they down. Kidding themselves. Alpha, beta - we're talking animals, wolf packs. Think an Alpha wolf would never ever get involved in worrying about what the other wolves are doing around him, undermining them, spending so much damn energy and effort putting on a show? Nope, he's secure. All he's worrying about is being his best, making the right decisions for the pack. Actually doing stuff rather than endlessly talking about how much he could do. All this Alpha-wanna be stuff makes me laugh because, having been around dogs all my life the guys in question remind me less of the Alpha male and more of the little pups, squabbling and play fighting over their mums attention. It shows a lack of understanding in the word more than anything. People don't understand what an Alpha is. The Alpha wolf isn't always the biggest wolf or the strongest, sometimes the Beta is bigger and stronger, the Alpha is the leader. He's the problem solver, the decision maker, the one to follow. The Beta is more the enforcer, makes sure the rest of the pack are keeping in line. If you go to look at puppies it will be the beta that comes running up to you first, the Alpha isn't the Alpha by being stupid, he makes his decision carefully. This is why a lot of folk pick beta puppies. They can also be the harder pups to train, especially if you have kids because he'll try to enforce the rules set to him on other members of the pack/family. That's his job. 3
SolG Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Toodaloo, there's a Nat Geo doco on alpha males that's pretty interesting http://youtu.be/OuotHhTA5P4 I've on occasion worked with industry groups predominately comprising very successful professionals; driven, charismatic men. I'd expected it to be difficult; lots of ego, power plays, disagreement, etc. But surprisingly it wasn't at all. It's amazing how quickly men seem to define a pecking order; and far more subtly than women IMO. That's not to say they don't disagree, sometimes even aggressively, but there is generally a deference at some point to whomever it is they've chosen to lead. And that isn't a democratic process, whomever that is generally just emerges by some organic consensus. Fascinating to watch! 2
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I think traditional masculinity is very narrow and limiting. Femininity (IMO) is far more liberating.
SomeDude16 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 An "alpha" male is a male who uses a made up word and persona to compensate for a lack of confidence 1
Taramere Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I've also tried to be 'that' guy and i can tell you that it's not possible. As a beta the best thing you can do is to adopt solid boundaries and respect yourself ... which is exactly what many women feel attraction to ... a guy with self-respect ... confidence and good boundaries. Someone who loves himself first without being a narcissist. Just out of idle curiosity Radu, say I were to ask you to put up some shelves in my flat and promised to pay you....and then, when you carried out the work in good faith, I tried to pay you with these, how would you as a man handle that specific situation? Would you assert boundaries and insist on payment in proper currency, or would you accept the sweets on the basis that I'm a woman?
Noproblem Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 An alpha male, what a joke You should tell him to read less into guys online forums that teach guys to be fake alpha males
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