Am I over-reacting? Bf took a picture with another girl at a party

[kitkatleen]

I'm in a LDR for almost a year. 2 days ago he went to a party. So a female neighbour that was invited took a selfie with my boyfriend and posted It to his facebook. He pointed it out to me that she uploaded it and I went to look at the picture. I didn't like it because I feel it was too close to take a selfie with another girl. He knows her quite a bit but they don't talk that much.

 

I had a fight with him over it.. He told me that the girl asked to take one & he couldn't reject it. The girl also took a picture with a few more people. I feel really threatened, also because she's hot. He told me that it was just a picture and his hands were on the side, no hugging or arms around her and he didn't "like" the photo status.

 

Am I over-reacting? I have trust issues and insecurities. Please give me some helpful advice.

[Toodaloo]

One word. Yes.

 

If it were his sister or his male friend would you have done the same?

 

People can't help that they were born as male or female.

 

Apologies are due to him and you need to let it go.

[almond]

Definitely overreacting.

 

 

Your boyfriend will not love you any less because he takes a photo with a female at a party. He sees hot girls walking around in day to day life all the time, many I'm sure, hotter than you...it's not something that you can control. And to be constantly pained and fearful of this? You're going to be very unhappy, and this radiates.

 

 

Insecurity to this degree will eventually drive you nuts, and drive your boyfriend away very quickly. Perhaps some individual counselling would be of benefit to help you work through this. Controlling behaviour and insecurity will destroy not just this relationship, but future ones also. It's not healthy for anyone. Start taking some steps to sort this out.

[kitkatleen]

One word. Yes.

 

If it were his sister or his male friend would you have done the same?

 

People can't help that they were born as male or female.

 

Apologies are due to him and you need to let it go.

 

Yes thinking about it, I do owe him an apology. If it was his sister or a guy friend, I wouldn't had reacted this way. Maybe because I know what kind of girl she is. She's kinda slutty that's why I'm afraid.. My past of cheating boyfriends doesn't help at all. I guess I do need to let it go

[kitkatleen]

Definitely overreacting.

Your boyfriend will not love you any less because he takes a photo with a female at a party. He sees hot girls walking around in day to day life all the time, many I'm sure, hotter than you...it's not something that you can control. And to be constantly pained and fearful of this? You're going to be very unhappy, and this radiates.

Insecurity to this degree will eventually drive you nuts, and drive your boyfriend away very quickly. Perhaps some individual counselling would be of benefit to help you work through this. Controlling behaviour and insecurity will destroy not just this relationship, but future ones also. It's not healthy for anyone. Start taking some steps to sort this out.

 

Thank you for being so honest with me.

I admit it does drives me crazy, I get paranoid really easily. My boyfriend thinks I'm unreasonable but he still loves me. I really need to seek professional help I guess. I became like this due to my past and I know it's not an excuse. I don't know how to start my recovery. I'm not financially stable enough to get professional help. Whenever I see another girl involved, I get extremely mad and insecure. How could I convince myself to not over react?

[Toodaloo]

There are actually very few men that go after "slutty" girls...

 

There are actually very few girls who are perceived as "slutty" that actually are.

 

Get with the program and get with reality.

 

I am often assumed to be a slut because I am happy, bubby, outgoing and not afraid to say the word penis nor do I blush when someone else says it... Not had sex for ages... well over a year. No "action" at all...

 

Quit comparing him to your ex and her to the girl your ex went with.

 

Think about it.

 

The one with the problem is you. Let it go. You will be happier for it.

[kitkatleen]

There are actually very few men that go after "slutty" girls...

 

There are actually very few girls who are perceived as "slutty" that actually are.

 

Get with the program and get with reality.

 

I am often assumed to be a slut because I am happy, bubby, outgoing and not afraid to say the word penis nor do I blush when someone else says it... Not had sex for ages... well over a year. No "action" at all...

 

Quit comparing him to your ex and her to the girl your ex went with.

 

Think about it.

 

The one with the problem is you. Let it go. You will be happier for it.

 

 

Thanks for the advice! It really helps I guess I had too much baggage from my past. Sometimes I push him away because I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm so used to be treated badly that I can't seems to appreciate what I have now. I keep asking for more, which I know it's bad.

I'm learning to let things go but negative thoughts do come back time to time.

[Toodaloo]

Thanks for the advice! It really helps I guess I had too much baggage from my past. Sometimes I push him away because I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm so used to be treated badly that I can't seems to appreciate what I have now. I keep asking for more, which I know it's bad.

I'm learning to let things go but negative thoughts do come back time to time.

 

Push hard enough and he will buggar off.

 

Chill out.

 

Real life isn't like the soap operas.

 

Know your own worth. Yeah it sucked when your ex was a dick but you know what. How about turning that on its head and saying to yourself "At least he showed me so I didn't end up in a really sucky situation". Be grateful that he did that or you could still be dating a prat that is not worthy of you.

[kendahke]

I'm in a LDR for almost a year. 2 days ago he went to a party. So a female neighbour that was invited took a selfie with my boyfriend and posted It to his facebook. He pointed it out to me that she uploaded it and I went to look at the picture. I didn't like it because I feel it was too close to take a selfie with another girl. He knows her quite a bit but they don't talk that much.

 

I had a fight with him over it.. He told me that the girl asked to take one & he couldn't reject it. The girl also took a picture with a few more people. I feel really threatened, also because she's hot. He told me that it was just a picture and his hands were on the side, no hugging or arms around her and he didn't "like" the photo status.

 

Am I over-reacting? I have trust issues and insecurities. Please give me some helpful advice.

 

OMG you are so over reacting!

[kendahke]

Maybe because I know what kind of girl she is. She's kinda slutty that's why I'm afraid.. My past of cheating boyfriends doesn't help at all. I guess I do need to let it go

 

Anything undertaken with fear as its basis has no hope of a good outcome.

 

So basically what you're saying is that you don't trust your boyfriend to keep his penis out of her. He is so weak and she is so strong that he will not be able to help himself once he's in her tractor beam. Not only is she this powerful over guys, but she's wielding all of this power over you, too. She's got you insecure and giving up all of your personal power to her.

 

Honey, she can be as "slutty" as she wants to be, but if he has no intention of screwing her, then it's not going to happen.

 

You have baggage from your past relationships that you need to sort. It is unfair to put it all on your boyfriend and make him sort it for you. That's your job and it should have been done long before you got up with him.

[Gaeta]

Thank you for being so honest with me.

I admit it does drives me crazy, I get paranoid really easily. My boyfriend thinks I'm unreasonable but he still loves me.

 

Yes he still loves you but I guarantee you it will grow old for him really fast if you don't get a grip over yourself.

 

If you cannot afford to discuss this with a professional then I suggest you get a good book on personal development.

 

*Your boyfriend is not your ex

 

*You cannot control or manipulate another person's behavior. The only person you can control is yourself.

 

*If he cheats, he cheats. You'll dump him, move on , and be just fine.

[kendahke]

There are actually very few men that go after "slutty" girls...

 

There are actually very few girls who are perceived as "slutty" that actually are.

 

Get with the program and get with reality.

 

I am often assumed to be a slut because I am happy, bubby, outgoing and not afraid to say the word penis nor do I blush when someone else says it... Not had sex for ages... well over a year. No "action" at all...

 

Quit comparing him to your ex and her to the girl your ex went with.

 

Think about it.

 

The one with the problem is you. Let it go. You will be happier for it.

 

Thank you!!!

[Omei]

Be careful dont drag baggage into your LDR these types of relationships are very hard they need total trust of each other to survive.

 

Also if you have major fights over and over the distance doesnt help you're already apart pushing him away while your physical away can do more damage than it would a normal relationship you only have words to makeup, no hugs, touch or kiss. You dont want him leaving your conversations upset.

[d0nnivain]

LDRs require a tremendous amount of trust. If you do not have the ability to trust, you will ruin this & every other relationship you try to have.

 

 

As you have come to realize, it was a photo & you over reacted.

 

 

Send him a cute apology note explaining that you wished you could have been there taking selfies with him.

 

 

In the future try to remember that the world is made up of two genders & he has to interact with women.

[Gary S]

It's a picture from a party. It's not like he was on a one-on-one date with the girl.

 

Like you say, you have trust issues. Consider seeing a counselor, they are very skilled in this area.

[Hopeful30]

I think you're overreacting. Plus it's long distance, I honesty don't see the point in long distance relationships. It's not a real relationship.

 

A real relationship is one where you physically see each other and get to have sex. Physical affections are extremely important, and since you're lacking that, when he shows even the slightest to someone else, you feel threatened because you're not getting any at ALL.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I'm in a LDR for almost a year. 2 days ago he went to a party. So a female neighbour that was invited took a selfie with my boyfriend and posted It to his facebook. He pointed it out to me that she uploaded it and I went to look at the picture. I didn't like it because I feel it was too close to take a selfie with another girl. He knows her quite a bit but they don't talk that much.

 

I had a fight with him over it.. He told me that the girl asked to take one & he couldn't reject it. The girl also took a picture with a few more people. I feel really threatened, also because she's hot. He told me that it was just a picture and his hands were on the side, no hugging or arms around her and he didn't "like" the photo status.

 

Am I over-reacting? I have trust issues and insecurities. Please give me some helpful advice.

 

You are overreacting. It's just a picture, and honestly even if he had an arm around her, it wouldn't be a huge deal if she was just a friend. But he Wasn't even doing that, so I don't know why you made a huge stink.

 

Since you acted out on your insecurity and called him out on it, he probably thinks you're being overbearing. If you want a LDR to work, you need to trust each other.

[acapelo_dp]

Yes, you are over reacting. You should trust your boyfriend.