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I've been seeing this guy for about four months, but last night he told me this....

lunafish

By lunafish
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lunafish New Member

lunafish

Posted
Posted

Hello people. :D

 

I've been seeing a guy who has been pretty wonderful so far. We have a lot of interests in common, similar senses of humor (which is very difficult for me to find, haha), and I just feel comfortable with him. Up until yesterday, the only thing I've noticed is that he's definitely a man child, but he's also very responsible and otherwise mature, so I can live with that.

 

Except for last night, he disclosed something that kind of brought me to a halt. He told me that he'd been single for about five years, but that the last two years, he's pretty much been in the "deep freeze" because of the last woman. I totally understand that, we all go through that really bad break up at some point. So I asked what happened, and he explained that he was really into her, asked her out, and she rejected him. That kind of confused me, and I thought, well, maybe they were just friends for a really long time or something-I know that can make rejection more difficult to cope with. Well, then I found out that he'd only known her for about a month and a half before asking her out.

 

I guess this seems extreme to me. Am I wrong? I have a history of running away sometimes when guys get close, so I don't really think I can be objective here. I'm just not in a place in my life where I want to deal with a ton of drama and baggage.

Mrin Established Member

Mrin

Posted
Posted

While I will agree with you that this sounds a little odd, if this the only red flag then you're reaching.

  • Like 5
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

Wow he's been in the deep freeze for two years because he got rejected by a woman he only asked out...but never even dated!

 

Holy crap... I hope you never have to reject him...might throw him completely over the edge!

 

That's what I would be thinking...and would proceed very cautiously... if at all.

  • Like 4
TunaCat Established Member

TunaCat

Posted
Posted

Yikes!

 

I would tread VERY carefully with this guy.

  • Like 2
Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Posted

I would not read too much into what he said... people often exaggerate and embellish, and men sometimes treat their SO like counselors. It might be much ado about nothing.

 

His actions will tell the real story. Talk is cheap but actions scream.

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted
Wow he's been in the deep freeze for two years because he got rejected by a woman he only asked out...but never even dated!

 

Holy crap... I hope you never have to reject him...might throw him completely over the edge!

 

That's what I would be thinking...and would proceed very cautiously... if at all.

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

No kidding. That's pretty insane he would be that hung up on a girl he simply asked out.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Yeah geez..

 

I thought I was hung up over a guy I dated veeery briefly last Jan for a month or less....

 

And I actually dated him, was reaaaallly into him in a big way, and I didn't cry or stop being open to meeting others after him? If I met a guy I liked as much I sure wouldn't have let it hold me back...

 

I mean... yeah. Being messed up over a girl he knew for a month and didn't even date?

 

Are you sure he doesn't have other issues?

 

Is he trying to make excuses as to why he "isn't ready for a relationship"?

 

Because this isn't a valid excuse for not wanting a relationship.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted

Sounds like she was the straw that broke the camels back and he needed to take time out and stop fretting over all of it.

 

Guys are far more emotional than we give them credit for.

 

Let this comment waft over your head if the rest of it is good.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
He told me that he'd been single for about five years, but that the last two years, he's pretty much been in the "deep freeze" because of the last woman. I totally understand that, we all go through that really bad break up at some point. So I asked what happened, and he explained that he was really into her, asked her out, and she rejected him. That kind of confused me, and I thought, well, maybe they were just friends for a really long time or something-I know that can make rejection more difficult to cope with. Well, then I found out that he'd only known her for about a month and a half before asking her out.

 

I remember when I was about 7 months out from my break up, I'd begun talking to a guy on OLD. Chatting on the web site led to emailing which led to texting/phone call then a date. It took about 2 months to get to the date, as he was busy in and out of town. We had our first date, which I felt went extremely well; we laughed the whole time, closed down the restaurant, even; and we made plans for another date. We talked with one another on the phone for the next week, then a week past our 1st date, I got an email from him telling me his ex came back into his life and he was going to pursue that.

 

I was crestfallen. I couldn't believe what I was reading and I felt really hurt that this new involvement was strangled in its cradle. I, too, went into a deep freeze for about 2 years. I put all ideas of dating out of my head. 4 years hence, I can see that I clearly wasn't in a position to be dating at that time (7 months out from the break up of a 13 year relationship), even though at the time, I thought I was ready to move on. This was the event to get me to check myself.

 

So I can understand just being so fed up with hope being crushed that you just don't want to have anything to do with dating.

 

For you, at least this didn't happen 2 weeks ago. I think you'd have more to be concerned about if it just happened, as opposed to it having happened 2 years ago.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

While it does seem a bit extreme, lets look at the positive. He trusted you enough & was comfortable enough with you to trust you with this vulnerability.

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hello people. :D

 

I've been seeing a guy who has been pretty wonderful so far. We have a lot of interests in common, similar senses of humor (which is very difficult for me to find, haha), and I just feel comfortable with him. Up until yesterday, the only thing I've noticed is that he's definitely a man child, but he's also very responsible and otherwise mature, so I can live with that.

 

Except for last night, he disclosed something that kind of brought me to a halt. He told me that he'd been single for about five years, but that the last two years, he's pretty much been in the "deep freeze" because of the last woman. I totally understand that, we all go through that really bad break up at some point. So I asked what happened, and he explained that he was really into her, asked her out, and she rejected him. That kind of confused me, and I thought, well, maybe they were just friends for a really long time or something-I know that can make rejection more difficult to cope with. Well, then I found out that he'd only known her for about a month and a half before asking her out.

 

I guess this seems extreme to me. Am I wrong? I have a history of running away sometimes when guys get close, so I don't really think I can be objective here. I'm just not in a place in my life where I want to deal with a ton of drama and baggage.

 

Have you two had a conversation about what you are looking for for yourselves? Did he say he wants to have a relationship with someone? If he did, you should take him at his word for now. Just because he had a bad experience in the past, doesn't mean he didn't learn from it. Let him show you over time what he's capable of handling with you. If he's wishy-washy, runs hot/cold with you, you may want to end the relationship. It is possible to draw a man out when he's struggling with his past, but it takes a ton of patience and support. Lots and lots of people have baggage, it's how they deal with it that's important. If you are looking for someone who is perfect and/or without baggage and think you've found one, they won't have found the same thing . . . It's about what you can and are willing to deal with and that's different for everyone.

 

I wouldn't enter into an exclusive relationship with him yet though. I'd date others still and let this one unfold for a bit if you like him enough. If he starts coming on too strong, too soon, end it.

Edited by Redhead14
okc85 Established Member

okc85

Posted
Posted

I've dated people like this. Blah. I don't like it. She must've stroke some cord, though. Maybe she rejected him because of some insecurity he struggles with, and it just left a big scar.

 

However, he should know that not every person is going to reject him, we're all different and want different things.

 

Being resilient is so important, especially in dating.

  • Like 1
Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
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It's not drama or baggage, I just think he's extremely sensitive and doesn't take rejection well at ALL.

 

Another voice in my head says he is lying and is saying this so you feel bad for him and don't reject him in anyway.

 

I couldn't give a good opinion without meeting the guy first. If it's an extreme turn off though, and if this truly is a part of his character, then I would run the other way.

 

If a man is THIS damaged by ONE rejection, then how the hell is he supposed to be strong when things ACTUALLY get rough in the real world? I would need a man, someone to be strong with me and for me, not some dood who cries when a woman says no.

devilish innocent Established Member

devilish innocent

Posted
Posted

We all have our insecurities. You don't know what else might have happened with her that he could be too embarrassed to share. He'd also had three years before that where he'd been trying to get together with women and not having any luck. A lot of people get tired of looking under those circumstances. I wouldn't be too concerned. He was brave to open up to you.

  • Like 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Established Member

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

Posted
Posted
While I will agree with you that this sounds a little odd, if this the only red flag then you're reaching.

 

this. ten words.

Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

Posted
Posted

He's sounds like a special little snowflake. Seriously clammed up because some random chick said no. What a broken unit.

  • Like 1
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I also agree, you dont pike out on a guy who opens up and shows vulnerability, we all have vulnerabilities....he got hurt with his.......the circumstances surrounding the rejection are not apparent or obvious.They could have been severe

 

 

 

....and some people get really hurt when they are rejected...enjoy your time with him as you have been enjoy that sense of humor he exhibits...and if you dont want drama i find its best you dont look for it ...dont seek and you wont find philosophy

BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Posted
Posted
Wow he's been in the deep freeze for two years because he got rejected by a woman he only asked out...but never even dated!

 

Holy crap... I hope you never have to reject him...might throw him completely over the edge!

 

That's what I would be thinking...and would proceed very cautiously... if at all.

 

^^^

THIS.

 

I hope to God you're not dating a future bunny boiler. Proceed with caution, OP!:confused:

 

 

.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I'd be afraid he's a big delusional, frankly. Because for him to get that invested and never even gone out with her and only known her 6 weeks, that means he has to be in love with her physically and/or he thinks he knows what she's like and that she's his dream ideal woman that doesn't exist. So this could be a problem sometime. Just be sure he gets to know you well and don't just give him your good side and see how he does with that.

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