unbeknown Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) Hey all So I posted a thread last week where I had an amazing first date with a girl who without a doubt showed signs that she was massively in to me + we kissed at the end of the night. Most people said that she probably wanted me to lead so I set up a second date with her. This was arranged for last Wednesday. She was going home on the Thursday to her parents for Mother's Day. Conversation in the lead up was good. She said she liked the sound of my plan for the evening and was flirting in her messages. Then 3 hours before the date she cancelled saying she had some "bad news" from home and was going back a day earlier. I said not to worry, apologised for her bad news played it cool and asked if she wanted to reschedule for next (this coming) week. Her reply "yesssss definitely, I'll let you know as soon as I'm home". And that was the last I heard from her. Part of me feels like she's being genuine because she didn't have to reply "yes definitely" on my reschedule question but then the other part feels like this is a fade-out She still signs in to the dating app daily but I've not spoken to her in 5 days I really want some closure on this as I find fade-out's highly immature. So I was thinking of messaging her tomorrow, but have no idea what to say. Or even if I should message her at all. (And as I've said before I will not be calling her. I'm 24, she's 22. People my age in my city do not phone up girls they're dating. It would freak them out texting is the done thing) Any advice appreciated, Cheers Edited March 16, 2015 by unbeknown
Gary S Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I hate to tell you this, but she probably just made up an excuse. And they often can't say "no" to your face.... they don't know you, don't know if you have a bad attitude, you might try to reject them back and rip thier head off. This all happens on a subconscious level, it's not malicious on her part. It's just reality. If you come up with a complete date plan, and she turns you down and does not counteroffer with a day of her own.... if you get off the phone without a solid date, she's not interested. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Hey all So I posted a thread last week where I had an amazing first date with a girl who without a doubt showed signs that she was massively in to me + we kissed at the end of the night. Most people said that she probably wanted me to lead so I set up a second date with her. This was arranged for last Wednesday. She was going home on the Thursday to her parents for Mother's Day. Conversation in the lead up was good. She said she liked the sound of my plan for the evening and was flirting in her messages. Then 3 hours before the date she cancelled saying she had some "bad news" from home and was going back a day earlier. I said not to worry, apologised for her bad news played it cool and asked if she wanted to reschedule for next (this coming) week. Her reply "yesssss definitely, I'll let you know as soon as I'm home". And that was the last I heard from her. Part of me feels like she's being genuine because she didn't have to reply "yes definitely" on my reschedule question but then the other part feels like this is a fade-out She still signs in to the dating app daily but I've not spoken to her in 5 days I really want some closure on this as I find fade-out's highly immature. So I was thinking of messaging her tomorrow, but have no idea what to say. Or even if I should message her at all. (And as I've said before I will not be calling her. I'm 24, she's 22. People my age in my city do not phone up girls they're dating. It would freak them out texting is the done thing) Any advice appreciated, Cheers Well, if she'd received some bad news, she may be dealing with a "situation" that's kept her longer. You could reach out and ask if everything is ok on the home front. If she engages in a conversation with you, ask her if you're still on for getting together this week. Just be brave. Either she will be receptive and make a date or she will tell you she's not interested or decline a date, what have you. You will at least know where you stand instead of wondering and making assumptions
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 It sounds like an excuse. If the ball is in her court, you can only wait. Date other women and forget about her for now. You're still early on.
Mrin Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) Not sure why everyone is going the "it is an excuse" route. I mean, let's look at the facts. Good date #1 She agrees to date #2 Cancels due to something bad happening at home and has to head home a day early But loudly proclaims that she wants to reschedule And somehow that equals an excuse/fade? Wow, are we really that hardwired to be pessimistic? OP: Just send her a text that says something like, "I hope everything turned out okay at home! Once things settle down, give me a shout if you want to cash in your rain check for [whatever you two had planned]." And leave it there. Ball in her court. Don't hold your breath but don't flip out and write the lady off. EDIT: One thing I guess I'll also mention - in situations like these I'm a big fan of not using question marks. A question of "did everything turn out okay?" comes off as a little needy and passive aggressive probing as to what the issue might have been. Keeping the question mark out of the communication shows that you're thinking about her but don't need an answer. Anyhow, that's my two cents. Edited March 16, 2015 by Mrin 3
Redhead14 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This post is really about a lack of confidence and insecurity about facing a possible negative outcome. Face the situation, deal with it and move on if need be. Yeah, it might not go the way you hoped it would, but then again, it might go exactly as you'd hoped. Take the leap. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Too soon to tell. See if she comes back to you within the next week or so letting you know when she's free for the next date. Sounds like an excuse for me but you never know. Don't pin any hope on her, keep dating. I get the feeling if it was genuine she'd either have mentioned what was up, or she'd have been in touch since, even just to chat. Bit vague and many people 'ghost' on someone instead of having the balls to say 'this isn't gonna work for me, good luck'. Don't chase or message her. Let her get in touch with you.
Starship Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This post is really about a lack of confidence and insecurity about facing a possible negative outcome. Face the situation, deal with it and move on if need be. Yeah, it might not go the way you hoped it would, but then again, it might go exactly as you'd hoped. Take the leap. So true...especially the part about not picking up the phone...best to hide in the closet? Some guys will just never get it...be CONFIDENT!
Author unbeknown Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Thanks all. Some good points in here It's funny because in person I am incredibly confident. I don't play in to dating games so am always a bit wearing with comunication between dates. It's why I find it confusing to how the day before the date she's really responsive and flirting through text but then cancels a few hours before. She had plenty of time to fade out or be off with me beforehand so I could pick up on the hints. Even when I asked to reschedule next week she could have said "I'll have to see what I'm doing" or "Possible" but no she says "yes definitely". Confusing. My only insecurity comes from the fact that she's still been signing in to the dating app yet like acrosstheuniverse said, why not get in touch with me. I guess I'll take the leap and drop a message to her later this evening.
wb1988 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) It's why I find it confusing to how the day before the date she's really responsive and flirting through text but then cancels a few hours before. She had plenty of time to fade out or be off with me beforehand so I could pick up on the hints. Even when I asked to reschedule next week she could have said "I'll have to see what I'm doing" or "Possible" but no she says "yes definitely". Confusing. My only insecurity comes from the fact that she's still been signing in to the dating app yet like acrosstheuniverse said, why not get in touch with me. Girls under 23 are like ding-dongs (just like guys under 23 are dumb-dumbs), they will get excited and bored real quick, add the effort they make to get ready (she probably canceled because she didn't want to bother putting on make-up etc just to see you) and you end up with situations just like yours unless you know what you're doing. "Yes definitely" means absolutely nothing, actually I think it can even mean "definitely not". There were these sort-of interns at my work that were all 20-24 and on the last day of their contract when offered full time work they all said "yes definitely" — not a single one turned up for work the next week. The fact that she is checking her dating apps on the daily is obvious as fk that she's still looking (i.e. you didn't make the cut). Edited March 16, 2015 by wb1988
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This post is really about a lack of confidence and insecurity about facing a possible negative outcome. Face the situation, deal with it and move on if need be. Yeah, it might not go the way you hoped it would, but then again, it might go exactly as you'd hoped. Take the leap. Insecurity can be a bitch, I deal with it from time to time as well. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith to keep it in check though.
Author unbeknown Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 "Yes definitely" means absolutely nothing, actually I think it can even mean "definitely not". There were these sort-of interns at my work that were all 20-24 and on the last day of their contract when offered full time work they all said "yes definitely" — not a single one turned up for work the next week. The fact that she is checking her dating apps on the daily is obvious as fk that she's still looking (i.e. you didn't make the cut). Very good point that. Thinking about it I've probably even done the same myself. As for checking the app, After only 1 date I wouldn't expect anyone to delete it and never log in again. It was just one date I was thinking about messaging her asking how home was, mention I have some free time this week on a select day but then would I come across wrongly if I said something along the lines of "let me know if you no longer wish to meet again too". I like my closure in black and white. Best to leave that last part off?
Recommended Posts