Redhead14 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Hey guys ! So there's a girl I've been dating for about a month and a half. She's a great person and I love spending time with her. We have gotten really close after the last 6 dates or so and that's great. However, I'm hesitant about jumping into an exclusive relationship. Maybe she feels the same way, I don't know, but I noticed she recently deleted her online profile shortly after our last date. Of course I don't want to make assumptions, but if she brings up being exclusive next time we see eachother, how do I go about telling her I'm not quite ready without giving her the impression I'm not into her. I really do like her, I'm just unsure about what I want at this point. You need to be clear in your head about what you want for yourself first. Are you ultimately looking to have a long term, committed relationship or just casually date? It's difficult to change horses in mid stream in terms of what you want when dating. If you aren't clear now about what you want, you'll set yourself and her up for hurt and disappointment. You two need to be on the same page especially if you're being intimate. If you aren't clear about what you want, you'll come across as wishy-washy, hot/cold, etc. to her and she'll bail anyway. You should address it next time you see her. Simply tell her that you enjoy her company very much, but you are looking for a casual, non-exclusive relationship with someone at this point, if that's what you decide you want. Don't say with her specifically, just in general and let her say what it is she is looking for. If you're not on the same page, tell her that you two are probably not a good match.
Redhead14 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 "I'm not ready to be exclusive." Ok, then simply explain that to her. Don't worry about hurting her feelings, you don't need to manage her feelings, just yours. If she is not willing to be in a non-exclusive relationship, there isn't anything you can do about that. You don't want that, don't do it. 2
okc85 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 idk, I go back and forth on this. I once broke up with someone I really really liked, then started dating a month later. I think it was way too soon. I was not ready to be exclusive with anyone. Isn't it true sometimes that we're just not ready?
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 idk, I go back and forth on this. I once broke up with someone I really really liked, then started dating a month later. I think it was way too soon. I was not ready to be exclusive with anyone. Isn't it true sometimes that we're just not ready? Question: What would it take for you to *be* ready? More time? Time for what? Time for you to actually feel something for her other than sexual desire? If your feelings aren't there after six weeks, they ain't ever gonna be... Lame excuse IMO...a cop out.
Redhead14 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I keep telling women who are busting to have the relationship discussion that they're wanting to have it too soon. 6 weeks is too soon for her to expect exclusivity. The problem is that women prefer it because not having it can seem very insulting to them, like they're not interesting enough for a guy to just focus on long enough to find out if he likes them or not. But then most guys don't want to start making any commitment until they start feeling like locking them down. If she brings it up, you just tell her, "Hey, I really like you, but I think it's too soon for us to start talking about commitment." If they are being intimate, it's not too soon to have that discussion. Exclusivity is not really about commitment per se, it's about focusing on one person and not "contaminating" the ability to focus on that person. If you're sleeping with a couple of people, you're emotions and feelings are co-mingled. Exclusivity can have a set expiration point if both parties agree. If one or both of you isn't sure about the other by a certain point, you agree to each move on. If it's working for them both, they can move to boyfriend or girlfriend. It's all about communicating. Keeping in mind that the stages of dating are about exploring and determining if that person is right for you or not. The stages allow for a relationship to develop naturally if it is going to develop. It's also about taking the "temperature" of a relationship periodically to find out if both parties are still on the same page instead of trying to mind-read, assume, etc.
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 If they are being intimate, it's not too soon to have that discussion. Exclusivity is not really about commitment per se, it's about focusing on one person and not "contaminating" the ability to focus on that person. If you're sleeping with a couple of people, you're emotions and feelings are co-mingled. Exclusivity can have a set expiration point if both parties agree. If one or both of you isn't sure about the other by a certain point, you agree to each move on. If it's working for them both, they can move to boyfriend or girlfriend. It's all about communicating. Keeping in mind that the stages of dating are about exploring and determining if that person is right for you or not. The stages allow for a relationship to develop naturally if it is going to develop. It's also about taking the "temperature" of a relationship periodically to find out if both parties are still on the same page instead of trying to mind-read, assume, etc. ^^This! .....
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Women set the pace of the relationship early on. Men do so later on (marriage). When she asks you to be exclusive with her and you say NO, that would be tantamount to you asking for her to marry you, and her telling you NO. Once that NO comes out, everything changes and doubts begin to form. So if she asks you to be exclusive, if you have any interest in maintaining your relationship with this girl, you need to say YES. It really is just a label after all.
Versacehottie Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Here's another interesting question: are you, in fact, exclusive with her? Sometimes people are exclusively dating (ie not dating others), they just don't like what that label implies or worry that they will have to ramp it up. If you like her a lot, don't mess it up because you don't like the label when in fact your actions are such that you ARE dating exclusively.
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