LawsofAttraction Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Hey guys ! So there's a girl I've been dating for about a month and a half. She's a great person and I love spending time with her. We have gotten really close after the last 6 dates or so and that's great. However, I'm hesitant about jumping into an exclusive relationship. Maybe she feels the same way, I don't know, but I noticed she recently deleted her online profile shortly after our last date. Of course I don't want to make assumptions, but if she brings up being exclusive next time we see eachother, how do I go about telling her I'm not quite ready without giving her the impression I'm not into her. I really do like her, I'm just unsure about what I want at this point.
Satu Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Tell her this: "She's a great person and I love spending time with her. We have gotten really close after the last 6 dates or so and that's great. However, I'm hesitant about jumping into an exclusive relationship." And this: "I really do like her, I'm just unsure about what I want at this point." Then you can chat about it a bit more. Good luck. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I don't know man. I think your interest level is lower than you're letting on. You're still keeping up 1x a week after six weeks. Usually by then if you're into a woman, you're seeing her at least 2-3x a week. So deep down you probably know that she's a girl you're just having fun with and that's why you're hesitating. Do you have other women in your life that you're seeing more than 1x a week? If so, you may want to focus on them and let this one go. 5
darkmoon Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 you might as well tell her to see other guys, as you want other girls, if you do not want exclusive, well, i would take the relatonship a lot less seriously, sorry, but there is no other way to take it 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 But you're just not THAT into her. Look, I don't believe in jumping in too fast as I have done this to men I fell hard for and it backfired. However, you can TELL if you are really into a girl - you know those girls you have met in the past who you fell harder for? Who you were smitten with by 1 month? Why don't you go for a girl you're really into? You clearly didn't feel strong attraction and excitement surrounding dating this girl. A month is plenty of time to know whether or not you are really into a girl. A man who is very into a girl doesn't want to date others. They can't, because the girl is the only think on their mind. 3
Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 By the way - if a guy said this to me - that he wasn't ready to be exclusive, I would say " thanks but we are on different pages". Which I have done a month ago. I was into a guy and therefore he was on my mind a lot and I simply didn't want to date others when he was on my mind a lot (I had a strong attraction and I was excited by him!). He said that I should have kept my profile up and that we should be open to still meeting and dating others. I said " sorry but I tend to wait for guys who are so excited about dating me that they lose interest in others" He said that life is not a fairy tale lol and that the people we feel that way about are rarely the people who are good for us. I politely declined his suggestion and said well, I am sure a girl like me can find what I am looking for; a guy who is crazy about me, and doesn't need 1 month to figure it out. 5
Popsicle Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I will never understand why people date, get into relationships with, and even marry people they are not really into. What you should do is just be friends from day one and keep it that way. 4
TunaCat Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 OP, I gotta ask, why are you so hesitant to be exclusive with this woman? My gut says that you aren't as interested in her as you think you are, and if that's the case, you need to be upfront with her about this. If you were truly into her, you would be excited about being exclusive and you would want to focus only on her.
Author LawsofAttraction Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 I am not seeing any other girls and I think about and miss this girl when I'm not around her... I think about her a lot truthfully 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I am not seeing any other girls and I think about and miss this girl when I'm not around her... I think about her a lot truthfully But you're still only seeing her once a week? In my experience, women usually start initiating communication after 2-3 weeks as their interest level goes up. Then when they do, you take the hint and plan more dates. But since you're still seeing her only once a week, it doesn't seem like you're as interested as you say. Edited March 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author LawsofAttraction Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 But you're still only seeing her once a week? In my experience, women usually reach out with cute texts after the first three weeks or so. Then you take the hint and start planning more dates when they do. But the fact that you're still at only once a week makes it seem like you're not that into her. That's another thing. She still doesn't send these "cute texts".. She'll contact me and ask how my weekend was and I'll set a date from there. For the first time she texted me last minute asking if I had plans this past Saturday but I did so I couldn't meet up but when I responded to her I set up a date to go to the city for the following weekend. In a way that's a step forward I would think since e haven't had a date on the weekend nor in the city yet
preraph Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I keep telling women who are busting to have the relationship discussion that they're wanting to have it too soon. 6 weeks is too soon for her to expect exclusivity. The problem is that women prefer it because not having it can seem very insulting to them, like they're not interesting enough for a guy to just focus on long enough to find out if he likes them or not. But then most guys don't want to start making any commitment until they start feeling like locking them down. If she brings it up, you just tell her, "Hey, I really like you, but I think it's too soon for us to start talking about commitment." 1
h0000 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 She took of her profile because she's bored with that website . She could be enjoying another website or enjoying meeting people in real life. Anyway if you really like her why wouldn't you want to be exclusive ? Because she doesn't send you cute texts ? Not every woman send cute texts ?
Versacehottie Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I am not seeing any other girls and I think about and miss this girl when I'm not around her... I think about her a lot truthfully is it possible that you just worry about losing your freedom and independence? And/or making the right choice and being locked into one woman? I think that's why guys don't want to be exclusive YET even if the girl is right. Has nothing to do with her only how you feel internally. Play it carefully so you don't lose her--especially if you are thinking about her when you are not together. ps i think it's fine not to commit to exclusivity at 6 weeks in but you should probably step it up to more than just once a week, just saying.
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 But you're just not THAT into her. Look, I don't believe in jumping in too fast as I have done this to men I fell hard for and it backfired. However, you can TELL if you are really into a girl - you know those girls you have met in the past who you fell harder for? Who you were smitten with by 1 month? Why don't you go for a girl you're really into? You clearly didn't feel strong attraction and excitement surrounding dating this girl. A month is plenty of time to know whether or not you are really into a girl. A man who is very into a girl doesn't want to date others. They can't, because the girl is the only think on their mind. Leigh that was a great post... very insightful! +1 ....
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 By the way - if a guy said this to me - that he wasn't ready to be exclusive, I would say " thanks but we are on different pages". Which I have done a month ago. I was into a guy and therefore he was on my mind a lot and I simply didn't want to date others when he was on my mind a lot (I had a strong attraction and I was excited by him!). He said that I should have kept my profile up and that we should be open to still meeting and dating others. I said " sorry but I tend to wait for guys who are so excited about dating me that they lose interest in others" He said that life is not a fairy tale lol and that the people we feel that way about are rarely the people who are good for us. I politely declined his suggestion and said well, I am sure a girl like me can find what I am looking for; a guy who is crazy about me, and doesn't need 1 month to figure it out. Lol...you go girl!!! I'd have said the same thing!
smackie9 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Lets face it if you don't want exclusivity by now there is something holding you back.
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 OP what are you afraid will happen if you become exclusive? Losing your freedom? What? It's a relationship... not a prison. If it doesn't work, you end it. But you'll never know if you don't do it. Take a chance...you might like it! You may end up losing her otherwise... 2
Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Leigh that was a great post... very insightful! +1 .... Well, my good friend from the other thread:lmao: and men LIKE him, have demonstrated to me that when a guy thinks you are something special, they act like it! They don't need to get around with other women.... Doesn't mean a marriage proposal or commitment, it just means that: when a guy is really into us girls, they really don't want to date others.
Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 OP what are you afraid will happen if you become exclusive? Losing your freedom? What? It's a relationship... not a prison. If it doesn't work, you end it. But you'll never know if you don't do it. Take a chance...you might like it! You may end up losing her otherwise... I was single for half my 20's and I am really averse to giving up my freedom. Yet when guys came along who really piqued my interest you can bet I was very willing to date them and be exclusive. By nature I don't feel the need for a partner and giving up the search is a big deal - yet oh so easy - when the right person who you're excited about comes along. It feels like a death sentence for me - when I am not into someone. It feels all exciting and joyous to me - when I am into them. Seeing if they could be the one is exciting.
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I was single for half my 20's and I am really averse to giving up my freedom. Yet when guys came along who really piqued my interest you can bet I was very willing to date them and be exclusive. By nature I don't feel the need for a partner and giving up the search is a big deal - yet oh so easy - when the right person who you're excited about comes along. It feels like a death sentence for me - when I am not into someone. It feels all exciting and joyous to me - when I am into them. Seeing if they could be the one is exciting. One reason why my bf and I still get on so well and still are so hot for each other after 5+ years together is because we allow each other a lot of space... and freedom! Not freedom to date and have sex with others obviously... but the freedom to do our own thing, go out with friends, spend time alone, whatever... This may sound odd to some but we each have our own bedrooms and bath...our own space to chill or whatevs. Sometimes I will fall asleep in my own room...and he will "sneak" in quietly in the middle of the night ... for a little xoxoxo....and we wake up together and have breakfast. Most nights though we fall asleep in his room...but I like to mix it up....for fun and so things never get dull!!! Which they never do!! 2
Gary S Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Women decide whether or not a relationship will start, where it's gonna go, and how long it's going to last. Relationships are primarily a women's world... men just go along for the ride. All you can decide is whether or not you want to stay or leave. Forget about telling her you are not ready to commit yet. If you want to play well with women, you have to know the rules. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 One reason why my bf and I still get on so well and still are so hot for each other after 5+ years together is because we allow each other a lot of space... and freedom! Not freedom to date and have sex with others obviously... but the freedom to do our own thing, go out with friends, spend time alone, whatever... This may sound odd to some but we each have our own bedrooms and bath...our own space to chill or whatevs. Sometimes I will fall asleep in my own room...and he will "sneak" in quietly in the middle of the night ... for a little xoxoxo....and we wake up together and have breakfast. Most nights though we fall asleep in his room...but I like to mix it up....for fun and so things never get dull!!! Which they never do!! I think that is an awesome idea! You can still be totally into a person and want to rip their clothes off and enjoy THAT type of intense chemistry - and yet cultivate ways to make it LAST.... I always thought that, IF I end up finding a relationship again one day (likely in the distant future if at all), with a guy I am into, I would do things like :travel overseas once a year solo in order to have space, I would like to have two rooms so we could change things up... What a cool idea. If I were rich I would have our own house cut into two - Two nice houses joined together LOL like that celeb couple who have since split ironically...... You would likely end up in bed together anyways..
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I think that is an awesome idea! You can still be totally into a person and want to rip their clothes off and enjoy THAT type of intense chemistry - and yet cultivate ways to make it LAST.... I always thought that, IF I end up finding a relationship again one day (likely in the distant future if at all), with a guy I am into, I would do things like :travel overseas once a year solo in order to have space, I would like to have two rooms so we could change things up... What a cool idea. If I were rich I would have our own house cut into two - Two nice houses joined together LOL like that celeb couple who have since split ironically...... You would likely end up in bed together anyways.. Yes!! I love the two houses idea too! My bf and I have actually talked about that....there was a house that came up for sale next door...had a picket fence and everything... I told him I wanted to live in *that* house and he could stay where we live now...and he wanted to buy it for me!! But the owner ended up renting it out to a family member....ugh! Would have been perfect.... even though you're right...we would still end up in the same bed together at night! 1
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 You haven't been dating that long but I understand you to say while you are not dating other women, you also don't want to be exclusive with her. It seems to me that the label more so then action is what is freaking you out. You should look deep into yourself & figure out why but for now, until the conversation comes up, try to relax. When it does can you say something along the lines of I'm not seeing anybody else & I don't want to, but I'm not ready to label this yet. That should buy you a few weeks but don't leave her dangling indefinitely. 1
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