jgs78 Posted April 10, 2005 Posted April 10, 2005 I live in big city and you would think that that would make it easier to meet people. Well no, it actually just makes it more difficult to meet people. I don't know what the deal is, but I seem to have a hard time meeting guys. I am very personable, I am actually the most outspoken one of my friends (usually I'm the one that the men talk to in order to get to know my friends, great eh?) and yet I can't seem to get guys to come and talk to me. OR I will try and talk to them and they just aren't that interested. I definitely have not been hit by the ugly stick and I'm good catch, I'm very well-rounded and have my sh*t together. I have been told this by girls and guys alike. SO in an attempt to branch out, I have been trying online dating. First of all, I cannot get over how many times guys have said to me on dates that girls have more of an advantage using the online dating service. Apparently, there are a lot of guys who think that there are more guys than girls to choose from online than vice versa. Anyway for the most part, I haven't had great experiences using online dating. Most of my friends or other people I know who have used online dating services have had bad experiences as well. However, I do know a couple of people who will be getting married and they met online so I do think it can work for some people. Anyway almost all the guys I have been on dates with using the online service have all asked me what the hell I'm doing on an online site in the first place. I'm so frustrated, I put myself out there and have a lot of extra-curricular activities. I that a relationship isn't the only thing in the world that will complete me, it would just be nice to have one though! Or it would at least be nice to not have to use an online service to get some dates for a change! Are there any other girls facing the same situation as me?
curiousnycgirl Posted April 10, 2005 Posted April 10, 2005 Poor dear - I know exactly what you mean. I live in a major city, totally have my sh*t together, am very busy between work, charity stuff and my other interests - however Mr. Right has always elluded me!!! Do not give up hope! Throughout my 20's I was queen of the one date onlies. In my 30's I just sort of gave up and spent 8 years with a FWB. However about a year ago I aggressively went after the whole internet dating thing. Sure I went on a boatload of bad dates. Surprisingly that feeling was not mutual - as it had been in my 20's - these guys wanted to see me again, but I didn't want to see them. Then all of a sudden, BAM I met my current b/f. Yup online, yup during our first date I thought ick not another one date only, blah, blah, blah. Now 10 months later I cannot imagine not being with him. I don't have a ring or anything, so who knows how long it will last - but hey I am proof it can work. All I can say is that men seem to be intimidated by women who have their sh*t together. They claim to want us, but they don't. Just like we women saying we want nice guys - but don't. Give it time, be VERY clear in what you are looking for. The line in my profile that seems to have weeded out the ninnies is something like "I have my own life, and so should you....." You are clearly looking for a strong, smart, self confident man - anything less will be scared of you. So make sure that's what your profile attracts! Give it time, and lots of one date onlies - it is worth it!
Author jgs78 Posted April 10, 2005 Author Posted April 10, 2005 Thanks for your response curiousgirlnyc. I know it takes time and patience and I have been very patient. Unfortunately, I have been having an excruciatingly long dry-spell! I haven't had a date in over 2 months! I think the problem with online dating for me is that it almost feels too forced. Not a lot of people are really honest about their profiles or should I say not a lot of them know who they truly are and so their profiles are inaccurate. I am very truthful in my profile and I specifically say that I am looking for a confident man. Ironically, I have ended up going on dates with ultra-sensitive guys. A couple of times when I wasn't so sure about the guys but I wanted to give them a chance I told them we should go out again sometime. One guy actually said, "Really? You really want to go out with me again?" He was so unsure of himself but yet he mentioned in his profile how successful, outgoing and confident he was, YEAH RIGHT! Anyway, I do agree that there are a lot of men who are intimidated by women who seem to have their life somewhat in order (I mean let's be honest, no one ever has their life 100% put together but we all try to get it together as best as we can.) Anyway maybe I am wrong but I also think that men in a big city have a tendency to be more flighty. It also makes it extremely hard to keep going when all my friends are in relationships. I wish there was another way to meet men here! Thanks for your encouragement. Out of curiosity, how long were you doing online dating before you met your current boyfriend?
Fuzzy Chickens Posted April 10, 2005 Posted April 10, 2005 2 months is "excruciatingly long"? I'm in a dry spell that's lasted 21 years! The problem that I have with online dating is that most women can't say more than two sentences about their own personalities. They seem to think that "I'm open-minded, I like to have fun and meet new people" is a detailed and complete description of themselves. These people are boring. If I see three lines or less in that box, I won't even read it. Quite simply, the more you say about yourself, the more interesting you seem, even if what you actually say is completely boring.
curiousnycgirl Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 I had been listed on various internet dating sights for approximately 5 years before I met my b/f. There were a number of men I dated in those years, and a number of times I gave up for months at a time. For me there are very few ways to meet men. I am loathe to "hook up" at a bar, I do lots of charity work and everyone there is like a brother, no one I know sets me up or if they do - its just because we are both single, no other basis (grrr I hate that), etc. Internet dating seems like as reasonable vehicle as an other. I think the key to success for me was to be extremely discriminating in who I had ongoing communication with, and to keep online communication very short. There is no point in building someone up in my mind to find out they were totally phony online. A couple of emails/im's and we meet - otherwise I just moved on. Hope this helps. When I started responding I realized that 5 years in an awful long time - but as with everything else I guess it is all based on what you put into it.
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