spiderowl Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 This guy I know has told me he doesn't want a relationship. OK, I'm sad that he feels like that but now I want to forget about it and move on. He keeps telling me he's going to call, then doesn't or he calls when I'm not there (on one occasion I told him I'd be out). The next day he apologises for not calling saying he fell asleep. I have tried not contacting him and yet he still texts me the next day with something friendly that I feel doesn't deserve to be ignored. I got fed up though and wished him well but said goodbye. The next day I get another apology that he didn't mean to upset me but had fallen asleep. Well, I'm pretty fed up with us somehow keep missing each other and with him coming back in a friendly, disarming way when I've given up on him. I could just ignore any messages now but that seems rude. Telling him goodbye doesn't work because then he comes back with an apology. I don't know what's going on here, but somehow we never seem to be in the right place at the right time and it's too much of a coincidence. Would you say this guy has found something else of interest and is trying to keep me on the back-burner? Is he playing some game? Does he just want to be friends? I'm at a loss. I am going to ignore messages in future because this is winding me up and I don't see why he should be doing this.
preraph Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Probably wants to be friends. If you need to get him outa there to get over it, then tell him that. If you let him stay without setting any boundaries, he'll probably just treat you however he wants and do everything on his own terms and keep hanging around until someone else gets his interest. 2
Gloria25 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I say that while he doesn't want a RL with you, he sure likes keeping you around. I can't say "why". Maybe he enjoys the attention. Maybe he is seeing other people and wants to keep you as a back up plan. And I get ya, if you start ignoring his calls, you come off as the bad guy cuz how can you be mean to someone who is just being friendly? And, I also get ya cuz you have this glimmer of hope and you don't wanna burn your bridges with him, "just in case" he does decide he wants a RL with you. My advice? Take what he does/says with a grain of salt. Don't look into anything anymore. And, get out there and date others. Stay busy. Cuz, you need to do this to forget about him and not miss out on others. BTW, he doesn't need to know about you seeing others. You don't have to tell him a thing. I am going through this with the guy I was crushing on. I keep looking into everything as a "sign" that "attraction" is evolving into "interest". I also get angry cuz I feel like him being "friendly" to me is giving him the benefit of attention - while I sit here upset, horny, and angry. But, at the same time, it takes two to tango and I indulge him and need to stop things "I" also do to keep my interest/attraction open (i.e. Facebook stalking). Then, I have my moments where I agree with him on not making a move on each other cuz I don't think I'd ever be enough for him and/or be able to make him happy and he's good where he's at. So, I have an ambivalence too. But, I'm giving you the same advice that I am doing. I still am trying to meet other guys, but cuz of budget right now, kinda restricted to OLD. So, I'm at home a lot with not much to do and much to focus on him. So, again, just be polite. Don't look into anything he does more than being friendly. Stay busy, move on and meet others. Give it time. Cuz, after a while of him not making a move on you, you're gonna eventually have him in the friendzone. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Sigh. Yeah. I recently deleted a guy from my facebook and from my phone. He is Irish. I dated him briefly. It was hot and passionate. He decided his player ways and the fact he was moving overseas was going to be the end of us. He wanted to stay friends. He would call and text on the occasion. As would I. He sent a Valentines day text - " wishing I could spend the whole day with you" and " miss seeing you" Then the other day I had enough. He called and said " this has a chance of sort of working between us" and " I didn't know what I had until it was gone". Enough mixed signals - block, delete. I am very sad and have a major connection with him but that is obviously all it was. Who knows why they do it. Sometimes, they may be into us and have a thing for us but, for whatever reason, cannot be with us or anyone. Sometimes people are drawn to us and are not compatible - and they know it and cannot keep away due to their weak will power. OTHER times - they don't think we are that special but are bored and keep us around for sex or as someone to chat to when bored. 4
Satu Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 They probably do it because they get an ego boost from knowing that there is a person on the edge of their lives who still has feelings for them, and is still thinking of them. 2
Author spiderowl Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 This is really stressing you out. =/ It is because it doesn't make sense and I like things that make sense. I am looking elsewhere though because this guy is an oddity as far as I can see and has no claim on me. It's quite liberating to feel I can look elsewhere without feeling guilty about it. 2
Gloria25 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It is because it doesn't make sense and I like things that make sense. I am looking elsewhere though because this guy is an oddity as far as I can see and has no claim on me. It's quite liberating to feel I can look elsewhere without feeling guilty about it. Don't feel guilty.... Get out there, meet people. Cuz, I guarantee you. He isn't putting his life on hold for you. And even "if" (and that's a big "if") he can't date you know cuz of stuff out of his contol, bad timing, etc. For him to think you "owe" him by putting your life on hold when he clearly said he doesn't want an RL is ridiculous. Trust me, the only reason I'm not with someone right now is cuz I've haven't met someone that has what I want/need right now. So, the guy I was crushing on hasn't been a factor in me not trying to meet someone. Look, don't feel guilty. You're gonna waste your time and this guy is just gonna keep you as Plan B if he sees you putting your life on hold. So, worrying about if he's gonna get mad or jealous isn't gonna make him wake up one day and change his mind. 1
Gloria25 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 OIt is because it doesn't make sense and I like things that make sense. I am looking elsewhere though because this guy is an oddity as far as I can see and has no claim on me. It's quite liberating to feel I can look elsewhere without feeling guilty about it. Oh and NEVER put your eggs in one basket!!! Again, my recent situation.... Instead of maintaining communication with the guy I met and my recent crush until I was secure on which would pan out, I focused on my recent crush. WRONG. Now, the other guy is gone and I wasted months on a hope, wish, and prayer. Again, you can be polite and friendly to your "fair weather friend", but get out there and date...keep your options open and don't put any weight into what that flake does/doesn't do. PS, and the guy I dissed? No stupid accent. Tall, good looking, athletic, hard worker and ex-military. The only thing holding me back was he had kids
Leigh 87 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I think in some cases the guys do think about us too. I had a fiery and passionate connection with Irish guy... these types of unions never work out for the most part when there is an unavailable guy involved - but even mr unavailable doesn't stop thinking about a girl with whom he felt a true connection for. In my case I believe the guy does think of me and misses me but we clearly aren't compatible and yet he reached out because, well, the nature of true passion and those " instant" connections is that both people will tend to think of one another. People that don't want to be with us don't necessarily feel totally indifferent and uncaring towards us. I don't really blame him for contacting me in my case - we had an instant connection that felt very intense. I would reach out too in all likeliness, it is hard to ignore what your HEART wants, even if your head knows you cannot be together. I told him to sod off and deleted him so he knows not to contact me - not that I even blame him for doing so to begin with. 1
Gloria25 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I think in some cases the guys do think about us too. I had a fiery and passionate connection with Irish guy... these types of unions never work out for the most part when there is an unavailable guy involved - but even mr unavailable doesn't stop thinking about a girl with whom he felt a true connection for. In my case I believe the guy does think of me and misses me but we clearly aren't compatible and yet he reached out because, well, the nature of true passion and those " instant" connections is that both people will tend to think of one another. People that don't want to be with us don't necessarily feel totally indifferent and uncaring towards us. I don't really blame him for contacting me in my case - we had an instant connection that felt very intense. I would reach out too in all likeliness, it is hard to ignore what your HEART wants, even if your head knows you cannot be together. I told him to sod off and deleted him so he knows not to contact me - not that I even blame him for doing so to begin with. Ok, not to be mean, but I think we tell ourselves things like this you are saying to soften the blow of being rejected. When a man wants you, he will find a way to make it work. Like my recent crush. I'd make excuses about the sun, moon, and starts only to see that in the past and present, when he encounters a woman he truly has a "connection" with, he crawls out of his shell and makes it happen. He even plans and contemplates "what ifs" about women he wants to be with. He's never done that when it comes to me....case closed. "Interested men act interested". ***Gloria25 drops mic and exits stage floor*** 1
Recommended Posts