Cambria Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 The short story...we were together for 5 years. I've known him since I was 14 and we dated in high school. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was my best friend. He blindsided me with the breakup in Jan and immediately (within hours) moved in with and began dating a woman I thought was my friend. March 29 would have been our anniversary. Two months in and I've been holding up about as well as you would expect. We were in limited contact since the breakup until I initiated no contact two weeks ago. It has helped so far. Then I wake up today and see that he forwarded an email to me. Just a reminder about my car needing to be inspected at the DMV. Seeing his name....well it shattered the walls I've been trying to put up around my heart. Now I'm a crying mess and full of pain and sadness. I miss him so much. I love him. I know it's only been two months but this is so hard. I've never been a patient person. I wish there was a switch so I could just turn off my emotions. I don't want to love him anymore. It hurts so much.
Ruby65 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Believe me, I know how much it hurts! Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Stick with the No Contact -- and give yourself time. Never underestimate the sheer awesome healing power of: NC + Time Keep posting! You WILL feel better.... and sooner than you think. 2
Satu Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 You're right in the middle of the worst part of this. It feels like you can't bear it, but you can. Grieving is coded into our genes, into our physiology, into our minds. Its part of an incredible self-healing ability that we have. It is a natural process that we follow, without knowing that we are following anything. You will get through this. Here is something I wrote for myself and put into practice. I hope some of it will be useful for you. ******************************************************** 1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres for a female. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. 9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help. 4
bigtrouble Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 The short story...we were together for 5 years. I've known him since I was 14 and we dated in high school. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was my best friend. He blindsided me with the breakup in Jan and immediately (within hours) moved in with and began dating a woman I thought was my friend. March 29 would have been our anniversary. Two months in and I've been holding up about as well as you would expect. We were in limited contact since the breakup until I initiated no contact two weeks ago. It has helped so far. Then I wake up today and see that he forwarded an email to me. Just a reminder about my car needing to be inspected at the DMV. Seeing his name....well it shattered the walls I've been trying to put up around my heart. Now I'm a crying mess and full of pain and sadness. I miss him so much. I love him. I know it's only been two months but this is so hard. I've never been a patient person. I wish there was a switch so I could just turn off my emotions. I don't want to love him anymore. It hurts so much. I'm sorry for your pain, but we gotta be tough... Do what it takes for you to heal... If NC works for you go for it... Others need LC... Do what heals you, only you now what you need... Be strong... 1
Lion Heart Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 The short story...we were together for 5 years. I've known him since I was 14 and we dated in high school. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was my best friend. He blindsided me with the breakup in Jan and immediately (within hours) moved in with and began dating a woman I thought was my friend. March 29 would have been our anniversary. Two months in and I've been holding up about as well as you would expect. We were in limited contact since the breakup until I initiated no contact two weeks ago. It has helped so far. Then I wake up today and see that he forwarded an email to me. Just a reminder about my car needing to be inspected at the DMV. Seeing his name....well it shattered the walls I've been trying to put up around my heart. Now I'm a crying mess and full of pain and sadness. I miss him so much. I love him. I know it's only been two months but this is so hard. I've never been a patient person. I wish there was a switch so I could just turn off my emotions. I don't want to love him anymore. It hurts so much. Hi Cambria, I'm sorry for the situation you're in. The pain ebbs and flows now. Maybe there are moments when you have "forgotten" your pain, even for a few seconds or minutes? At first my only escape was sleep. I didn't sleep much. Its been just over 3 months since a traumatic event in my marriage and it wasn't till 2 days ago that I successfully and intentionally invoked a feeling of peace for parts of the day at a time, whilst at home. I've had to work etc and can concentrate somewhat there. It was being home alone that's been my biggest challenge. I've still not mastered it at home and certainly still grieve and cry - when I told myself I could, it was almost like I cried less, less hard for shorter periods. It's like being your own best friend. Living in the moment is mindfulness. It's a practise that is beneficial for all of life. I'm not suggesting you join a meditation group or anything right now. You can do a search and get some tips. Today I thought: There's nothing in past that can help me now by thinking of it. I've integrated all the experiences. I am now, who I am now. Thinking of the future brings fear and anxiety at times. Who can I be in this moment. What do I feel at this moment. Nurture yourself in the way you want to. Just be. Look at something that makes you smile (a pet, a garden, a baby in your family - a funny movie). Spread a bubble of peace emanating out from you. Acknowledge your moments of peace and build on these. There is healing in these moments as in every moment from now on. You're awesome. Light that candle inside you over and over again. Be resilient. Persevere. You will become whole again. Moment by moment. Lion Heart.
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