What's the point of marriage/love/relationships its so fickle

[harkkam]

Im old fashioned I guess. Im a woman who has been married 21 years and value marriage, fidelity, partnership and communication. I think about being retired to the same husband ive had since i was 18. I envision happy times with grand kids coming over to visit us. Reality is I have a H who doesnt envision this as he cheats. Even so, Ive stuck it out. I habe and am trying to keep this marriage and family together. I believe in its importance. I ask myself is their any men out there who want the same thing. Who want long term love and marriage? Why cant we find each other. (Granted I haven't looked since Im married). Im a good person who got a fickle partner. It sucks!

 

 

I'm sorry that he cheats, you deserve better. Somebody who feels the same way. But often its too late when we have invested so much that we find out the kind of person we are married to is not what we had hoped for. I just think love and marriage should be reduced to 10% importance and not have any biological kids but adopt instead.

[trippi1432]

But often its too late when we have invested so much that we find out the kind of person we are married to is not what we had hoped for. I just think love and marriage should be reduced to 10% importance and not have any biological kids but adopt instead.[/bold]

 

I tend to agree (as a woman), love and marriage and kids can wait. I don't get a do-over, as at my age, what's done is done. However, at only 28, why do you feel that love and marriage should be reduced to 10% importance? Whoever said it was more than 10% to begin with?

 

My son is almost 20...so this interests me for your generation...what is the driving factor? The proverbial cart before the horse is rarely a good thing....

[BC1980]

Im old fashioned I guess. Im a woman who has been married 21 years and value marriage, fidelity, partnership and communication. I think about being retired to the same husband ive had since i was 18. I envision happy times with grand kids coming over to visit us. Reality is I have a H who doesnt envision this as he cheats. Even so, Ive stuck it out. I habe and am trying to keep this marriage and family together. I believe in its importance. I ask myself is their any men out there who want the same thing. Who want long term love and marriage? Why cant we find each other. (Granted I haven't looked since Im married). Im a good person who got a fickle partner. It sucks!

 

I think that the vast majority of people (men and women) actually do want a stable, long term relationship. I just think that it's really difficult to maintain that with one person over decades because there is such a high probability that one person will get bored, fall out of love, stop trying, want something different. I think that most people do want their marriages to last forever on their wedding day, but there are so many variables that get thrown at us over the years. People can't help it if the fall out of love, and, once that happens, it's over. I don't know why or how it happens, but it does.

[harkkam]

In my experience, there's a difference between men and women.

 

Men will typically say "I want you to lose weight", "I want you to do nastier things in bed" etc. As many women will say "No, never!", some men starts looking in other directions.

 

Women on the other hand, will often just give you hints that something is wrong. They stop sleeping with you, but instead of saying "I want you to act more like a man", they complain about intense headache. You know deep inside that something is wrong, but women will usually not admit this.

 

My ex couldn't keep her hands off me until she suddenly stopped one day. Her mother had just passed away, so I didn't want to push her. But it never came back, and she refused to discuss it. At the same time, she kept telling me how attracted she was to me.

 

I have absolutely no idea what happened. I wasn't very clingy, in fact, it was the other way around most of the time. Since I didn't know what caused the problem, I didn't know how to fix it. And after 7 years she left me for another dude.

 

The big question is... Can you ever really compete with that? My ex was all I ever wanted, but yet I started fantasizing about sleeping with other girls after a few years. But I was never concerned about this, because I knew beforehand that it would happen sooner or later. I loved my girlfriend so deeply that I would never dream of leaving her just for some excitement.

 

But if a woman is really convinced that attraction to another guy is always a SIGN that your current relationship is bad... Won't it always end in a disaster sooner or later? I mean, we're all human. Things go wrong. We get sick. We get depressed. It's impossible to be cool and fun all the time. As soon as you start having a couple of rough weeks, game over.

 

Exactly....I think I'm just going to just sleep around as much as I can and just write off having a committed relationship as usually ending and being too painful