MiSoleil Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I/m new to this so pls bare with me :-) My on and off boyfriend of a few months is so indifferent about us. I really question where we stand most of the time... Im 20 ad hes 22, hes my first everything and took my virginity so I feel deeply attached to him. But the problem is, he would profess his love for me one day and say how much he misses me and cares for me, and then goes weeks without contacting me at all. The first time this happened, I was worried and kept texting and calling him bc I didn't want to lose him.... But after we got back together again and explaining how hurt I was that he was being so hot and cold towards me, he goes and does it again! And this time, I don't even bother texting him bc I learned the hard was the first time I did that. I just ended up embarrassing myself tbh, and now its like....well fine then. If he doesn't want to call or text, what else is there for me to do? I cant change the way he feels.....its just so confusing that he said he loved me and said he truly meant it, but goes and ignores me the following days and weeks. I just fear he just doesn't care.
soyou Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 A guy is hot and cold toward you and especially ignoring you for a week, that means he doesnt care for you. He is not in love with you. I can understand that he is your first and that makes you feel so attached to him but this is not a healthy relationship should function. Please break up with this guy and save yourself some dignitiy and self esteem. The longer you're going to stay with him, the more emotional damages you'll have in the future (eg: self worth, confidence, etc) 2
DoesntGetIt Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 To be unfortunately blunt, if he is up and disappearing for a couple weeks at a time, he is chasing (and possibly getting with) something else. When that thing is over, he is returning to you until the next chase. You don't want to be with that. 1
Hopeful30 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 "He is indifferent about us." Aka he doesnt care. Why are you cconfused again? 1
elliecoffee Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Break up with him. If he's telling you he loves you one day and ignoring you for a month, means you're his side chick. You deserve better Be strong, and move on. It will be totally worth it. 2
Auspecial Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Maybe he has a personality disorder. But really its matters less "why" he is doing this, and matters more just that he is doing it. You've already tried to talk about it with no results. Its going to be hard to cut it off, but I really hope that you do. We teach people how to treat us, and he sees that although you do't like it, you have been allowing this, so he will keep doing it, and trust me it will really begin (if it hasn't already) to wear badly on your self esteem and probably effect other things in your life. So not worth it. Look at the hand writing on the wall. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 He just isn't that into you. He thinks you are hot enough to keep around for sex and he might enjoy your company. When a man adores you and genuinely cherishes you, he will definitely want a relationship with you unless he is a true commitment phobic. Your guy could be a commitment phobe but mostly, men who act hot and cold just don't feel strongly enough about you to make you a priority. When you meet a man who is truly interested in you and feels you have something to offer that other women just didn't, you will KNOW. He won't be hot and cold. He will just make it known that he is into you and you wont have to come on here and wonder why he isn't answer your calls, why he doesn't often call and why he generally treats you like an option. 1
Author MiSoleil Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 My boyfriend of a few months finally contacted me the day before valentines day after an entire month of NC. The last thing between us was me begging him not to leave me and that I was sorry for what I said bc I really didn't want to leave him. He said he didn't think we could be together anymore. I decided to delete his number to erase any temptation of ever calling or texting him again....but I ended up finding his number again from his voicemail he left me a long time ago and I couldn't bring myself to delete it so I just kept it in my contacts with a slash sigh next to his name. I needed counseling going through this breakup...he was my very first boyfriend and first EVERYTHING. I couldn't get him out of my mind no matter how much I tried, and I lost so much motivation and neglected my friends so bad. But anyways, I ignored him for 5 days after he called me the day before vday and wishing me the best and saying how I will always be that one girl who was too good to be true for him. He called 19 times before I had to turn off my phone and he knew I was forwarding his calls too. When I decided to text him back, I asked why he contacted me now after s long and how our break up was for a reason. He said he always thinks of me and that he sees I just want to move on and he wished I didn't and hes sorry. I said im sorry too. The next day he texted me that he loved me for the first time ever. I was shocked and didn't know how to take it. I always said only say that if you really meant it, and in my heart I knew it was true so I said I loved him back. We finally talked on the phone after sooo long and caught up with each other. I told how school has been rough and he was really concerned bc we are so opposite from each other and he loves that Im smart and have so much potential. He was worried it was bc of him and he always said he doesn't want to distract me or hurt me. But he always ignores me and I don't know if it bc he cares about my schooling or bc he just doesn't care anymore.... Its been 16 days since I even heard back from him and I don't even try to text him anymore to fix it bc I didn't that in the beginning and just embarrassed myself. Now after explaining to him how I was hurt that he was so distant and very hot and cold, he goes and does it again. I know ifI tried to text him now, he would prob text back, but its just how come he doesn't even want to send me a good morning or good night text like before??? Does he just NOT CARE or does he really just want me to focus on school instead? Thanks for the advice in advance
ExpatInItaly Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I think he cares about you and wants you to be well and happy, but he isn't your boyfriend anymore. That's why he's not texting you good morning. You two broke up, no?
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 When an ex contacts you like this it's often because someone just dumped them. He got thinking about you and decided to contact you to get some attention. No, he does not care, he knew that would hurt you and he did it anyway just to get his ego boosted. After you 2 talked and you confirmed you still had feelings for him he lost interest. Someone out there wants him, that made him feel better for a few hours. Do not ever answer his communication again. 1
Author MiSoleil Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 I have an on and off boyfriend of a few months and right now I don't know where we stand. We be up twice, and the second time we didn't speak for a month. Then he suddenly contacted me and I wanted to ignore him, but I texted him back days later. He said he loved me for the first time and I was shocked but I believed it so I said that I loved him too and then he called and we caught up with each other after 1.5 months of being apart. He said I will always be that one girl who was too good to be true and that he really really cares for me ad cares that I do well in school bc he sees a lot of potential in me that he lacks himself. He also said how he doesn't want to distract me or hurt me and thinks its his fault for me having a rough time in school bc Im distracted by him and he doesn't want that. He wants me to do well and focus on my education (he doesn't work or go to school but hes trying). He's in another state right now, but he said he will be back in 1-2 weeks.....however, this was like 3 weeks ago since he called. I texted him one day and it was normal, but he stopped texting me after that and that was 16 days ago. I haven't heard from him since. He is always hot and cold with me. Right now, I just want to see if he will text or call me again, and I don't want to initiate it bc last time I did that I embarrassed myself and I learned from my mistake. I just don't know where we stand RIGHT NOW. Does this sound like a doomed relationship??? Should I move on? He was my first everything so Im deeply attached to him and love him.
Hopeful30 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I didnt even have to read your post. The moment you said "on and off again" it means its doomed. If you teeter back and forth then there are either too many issues neither of you really want to deal with, or you just lack a good foundation. 1
Author MiSoleil Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 We JUST got back together after a month of not speaking. He said he loved me and we got back together. But I haven't heard from him in more than 2 weeks now......... Not even a single text from him.
elliecoffee Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 You already posted something similar, right? Girl, move on. Really. When someone cares, it does not matter the circumstances they will try to be present in your life no matter what, as simple as that. Text messages? nah. He loves you? he would have gone to your house to say it in person and you tell you everything he needed to say even if he just wanted to get it out of his chest. Besides, don't place your happiness in other people's hands. Don't neglect your friends. If you keep doing those two things, you'll regret later on. And finally, you needed counseling to cope with that break up, DON'T GO BACK TO AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. 1
badpenny Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Then I fail to see how you can think you're 'back together'. It may be a good idea to send him a text saying "Are we still an item? or are you going to tell me it's over by posting pics of you and your GF on FB? An answer either way would be nice. happy to move on and forget you if this is too much effort for you!" Perhaps the short sharp shock will rouse him from his idleness....?
badpenny Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I responded in your other thread, but honestly? I would cut your losses, move on, and find someone you'll be far more on with, and no off of.
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 We JUST got back together after a month of not speaking. He said he loved me and we got back together. But I haven't heard from him in more than 2 weeks now......... Not even a single text from him. Even if he contacts you now, I'd ask him to stop and tell him you're ending it once and for all. You've already come through a break up and he's not treating you with respect or demonstrating his sincerity about moving forward with you. Do not contact him and if he contacts you, don't respond. Go no contact from this point on. Grieve the loss and start dating again. 1
Satu Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 He's shown a total disregard for your wellbeing, and that cannot be excused. No contact. No direct contact in either direction. No sending, no receiving, no replies. No indirect contact via third parties. No monitoring of social media. No 'little birds' feeding you news. Delete any messages you have and block him.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Communication is a two way process. If you're the type of girl that would sit around and wait two weeks instead of reaching out, I'm guessing you always expected him to initiate before? If that's the case, he probably got sick of always reaching out first and is holding out to see if you ever contact him first.
Author MiSoleil Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 Communication is a two way process. If you're the type of girl that would sit around and wait two weeks instead of reaching out, I'm guessing you always expected him to initiate before? If that's the case, he probably got sick of always reaching out first and is holding out to see if you ever contact him first. I was like that the first time we broke up. I wanted answers and I was worried and tried reaching out so many times and it never worked, he just forwarded my calls and ignored me . It just made me look desperate and crazy. I decided to just wait to see if he would even text or call but he hasn't and I don't think I want to go back to trying to fix it like I did before. I guess I learned the hard way not to do that..
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I/m new to this so pls bare with me :-) My on and off boyfriend of a few months is so indifferent about us. I really question where we stand most of the time... Im 20 ad hes 22, hes my first everything and took my virginity so I feel deeply attached to him. But the problem is, he would profess his love for me one day and say how much he misses me and cares for me, and then goes weeks without contacting me at all. The first time this happened, I was worried and kept texting and calling him bc I didn't want to lose him.... But after we got back together again and explaining how hurt I was that he was being so hot and cold towards me, he goes and does it again! And this time, I don't even bother texting him bc I learned the hard was the first time I did that. I just ended up embarrassing myself tbh, and now its like....well fine then. If he doesn't want to call or text, what else is there for me to do? I cant change the way he feels.....its just so confusing that he said he loved me and said he truly meant it, but goes and ignores me the following days and weeks. I just fear he just doesn't care. Men go hot and cold because well, at one point they are hot and then at another point they are cold. Those men simply don't know what they want, more importantly, they don't really want to be with that particular girl but they'll stick with it usually because there isn't another girl that interests them enough or at all. When they are with you they are hot because they have what they want for the moment at least and they are feeling some kind of emotions, they tell you what they think you want to hear. When they've had their fill, they don't think about it anymore. It really isn't you, it's them. Drop this one. Look for consistency in dating a man. It may be slow, but as long as it's consistent, they have at least a more respectful and clear interest in you. Don't ever chase a man. Let him come to you. Don't call or text this one. If he comes back again, tell him you are no longer interested. I believe in second chances if the conditions are right, but 3, 4, 5, nope.
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I was like that the first time we broke up. I wanted answers and I was worried and tried reaching out so many times and it never worked, he just forwarded my calls and ignored me . It just made me look desperate and crazy. I decided to just wait to see if he would even text or call but he hasn't and I don't think I want to go back to trying to fix it like I did before. I guess I learned the hard way not to do that.. Agree with you MiSoleil...don't contact him. Especially since you did that before, he never responded, making you feel worse! You're right, and lesson learned. By the way, how long were you *back together* before he stopped calling again? One day, one week? Did you have sex? Did he disappear immediately after that? Need more details...
leyateresa Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 When a guy really wants a relationship with someone he doesn't stop putting out for them. That being said, relationships do have ups and downs, and many people in our generation seem to think that if something goes wrong in a relationship you should just break up, or "divorce" to stop the problems. Sometimes it's worth the effort to communicate and work them out. Probably would be best to think about how you truly feel about the relationship, maybe make a list of pros and cons for reasons why you feel you want it to work out. Then decide if it is worth fighting for it, or if the long run you'll be happier by yourself, looking for a healthier relationship. It can be painful in the short term, but time quickly heals things, and with time you would be back on your feet, happy, spending time with friends, and looking back thinking "why was I so consumed things about him, it wasn't worth it." And that's better than being "on and off" in the long run. If you can sort things out, then so be it, and hopefully that leads to a happy, healthier relationship.
darkmoon Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 no school no job, but trying to behave like you, he sounds like a real catch, not
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 MisSoleil you have three different threads currently running about this guy. Can you just stick to just one and add to it as new things happen? I responded to one thread already... but now see there are two others running. IDK it's confusing... maybe the mods can combine!?
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