MissTrudy Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 while i do find it a little odd that she doesn't want to talk about it at all, especially because she instigated it, you need to respect her wishes and leave her alone. what exactly are you trying to accomplish by talking about it anyway? do you want to know how she felt about it? whether she'd do it again? if she ever wants to talk about it she will talk about it with you, i'm sure. don't push it especially if it was recently. she might need more time to process what happened. this may seem off topic but i'll ask it anyway: have you ever asked her what her fantasy is? if you're concerned about her opening up, think about asking her what would please her and you do something about it!
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I think a great compliment the day after would have been "Even though there were three of us in that bedroom, you're the only one I wanted". I'm guessing that she's starting to have a little bit of buyers remorse and feeling really insecure about the threesome. Deep down she probably worries you still fantasize about her friend and doesn't want to talk about it. 1
Author DazzasHappy Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 It's perfectly normal for two people in a relationship to try something they wouldn't normally like to please their partner. Firstly I would never have wanted her to do anything she didn't like but more specifically to your point while it may be normal to try new things I cannot believe that it is normal afterwards to not even discuss, heck we can't even mention whether we liked what happened or not. I can't believe that that sort of shutdown is normal. Again I will reiterate that if something is bothering her about that night I would like the opportunity to address it. She is not your buddy! Don't talk to her like she is some dude you had a drunken night with. No, she's my girl, I should be able to discuss everything with her, even the stuff I wouldn't discuss with my buddies. Do you really edit your conversation around your partner? I find that sad if you need to do that. I have always been able to be totally transparent without judgement up until this point. She probably doesn't want to talk about it because she assumes you are going to badger her into another night of your fantasy and want a repeat performance. And this sort of thing is one of my concerns. She should not be assuming anything, she should be talking to me and finding out first hand. If I was indeed pushing for it to happen again and that's not something she wants then would be the time to shut it down. she needs to believe it's just her in his mind again. It IS just her in my mind. She could easily find this out if we could talk about that weekend. I would be able to assure her that it was her I wanted and still want. I never asked for this threesome and would have been just as happy with her alone in that sexy uniform. Heck even without talking my actions on that weekend should have proved that. this may seem off topic but i'll ask it anyway: have you ever asked her what her fantasy is? if you're concerned about her opening up, think about asking her what would please her and you do something about it! It has already been done. When she turned 21 about 4 years ago I offered to fulfill a fantasy of hers and followed through with it. We spoke about it quite often in the period after and it still gets mentioned to this day. I have a feeling that she granted this threesome (that I did not ask for) as some sort of payback for me granting hers. She probably didn't want to but felt obligated and I blame myself for not stressing enough that it was not necessary. Deep down she probably worries you still fantasize about her friend and doesn't want to talk about it. I don't get this at all. Why would one worry about their partner fantasizing about another rather than ask? We have always had the type of relationship where we could ask and could discuss but this one topic only seems like a massive taboo. For the record though I have listened to what has been said here and I will not be pursuing it any further with that hope that she will broach the subject at some point. I am however really disappointed with her shutting me out like this, while it might not seem so bad and even normal to some posters here it is very much out of character for us.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You have to be one of the dumbest most insecure guys on the planet right now...you're actually trying to create a problem where there is none. She did something for you that the majority of women would never do, and instead of just be happy about it and move on, you're sitting here figuring out how to turn it into the most dramatic situation ever, like you want there to be a problem with it. You need to essentially forget that this ever happened in her presence. You don't mention it, you don't crack little jokes about it, you don't make little snarky remarks or innuendos, just shut your mouth and go gush to one of your close friends that you know will never say a word and he will tell you how awesome of a GF you have and how lucky of a guy you are for having a girl that would do that. Other than that, your own little insecurity is twisting the situation into one where it needs to be talked about when you are the only one who wishes to speak about it which will make things worse rather than better. If a woman gives you a threesome and the deal is to never mention it, you take that deal, there's no thinking, there's no griping, there's no sense in complaining or arguing. You're one of those little weasely guys who needs to talk about everything and know everything because of an uncontrollable anxiety and fears that you create within your own mind and this validation that you need to talk about it. My advise to you is to punch yourself in the face until you knock some sense into yourself.
Author DazzasHappy Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 If a woman gives you a threesome and the deal is to never mention it, you take that deal, there's no thinking, there's no griping, there's no sense in complaining or arguing Sure, that makes sense, if the deal was to never talk about it then you honor that deal. That has nothing to do with my situation though. I have floated around this site in the last few days and read a few threads and the advice by and large is communicate, communicate, communicate, talk talk, talk. Yet here I am getting the opposite advice, it makes little sense to me. What if the situation was reversed? What if she wanted to talk about the weekend and I didn't want to? Would the advice to her be to just let him (me) go or would you be telling her that she has a right to know my feelings after such a big event? Reading other threads suggests to me that many people on here would be encouraging as much openness and communication as possible. While everyone seems focused on her right to remain silent (against everything our relationship has ever been) no-one seems to give any weight to my desire to be able to talk openly. I hope that's not just a gender thing where the woman always controls the situation and I should just follow the lead? You're one of those little weasely guysuncontrollable anxiety and fearspunch yourself in the faceNice attack, very constructive, thanks. I can see from those comments that effective communication is not your strong point.
soyou Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I dont mean to put fuel into fire but 3some and group sex often lead to break-up and resentment if the couples are not well prepared mentally and be upfront and straight up from the beginning. Even when couples agree on terms and move forward with the act, they later find out that the scene is too vivid and it's absolutely worse than what they initially expected. All the pieces inside got broken. The scene of their partner kissing, penetrating another person is just too much to handle and get over. I understand your needs to discuss on this matter but I think your gf is under her own shock and is oin the realization stage that everything was not as fun and forgetful as she had expected. Give her sometime to adjust her thoughts. I'm pretty sure she will open up to you again and talk about this soon. Just a little patience from you is all what she needs for now.
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