coachk Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 When one break up with the other, sometmes the other fights to keep the relationship going. Trying to buy her love, or beg or plead to keep it going. Why is this?' Lack of self-confidence? Fear of being alone? I've ended 3 relationships, 1 girl begged for me but I didn't take her back I've been dumped 3 times. 1 gir i begged and pleaded to get back. The difference between her and the other 2 was I was in love with her. I could see myself marrying and starting a family with her Did i beg and plead for her because I was in love?
Twigyy Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I do think about this sometimes, too. Mine ended around 5 weeks ago, and for the first week I have been begging and begging, saying all the good memories, and how I cannot live without her. Now I wonder why did I do that to someone who dumped me over a stupid reason. Is it because of love? Or is it because that I take the relationship too seriously? Hope someone here found out why it happens xD
lumberjac Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I think its the sudden change to our lifes. We, as humans, doesnt like sudden changes. We have a set routine that we are comfortable with. When we are set with someone, used to doing things with him/her, and especially if you put in feelings with them, our mind just think that we have to stay with them forever, they are our left or right hand, we NEED them. So once they break it off with you your mind just go into the panic mode cause we think we can't live without them. And we would do everything we could at that moment to save it, everything, anything. I'm sure if my ex say she would stay only if I cut my arm off for her, I would totally do that lol. But once we sit down and have a think about things, slowly changing our routine and have them fade in our memory, then we would start to see things clearly. Realising we don't need anyone in order to stay alive. That's when we think back and go "Ah damn, shouldnt have done that, what was I thinking!?" Hope this makes sense! 3
Stercrazy Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Humans are programmed to seek a mate to ensure the next generation. Also evolution has programmed humans to instinctually be with someone for safety reseaons. When someone breaks up with us all of sudden the brain goes into crisis mode because that survival instinct is triggered. In modern day the fact is we don't need others to survive.....or to be happy. Now.....can we stop this from making do or say crazy things......not all the time. But after a while we are able to take a step back and see the relationship for what it was and why it failed objectively.....then we go "WTF was I thinking". Lol
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 (edited) I think its the sudden change to our lifes. We, as humans, doesnt like sudden changes. We have a set routine that we are comfortable with. When we are set with someone, used to doing things with him/her, and especially if you put in feelings with them, our mind just think that we have to stay with them forever, they are our left or right hand, we NEED them. So once they break it off with you your mind just go into the panic mode cause we think we can't live without them. And we would do everything we could at that moment to save it, everything, anything. I'm sure if my ex say she would stay only if I cut my arm off for her, I would totally do that lol. But once we sit down and have a think about things, slowly changing our routine and have them fade in our memory, then we would start to see things clearly. Realising we don't need anyone in order to stay alive. That's when we think back and go "Ah damn, shouldnt have done that, what was I thinking!?" Hope this makes sense! Lumberjac makes a really good point. I don't think you can chalk it up to just ONE thing that makes men and/or women beg reconciliation. It's a host of things but if/when love is in the mix, it makes it that much more difficult to let go I think. I have to also agree that routine and comfortability also play a big role particularly if we've INVESTED many months or worse, years with them only to find ourselves out on the streets having to start all over with someone brand new. As exciting as dating can be especially the beginning bits when couples are seriously hot and heavy, it can also be the thing that they dread most. The time and energy that goes into finding a compatible mate can seem daunting for many people never mind finally finding that comfortable nook where most relationships start to grow from. Personally, I'd never beg for anyone to take me back. If they felt that strongly about leaving me after whatever time we had together, I'd show them the door and hope that time apart for the both of us would be productive. Perhaps too much pride but in the end I'd say it was their loss. Edited March 15, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 1
lumberjac Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Lumberjac makes a really good point. I don't think you can chalk it up to just ONE thing that makes men and/or women beg reconciliation. It's a host of things but if/when love is in the mix, it makes it that much more difficult to let go I think. I have to also agree that routine and comfortability also play a big role particularly if we've INVESTED many months or worse, years with them only to find ourselves out on the streets having to start all over with someone brand new. As exciting as dating can be especially the beginning bits when couples are seriously hot and heavy, it can also be the thing that they dread most. The time and energy that goes into finding a compatible mate can seem daunting for many people never mind finally finding that comfortable nook where most relationships start to grow from. Personally, I'd never beg for anyone to take me back. If they felt that strongly about leaving me after whatever time we had together, I'd show them the door and hope that time apart for the both of us would be productive. Perhaps too much pride but in the end I'd say it was their loss. Yeh my most recent breakup hit me the most simply because I invested too much in her. We were comfortable with each other, and somehow our parents met each other as well so I thought things were going really well, and hence put in a lot to this relationship. Not gonna lie, I begged, but only two messages on facebook on the day we broke up. Thinking back right now I don't really regret doing that, our relationship was definitely worth those two messages. I just feel a bit sad knowing all these "investments" are gone, plus losing a good pal like her. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I think there is a difference between trying to work it out and outright pleading and begging. I think one is almost expected particularly in relationships that have gone on for years and where families have gotten involved etc. The other seems stemmed in desperation and fear of being alone. One is productive, the other is not. I also think the dumper plays as much of a role in how this goes down as the dumpee. I genuinely believe a LTR deserves a conversation about what, why and how can it possibly be fixed, especially if a couple loved each other and spoke of a future together. I think the dumper has a responsibility to their relationship and partner to have that uncomfortable talk rather than it feel like it came out of the blue and BAM! They're out the door. Of course that's painful. And I can understand how it might make dumpees to do drastic things if only to get some answers...BUT...at some point one needs to learn the art of letting go... I don't think there is any shame in trying to salvage a LTR but if one is going to do it at least do it with dignity and grace and one's self respect in tact. 2
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