armor Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 this isn't really my thing but I don't have anyone to talk to and my depression is bad at the moment. I was dating someone and I liked her a lot I ended up doing something stupid and I wanted to keep seeing her but she wont talk to me. So I need to forget about her but I like her so damn much. This is the first girl that I felt like all them happy feelings with and all that. I had social anxiety which made it very hard to meet anyone, I had my 1st girlfriend when I was 25, we had everything in common but didn't have those happy feelings with her, basically because it was a very crap relationship, I lived with her for a selfish reason because I was a drop out that hadn't and didn't want to work for years so it was either that or live with my dad, she had a load of mental problems and I got into a lot of **** and trouble with her. Then 2 years later I met someone online I basically talked to her 1 night and arranged to meet next morning, never done that before it was dead exciteing, it just felt like the natural thing to do I just thought wow shes cute got to do it quick before someone ellse snatches her. she is kinda like me self conscious, she was saying like im a size 18, I don't know what a size 18 is and I don't care because her face is stunning. when I met her I was like okay shes alright I like her and then ended up being silly and ended up falling for her and we only met 4 times. im not experienced in relationships but this felt nothing like how I felt with my ex. so anyway now comes the stupid part she was still on the dateing site we met on and I got really jealous. I got rid of my profile on there, I thought it would be the natural thing to do. I don't want to go into detail but I ended up knowing she was still talking to guys on there and then I felt the need to tell her I cant see her anymore. now im thinking I really shouldn't have done that. was I right in doing that? after all we only saw each other 4 times
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Oh for heaven's sake. You went about this backwards. When you meet somebody on OLD, you assume they are still on OLD talking to other people & dating them. Just because you took your profile down didn't mean she was obligated to do so. The mature way you handle this isn't to get all jealous & cut her out of your life. Instead you sit the other person down. You tell them that you like them & would like to have a relationship with them. You say you are taking your profile down & you ask how they feel about taking there's down. If they do, great. If the don't you have choices: put yours back up & multi-date too, keep yours down & wait to see if they eventually become amendable to a relationship or walk away. You don't just pitch a fit & storm out. Also after 4 dates it's waaaaayyyyy too soon in many people's opinion to be having this conversation. You might have one shot at fixing this. Call her and apologize. Say jealousy made you a bit crazy because you really like her & would like to date her exclusively. She may not accept your apology because your behavior was outside the social norms so she no longer has a foundation upon which to trust that you will respond to other stressors in a predictable manner. 2
girl-in-boots Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Oh for heaven's sake. You went about this backwards. When you meet somebody on OLD, you assume they are still on OLD talking to other people & dating them. Just because you took your profile down didn't mean she was obligated to do so. The mature way you handle this isn't to get all jealous & cut her out of your life. Instead you sit the other person down. You tell them that you like them & would like to have a relationship with them. You say you are taking your profile down & you ask how they feel about taking there's down. If they do, great. If the don't you have choices: put yours back up & multi-date too, keep yours down & wait to see if they eventually become amendable to a relationship or walk away. You don't just pitch a fit & storm out. Also after 4 dates it's waaaaayyyyy too soon in many people's opinion to be having this conversation. You might have one shot at fixing this. Call her and apologize. Say jealousy made you a bit crazy because you really like her & would like to date her exclusively. She may not accept your apology because your behavior was outside the social norms so she no longer has a foundation upon which to trust that you will respond to other stressors in a predictable manner. In fairness dating in the UK is different from the States. When you date it is exclusive as soon as you start dating. Seeing other people, even if you haven't gotten round to sex, is considered cheating. OP welcome to the world of online dating. It's just the way it goes sometimes, you meet someone you think there's a future and then you mess up or they mess up and because you haven't known each other long the one who feels they have been messed about walks away. It feels like a slap in the face but you will get over it and meet other people. I'd sign up again and chalk it up to a learning experience. 2
quattrob Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 OP, I've used dating sites before and let me tell you how I succeeded using it. I had the same jealousy you had about a girl who I really liked that I've only met a few times. She was still using the dating website, going on dates etc. It bothered me but I didn't let it show and even made her think i didn't care. If you really liked this girl, you need to ignore that she's dating other guys and focus on you and her. Anything that doesn't involve you is out of your control anyways and if you try to stop it, it shows her one thing, that you lack confidence and weird. It shouldn't matter if she's dating around while seeing you. You should show her how great and confident you are. Not get jealous especially when you've only met this girl 4 times. That is just crazy. You need to be strong and confident, she will feel it and this will really attract her. That's what happened to me and it can for you too. 1
Author armor Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 thanks guys but its already been done its to late, iv sent loads of needy messages that cant be undone now. by the way I cant date more than 1 person and because we were already kissing if she did see anyone ellse which from what I knew of her and her signals she wouldn't have but I would have not wanted to see her anyway if she did, its just the way I am ha, plus I don't want another guys germs in my mouth lol. A part from my ex shes the only girl iv dated. I just find it a shame that we cant work things out because we both really liked each other she texted me all day everday lol. its just hard for me to meet new people where I am there is no one im interested in, been on dateing sites for ageas, im not boasting but for a guy I get a fair share of messages but it doesn't feel the same, with her it was wow I have to have her haha, I said I had to meet her before someone ellse gets her. another great thing about was she only a month younger than me I want someone as close to my age as possible for some reason and she doesn't have kids which is like wow because nowadays its like anyone older than 21 has kids, not that I don't like them its just if ever do find someone to be with id rather us have our children together. ha im just a bit depressed at the moment I have depression think this might have triggerd it. not saying I wont get over her, we didn't know eachother long its just that I feel like its always gonna be at the back of my head thinkin i wonder if we could have been together. i just need to start my weight training againg its all gone to crap at the moment. how does someone who litturly doesn't go out drinking with friends (because i don't have any) find someone but not on a dating site?
Author armor Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Oh for heaven's sake. You went about this backwards. When you meet somebody on OLD, you assume they are still on OLD talking to other people & dating them. Just because you took your profile down didn't mean she was obligated to do so. The mature way you handle this isn't to get all jealous & cut her out of your life. Instead you sit the other person down. You tell them that you like them & would like to have a relationship with them. You say you are taking your profile down & you ask how they feel about taking there's down. If they do, great. If the don't you have choices: put yours back up & multi-date too, keep yours down & wait to see if they eventually become amendable to a relationship or walk away. You don't just pitch a fit & storm out. Also after 4 dates it's waaaaayyyyy too soon in many people's opinion to be having this conversation. You might have one shot at fixing this. Call her and apologize. Say jealousy made you a bit crazy because you really like her & would like to date her exclusively. She may not accept your apology because your behavior was outside the social norms so she no longer has a foundation upon which to trust that you will respond to other stressors in a predictable manner. I know what you mean but I felt good about getting rid of mine, I thought I could always make another one if things didn't work out. but what you say about waiting to see if they wanted a relationship with me is whats always on my mind, im constanly thinking why didn't I just wait she clearly liked me but weve only met 4 times, im just not experienced with it but I was also takeing steroids which if you don't know paranoia is a side effect. by the way takeing steroids is legal here in the uk so don't say I shouldn't be takeing them and all that
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