Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Ok... Let's tackle this logically. What creates that "spark" for you? You seem to equate physical attractiveness with spark. I have always been very physically attracted to my wife... and you think that means I should feel anxious around her at first. WTF? I don't get anxious! That is NOT how I felt the spark.... I felt the spark with men who were INTO me.. or at least ACTED into me... even the bad boys acted INTO me and I had no inkling that they were bad boys until later on and I admit, the thrill of taming a bad boy got to me one time. For the most part, chemistry had nothing to do with how hot or how bad the guys were! I just "felt it". The men I felt that instant interest and attraction for - were not the hottest guys - And the hottest guys I have gotten with I have NO felt the spark for. So there you do - I feel the spark based on the first interaction - sometimes, I am just instantly attracted and drawn to someone! It has been with all NICE guys - and two bad boys. More guys were nice than commitment phobes....
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 *facepalm* Dopamine and Norepinephrine. It isn't that difficult to get women to release these neurotransmitters. It varies a bit from one woman to the next, but otherwise it's mostly the same. This isn't love. No it isn't love and never said it was! But it's a great place to start from. and whenever things start feeling routine and familiar.... it's a great place to go back to...to reignite the initial passion that brought us together in the first place! My boyfriend and I have been together 5+ years and we are STILL hot for each other...and very much in love as well !
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Leigh you're okay. Hell you are only 27 years old....I didn't feel true chemistry until I was 31...when I met my boyfriend! Fell for him immediately.... so did he! Prior to him I had two long term relationships... was even engaged to the second one. And even though I loved those guys, I never felt real chemistry and passion with them...didn't even know what that felt like until I met my current boyfriend! You are smart to wait for it....it's definitely worth the wait! I want what you have:love: I still want to have urges to "make out" with my partner years later! I know you can not be infatuated forever, but a really intense initial honeymoon period is so much fun! I loved getting all excited for our dates! To melt at the thought of being intimate with them... Sigh - the last guy I am still a little sad over. I literally felt electricity surge through our bodies on the first day we met and held each other. I had no idea he was a bad boy. I did not know a thing about him. He was actually very forthcoming - he asked me if I wanted to tag along and go camping with his family and nieces the next DAY after we met... He said it was breaking rules but he had never felt that instant sort of connection before and therefore he thought nothing of asking me to come camping with his family for new years eve! Where as with usual hook ups there is no way he would want them to hang with him after the sex was done he said. This kind of connection - it is haunting to even think about it.. I irrationally miss him when I know it is not HIM but just he connection we shared. The passion and spark we had so much of. This guy was by far one of the least good looking guys I had ever dated. Looking into his huge blue eyes and thinking about his really scrawny body and funny knees and teeth and his deep forehead lines for his age - it still makes me melt like no other man ever has... We both just "felt" it. I think this is the only instance where I can admit that the whole "bad boy" persona came into play - according to his mates even, I was the one girl who he thought he wanted to change for and I admit it was thrilling. But to begin with he was a sweetheart to me there were no signs he was a player until a couple weeks in, after the connection was there already... If the guy had been available I would totally NOT have lost interest! I would have loved for him to have given things a shot even though it was long distance!
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) No it isn't love and never said it was! But it's a great place to start from. and whenever things start feeling routine and familiar.... it's a great place to go back to...to reignite the initial passion that brought us together in the first place! My boyfriend and I have been together 5+ years and we are STILL hot for each other...and very much in love as well ! People who had no real passion to begin with don't always believe that plenty of people do hold out and find it. One poster here married a guy she wasn't passionate about initially and it worked for her - she is also a fierce proponent of sparks based relationships failing. As they had done for her. She had never gotten to date the men long term with whom she most desired and felt the hottest passion for in the bedroom. Where as I know a 21 year old who met a guy who she felt crazy about from day one and he felt the same for her - and they are still going strong like you Katie, super passionate sex, they had never had sex that intense or passionate with previous partners! IT happens for some people. Edited March 16, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed member references~T 1
SawtoothMars Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I don't get anxious! That is NOT how I felt the spark.... I felt the spark with men who were INTO me.. or at least ACTED into me... even the bad boys acted INTO me and I had no inkling that they were bad boys until later on and I admit, the thrill of taming a bad boy got to me one time. For the most part, chemistry had nothing to do with how hot or how bad the guys were! I just "felt it". The men I felt that instant interest and attraction for - were not the hottest guys - And the hottest guys I have gotten with I have NO felt the spark for. So there you do - I feel the spark based on the first interaction - sometimes, I am just instantly attracted and drawn to someone! It has been with all NICE guys - and two bad boys. More guys were nice than commitment phobes.... So... based on this the only thing required to get you feeling "the spark" is that the guy has to show interest in you? I assume you mean sexual interest, because the last guy showed romantic interest and that turned you off. I'm asking you to think about what creates this feeling for you. No it isn't love and never said it was! But it's a great place to start from. and whenever things start feeling routine and familiar.... it's a great place to go back to...to reignite the initial passion that brought us together in the first place! My boyfriend and I have been together 5+ years and we are STILL hot for each other...and very much in love as well ! I'm pretty sure you and Leigh87 are talking about two totally different things. People who had no real passion to begin with don't always believe that plenty of people do hold out and find it. One poster here married a guy she wasn't passionate about initially and it worked for her - she is also a fierce proponent of sparks based relationships failing. As they had done for her. She had never gotten to date the men long term with whom she most desired and felt the hottest passion for in the bedroom. Where as I know a 21 year old who met a guy who she felt crazy about from day one and he felt the same for her - and they are still going strong like you Katie, super passionate sex, they had never had sex that intense or passionate with previous partners! IT happens for some people. 1. Passion is NOT "sparks" 2. Chemistry comes in different forms. 3. I was VERY attracted to my wife from day 1. 4. I did not feel "butterflies" or "sparks". These feelings are fake. What I felt is Passion! 5. Passion is a MUST HAVE in any relationship. Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude~T 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) So... based on this the only thing required to get you feeling "the spark" is that the guy has to show interest in you? I assume you mean sexual interest, because the last guy showed romantic interest and that turned you off. I'm asking you to think about what creates this feeling for you. I'm pretty sure you and Leigh87 are talking about two totally different things. 1. Passion is NOT "sparks" 2. Chemistry comes in different forms. 3. I was VERY attracted to my wife from day 1. 4. I did not feel "butterflies" or "sparks". These feelings are fake. What I felt is Passion! 5. Passion is a MUST HAVE in any relationship. Well the only answer is - some people feel butterflies and others do not. Some people just cannot feel a sense of excitement about people they date. I have a friend who cannot feel butterflies either. I also know mentally sane people who just felt butterflies, that sense of giddiness - about their new partners. ^^^ these people felt the butterflies over partners who were "nice guys" too. Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reply to edited post~T
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 I have learnt that some people simply don't get all exited and experience the butterflies the way some people are able to. You either can or you can't. People who cannot experience their own variations of " being into" someone. The current guy just didn't make me feel the way a few other guys had - and that "feeling" is simply something I "need" for me to want to date a man - or else, I have no need or desire for a partner and therefore would rather not force myself to "date" men with whom I don't feel excited about dating.
SawtoothMars Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) Well the only answer is - some people feel butterflies and others do not. Some people just cannot feel a sense of excitement about people they date. I have a friend who cannot feel butterflies either. I also know mentally sane people who just felt butterflies, that sense of giddiness - about their new partners. ^^^ these people felt the butterflies over partners who were "nice guys" too. If you are good with medicine then you should know that "butterflies" or "spark" are likely caused by Norepinephrine which is similar to adrenaline. You get this response when you fear rejection or feel anxious and uncertain. I don't get this feeling because I have self esteem. I don't fear rejection. Passion is most likely a dopamine response. It causes euphoria and a feeling of bliss. I get this feeling. Additionally brain scans suggest that Vasopresin plays a role in blocking some of these responses... and low seratonin levels can cause people to think obsessively about romantic partners. The research on these two are new and not entirely established. My lack of clarity was because I assumed you were following my train of thought. I supported the idea of you dumping the guy... which should indicate I believed you when you said you didn't feel passion/attraction. I only disagreed when you started to going into how important Hollywood style "spark" chemistry is at the start of relationships. Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator reply to edited post~T 2
SawtoothMars Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I have learnt that some people simply don't get all exited and experience the butterflies the way some people are able to. You either can or you can't. People who cannot experience their own variations of " being into" someone. The current guy just didn't make me feel the way a few other guys had - and that "feeling" is simply something I "need" for me to want to date a man - or else, I have no need or desire for a partner and therefore would rather not force myself to "date" men with whom I don't feel excited about dating. This should be a voyage of self discovery. The question you are failing to answer is... WHY didn't this guy make you feel it?
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) If you are good with medicine then you should know that "butterflies" or "spark" are likely caused by Norepinephrine which is similar to adrenaline. You get this response when you fear rejection or feel anxious and uncertain. I don't get this feeling because I have self esteem. I don't fear rejection. Passion is most likely a dopamine response. It causes euphoria and a feeling of bliss. I get this feeling. Additionally brain scans suggest that Vasopresin plays a role in blocking some of these responses... and low seratonin levels can cause people to think obsessively about romantic partners. The research on these two are new and not entirely established. My lack of clarity was because I assumed you were following my train of thought. I supported the idea of you dumping the guy... which should indicate I believed you when you said you didn't feel passion/attraction. I only disagreed when you started to going into how important Hollywood style "spark" chemistry is at the start of relationships. I understand you now. I think the butterflies my friend felt for her nice boyfriend were the non anxious type - she felt all excited about him but .... In short: butterflies in fiery and unstable unions are more intense than with a "nice guy" Thanks for sharing the medical research, it better explains your view point - so there are definitely variations of "butterflies" - the girls I know did feel all "giddy" with excitement over their boyfriends, and they felt super euphoric and excited - my friend said they were in a haze and just super elated and couldn't stop thinking about each other. ^^^ where as the butterflies I felt for Irish guy... the unavailable player who thought he wanted to change his ways for my albeit briefly... I got such an intense feeling from him as he was not relationship minded - he did want to be with me and he definitely acted like he did - but in retrospect, once he snapped out of the infatuation, he realised and I realised it would never work. Almost taming a player was exhilarating - but the thing that perplexes me, and please discus with me why you think this is - my friend said that SHE still feels exhilarated when she makes out with her partner of nearly two years. ^^^ how does she still feel in this deep honeymoon phase even though there is no drama or uncertainty in her union? Or is her jubilation more calm than the fieriness I felt towards the unavailable guy? Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reply to edited post~T
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 We hung out today, me and this guy. I treated him to dinner, one of his fave meals. He was very thankful but I said it was the least I could do after he blew me away with his generosity. We click well as friends:) He had been single for 18 months. He said he had been waiting for a girl like me to come along, and that he is still happy I am at least his friend. He is totally understanding of boundaries and the fact I don't want to date him. He seems genuinely thrilled to just be friends with a nice girl who lives close by. He seems to be a positive men with a great outlook on life - he said yes he was very disappointed I didn't want to date him, but it happens and he isn't going to dwell. He'd rather feel happy in my company as a friend and feel glad to have met a nice new friend. What a breath of fresh air after that crazy Greek guy.. I didn't write about him on here.... I was really attracted to him and he was relationship minded but.. when I ended it after a week he cried and rang my friend he had only just met and cried to her...Psycho...The Greek guy was so mental, that he called me the day or so after I dumped him. He asked for another chance. I said yes - I WAS very attracted to him and he was so relationship minded and dedicate to me. He comes over. Drives two hours to see me. We have sex for the first time. It was actually great sex. Then he left and never talked to me thereafter - he thought he got "revenge" on me clearly:lmao: To come here and fck me and then disappear. Funny that I got great sex out of it and didn't care lol. And only felt more solid in me decision to have ended it in the first place! What a nut case. This guy seems like a rare catch - in terms of the sort of person he is. He appears to have a really, really kind heart. A real rarity these days!
catchthedrift Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Just the next time you see him you can say "You are a great guy but not the guy I am looking for at this moment in my life." The end. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I would much rather remain single for life and have short lived and passionate flings from men I truly desire than settle for a lifetime with a really nice guy who WANTS to be with me yet who I lack the passion with. Then you are on the right track because that is exactly what you are doing! I think it's fine! But since you are only into short hot flings what I don't understand is why you make all these posts and threads about how conflicted you are about it?? Leigh 87 there is nothing wrong with not wanting anything but casual sex don't let people tell you you are shallow for it, my only trouble with you is that you keep trying to make casual sex into some kind of romantic disney fairytale which is really really IS NOT!! 3
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 You need to stop comparing yourself to your friends and believing that because "they" found the magic key, you too will find it. Yeah and especially since I am pretty sure that Leigh 87 you are projecting your extreme fairytale notion of what "true hot white flame passionate love" is onto your friends, I bet that if you were living in their shoes you would see it's really a lot different than that, none of us really can know what the intimacies of other peoples' relationships have. 2
Conners Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I am not alone. I don't feel alone in the slightest. I think it is ridiculous that you're projecting your own views onto me - you think because I don't have a partner that I am unhappy? You think that everyone needs a partner in order to be happy. I have never had any urge to have to have a "partner" in life. To be it was never something I needed. And I don't have awful luck in love - I have managed to have relationships and date a lot of different people in the 7 months I have been single. I wouldn't say I have had "bad luck" at all. Call me unhappy all you want. It is not how I actually feel. Call my nasty all you like - chances are, I could be a nicer person than you. When was the last time you volunteered, donated to charity, or taken time to sit with total strangers who were upset in order to comfort them? I am an extremely generous and kind person to everyone in my life who knows me - an internet strangers has no bearing as to the sort of person I am more so than close friends and people who know me. Every guy I date gushes about what a kind girl I am. It's kind of funny you say you never have a urge to have a partner yet for the past 5+ years you've obessively wrote more than 10k posts about your dating life and countless encounters with men, 90% of the time men you think are the one yet nothing arises from it. My opinion of you Leigh is that you can't handle being wrong or being told the truth. You have to be the most attractive person in the eyes of any guy and you seem to enjoy writing about how guys wont get any better than you. This screams low self esteem and insecurity. Nothing you will say will convince me otherwise. 2
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Then you are on the right track because that is exactly what you are doing! I think it's fine! But since you are only into short hot flings what I don't understand is why you make all these posts and threads about how conflicted you are about it?? Leigh 87 there is nothing wrong with not wanting anything but casual sex don't let people tell you you are shallow for it, my only trouble with you is that you keep trying to make casual sex into some kind of romantic disney fairytale which is really really IS NOT!! ^^This post...along with the comment RR quoted from Leigh in post # 156... are actually indications that Leigh *may* in fact be commitment phobic, which she denies adamantly ....but at this point, I am not so sure I believe her. Her comments and attitude scream otherwise even if she doesn't wish to acknowledge it. Leigh, again I recommended a book to you earlier, which discusses HIDDEN fears that sabotage your relationships. Hidden meaning the person (in this case you).. isn't even aware they have the fear! You say you are NOT commitment phobic, but then you make comments such as the one RR quoted in post no. 156... and one has to wonder. Please read the book... 1
okc85 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 ^^This post...along with the comment RR quoted from Leigh in post # 156... are actually indications that Leigh *may* in fact be commitment phobic, which she denies adamantly ....but at this point, I am not so sure I believe her. Her comments and attitude scream otherwise even if she doesn't wish to acknowledge it. Leigh, again I recommended a book to you earlier, which discusses HIDDEN fears that sabotage your relationships. Hidden meaning the person (in this case you).. isn't even aware they have the fear! You say you are NOT commitment phobic, but then you make comments such as the one RR quoted in post no. 156... and one has to wonder. Please read the book... what's the book? I want to read it, lol.
Imajerk17 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Leigh87, I mean no disrespect by this (yes, which means that what I say might come across as harsh!) I don't see any point in telling others how to date. I can't help but notice the following though. From checking out your threads, the guys you tend to feel this most intense chemistry for tend to be the really impulsive and "live-in-the-moment" types, which is precisely how I would peg your personality. It's not to say that they don't treat you well per se, they just don't seem to have good boundaries. For example, didn't Irish Guy, even though he didn't have much money, buy you a fairly expensive gift after knowing you less than a week? To many people, that's just bad judgement, to you, that seems to be real passion. It is what it is and you are adamant about what you need, but keep in mind two people who are that impulsive like that very rarely work out in the long-term. Usually they just explode and burn out. 2
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) To add to my last post, as someone who has NO fear of commitment ... I would rather be alone, with no relationship at all .... than have a series of "short lived passionate flings with different men I desire." I can't think of anything LESS fulfilling than that... again I would rather be alone. I am not criticizing you for preferring that ... but I do urge you to explore this attitude ... as it does reflect possible "hidden" fears you may have that are preventing you from attaining what it is you *say* you want in the long term -- a passionate committed relationship. Something to think about anyway..... Edited March 16, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clarify terms 1
katiegrl Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) what's the book? I want to read it, lol. "He's Scared, She's Scared." Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SawtoothMars Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I understand you now. I think the butterflies my friend felt for her nice boyfriend were the non anxious type - she felt all excited about him but .... In short: butterflies in fiery and unstable unions are more intense than with a "nice guy" Thanks for sharing the medical research, it better explains your view point - so there are definitely variations of "butterflies" - the girls I know did feel all "giddy" with excitement over their boyfriends, and they felt super euphoric and excited - my friend said they were in a haze and just super elated and couldn't stop thinking about each other. ^^^ where as the butterflies I felt for Irish guy... the unavailable player who thought he wanted to change his ways for my albeit briefly... I got such an intense feeling from him as he was not relationship minded - he did want to be with me and he definitely acted like he did - but in retrospect, once he snapped out of the infatuation, he realised and I realised it would never work. Almost taming a player was exhilarating - but the thing that perplexes me, and please discus with me why you think this is - my friend said that SHE still feels exhilarated when she makes out with her partner of nearly two years. ^^^ how does she still feel in this deep honeymoon phase even though there is no drama or uncertainty in her union? Or is her jubilation more calm than the fieriness I felt towards the unavailable guy? Two years is a short period of time. That is technically still in the "honeymoon" phase. Also... I would not take friends datapoints seriously. People who know you have a tendency to embellish and brag. So... my thinking is that not everyone shares the same neurochemistry. I still feel like I am in the honeymoon phase because I choose to do so. I choose to continue exhibiting behaviors that I did during the dating phase. I also focus thoughts on doing occasional romantic gestures and creating fun dates. Example. My wife had a hard week at the end of February. When she had a two day break I took her to a concert, then we went to a late night diner where I read her a lame poem I wrote, then we went to the beach walked around a bonfire the rest of the night, and watched the sunrise together, ... somewhere in all that we made love in the backseat of our X3. I think all these things keep a kind of ying and yang within the relationship that prevents boredom. I'm not sure if this helps in explaining. Maybe I will come back once I have more time and post something more concise. Edited March 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
William Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) After quite a bit of editing, this thread is reopened for respectful and on topic discussion. ~Thank you Edited March 17, 2015 by William
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I hope this is not off topic since breaking it off has already happened - but here is my question, most of us young women have (sorry guys!) experienced a guy who was really really trying to get into our pants, maybe he said and did all the right things and it worked!! But that was his only intention. Leigh 87 how do you tell this apart from the big fireworks you are obsessed with or does it not even matter? Just as long as the sex is hot it is a successful thing, don't you ever feel sad that the guy wasn't really interested in more than the hot sex??
Redhead14 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I hate breaking up with guys. I much prefer to be the one who gets dumped. I prefer to get my heart broken rather than breaking a heart:( I would like advice and support as to how I should break things off. It has only been one week and a few dates, we have not been intimate but I tried making out with him - but I just don't feel a strong enough attraction to him sadly. He told his mum about me and he asked if I wanted to accompany him to a friends birthday dinner this weekend, one week after having first met him. His mum met me briefly when we stopped in at his house - he needed to grab some things. His mum liked me so much that she rang the guys brother to tell him about me.... This guy has not acted off or put pressure on me unduly - he was apprehensive about asking me to meet his friends and even broached it with great caution saying " I know it is probably too soon for most people so I totally understand if you are not ready, it is just I cannot help but be really exited about having met you Leigh so I thought I had nothing to loose but ask you anyway" He does tell me that " I am the best thing that has happened to him in a long while" and he has " never felt this excited about other girls he has dated" and also he has also stated that " I am so into you it isn't even funny". Now, if I felt the same way, I would be delighted albeit I would still slow things down and not jump into meeting his friends and I would not agree to an insta relationship but I would still like the sentiment. He bought me flowers on the second date - and he drove to my college just to see me for 30 mins or so... The next date, I was having a bad day at college and so he bought me a present.... My favourite necklace that had broken, he went to the same store to buy me another one. Plus chocolates. He treats me to every dinner and outing out - he is so generous which is what I really need and want in a guy, I DO insist on shouting every third meal or so I DO show that I appreciate generosity, but I also prefer to date men who enjoy treating a woman. I don't feel attracted to men who expect to go halves. Just not my thing based on my up bringing. ^^ as you can see, he is everything I want in a guy. My love language is gifting, I also just love to spoil guys with inexpensive but creative gifts, with an expansive watch thrown in the mix once or twice a year. Physical touch is another preferred love language of mine - which he also provides. Unfortunately, I do not feel intensely attracted to him the way I felt for other men with whom I had a spark for. I felt lacklustre about my ex of ten months too - and I never had a honeymoon phase with him at all. It was straight to the comfort phase - where yes I knew I had a solid and stable partner who only had eyes for me. The thing is, I am not in a position in life where I WANT to settle down badly enough to accept a romance which precludes the honeymoon phase, in favour of immense comfort, support and a solid and stable partner. I enjoy being single and would simply rather be single than settle for a "nice guy" with whom I was never "excited" about dating in the first place. He does have a stutter which I think is adorable, but I am not "into him" on a romantic level, enough, to overlook the stuttering. I would like to think that women don't have to choose between the "really nice guy" who buys them flowers, gets them cute presents when they are having a bad day VERSUS - the jerk who excites them and they are intensely attracted to and yet who isn't that into them, or who blows hot and cold. I do believe there is a NICE guy who is actually really into me, who excites me, gives me butterflies and with whom I feel a "spark" and the it factor upon first meeting them or soon after - that "something about them" that draws me to them and makes me EXCITED when I receive their texts! How do I best go about breaking things off in a few hours? I am not going to say that I am just not sexually into him enough, and that is stutter is not something I can overlook, because there is NOTHING wrong with this guys appearance,, or him, in general.... he has a GREAT smile, a nice body and beautiful eyes plus he has a good job and he has friends, hobbies and interests and he is a full and lively man with a lot going for him. I was thinking of saying " I am so behind with college (this is true) and I want to focus on my degree and my new part time job in the field, plus I want to start making time to work out (I don't work out or take care of my health much and badly want to go to the gym daily 3 days a week): "you did things for me I always wished a guy would do, however, I just know this isn't my time to say "this is it" and settle down. Better I tell you NOW than in months or even years down the track." ^^^^^^ is that a diplomatic way to end things? It is all true. I am just NOT going to admit that "but if a guy I felt really into came along I would surely date him". I am into this guy on a personal level... I think very highly of him and love chatting to him and spending time with him! - but there just weren't sparks. There is no honeymoon phase for me, to even be had. And no, I am not going to say that " you is everything I want and you are perfect on paper but I just don't feel it" because if you say that a person is "perfect" and "everything you want" in a partner, they will wonder " well then why don't you want me!" Any thoughts or ideas? Breaking it off with such a sweet and kind hearted man feels like kicking a puppy or kitten:sick: After one week of dating, you are way too involved in worrying about his feelings. He is a grown man who dated you for a week. He shouldn't be having significant enough feelings for you as to not be able to accept that you don't want to continue dating him. You simply say "I've enjoyed spending time with you over the last week, but I don't think we are a good match for moving forward." Period. This is not a "break up". You weren't in a relationship. It's just a few dates with a man that you don't feel like dating anymore. 2
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 He is totally understanding of boundaries and the fact I don't want to date him. He seems genuinely thrilled to just be friends with a nice girl who lives close by. This guy seems like a rare catch - in terms of the sort of person he is. He appears to have a really, really kind heart. A real rarity these days! You do know he still thinks he has a chance, right? And you are subconsciously leading him on, right? 1
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