Breaking It Off

[katiegrl]

Katie,

 

The answer is simple. The guy got way too attached and became way too predictable. If he hadn't of given off a "devoted to you" vibe with a woman he barely knew, then she wouldn't have been so turned off.

 

The "spark" is anxiety that develops from someone who is a challenge. This guy obviously wasn't and that's why her initial attraction fizzled.

 

I understand that..and would never fault her for that. I myself would feel the same way, and have with guys who came on like he did.

 

What's confusing about her behavior... is that he gave off that SAME vibe on date one...which she *said* was what attracted her. She *said* the reason she felt that initial chemistry was precisely *because* he was so nice ...and SO into her. On date ONE, it didn't bother her at all...she liked it!

 

But then suddenly out of the blue....what attracted her on date one, suddenly turned her off on date two??

 

You think her behavior is normal ff? Typical female behavior? It's not..it's effed up and I feel sorry for any man unlucky enough to ever go out with her.

[Leigh 87]

Katie,

 

The answer is simple. The guy got way too attached and became way too predictable. If he hadn't of given off a "devoted to you" vibe with a woman he barely knew, then she wouldn't have been so turned off.

 

The "spark" is anxiety that develops from someone who is a challenge. This guy obviously wasn't and that's why her initial attraction fizzled.

 

 

And well... my friend felt really attracted to her guy and he wasn't a challenge. He was crazy about her and made it known. She never had to guess.

 

I don't want to go as far as have to GUESS whether a guy is into me or not. That is a turn off not a turn on. I get over them and forget about them. They aren't going to make it known they are feeling me? No worries! I will forget them. If they come back sure. But I don't like aloofness.

 

So yeah I do want a guy to be into me and make it known....

 

Keeping me guessing isn't the magic formulae that makes me into them....

 

I have had one union like that that fuelled passion but mostly, they have been nice normal guys who made their interest known! The stronger the interest the better, since I didn't have to guess whether or not they were into me.

 

I like a challenge but I am also into men who are not a challenge.

 

Irish guy was a challenge and yes it fuelled a lot of passion on both ends - he thought hey maybe Leigh is the one to change me. He was doing things for me he hadn't done for others. But it was all a dance in the end, a fun game for the par of us.

 

So yes, I have gotten addicted to being the one tho change a player - I have succeeded in changing him for the weekend too; two weeks in fact according to his best friends.

 

On the other hand, I have been just as into nice guys who were into me and who showed it and were relationship minded....

[Leigh 87]

I understand that..and would never fault her for that. I myself would feel the same way, and have with guys who came on like he did.

 

What's confusing about her behavior... is that he gave off that SAME vibe on date one...which she *said* was what attracted her. She *said* the reason she felt that initial chemistry was precisely *because* he was so nice ...and SO into her. On date ONE, it didn't bother her at all...she liked it!

 

But then suddenly out of the blue....what attracted her on date one, suddenly turned her off on date two??

 

You think her behavior is normal ff? Typical female behavior? It's not..it's effed up and I feel sorry for any man unlucky enough to ever go out with her.

 

 

I think a guy would be lucky to have me - a girl they are wildly attracted to. I let them do their own thing with their friends. I am not needy. I have a life I live.

 

See you don't know me - I am actually a great date and a fun, sexy and affectionate girlfriend who is never needy or clingy.

 

His stutter and the way he looked in daylight broke the spark I thought I felt.

 

I personally know people who change their mind swiftly - it happens. Sparks do fade - usually due to personality conflicts.

 

I felt the spark for a Greek guy not long ago - but second date it went because I realised how much we didn't click personality wise!

[Leigh 87]

It is a bit strange of a stranger to feel sorry for any men who ever crosses me.

 

Without knowing me or what I have to offer.

 

 

For all internet strangers know, I could be a wonderful girlfriend to have.

 

 

My therapist things I am a fine girlfriend - she knew me when I was with my exes - I let them see their friends, I wasn't clingy and I was always pleasant and helpful to them and I even did TOO much for men who weren't trying as hard to make me happy, if anything.

 

 

The current guy - he said he really got a kick out of my company because I was fun and interesting and also kind and he felt like I gave a damn about him unlike the other girls he went on dates with.

 

 

The current guy is delighted we are friends now and meeting me has added to his life he has said - we live locally an are to become friends.

 

 

I wouldn't feel sorry for this guy who is really happy that he now has a fun new friend who is knows is a compassionate person.

 

 

He is deff way happier for having met me at all than he was before he met me - he enjoys meeting quality, kind people who are fun to spend time with. As do I.

[katiegrl]

I think a guy would be lucky to have me - a girl they are wildly attracted to. I let them do their own thing with their friends. I am not needy. I have a life I live.

 

See you don't know me - I am actually a great date and a fun, sexy and affectionate girlfriend who is never needy or clingy.

 

His stutter and the way he looked in daylight broke the spark I thought I felt.

 

I personally know people who change their mind swiftly - it happens. Sparks do fade - usually due to personality conflicts.

 

I felt the spark for a Greek guy not long ago - but second date it went because I realised how much we didn't click personality wise!

 

Yes it's called being incredibly fickle.

 

Good luck...

[fitnessfan365]

Wow Leigh.. I just saw what you look like. Your long hair and full lips make you sexy as hell woman. Don't you dare settle.

 

But it's funny because what you posted about yourself is actually what I like in a woman. A sense of independence to do her own thing with a life of her own, while also being attentive to my needs and being supportive. It's rare though because in my experience, a lot of women come on really strong. Especially after sex enters into the picture. Women I date always say "Aren't guys supposed to want sex every day/" They can't grasp the concept of me wanting 2-3 days a week to myself so I can have a life outside of them.

[katiegrl]

Wow Leigh.. I just saw what you look like. Your long hair and full lips make you sexy as hell woman. Don't you dare settle.

 

But it's funny because what you posted about yourself is actually what I like in a woman. A sense of independence to do her own thing with a life of her own, while also being attentive to my needs and being supportive. It's rare though because in my experience, a lot of women come on really strong. Especially after sex enters into the picture. Women I date always say "Aren't guys supposed to want sex every day/" They can't grasp the concept of me wanting 2-3 days a week to myself so I can have a life outside of them.

 

Leigh meet fitnessfan....fitnessfan meet Leigh!

 

Wow, a potential love connection right here on Loveshack!

 

Who'd have thought...

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Leigh meet fitnessfan....fitnessfan meet Leigh!

 

Wow, a potential love connection right here on Loveshack!

 

Who'd have thought...

 

 

 

 

.

[Leigh 87]

Wow Leigh.. I just saw what you look like. Your long hair and full lips make you sexy as hell woman. Don't you dare settle.

 

But it's funny because what you posted about yourself is actually what I like in a woman. A sense of independence to do her own thing with a life of her own, while also being attentive to my needs and being supportive. It's rare though because in my experience, a lot of women come on really strong. Especially after sex enters into the picture. Women I date always say "Aren't guys supposed to want sex every day/" They can't grasp the concept of me wanting 2-3 days a week to myself so I can have a life outside of them.

 

 

Thanks. I am certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but being 27 with no wrinkles or lines yet and also being a voluptuous woman with long hair and feminine fashion sense - I am treated like an attractive woman by society. Looks, however, fade somewhat. I have lived an interesting life, having travelled to every continent nearly and having lived overseas and I have a natural interest in meeting new people from all walks of life; I love learning new things about people, what makes people different and also what things are often the same among any culture or character.

 

I feel I have a lot to offer the right guy and I do happen to generate that instant attraction from more than enough men - even though I will never be voted the prettiest woman at he pub. I am not "10" by most peoples standards. But I believe I can find a man where I am HIS ten....Because of the kind and generous person I am, in combination with my looks...

 

And yes - I have FELT super into men but I never hounded them... always let them have their friend time... And never wanted to see them daily.

 

I enjoyed the feeling of missing them it made me even MORE excited about seeing them:bunny:

 

I do like to travel and Perth, Australia, was the only capital city I hadn't yet ventured to. I happened to meet an Irish guy in Sydney who I was really into. He called and texted daily and said he would make the effort to stay in touch. He did. He said he was a bit if a player type who was single for years but that he thought I could be the woman to possibly change things for him and he wanted to at least give it a shot.

 

I flew over to see him as I had so many frequent flyer miles and I wanted to visit Perth anyway. I was planning on a holiday to someplace else but though hell, why not.

 

People saw that as jumping in way too fast, only I didn't expect a relationship or a future with him necessarily..... I didn't KNOW after 3 weeks of chatting via phone and two days spent together, whether or not we were going to be a match.

 

I was spontaneous and flew over and had a blast until the last night which I wont go into but we realised we didn't click. I got over it a few days later.

 

It is not like you have to get into a relationship or meet their friends or family so early on and be all over them and smother them JUST because you're really into them......

 

I tend to be more aloof and let the guy pursue me, show him ample interest, make him feel sexy and desired, and let him do his own thing - to every 3 times he initiates I will. And so on and so fourth.

 

I mirror their behaviour also.

 

I figure if he is genuinely taken by me and enamoured - he will want to get to know me and I won't have to try to hang out with him all the time in order for things to work.... It only pushes men away if you come on too strong....

[Leigh 87]

Hey guys I got my hair done copper brown.. a dark red.

 

I posted it in my gallery - maybe that is the magic trick that made this latest guy fall hard for me LOL.....

 

Do you guys like it? Me in the pink dress is the copper... I had bright red streaks in the other pics which I am not a fan of but it was fun whilst it lasted!

[katiegrl]

I was platinum blonde for years....

 

I am slim also but very voluptuous.

 

I enjoyed being a blue eyes blonde! Both blonde and brunette or black OR red hair suit blue eyes!

 

You sounds lovely looking your bf must have been really into you and attracted to you, I am sure he didn't feel like " meh" upon meeting you and had to grow to feel excited about dating you.

 

Lol...touche!

 

But seriously...we did feel that immediate spark...just like we've been talking about... and we still feel it five years later! And as I have been saying, you shouldn't settle for anything less than a man who rocks your world either!

 

Whether that man be fitnessfan (lol)... or another man...he's out there!!

[katiegrl]

Hey guys I got my hair done copper brown.. a dark red.

 

I posted it in my gallery - maybe that is the magic trick that made this latest guy fall hard for me LOL.....

 

Do you guys like it? Me in the pink dress is the copper... I had bright red streaks in the other pics which I am not a fan of but it was fun whilst it lasted!

 

How does one access your gallery? Or anyone's gallery?

[Leigh 87]

Lol...touche!

 

But seriously...we did feel that immediate spark...just like we've been talking about... and we still feel it five years later! And as I have been saying, you shouldn't settle for anything less than a man who rocks your world either!

 

Whether that man be fitnessfan (lol)... or another man...he's out there!!

 

 

 

Well that is what I also want. I know couples who felt that instant spark, NOT love at first site - I don't believe any anything crazy...

 

They also are the happy couples who feel passionate 5 years later.

 

As are my parents. They felt a spark and a jolt of excitement surrounding their first meeting.

 

That is all I ask for, Katie - a spark. For both of us to think " hmm wow, they are really appealing, I have an urge to get to know them"

 

I don't think it should be.... some full blown fireworks and love at first site. THAT is a thing of fiction.

 

Fireworks refer to the sexual spark - I do want the fireworks insofar as us both feeling, by the end of the first date, that wow we want to make out...

 

Not instantly making out - I mean, you would have to be at a club drunk to instantly act on a spark and attraction - normal adults don't make out instantly when sober.

 

My friend met her partner at a gay club through an instant make out session - they acted on their chemistry, where as I usually meet spark guys sober!

 

The current guy is very happy to have me in his life, he is glad I ended it now rather than months down the track!

[Leigh 87]

How does one access your gallery? Or anyone's gallery?

 

 

Just click on my name and look at my profile.

 

LOL. I am not a beauty queen or anything I am prob a solid 7/10 if I had to rate myself.

 

But I want to be one lucky guys ten haha - the spark makes the person a 10 to you because average men have become the most gorgeous man on the planet to me due to the spark and great chemistry.

 

That is the magic I need. Or else, an average guy never... suddenly becomes really attractive to me.

 

And without the spark, the hottest guys have... not done it for me:lmao:

 

I understand. I am sure your guy is lovely but he would have been the sexiest thing to you even though other men of his equal - have not previously done it for you.

 

That is what went on here....

[Gary S]

and the way he looked in daylight broke the spark I thought I felt.

 

- This is true... until you get a good look at them in the light of day, you won't know whether the attraction is real. All the guys look better at closing time - because it's dark in the bar, lol

 

 

I'm reading this thread, and nothing Leigh 87 has said would lead me to believe she has a problem... what's happened seems pretty natural and routine to me. It just sounds like normal dating to me. Sometimes you have to go a few rounds (dates) to see where things go (or don't go).

[katiegrl]

- This is true... until you get a good look at them in the light of day, you won't know whether the attraction is real. All the guys look better at closing time - because it's dark in the bar, lol

 

 

I'm reading this thread, and nothing Leigh 87 has said would lead me to believe she has a problem... what's happened seems pretty natural and routine to me. It just sounds like normal dating to me. Sometimes you have to go a few rounds (dates) to see where things go (or don't go).

 

I think you may be right...and I got a little carried away in some of my posts. Ugh.

 

Leigh, I apologize I was harsh earlier...you really do sound like a very cool chick from reading your other posts... someone I would want to be friends with even!

[SawtoothMars]

Okay. How about my parents, who both felt a spark and excited about one another from date one?

Married at age 21. Still together in their 60's. Funny that.

Oh - and how about the many happy couples who were actually really into each other after the first date? And weren't indifferent or apathetic?

You know, some people are just crazy about someone - who in turn, feels the same way.

Are we all nutters for preferring to hold out for a person who actually makes us excited about dating them.

I think it is way more nutty to date a person whom you are not into, who you are not excited about and who you're simply not that into and not very attracted to.

You are free to enjoy your highly sexed marriage which you described with your wife, with whom you felt no real attraction to at first.

For me personally, I simply want to go through a honeymoon period. It is NORMAL to want the honeymoon period to BEGIN WITH.

MANY people are NOT okay with skipping out on that lustful, honeymoon stage....

 

I suspect you need an unhealthy relationship in order to feel "chemistry". Actually... I'm not even sure you really understand what chemistry means.

 

Look.. You said in your very first post that you were afraid that you might have to choose between nice and jerk. I think that with your present state of mind... YES you do have to choose. Over time you have effectively proven that nice turns you off.

 

Also... Attraction and chemistry are totally different. I was VERY attracted to my wife. That's why I was willing to wade through mountains of rejection to get a date with her. There are different types of chemistry... sexual attraction is one. My wife and I have that. However, in order to make a relationship work... you need more than one type of chemistry.

 

I read your posts and you just come across as totally clueless. Just listen to me because people like Edgy and I are trying to help you!

[katiegrl]

I was a blonde that made a brunette man attracted to me haha.

 

I was his first blonde crush:lmao:

 

He prefers me brunette though, of course!

 

I also prefer blue eyes but I have still had the hots for brown eyes guys. I don't rule any type out!The spark is what makes a person who is NOT my type (brunettes are your type, big blue eyes and a nice smile do it for me as to motor bikers and guys with manly cars)

 

 

Current guy WAS MY TYPE.

 

And yet I still didn't feel it for him.... I think the fact he is my usual type made me falsely THINK I felt the sparks - and the fact he treated me well which I have long been wishing a guy would do......

 

 

One or two sparks guys were brown eyes and opposite of my usual blue eyed types so there ya go.

 

Leigh, you are cracking me up now...you sound very cute and very funny too! I think I was wrong about you! I am so sorry!

[Leigh 87]

I suspect you need an unhealthy relationship in order to feel "chemistry". Actually... I'm not even sure you really understand what chemistry means.

 

Look.. You said in your very first post that you were afraid that you might have to choose between nice and jerk. I think that with your present state of mind... YES you do have to choose. Over time you have effectively proven that nice turns you off.

 

Also... Attraction and chemistry are totally different. I was VERY attracted to my wife. That's why I was willing to wade through mountains of rejection to get a date with her. There are different types of chemistry... sexual attraction is one. My wife and I have that. However, in order to make a relationship work... you need more than one type of chemistry.

 

I read your posts and you just come across as totally clueless. Just listen to me because people like Edgy and I are trying to help you!

 

 

 

Lol I am the opposite of clueless. I know what I want and don't waste guys time. Thank gosh for honest women like me who don't drag things on with men they KNOW they will never feel that passionate about!

 

And I have fallen hard for men who were nice guys - not all men I have felt the spark for were jerks at all.

 

I prefer to date the men who I feel the spark for, rather than cold indifference. MANY women feel the same. And men.

 

I have even experienced men I didn't feel the spark for, VERSUS men I DID feel a spark for initially.

 

^ the relationships with men I DID feel the immediate spark for were passionate, with great sex AND comfort for years at a time. We weren't compatible in the end.

 

^ relationships where I did not have the honeymoon phase - and where I was NOT that into the men - never became passionate or satisfying for me.

[SawtoothMars]

Wow Leigh.. I just saw what you look like. Your long hair and full lips make you sexy as hell woman. Don't you dare settle.

But it's funny because what you posted about yourself is actually what I like in a woman. A sense of independence to do her own thing with a life of her own, while also being attentive to my needs and being supportive. It's rare though because in my experience, a lot of women come on really strong. Especially after sex enters into the picture. Women I date always say "Aren't guys supposed to want sex every day/" They can't grasp the concept of me wanting 2-3 days a week to myself so I can have a life outside of them.

 

OMG... You are hitting on Leigh87? Go FF365!

 

Just maybe you can get her head on a little straighter.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, you are cracking me up now...you sound very cute and very funny too! I think I was wrong about you! I am so sorry!

 

 

 

Thanks. It goes to show that the spark is indiscriminate - your usual types wont always do it for you, even if they drive motor bikes and own manly cars (which usually gets me going and amps up the attraction from my part)

 

The men who I thought ugh they are so NOT my types - were the ones I fell the hardest for.....

 

I have also tried relationships with men I didn't feel that immediate sort of a spark for - and the attraction grew but never to the point where I was infatuated with them.

 

Were you infatuated with your partner initially? Really excited about him? Thinking about him a lot? Did you feel butterflies when you both grew closer and approached saying the L word?

 

I know that infatuation phase never lasts but I NEED it to begin with. I don't want to have to skip out on that really exciting stage where you just want to rip each others clothes off.

 

Women on here with experience tell me that the men I felt the hottest for in the bedroom will never be the guys I end up with 0 I call bullsh*t. I know plenty of couples who did marry the person with whom the explosive sex was previously unmatched!

 

You know.. I am the type of person with very unique personal style, I feel I stand out enough from other women to get noticed by a guy with whom I lock eyes with and we both feel a spark. Dating them will be exciting. I will want hot sex with them. I will want to make out with them.

 

I just didn't feel the urge to make out with this guy after a few dates and I did it to " see how I felt" really.

[Leigh 87]

OMG... You are hitting on Leigh87? Go FF365!

 

Just maybe you can get her head on a little straighter.

 

 

 

I think going for people you're not into is mental and nuts.

 

I have been into NICE guys with whom I felt the spark.

 

So I am perfectly capable of feeling excited and great chemistry with a nice guy.

 

I think you are the crazy one for telling ME to go for men I am really not attracted to or excited about dating.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that I simply don't need to have a "partner" badly enough for me to go after and waste my time dating men who I am not even excited about dating?

 

Most people think it is perfectly normal to date people who you feel excited about dating - and who you want to make out with and feel strong chemistry with.

 

People who really want a partner often prefer to take the route where they are not that into their partner at first but they are super compatible and they create their own chemistry over a lot of time.

 

I don't see why it is abnormal to want to have the butterflies and honeymoon period in the first year or two of a relationship though.

[SawtoothMars]

Lol I am the opposite of clueless. I know what I want and don't waste guys time. Thank gosh for honest women like me who don't drag things on with men they KNOW they will never feel that passionate about!

And I have fallen hard for men who were nice guys - not all men I have felt the spark for were jerks at all.

I prefer to date the men who I feel the spark for, rather than cold indifference. MANY women feel the same. And men.

I have even experienced men I didn't feel the spark for, VERSUS men I DID feel a spark for initially.

^ the relationships with men I DID feel the immediate spark for were passionate, with great sex AND comfort for years at a time. We weren't compatible in the end.

^ relationships where I did not have the honeymoon phase - and where I was NOT that into the men - never became passionate or satisfying for me.

 

Ok... Let's tackle this logically. What creates that "spark" for you?

 

You seem to equate physical attractiveness with spark. I have always been very physically attracted to my wife... and you think that means I should feel anxious around her at first. WTF?

[katiegrl]

Leigh you're okay. Hell you are only 27 years old....I didn't feel true chemistry until I was 31...when I met my boyfriend! Fell for him immediately.... so did he!

 

Prior to him I had two long term relationships... was even engaged to the second one.

 

And even though I loved those guys, I never felt real chemistry and passion with them...didn't even know what that felt like until I met my current boyfriend!

 

You are smart to wait for it....it's definitely worth the wait!

[SawtoothMars]

Leigh you're okay. Hell you are only 27 years old....I didn't feel true chemistry until I was 31...when I met my boyfriend! Fell for him immediately.... so did he!

Prior to him I had two long term relationships... was even engaged to the second one.

And even though I loved those guys, I never felt real chemistry and passion with them...didn't even know what that felt like until I met my current boyfriend!

You are smart to wait for it....it's definitely worth the wait!

 

*facepalm*

 

Dopamine and Norepinephrine. It isn't that difficult to get women to release these neurotransmitters. It varies a bit from one woman to the next, but otherwise it's mostly the same. This isn't love.