eddpad Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Hey Everyone, To start off, I am somewhat convinced I am over-thinking the situation and am trying to get my mind off of it, but nonetheless, wanted to just get this off my chest and hear from the community. Also, I'm not an old hand with dating, so this might be par for the course. Situation- I met a girl at a local cafe and we agreed to meet up for a date at a local event last Friday, which was great. We hung out for what I would describe as longer than usual for a first date (4-5 hours). No awkward exchanges/moments. It was a fun time. Felt very natural and avoided many of the pitfalls of first dates, namely going through the list of resume questions that seem to be the norm. Because we both frequent the same cafe, we saw each other once again on Sunday. She came over to sit next to me, talked while the two of us were there and on my way out, asked her out for a second date. She texted me later confirming and so we went out again for the second time this past week. Again, great time and we kissed/madeout a few times. I told her I'd call her and she responded by saying she'd look forward to it. I ended up calling her yesterday, about two days after that second date. She picked up and we agreed at a time and place next week. I probably shouldn't be stressing, except for a couple of things: 1. Communication: While our textversations have been somewhat erratic, we've generally had at least a couple of text exchanges each day leading up to the first and second dates, some days more than others. As of this past date, however, it's come to a screeching halt. At first, I was inclined to think that maybe she didn't like me that much after all, but then we did schedule a third date, so not sure what this means, if anything at all. 2. Online Dating Site: Funny coincidence, I noticed that I had actually messaged her on okc a while back (January to be exact). She had not logged on for over two months, but it just so happens, that this past week was the first time she logged on. I know we've only gone on two dates. I know we are not committed. I know we are likely seeing other people, I'm just curious if there are any implications with the above notes or what i might say about her and how she feels about me as a person. Looking for any advise on how to handle this moving forward.
GTR King Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 if she is agreeing to your dates & is happy to see you then you have nothing to worry about at all... Just take things slowly for now 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 How you're acting tells me that you're way too attached and over thinking things man. In the end it's up to you on how often you want to communicate. But me personally, I don't communicate daily with a woman until she's my GF. In most cases, I'll talk to her when I'm planning a date with her or in person. 3
Starship Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 We women thrive on attention...not to be confused with smothering. Let her know that you are thinking of the two of you. So simple. A one or two sentence text about something the two of you laughed about, something she mentioned, etc. It could something like like I just heard that song '....' we heard the first time we met. Made me think of your smile. Little things like this make us melt if we are attracted to you. Also, 'if' you are using text shortcuts...use a bit less with her. Clean up spelling, grammar...this let's her know that you are making an effort. We always appreciate that little extra effort that indicates we are special to you. It can really help to put 'hi and her name in a text and 'cheers' or whatever and your name at the end. This adds a bit of intimacy.
GTR King Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Keep the texts short/simple & funny etc. Try not to do boring texts & keep her interested 1
elliecoffee Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I think you're doing fine and worrying about nothing. Personally, I like receiving messages from the guy I'm seeing Not like 456 messages per second telling me how beautiful and wonderful I am and how he's dying to see me because I'm awesomely awesome, believe me I'll get annoyed. But I don't mind simple text messages like: hey how are you? what are you doing? great, let me know how that goes. I think it helps break the ice and helps me feel more comfortable around him as I get to know him a little bit better. But if you're still doubting, stop trying to control everything and see what happens xx How you're acting tells me that you're way too attached and over thinking things man. In the end it's up to you on how often you want to communicate. But me personally, I don't communicate daily with a woman until she's my GF. In most cases, I'll talk to her when I'm planning a date with her or in person. ^^^ I want to talk to you but PM are not available to me yet
Starship Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Keep the texts short/simple & funny etc. Try not to do boring texts & keep her interested True. A little positive or funny text makes her look forward to hearing from you. They are almost teasers like a tiny nibble of a chocolate bar. She will want more. (Avoid anything negative like saying you are tired, not feeling well. Didn't like something)
GTR King Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Those kind of texts will work & you don't need to text all the time. Just when you feel you have something to say. But you will be fine
fitnessfan365 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I know I'll catch flack for this. But DON'T take advice from women online when it comes to what other women want. They'll say they want a "nice guy", love getting texts, when a guy pursues, and all that non sense. However, both men and women are hard wired to feel attraction to what's uncertain with a little bit of a challenge. Why do you think that women never date men they're friends with? They're too predictable. I'm not saying to never initiate communication ever. But wait until a woman gets more emotionally invested in you, before you start trying to act like her boyfriend. That's all I'm saying.
Author eddpad Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 To update everyone, my assumptions were correct. She sent over a very long text last night basically cancelling the third date plans we had made and told me she just didn't feel a spark or chemistry after two dates. (Is two dates even enough?) I mean, objectively speaking, it's not like the dates sucked or were meh. I didn't think the dates we had were horrible, even enough to not even give me a third shot. Regardless, that's the end of it.
ebor Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It's good that you saw it coming, and I applaud your instincts for that. Personally I don't believe 2 dates is enough, but there are lots of people who insist on instant "Chemistry". There is always an argument here about that,and since we don't want to start that we will just jump that topic. Did she give you any other reason? something objective? I don't think you did anything wrong just curious. 1
Author eddpad Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 She did not give me any objective reasons for it, and frankly I didn't feel comfortable asking her. I'm sure this is a common reason brought up in not continuing to date someone so I just took it and moved on. I also frequent the same cafe/bar she goes to, so I'd rather keep things amicable and not make our next run-in awkward. I agree with you that it's hard to define and find that "instant" and optimal level of chemistry within the first meeting or two. Heck, I've even read that it's as little as the first 15 minutes of meeting someone that you can pick it up.
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