Thaddius Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I met a guy recently and we've went on two dates. He keeps saying "we're gonna be best friends". Especially when we find common ground or if we share the same interests. Does he just want to be friends?
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 He's answered that question clearly enough. That might change, but at the moment he's offering you friendship.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Pay attention to his actions. Has he been physically affectionate touching you at all? Has he been playfully flirtatious and dropped any humorous innuendos to build sexual tension? Has he gone for a kiss? If he is keeping his distance and not making any attempt to make you feel desired, he probably isn't attracted to you physically. Edited March 14, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author Thaddius Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 Maybe he means we're going to be something more?
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Maybe he means we're going to be something more? No. That's not what he's saying. It might change, but at the moment that's not what he's saying.
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Maybe he means we're going to be something more? No sweetie, he is letting you know, as diplomatically as he can, that he "only" wants to be friends. Otherwise known as, he's just not that into you. If you want more, then just move on and continue dating other guys... Sorry.. 4
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Maybe he means we're going to be something more? Like I said, pay attention to his actions. If he has made no attempt to kiss you, or be physically affectionate/flirtatious to show his desire, he isn't attracted to you and just wants to be friends. Remember that 70% of communication is non verbal and body language.
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Pay attention to his actions. Has he been physically affectionate touching you at all? Has he been playfully flirtatious and dropped any humorous innuendos to build sexual tension? Has he gone for a kiss? If he is keeping his distance and not making any attempt to make you feel desired, he probably isn't attracted to you physically. ff with respect ...^^ doesn't mean a hill of beans....he may only want an FWB arrangement. Would you tell a chick you were totally HOT for that you were going to be "best friends"? It's an odd thing to say to a chick you're really into and hot for.. and want to develop a relationship with....IMO anyway. FWB or FB, maybe. But even then...weird!
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 ff with respect ...^^ doesn't mean a hill of beans....he may only want an FWB arrangement. Would you tell a chick you were totally HOT for that you were going to be "best friends"? It's an odd thing to say to a chick you're really into and hot for.. and want to develop a relationship with....IMO anyway. FWB or FB, maybe. But even then...weird! Haha.. True. 'Friends" is something that I'd never say. But in general I was trying to stress that it's always better to pay attention to someone's actions. On a first date, I'm watching her body language the whole time. Is she leaning in, are her pupils larger and dilated, is she receptive to being touched, etc.. Like the one I had a date with recently. Pupils were huge, always stayed close to me, and she even said "I'm proud of my arms" wanting me to feel and touch her, etc.. That's why I went for the kiss with full confidence. Even went back for seconds. I think people always make the mistake of trying to guess what someone is thinking off words they're saying when their body language tells you everything you need to know.
Author Thaddius Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 He still asks me to hangout and stuff one on one though. Should I reject them?
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Haha.. True. 'Friends" is something that I'd never say. But in general I was trying to stress that it's always better to pay attention to someone's actions. On a first date, I'm watching her body language the whole time. Is she leaning in, are her pupils larger and dilated, is she receptive to being touched, etc.. Like the one I had a date with recently. Pupils were huge, always stayed close to me, and she even said "I'm proud of my arms" wanting me to feel and touch her, etc.. That's why I went for the kiss with full confidence. Even went back for seconds. I think people always make the mistake of trying to guess what someone is thinking off words they're saying when their body language tells you everything you need to know. Your last paragraph contradicts what most people scream (well not exactly scream but assertively express)...on this forum. That even when a guy SAYS one thing, but ACTS in such a way that seems to contradict that, to always go by what he *says.* The example used was in response to the poster who was dating this guy for nine months who TOLD her he wasn't *ready for a relationship* but who treated her like they were in a relationship.. his actions conveyed they were in a relationship. The general consensus was to go by what he says -- he is not ready for a relationship, at least not with her. And to move on. I actually disagreed with that... believing as you do...that actions speak louder than words.!! I got ripped apart for having that opinion...and now here you are, a man, telling us that we should ignore what he "says" and pay attention to only his "actions"! Interesting! 2
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 He still asks me to hangout and stuff one on one though. Should I reject them? Friends DO like to hang out with each other, so him saying that means nothing. Other than he wants to be friends! What do YOU want? You okay with being friends? And if he pushes for sex, you okay with a "friends with benefits" situation? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Your last paragraph contradicts what most people scream (well not exactly scream but assertively express)...on this forum. That even when a guy SAYS one thing, but ACTS in such a way that seems to contradict that, to always go by what he *says.* The example used was in response to the poster who was dating this guy for nine months who TOLD her he wasn't *ready for a relationship* but who treated her like they were in a relationship.. his actions conveyed they were in a relationship. The general consensus was to go by what he says -- he is not ready for a relationship, at least not with her. And to move on. I actually disagreed with that... believing as you do...that actions speak louder than words.!! I got ripped apart for having that opinion...and now here you are, a man, telling us that we should ignore what he "says" and pay attention to only his "actions"! Interesting! Haha.. Just more evidence.
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 He still asks me to hangout and stuff one on one though. Should I reject them? That depends on whether you want what is being offered. What you are being offered is friendship. Do you want that? 1
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Haha.. Just more evidence. Ah ha...where were you when I needed you?! I got RIPPED on that thread!
Yookie Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Some people subscribe to the notion that you need to be "best friends" with the person you want to spend your life with so this man's definition of what this means could vary from just friends to something more. You need to get clarification from him or just wait and see by how the relationship develops. Ask him if that's all he wants to be... friends or something more? To Katiegrl: I remember that thread. In my opinion actions and words need to be in complete and total ALIGNMENT for me to take it seriously. If they do not match then neither holds weight.
Leigh 87 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Ah ha...where were you when I needed you?! I got RIPPED on that thread! because it is the EXCEPTION and not the RULE, that a guy will say " I am not ready for a relationship" when he is truly head over heels in love with a girl. Which after 9 months, ALL men will be if ever they were to fall crazy in love with said girl. In the vast majority of cases, when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, he either has major commitment issues and/OR, he just isn't that into her. It is like... the fact I personally hold out for intense chemistry and passion AND compatibility - which lets face it, a tiiiiiny portion of couples have. And no, the passion you have to "work to create because it was never there to begin with, is never as intense as the explosive sex that true chemistry yields. Therefore, I don't tell people to hold out for it anymore as I realise I will likely never find it myself. I don't urge people- to hang out for the exception. I let people force an half assed attraction with those that they aren't really into which really works for most people since they end up with optimal compatibility. This guy may really like the girl as a person - hence the "best friends" thing... and perhaps he is trying to see if he can cultivate some sort of chemistry and attraction, because he feels they are very compatible? In which case, while I would personally prefer a relationship that started out with lust and a honeymoon period, the OP may be thrilled with simply finding a compatible mate as her date may also be excited about, which they feel they can build chemistry and attraction around, so who am I to tell her to ditch the guy just because he is clearly lacking the desire and passion for her, sexually?
Leigh 87 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Some people subscribe to the notion that you need to be "best friends" with the person you want to spend your life with so this man's definition of what this means could vary from just friends to something more. You need to get clarification from him or just wait and see by how the relationship develops. Ask him if that's all he wants to be... friends or something more? To Katiegrl: I remember that thread. In my opinion actions and words need to be in complete and total ALIGNMENT for me to take it seriously. If they do not match then neither holds weight. He could just mean friends. Based on what he has said, it seems more likely that friends is all he is seeking with the OP. However, there are three types of ways relationships develop: 1: friendship based relationships that start off as best friends --- minimal passion is present but they are sooo compatible that they are happy to cultivate their own chemistry and passion where there is low or none to begin with. They don't go through a honeymoon period. 2: there is little attraction but you are not dying to rip each others clothes off. It is more friendship based than passion based. You have great sex but it is not like you cannot stop thinking about each other or day dream about explosive sex together 3: passion based unions - where you are both majorly attracted initially and want to rip each others clothes off - and you also happen to become best friends after the fact. ^^^ This could very well be a friendship based union where the guy just really likes the OP as a person, and would like to see if chemistry and attraction can develop later. OR, he could have a little attraction to her, but is way more focused on the friendship side of things. But again - He would very well just want to be friends.
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 If you are asking this question . . . you don't know the answer. You could have asked him to be more specific. He is making a projection about the future that you are entitled to understand if you are going to continue to date him. Have you and he had at least a very casual conversation about what you are looking for out your dating experiences? If you see him again, you can simply make a statement in a casual way that tells him what you want for yourself specifically. Don't make it a question to him. And, then let him talk.
smackie9 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 If I heard that I would "check please" and leave.
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