NC-Thomas Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Just need to get this off my chest. I'm having trouble removing my recent ex from Facebook since we have around 10 mutual friends (in real life). There is a very big chance I keep seeing her at parties or around in the coming months and I don't want to ruin that... I want to keep this alive and not create an awkward vibe amongst my friends. On the other hand I have the urgency to keep checking her Facebook. I already unfollowed her profile. Im 2 weeks NC now, but I check her about everyday. Im pretty sure she's not. I don't want to be a child by removing her. Also I fear she will be pissed of and tell our mutual friends bad things about me. I've had ex's tell bad things about me in the past, and it has cost me a lot of (perhaps shallow) friends. Also didn't get invited to parties anymore out of the blue, while she did... Another thing why I haven't removed her is because she still needs to pick her stuff up at my apartment. Also Facebook is a good thing to see at what events she will go, so that I can avoid her when i want. I know healing is important for me, i'm trying to ignore her Facebook, but at some episodes I just tend to check. Just not ready to remove her, perhaps hoping she will come back. PS: we had something for 7 months only, so im not hurt that bad, but bad enough. For some reason it just makes me feel weak to remove her. I would rather pretend I don't care about her and don't check it anymore, but I do keep doing it. Since im unemployed I have too much free time on my PC and FB. PS: she is also in many whatsapp groups im in. I wish I was living in the 70's / 80's so that I don't have to worry about social media bull****. Edited March 14, 2015 by NC-Thomas
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 You might think you are doing NC, but you're not. NC means: No direct contact in either direction, including replies. No sending, no receiving. No indirect contact through third parties. No monitoring of social media. No 'little birds' feeding you news. If you want to do NC, do it, but don't kid yourself into thinking you are when you aren't. 1
Author NC-Thomas Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 You might think you are doing NC, but you're not. NC means: No direct contact in either direction, including replies. No sending, no receiving. No indirect contact through third parties. No monitoring of social media. No 'little birds' feeding you news. If you want to do NC, do it, but don't kid yourself into thinking you are when you aren't. Yea you are right, I have been in NC except for checking her FB. Also I am still kinda waiting for her to pick up her stuff (too big for mailing). Been 2 weeks now. Im going to put it all in my garage just to be rid of it. Out of sight, out of mind i hope.
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Yea you are right, *I have been in NC except for checking her FB. Also I am still kinda waiting for her to pick up her stuff (too big for mailing). Been 2 weeks now. Im going to put it all in my garage just to be rid of it. Out of sight, out of mind i hope. *That's a bit like saying, "I'm a vegetarian, but I still eat pork." Anyway, I've chastised you enough... Take care, and take it easy. 1
Ruby65 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 You have ten mutual friends, why not bring her stuff to one of them? Also, mutual friends will understand if you have to block them on Facebook for a while due to a breakup, just explain why. Go ahead and cut the cord! It's time. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I just posted about how social media has made breaking up more difficult...I miss the good old days too. When you had to go out of your way to see your ex, not the other way around. I was where you are, about 2 months NC except for occasionally checking what public parts of my ex's Facebook I could see (I had blocked him, but found ways around it). And I've gotta tell you, I didn't start to really get over him until I cut out even the little bit of peeking that I was doing. Its been 21 days now, and I am doing great. I don't think I would be here either if I was still cheating on the NC. I had to take it one urge at a time. Have you ever quit smoking? It was a lot like that, just ride the craving out and you'll feel really good for not giving in. And then you'll feel REALLY good when the true NC starts to work. Goodluck, you can do it! 2
BC1980 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 For some reason it just makes me feel weak to remove her. I would rather pretend I don't care about her and don't check it anymore, but I do keep doing it. Since im unemployed I have too much free time on my PC and FB. PS: she is also in many whatsapp groups im in. It doesn't have much to do with being weak. It's more like removing yourself from a volatile situation. Sometimes, that is the only answer because you can't win. I don't think it makes you strong to keep subjecting yourself to information that will hurt you and keep you mired in the past. I think that's a recipe for disaster and never moving on. If anything, removing her from FB would show that you have appropriate boundaries. 2
Author NC-Thomas Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) I feel so bad right now, I feel like a ****ing child. I feel disgraced and I dont know why. I just deleted, blocked her on Facebook and Whatsapp. I deleted her number and im going to put her stuff in my garage. I will probably see her on parties but ****, I don't know how to deal with that. Im scared I will see her dirty ****ing face when im with mutual friends. My stomach is already turning. On the other hand I can now FINALLY start full NC after checking her profile daily. The reasons I removed her: 1. I can stop checking her FB 2. I can feel like im independent and don't need her anymore 3. I can stop being scared if and when she will delete me from FB 4. I can SHOW her im not needy and willing to let her sorry ass go 5. I have boundaries and I ACT ON THEM. 6. I told her im not going to be her friend in real life, then im sure as hell not going to be her fake friend on facebook. 7. I feel free now. Im not bound. She is gone. ( also digital) 8. I removed something that was holding me back from becoming my true self. A cancer. What im worried about is: 1. How mutual friends will react, and WHAT side they will choose, hers or mine. It's not like they will invite me AND her to the same party... 2. What she will tell them. 3. When I will see her IRL. I know I should not worry, and only shallow friends will look bad at me, but still im only human. I should feel better by removing her, but instead I feel so much worse because all the hope I had is now out of the window. She might not come back, but now that I have deleted her certainly. I wonder what she will think when she sees, on the other hand, **** what she thinks. It's strange how I can give good advice on this forum (on breakups), but when it comes to my own break-up im the same like everyone else. I feel dreadfull. Thanks for keeping me on track. I hope I made the right decision. Edited March 17, 2015 by NC-Thomas 2
Satu Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 *It's strange how I can give good advice on this forum (on breakups), but when it comes to my own break-up im the same like everyone else. I feel dreadfull. Thanks for keeping me on track. I hope I made the right decision. Think about this: If you don't do whats good for you, you don't have her or yourself. If you do whats good for you, you don't have her, but you do have yourself. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I have a ton of mutual friends with my ex, and only once have I had any issues. And that was when my ex changed his status and one of these friends called me to see what was up. Otherwise, nobody but you two knows that you've blocked her. And unless your ex is completely immature, she probably isn't going to go around saying that you did it. I wouldn't worry too much, I found that my friends were more concerned with how I was doing than with taking sides. And we just don't talk about my ex at all. It'll be surprisingly nice to not have to worry about any accidental contact. I was amazed at how much nicer it was to not have that feeling in the pit of my stomach worrying about seeing something that was going to hurt all over again. Very liberating. But it is also a little sad, to finally sever the last few ties you have, even if they are digital and "fake". I know that too... I smiled at your comment about how you're good at giving advice, but not so good when it comes to your own. I feel the same way with myself. This isn't easy, is it? 2
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