b__c Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 GF of 1 year 8 months broke up with me suddenly out-of-the-blue 10 days ago. Just texted me, came over to my place, and let me know. I'm about to turn 25, she just turned 23. Our relationship was amazing. Never fought, always smiles, love, and open communication. When she broke up with me, she walked in in tears and her first words were that we needed to talk and that she needed a break. My heart sank. I responded by saying we could just give each other some space, but she insisted on the break being a breakup and set no timetable. Her reasons for the breakup were that she needed to figure out what she wants to do with her life, and that she needs independence. I believe her, as she is a very honest person. Other influencing factors: -She's been quite unfulfilled with her current job over the past 2-3 months, which I was aware. Whenever she mentioned the idea of applying to new jobs, I was supportive. -She has lived in our current major US coastal city for 4.5 years, dating back to the beginning of college. Some of her close friends are now living on an opposite coast city that she's fond of, and I think she has FOMO and a desire to experience new things. Meanwhile, I'm committed in my job to our current city, and I believe she fears that we would resent each other if we did long-distance or if I moved there with her. When she has mentioned moving there previously, I was supportive but in hindsight perhaps not as supportive as I should have been. While breaking up with me, she made it clear she still loves me and wants to be with me in the future, but that she needs to do this despite it being selfish. She took all her minor belongings she had at my place, and told me to call in the case of an emergency. I want to respect her space, so have had no-contact for the entire 10 days thus far, outside of liking one of her Instagram posts and viewing her Snapchat Stories. I desperately want her back in my life, as she's the love of my life and I see a bright future with her. Should I maintain no-contact for a month to see if she reaches out, and after that reach out in an easygoing manner? The only other thought I've had is to write her a letter after ~2-3 weeks, expressing my support for her without imposing my own desires upon her.
SearchingForMyself Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 She did the right thing. Here is what probably happened. She is now at an age where the possibility of being in a long committed relationship with you, i.e. marriage, has passed her thoughts, and with your differing paths, its become clear that you two are changing...and moving away from each other. At the same time, she is starting to become more interested in the possibility of other guys, if there isnt already one, and her words were excuses to explore those. Either way, no matter what she said, or what her reasons are, she WILL date other guys, and none of them will be you. Go NC until you are indifferent towards her and don't think of the reasons. She doesnt want you anymore, so respect her wishes and get out of her life. You'll thank yourself later. 2
mightycpa Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 blindsided breakups are the worst of the bunch. they help trigger the desperation and distraught feelings you are experiencing. if you had gradually been dumped over time, you probably wouldn't feel as badly as you must right now. read the above for good advice, and read the forums so that you can see that what will happened to you has happened to others, and maybe you can get through it quicker good luck 1
kolleamm Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Oh man I hear you but do not despair. You will be ok. Let all your emotions run their course. On average it will take you about a month or two to get her out of your system. This is very common and it happens all the time. Everyone experiences a painful breakup at some point in their lives. Look at it this way though, now you are wiser and much more aware of the red flag signs for your next relationship. There is always someone worse off than you. 1
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I feel for you, and know how hard it is to be in your position. This is some tough love: You might think you are doing NC, but you're not. NC means: No direct contact in either direction, including replies. No sending, no receiving. No indirect contact through third parties. No monitoring of social media. No 'little birds' feeding you news. If you want to do NC, do it, but don't kid yourself into thinking you are when you aren't. 1
Satu Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Should I maintain no-contact for a month to see if she reaches out, and after that reach out in an easygoing manner? The only other thought I've had is to write her a letter after ~2-3 weeks, expressing my support for her without imposing my own desires upon her. NC is a tool for healing, not a strategy to get someone back in your life. Nothing you can do will make her change her mind. Focus on yourself. Edited March 14, 2015 by Satu 2
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I am sorry. I know how hurt you must be feeling at this point. Apart from her saying she wanted to be with you in the future, she has broken up with you. She did not suggest taking a break and she took her belongings. It's painful but you need to let her go and look after yourself now. I know you still feel attached to her and it will take some time for that to fade, but you could be looking at a different future with another girl who thinks the world of you and is ready to settle down with you. People say going no contact helps but I think you will do that when you feel ready. What I would say is don't hold out any hope that she means she will be with you in the future - that's highly unlikely given that she'll move, meet others, and develop other interests and a new career. Best to assume she is moving on and allow yourself to move on as soon as you've had chance to assimilate this. People on here will support you so keep in touch with Loveshack. xx 1
Shetland Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Hey man, The same thing happened to me for almost the exact same reasons. My ex was also in her early 20's and we had a great relationship also. It's a terrible heart wrenching feeling and extremely unfair. Don't take this the wrong way, but it does feel better to know that others are fighting the same battle as I am. Hope you feel better that you are not alone, and that this is a struggle we'll get through together. Let's stay strong for now. 1
wantnotshould Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Mickey2012 is right. It's very tough to read and your brain might refuse to believe it because it's still a really fresh wound. But you need to remove her from your life, she doesn't want you there anymore. If she wants to come back she will. I doubt it though. Go NC, heal and live your life. Either way the best way to "get her back" if there is still any chance is to be happy and independent. If you are clingy and depressed, you will only push her away even more. Don't expect it. The hope will always be there but block it. Get better for you, not to "get her back". She will only come back if SHE wants to. Going through something similar. It sucks. Huge ups and downs. But it gets easier. It's been also 2 months and I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER. 1
geronimo Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Listen to everyones advice on here, its golden. It sucks to know that the person you loved, does not want you anymore. We are all going through it but you just have to accept it for what it is and move on. She no longer wants you in her life, girls in their early 20's want to get their life sorted out and if for whatever reason they think you're not the suitable guy for them, they will break it off with you and explore other options. In most cases like yours, the girl has already found someone else who she thinks is more suitable and is already pursuing or wants to pursue it thats why she cut you off out of the blue. Happened to me too. Found out my ex was dating another guy within weeks of us breaking up and she said the same things about loving me and caring about me while we were breaking up but at the same time said she needs her space for a little while. Do NC, its the only way, and take it as a tool to get over her and move on. Like people have said, NC is a tool for healing not getting her back. Its been 4 months since my breakup and I feel alot better, it will take time since it was a LTR, mine was a 5 year relationship and we barely had any problems, so if I can start feeling better, trust me you can too. 1
Holmes85 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) geronimo, It's very rare that the girl / woman breaks up with someone using petty excuses after investing in a 2 year relationship. I can guarantee you that she broke up with you in order to persue her new romantic interest. This girl was already cheating on you in an emotional sense while still being in a relationship with you. The question you have to ask yourself is, would you be able to turst this type of girl again? I personally would try to kill all my feelings for this girl, let her have fun with the new guy, the more she hasn't heard from you, the more doubt would start to creep in her mind, once the honeymoon period is over with the new guy or the other guy starts making mistakes, she will automatically start thinking about you. Once she realizes she's in a trainwreck with a new guy, she'll be getting in touch with you, willing to get back to you and stuff. I personally would treat her as a "has been" by then. But for now maintain strict NC and get your self condience back on track and once your emotional state has cooled down, you'll see her for exactly what she did to you. Edited March 16, 2015 by Holmes85
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