is it just better to remain single?

[Hopeful714]

Wondering how you all feel on this?

 

Horrible breakup 2.5 yrs ago. Took me 2 yrs to be completely healed. Couldn't even date but I am beginning to find guys cute again!

 

Problem is I love my life alone. I'm a bit introverted by nature and seriously sometimes after a long week at work it's just so great to stay in my pj's as long as I want, immerse myself in a good book, accomplish all my chores so my life remains in order, and indulge in my passions and hobbies without anyone making demands or comments on what I do. I am not a hermit or unsociable...I have plenty of wonderful friends and family to gather with when I choose or need company. I'm not into hooking up for casual sex. If I need to knock one out...heck...I can. There's toys for that.

 

I'm most likely a bit older then most on here...I have no kids and am past wanting them. I've had several relationships through out my life however they all ended up being problematic to the point where they just ended or I had to leave for my own preservation of sanity and self. Then face the dreaded recovery.

 

They say 50 percent of marriges/relationships end in divorce and out of those 50% who remain together I question how many do so just because they are raising children or financial reasons. How many of those people are really happy? I hear tidbits of my friends relationships now and then it's not bliss....just mundane living with problems and issues tossed in. Some problems bigger than others. My grass always appears greener.

 

I have found there are very few quality people to date anymore. And, in the instance where you do meet someone and "fall in love" I,m tending to think its just a big hormonal honeymoon rush that eventually leads to dissageements, dissatisfaction, differences in lifestyle, boredom, arguments, possible breakups, and in worst cases hurtful emotional abuse, lies and deceptions.

 

So, what's the point? Am I jaded and cynical? Or just realistic? You can't have a real relationship without intimacy of communication and trust and real commitment. Yet after all these years I have not found that. And in a sense can care less anymore because I am happy with myself and don't want to deal with someone's problems and baggage. In a sense I don't want to put myself out there again for the rinse, wash, repeat. I love my freedom and am happy!

 

Any thoughts?

[NC-Thomas]

Im happy you're happy! How old are you if I may ask?

 

I feel that in order to be happy in life, I need to be alone alot. In effect being alone makes me happy. But another part of me wants to share that happiness with someone. That someone is always flawed in one way or another. So yes, there is always emotional baggage. However I don't always consider that a negative. Because in a mutual loving relationship you help each other out in a healthy and balanced manner.

 

In reality that kind of mutual co-dependancy can be hard to find, I agree. But that doesn't make me shut the door for a relationship or marriage.

 

Overall I think you are happy as you are now, but perhaps there is a slim chance you could be even happier with that special someone in your life? If the answer to this question is YES, then you have your answer.

[carhill]

Sounds like normal been there, done that, time to do something else but not being coupled causes me to feel a bit odd since it seems like everyone else is - itis.

 

Predominantly, the single women I've met in my age group and demographic apparently feel very similar to how you describe your circumstances. IMO, it's wise of them, and you, to recognize such factors and take themselves/yourself out of the social/dating milieu.

 

I did the same after my D and haven't really looked back. Once in awhile, like when I read a heartwarming story here on LS or go to the wedding of a friend's child or grandchild, I get moments of 'hmm....' but they pass. Been there, done that. Good on them.

[mightycpa]

Problem is I love my life alone.

That's really not a problem, it's the solution.

 

They say 50 percent of marriges/relationships end in divorce and out of those 50% who remain together I question how many do so just because they are raising children or financial reasons. How many of those people are really happy?

I think that's because people look for relationships to be in, rather than tending to their own development and waiting from someone compatible who does the same. Somehow, they think if a person is decent and kind, and they are decent and kind, that it will work. But it takes more than being good roommates. I think that the happiest couples are two people who are like you, happy with themselves, and are also happy that they are with someone like that. The idea that you'll love your SO forever is fiction. You fall in and out of love several times with that person, unless the relationship becomes toxic or one-sided in some way. It is much easier to live a life with someone that actually has a life beyond work and children.

 

Am I jaded and cynical? Or just realistic?

Both? I think both.

You can't have a real relationship without intimacy of communication and trust and real commitment. Yet after all these years I have not found that. And in a sense can care less anymore. Any thoughts?

A lot of people don't know how to do that. It took me years to have the courage to do it, and I was fortunate enough to be with someone who did know how. She changed my life, and got me ready for marriage. The fact that you have surrendered yourself to the idea that it might be just you from now on tells me you're finally ready. I'm not saying it will happen, but if you can be content to live on your own terms, without the need for a partner, you might just find out that life has more in store for you. You will begin to attract the same.

 

Good luck. This is a good thing you've found.

[d0nnivain]

Your solution works for you so do that! However, it's not the answer for everybody.

 

If you are happy, be happy. Don't compare yourself to others & what they want / need because that is a sure fire recipe for misery.

[Hopeful714]

All very good replies.

 

I'll just say I'm old enough to have been around the block several times, and smart enough to know better at this point! Lol!

 

I'm glad to hear others enjoy their alone time as well. It seems so many people are so constantly around others, that many of them can't even conceive of the joy I find in this and most likely find it odd. Personally, I find it odd that others have to constantly surround themselves with other people being so joined at the hip so to say engaged in meaningless chitter chatter 24/7.

 

Yes, there are those awkward moments where everyone seems coupled up and throughout the years I have been in situations where I had to explain myself, my choices, and even sexual preference because many just don't seem to get where I'm coming from.

 

And yes, I can understand how my alone time rejuvinates me and helps me to be the best mental and physical me (by caring for myself) so that when I am in the company of others I can give the best of what I have to give and share that joy. And sure....AT TIMES I feel like would like to do that with a special guy.

 

But most don't seem to understand this. And I eventually feel like I need to submit myself in some way shape or form in order to keep the relationship on track (good or bad) and then the whole cycle begins again. The demands on time, expectations from both involved parties, the not understanding of my "me" time, the loss of self...issues...problems....blah blah blah.

 

So....what's a girl to do?

Edited March 14, 2015 by Hopeful714

[Hopeful714]

And yea...to find love within one's self is the greatest love of all!