Meeting people out at public festivals

[LookAtThisPOst]

We do have public festivals that go on sometimes in the area. Most of which I have seen either couples holding hands or pushing baby carriages. Occasionally I would see a lone woman, but would wonder if she's just waiting on her sig. other.

 

But my question is, ladies, are you opened to being approached, cold turkey at a public event like this? Be it a street fest, renn. faire, flea market extravaganza, etc.

 

Yes, it's not a "Meetup" but it goes back to the old days of making the approach. But still...it seems you may still have to have a good reason to approach. I typically don't find too many single, unattached ladies at these kinds of events, but even if I do...I'm still guessing if she's just waiting on her man to come out of the Port-O-Let.

[d0nnivain]

I'm a big believer in talking to strangers. Saying hello, making small talk about the weather, or discussing the festival are all fine.

 

The issue becomes knowing when to back off. If the woman isn't receptive to conversation, back off & don't push. But don't stop reaching out to your fellow human beings. It will seem more genuine & less stalkerish / creepy if you talk to lots of people of all genders, shapes, sizes, ages etc.

[zebracolors]

I kind of feel like if someone is even at a social event, they are probably going to be open to being approached. Its not like at a library or coffee house, and he or she is reading, studying, whatever. That is usually when you shouldn't approach. Then it goes to D0nnivain's point, where its reading their body language. Most people probably don't mind small talk, but you still have to know when to back off. So its probably ok to approach, and if they are rude, don't waste your time. Just don't take it personally if they don't seem receptive to talking much and don't let it ruin your fun.

[GemmaUK]

I agree it's all about knowing body language but that' the same in every interaction anyone has anywhere and with anyone.

[LookAtThisPOst]

With my experience, at least where I live, usually if a woman doesn't know who you are...even an attempt at trying to chat them up is met with some kind of barrier or coldness. There's this, "Why is this person I don't know trying to talk to me?"

 

Even if you have an excuse to talk, like waiting in line for food being served.

I recall during the Christmas holidays trying to strike up a conversation with a woman at a coffee portion of a bookstore as we both placed orders and were both waiting on our coffees.

 

My attempt was met with her being short, and not so polite. Not even a "It was nice meeting you." to end the encounter.

 

This is why I prefer social gatherings like Meetup events where everyone there is there for a purpose...to meet new people. Out in about in public, some people aren't willing to make new friends or whatever.

 

Classic example, a friend , who lives local, of mine that was once active in Meetup (he's now married and was married at the time this situation occurred), me and him used to carpool to Meetups an hour away, but this time he brought two single women with him to an event, they spent the entire time talking to only each other and not mingling. I chatted with them initially of course because my friend introduced me to them, but I went about mingling as they wouldn't budge nor even people approached them. When I came back to talk to them, I asked them, "So, get to know anyone, do any mingling?" Their response, "No, we're not here to meet people."

 

But, see, they came from a fish bowl community where their social circles revolve around people they grew up with, their lives are mostly focused on their numerous nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. The idea of going outside that is quite alien to them.

Edited March 15, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

With my experience, at least where I live, usually if a woman doesn't know who you are...even an attempt at trying to chat them up is met with some kind of barrier or coldness. There's this, "Why is this person I don't know trying to talk to me?"

 

Even if you have an excuse to talk, like waiting in line for food being served.

I recall during the Christmas holidays trying to strike up a conversation with a woman at a coffee portion of a bookstore as we both placed orders and were both waiting on our coffees.

 

My attempt was met with her being short, and not so polite. Not even a "It was nice meeting you." to end the encounter.

 

This is why I prefer social gatherings like Meetup events where everyone there is there for a purpose...to meet new people. Out in about in public, some people aren't willing to make new friends or whatever.

 

Classic example, a friend , who lives local, of mine that was once active in Meetup (he's now married and was married at the time this situation occurred), me and him used to carpool to Meetups an hour away, but this time he brought two single women with him to an event, they spent the entire time talking to only each other and not mingling. I chatted with them initially of course because my friend introduced me to them, but I went about mingling as they wouldn't budge nor even people approached them. When I came back to talk to them, I asked them, "So, get to know anyone, do any mingling?" Their response, "No, we're not here to meet people."

 

But, see, they came from a fish bowl community where their social circles revolve around people they grew up with, their lives are mostly focused on their numerous nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. The idea of going outside that is quite alien to them.

 

 

 

What cues did either the coffee woman or the meet up women give to you that they wanted to speak/were open to talking?

 

 

Being in the same queue as a stranger isn't an automatic 'in', neither is being at the same event as someone.

 

 

I talk to all kinds of people in all kinds of situations but there will always be a cue beforehand that means saying something is OK.

The only time I will speak but don't wait for a cue is to apologise for being in their way or bumping into them, when someone is in danger or has left something behind or dropped something.

[LookAtThisPOst]

In some cases I don't think a cue is even necessary and I'm proactive about speaking up initially. The only social cue I pick up on is when they don't seem to react in a way they don't want to talk, and only then I discontinue.

 

What cues did either the coffee woman or the meet up women give to you that they wanted to speak/were open to talking?

 

 

Being in the same queue as a stranger isn't an automatic 'in', neither is being at the same event as someone.

 

 

I talk to all kinds of people in all kinds of situations but there will always be a cue beforehand that means saying something is OK.

The only time I will speak but don't wait for a cue is to apologise for being in their way or bumping into them, when someone is in danger or has left something behind or dropped something.

[GemmaUK]

In some cases I don't think a cue is even necessary and I'm proactive about speaking up initially. The only social cue I pick up on is when they don't seem to react in a way they don't want to talk, and only then I discontinue.

 

If you're looking to date those you approach then a cue is especially necessary prior to that approach.

Being proactive about speaking up doesn't mean that they will be interested in you.

[LookAtThisPOst]

If you're looking to date those you approach then a cue is especially necessary prior to that approach.

Being proactive about speaking up doesn't mean that they will be interested in you.

 

Like I said, I don't need a cue...most men don't need a cue and do it anyway...that's the nature of the single man. Taking a chance is part of the deal.

[GemmaUK]

Like I said, I don't need a cue...most men don't need a cue and do it anyway...that's the nature of the single man. Taking a chance is part of the deal.

 

Actually most men do wait for cues.

 

 

Every single man from RL I have dated or had relationships with has approached me upon a cue.

I don't recall details of the RS's but I still clearly remember all of the cues flying back and forth between me and each guy before we had even spoken to each other.

OLD doesn't work in quite the same way which is why many women agree to meet as friends.

 

 

If a woman isn't giving you any cues or has not responded well to yours you can be pretty certain she won't be interested if you approach.

 

 

You say you don't need cues, fair enough, for a relationship to begin though initial cues are crucial.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually most men do wait for cues.

 

 

Every single man from RL I have dated or had relationships with has approached me upon a cue.

I don't recall details of the RS's but I still clearly remember all of the cues flying back and forth between me and each guy before we had even spoken to each other.

OLD doesn't work in quite the same way which is why many women agree to meet as friends.

 

 

If a woman isn't giving you any cues or has not responded well to yours you can be pretty certain she won't be interested if you approach.

 

 

You say you don't need cues, fair enough, for a relationship to begin though initial cues are crucial.

 

Well, I'll guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

If a woman isn't giving you any cues or has not responded well to yours you can be pretty certain she won't be interested if you approach.

 

Um, this is what I was just talking about, in your previous post, you make it sound like a guy shouldn't even make a peep.

Edited March 17, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[organizedchaos]

Like I said, I don't need a cue...most men don't need a cue and do it anyway...that's the nature of the single man. Taking a chance is part of the deal.

 

That's your problem right there. I always waited for a cue. A signal of interest in situations like this.

 

I really don't understand the point of this thread then. Most people set up a wall to a complete stranger approaching them in public. What are their intentions? Are they trying to sell me a gym membership, get me to join a church? Or whatever. So you are setting yourself up for that. You're right tho, that's the nature of the cold approach.

 

So again, what's the point of the thread?

[serial muse]

Well, I'll guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

 

 

Um, this is what I was just talking about, in your previous post, you make it sound like a guy shouldn't even make a peep.

 

Cue =/ random conversation, I don't think. Cues tend to be nonverbal. Both men and women can throw those out and see what happens.

[GemmaUK]

A cue is not speech OP, it's entirely non-verbal.

 

 

It's all of the things that happen before speaking to a potential date or even just anyone who you know or don't know in any and all social situations. .

[LookAtThisPOst]

A cue is not speech OP, it's entirely non-verbal.

 

 

It's all of the things that happen before speaking to a potential date or even just anyone who you know or don't know in any and all social situations. .

 

The thing is, GemmaUK, is perhaps you may not be putting yourself in the man's shoes when it comes to approaching. Just to clarify, before a woman can give any kind of cues that she wants to talk to you, the man would first need to initiate contact with her or maybe even start the conversation.

 

Let's say if they even like the guy, most women won't cue the guy until he take the "un-cued" step towards making conversation...whether it be making eye contact, moving their direction, opening one's mouth to start the conversation with a simple "Hello," etc.

 

That being said, there's no satisfying eveyone....so I approach WHO I want...but not be a jerk about or or be pushy. THe effect here is to wait for how she responds, if she tells you to pound dirt, or just is short with the man in conversation, or is not up for chit-chatting, only THEN the cue is to back off.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Somebody said at the beginning, just be friendly and talk to ALL the people around you if you are at a public festival including old men and ladies and women with babies, sooner or later a pretty woman will be in your zone and you will be friendly and talk to her as well. Then you can see if she is receptive to talking with you some more or if she will just move on. Meeting people in public places is nice, single women would like to meet a great guy that way I am sure, but the feeling of getting "picked up on" or kind of stalked is not a good one and the guy won't get anyplace if she picks up on a vibe like that. So being a friendly engaging person with those who are around you will be a good thing.

[GemmaUK]

Just to clarify, before a woman can give any kind of cues that she wants to talk to you, the man would first need to initiate contact with her or maybe even start the conversation.

 

 

No, he doesn't need to initiate contact nor start a conversation.

He just keeps his eyes open for women who look at him, look back a few times whilst catching his eye and he then returns the look a few times too. They'll likely smile and then once all that has happened an approach is much more likely to go well.

Both the man and the woman know each other is interested in what they see before they are even near to each other.

All of that has happened to me with IRL approaches 100% of the time when we have dated and gone on to have a relationship.

 

 

If you go in for an approach without the above happening then it's very unlikely to get a positive result.

 

 

Even with people you know, if you want to approach a group of people you know then you can tell by their feet whether they are welcome to you joining them.

Just yesterday I popped outside for a break and two colleagues who are friends of mine were talking. As I got closer their feet stayed in the closed position so they obviously didn't want me to interrupt so I carried on walking - any awkwardness on my part or theirs was avoided.

I got all of the info I needed from their feet,

[organizedchaos]

The thing is, GemmaUK, is perhaps you may not be putting yourself in the man's shoes when it comes to approaching. Just to clarify, before a woman can give any kind of cues that she wants to talk to you, the man would first need to initiate contact with her or maybe even start the conversation.

 

Huh? What are you even talking about? All it takes is a look or a smile from her. You don't need to initiate first!

 

Let's say if they even like the guy, most women won't cue the guy until he take the "un-cued" step towards making conversation...whether it be making eye contact, moving their direction, opening one's mouth to start the conversation with a simple "Hello," etc.

 

Again, huh? That's not the case at all. Women will let you know if there's interest without you having to make the first step. You just need to know how to read those cues.

[LookAtThisPOst]

What are you even talking about? All it takes is a look or a smile from her.

 

All of that has happened to me with IRL approaches 100% of the time when we have dated and gone on to have a relationship.

 

Ah...okay, I see what you mean, but I don't wait on those kinds of cues...if I waited on a smile or the batting of the eyelids or the "dropping of her white hanky"....I'd never approach...., hardly ever have women give me cues, so I approach anyway. *shrug* Not how I roll. I choose to move forward with the lady regardless of cues if that's how you're defining them.

 

Just yesterday I popped outside for a break and two colleagues who are friends of mine were talking. As I got closer their feet stayed in the closed position so they obviously didn't want me to interrupt so I carried on walking - any awkwardness on my part or theirs was avoided.

 

This is a simple case of not interrupting two people in conversation. I'm talking about approaching a woman, by herself, sitting or standing idley.

Edited March 18, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[carhill]

OP, while admirable, soliciting individual opinions versus the sea of humanity, a humanity of strangers who know nothing of you other than what a brief glance will inform them of, is, well, individual. But if that's what you want, I've met more women at concerts and music festivals just bumping into them while enjoying the music and ambiance. Like yourself, if I waited for 'come hither' looks, I'd still be, at worst, a virgin and, at best, denied the relationships and marriage I did have. I greatly respect and admire men who command such attention from women but had to learn how to approach women without it.

 

Generally, interaction/approach was simply being topical, light, and friendly and clearly in their space. Some liked, some didn't , probably the majority didn't, if I had to be truthful. Very few dates ever resulted from such beginnings. Things were more in the moment, if anything, and what went on there ended there. That's how life goes. Perhaps your experiences will prove more positive.

 

I still meet women at street fairs and yard sales and ad hoc art shows and the like and it still goes OK but viewing those meetings as a means to an end is in my past. In that sense I've become more like the women with whom nothing left the event venue, rather was only enjoyed there.

[LookAtThisPOst]

OP, while admirable, soliciting individual opinions versus the sea of humanity, a humanity of strangers who know nothing of you other than what a brief glance will inform them of, is, well, individual. But if that's what you want, I've met more women at concerts and music festivals just bumping into them while enjoying the music and ambiance. Like yourself, if I waited for 'come hither' looks, I'd still be, at worst, a virgin and, at best, denied the relationships and marriage I did have. I greatly respect and admire men who command such attention from women but had to learn how to approach women without it.

 

Generally, interaction/approach was simply being topical, light, and friendly and clearly in their space. Some liked, some didn't , probably the majority didn't, if I had to be truthful. Very few dates ever resulted from such beginnings. Things were more in the moment, if anything, and what went on there ended there. That's how life goes. Perhaps your experiences will prove more positive.

 

I still meet women at street fairs and yard sales and ad hoc art shows and the like and it still goes OK but viewing those meetings as a means to an end is in my past. In that sense I've become more like the women with whom nothing left the event venue, rather was only enjoyed there.

 

See...Carhill knows what I'm talking about...I don't get there are certain women here on the forums that seem to be rather put off by such an approach in public. It's likely a personality thing, perhaps they are introverts.

 

To be offended by being approached has something to do with the individual themselves.

 

Some women may not be aware of what's going on around them or actually notice men checking them out...perhaps even oblivious to it..that's why men need to give them a little nudge with the cold approach. But it seems some women prefer to fault men for doing this.

[Radu]

It's best to wait a clear cue of some sort ... if not you will get these reactions or worse [much worse].

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's best to wait a clear cue of some sort ... if not you will get these reactions or worse [much worse].

 

Please, give us an example not already mentioned here.

[xxoo]

It's best to wait a clear cue of some sort ... if not you will get these reactions or worse [much worse].

 

If they aren't sending a positive cue, they are most likely still sending a 'cue'. Avoiding eye contact is as clear as making eye contact.

[Radu]

Please, give us an example not already mentioned here.

 

Very friendly ... flirty even ... constantly gazing in my direction ... looking me in the crowd ... looking at me and immediately down when i catch her gaze ... finding reason to talk to me ... blushing when having a perfectly normal conversation that should not warrant it [i really love it when they do that ... the look of a girl blushing ]

A lot of them are centered on eye contact.

 

I'm really not very attractive so when sometimes i manage to pull off a look/attitude i notice them paying attention. Most of the times though i have success if i get to open my mouth in public.

 

Approach when you don't have these ... and you risk being labeled a creep/pervert/stalker.

Can't shake that accusation .... or being literally spat on [happened once when i was much younger].

 

 

Cold approaches like yours work very well if you are very good looking and a very unusual style of clothing ... something that sets you apart.

Not being shy also helps.