Lost boyfriend, friends just turned against me, feeling at my lowest point ever

[Emma1234]

I don't know where to start.

 

I'm nearly two weeks into the break up, so that's still raw and then over the past two weeks (as well as the build up for the past few months) my best friend and I have been distant and finally last night it all blew up.

 

We have been working on a project together for university and because I went away (something booked months ago) to go and see my then boyfriend who i hadn't seen in 2 months, I know that some of the stuff got left with her.

 

I wasn't too worried, expecting to get back and be able to sort things out with her over the last few days before hand in. However, the break up happened, I was devastated, felt like crap (especially because of some of the things he had said) and got quite ill (being sick on public transport whilst travelling home and just not being able to speak because of a sore throat) which meant I stayed at my family house for an extra 2 days.

 

When I got back I noticed that tensions were pretty high and I got the impression I was being blamed for something which on top of the break up was a lot of handle.

 

I started feeling quite lonely because when I went away my friend got very close to some of our others friends (something I hadn't had the chance to do because I was away and missed these events).

 

I got back and we got to work on it, i was stressed with everything and something didn't seem quite right with it and so I said i think we should change the front of it. This may have been lack of tact of my part in terms of how I said it but nothing was done in a malicious way.I was then there throughout the entire process of putting the text and pictures into the software, did everything I could with working with the publishers to get this sorted but there were then unforeseen problems with the publishing.

 

I had to go home yesterday and I'd expected the publication to be done long before then. However, because of the problems it meant that it still needed to be picked up and handed in. I filled out all the forms so it was just a matter of my friend printing them out, picking it up and then giving it to the hand in desk, literally a max 20 minute job.

 

However my friend doesn't deal with stress well at all and a few little things went wrong. I did everything I could to try and sort it from home and did my best to calm her down. The problems weren't big and I said it's fine, I'll hand it in on monday. I then got a text later from my friend who mentioned in his text that another of our friends had said 'she has been left with the project'. I just felt like it was so unfair and so I messaged the friend I've been working with trying to explain everything and to apologise but to please say things to me rather than our joint friends as that make me feel isolated.

 

She retorted saying things like i demeaned her work when I never did that at all, I always said how good it was and how talented she was and how she should do this for her future (something she wants to do anyway), the only thing i may have said was change the front cover and every other comment was something aimed at the thing as a whole (so myself as well) as I was there choosing the designs when we put them in so it was more my fault and me blaming myself!

 

I just feel so hurt by this and I don't know how to go back. I've tried to explain things to her again this morning but got no reply and now i feel like she may be saying things to this group of friends (some of which I am close to) and that makes me feel even more isolated and lonely, especially at this point when I'm already feeling lonely due to losing my ex.

 

I'm sorry this isn't exactly a break up post, it's a combination of the two really. I know that none of this would have happened if I hadn't gone and visited him, which is something I regret anyway, and once again I'm just feeling useless, a terrible girlfriend as he didn't want me, a useless friend, unattractive, boring, quiet, hopeless.

 

I think this is the lowest I have ever felt, i don't really know why I'm posting, more so to write it all out and to try and distract myself, it does help being able to share and get some advice.

 

This friend has also just left her 6 year relationship to be with someone else and I was there for her throughout that but the break up was different for her as she wanted it and she had someone else to go to. I kind of feel like now she has this new boyfriend and now that she has made these new friends that I haven't had a proper chance to get to know yet, I'm just being left behind on the sidelines as her life is all new and exciting (of course I'm happy for her with all of that), but I just wish I was involved too like i normally am.

 

It feels like a lot of my relationships are breaking down at the moment and that makes me feel like my life is kind of ending in a way. I don't know how to fix this (not just by saying sorry and letting it go which I would do if it sorted it all out), but by us actually getting back to where we used to be. I can't see any light in the future anymore, everything just feels very hopless.

[Ruby65]

Friends will sometimes let you down.

 

Try not to take this personally.

 

It's time to GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

 

Start throwing yourself into physical activities, because just about every thought your brain is coming up with right now is self-pitying, self-defeating, not really accurately reflecting reality, and keeping you down.

 

Don't trust your brain or the thoughts it sends you when you're just two weeks out of a major breakup!!

 

Trust your body. Start exercising -- HARD -- every day. Give yourself lots of hot showers and soak in hot baths. Fill yourself with ice cream and every comfort food imaginable. Take long walks, like 2 or 3 hours long. Spend time in NATURE, it's mindless yet uplifting. Take on DIY or spring-cleaning projects: the cleaner and more organized your environment is, the calmer your mind becomes and the more positive your thoughts are. It's acceptable to spend 3 or 4 hours organizing kitchen cupboards after a breakup.

 

I know you don't have time for volunteering, but consider contacting a local no-kill animal shelter and volunteer to go in and pet the cats and walk the dogs. It will get you out of yourself.

 

Remember: if you want to have a friend, BE a friend. It doesn't have to be anyone in this particular group -- you must know people who are isolated, lonely, maybe an elderly relative or neighbor? Heap some love and attention on someone who's feeling lonely, sad or isolated. Make contact with old friends and relatives you've fallen out of touch with.

 

I don't know if you're on any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. If not, there are gentle herbal teas and supplements to help you. Google Valerian for anxiety, St. John's Wort for mood support. Cammomile tea. Bach's Flower Remedies. Explore your options.

 

Most of all, treat yourself gently. Stop putting yourself down!!! If you had a terrible flu, you wouldn't be so down on yourself.... treat yourself that way now.

 

It WILL get better. It just takes time.