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Lost interest in dating completely. How do I take 'a break' w/o ending up a catlady?

Lernaean_Hydra

By Lernaean_Hydra
in Dating

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WomenWubber Established Member

WomenWubber

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Get dogs instead.

 

Dog ladies ftw.

  • Like 2
writergal Established Member

writergal

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Cat lady is such a pejorative term. I want to kick-box the face of the person who first coined that phrase. Why not "dog lady," or "parrot lady," or "salamander lady," or "snake lady, " or "fish lady?" Why cats?!?!? Listen, us gals who dote on cats are not cuckoo for cocoa puffs. We're cool. We're eclectic. We can handle our own sh*t with both hands tied behind our backs while blindfolded, standing on one foot in the yoga tree pose, reciting the lyrics to the song "I am woman, hear me roar," in both English AND Arabic. Dude, cat ladies ROCK!

 

Taking a break from dating is healthy. Everyone does it at different points in their life. It's necessary to recharge your spirit without the burden of looking for love in all the wrong places (see: online dating :p).

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Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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. We're cool. We're eclectic. We can handle our own sh*t with both hands tied behind our backs while blindfolded, standing on one foot in the yoga tree pose, reciting the lyrics to the song "I am woman, hear me roar," in both English AND Arabic.

 

And that's probably because they turned it into the pejorative 'crazy cat lady' stereotype.

 

A girl who can handle her own **** and whose first goal in life isn't to get a husband? That's crazy!

  • Like 2
writergal Established Member

writergal

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And that's probably because they turned it into the pejorative 'crazy cat lady' stereotype.

 

A girl who can handle her own **** and whose first goal in life isn't to get a husband? That's crazy!

 

Not all cat ladies' first goal in life is to get a husband. That's so 1950s. This is 2015. Times have changed my friend. Oh, have they changed.

blackcat777 Established Member

blackcat777

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It's okay to focus completely on yourself for a while, indulge in hobbies and do what you love. As long as your life makes you happy... no sense in forcing yourself to waste time with stale dates.

 

Love has always found me when I stopped looking.

 

Trying to keep my calendar full of dates left me with a strong sense of ennui as well. The greatest guys I dated were all met with an accidental/situational encounter.

  • Like 1
VikingPrincess Member

VikingPrincess

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I am here right now too. Broke off my engagement from my on again off again relationship of 5 years. I realized I was settling and I'm so scared to do that again. Joined OKCupid and was completely unimpressed. I'm 37 and online dating just seems yucky to me right now. I've always been dating or in a relationship and my spirit is just tired. I have nothing to give. I have to build myself up first before I can even think of dating as appealing again. Take all the time you need. That is what I'm going to do. Read the books I want. Mourn the death of my dog a little longer and then maybe get another one. Fly up and spend time with my brother. I went to a terrible art gallery installation tonight lol. I go to the bar and sit by myself. I repainted the rooms that were left to redo in my house.

 

Despite what society says you don't lose your skills if you aren't dating or in a relationship constantly.

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trippi1432 Established Member

trippi1432

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Loved the adorable kittens ...... I'm probably the only "cat lady" who owns an Evil Kitty, but yes, "Cat Lady" is a fallacy of a person's character.

 

Taking breaks is a necessity to get in touch with yourself, whether it's OLD or dating in general. I do think that the "cat lady" "old maid" hysteria was created to push women into unrealistic relationships. Stereotypical thinking....

 

Do what you need to do for you....

  • Like 2
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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Loved the adorable kittens ...... I'm probably the only "cat lady" who owns an Evil Kitty,...

 

Oh no, you're not! My cat is evil and douchy lol

  • Like 2
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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+1 OP.

 

Feeling seriously burnt out on trying to find a long term relationship.

 

Feels like some how it *shouldn't* be this difficult...

 

Same here. I want dating to be easy and stress free.

 

Ive been single, and im not a crazy cat lady. I have dogs. :)

 

I feel like I should be dating, but the motivation isnt there. Over the past two years ive gotten used to being single and filling my time with activities.

  • Like 1
Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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Now would you rather be the crazy cat lady who is happy and living on her own terms, or would you not and realize you settled on a man you truly didn't like?

 

Life isn't always as black and white, but why not just take a break for a few months and let the universe do some of the work on its own or not?

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Get dogs instead.

 

Dog ladies ftw.

 

 

 

I have a theory that rottweilers are the best dog to get......i have one of those and two collies a terrier cross and at the moment five cats....i think i have this invisible motel sign out the front of my house that lost and unwanted animals come here.....plus the next door neighbour dog who has taken up residence...i cant seem to get him to go home he is a great dane cross and its pitiful to see him squeeze under the fence to get in when we block it he hurts himself....to move the brick or the wood....so we stopped blocking it......had a few guys say why dont you get rid of them......i say yeah i should huh......they dont get invited back....

 

 

my rottie has disliked only one man she hates him.....and when he comes she bars my room,if i am in it....will not let him talk to me without barking at him..sits on my feet and wont move.....she is not like this at all with anyone else.....luckily he has disappeared for now...my rottie probably ate him.......

 

 

op just take a break.....i dont think anyone is crazy for having animals.....one cat would not be an issue...animals provide far more than we give them...in unconditional love they never stop giving....rescue a cat.....and if a guy you meet is friendly to your cat or dog and the animal responds in kind..its a nice start......deb

  • Like 3
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Hydra you won't lose your skills! Have a bit of down time but keep your edge;)

 

Even if you do and you have no clue what you are doing (which is where I am at)... just be yourself.

 

Was told last night it was "cute" that I am clearly not a serial dater and don't have any idea of what I am doing... :o

 

Oh and stay away from cats... and purple hats.

 

Actually f it - I have a great collection of hats if you want to borrow one!!!

 

Like Hot potato (god I love that screen name) I have dogs, and chickens... and horses...

 

Damn...! :D

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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It's not the having of a cat that makes a single woman the "catlady" stereotype. It's how much the cat is put in the "boyfriend replacement" role.

 

I think you'll be fine.

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Imported Established Member

Imported

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How many cats are we talking about here and do you dress them up in clothes or put funny looking hats on them?

 

How many pictures do you have of your cat and do you force people to look at them?

 

How often do you bring up the subject of your cat to other people?

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Imported Established Member

Imported

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Same here. I want dating to be easy and stress free.

 

Ive been single, and im not a crazy cat lady. I have dogs. :)

 

I feel like I should be dating, but the motivation isnt there. Over the past two years ive gotten used to being single and filling my time with activities.

 

 

Is it a tiny dog? Because that is the same thing as a cat.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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I can identify with the OP's feelings about dating. I, too, have taken a hiatus from dating a few weeks ago. I have no dating profiles on any OLD sites and, idk, I'm just not that into it anymore. And, like the OP, I'm disappointed in the guys I have been meeting on OLD. As far as IRL, if I cross paths with a cute and interesting guy, then I'll let fate make it's move; but other than that, I'm not putting forth any effort to seek out a guy to date or to pursue anything romantic with.

 

I'm diving into my work and excelling well at it and am also putting the rest of my concentration and attention on my beautiful family, friends and doing the activities and hobbies that give me the adrenaline rush and fun that I love. It's kind of sad...because I really did want to meet a special guy and did have interest in dating and having fun with it - but lately, the guys that have been approaching me on OLD are not what I'm looking for.

 

OP, take this opportunity to use your hiatus to delve into other things that you like to do. And by the way, you won't become the mythical "crazy catlady" just because you don't have a guy by your side! I will be getting a beautiful little kitten soon, and I can't wait!!! I may even get her a playmate or adopt two sisters together.:)

 

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend seven months ago because he exhibited many characteristics of NPD and he always wanted to have control and authority over certain aspects of our relationship which I had refused to let him have. Although I miss the good times I had with him, it is like a breath of fresh air not having him in my life anymore. Not having to walk on eggshells around him or being on the receiving end of his verbal assaults and temper is a HUGE relief and, as a result, my life is much more PEACEFUL! I think this is part of the reason why I am on my hiatus - because tbh, I'm not in any rush to have another guy in my life again...and having to put up with a man's idiosyncrasies, dysfunctions and possible character disturbances. So for now, I'm enjoying taking a break from dating. Hopefully, you will enjoy it too! Good luck, OP. :)

 

 

.

  • Like 1
writergal Established Member

writergal

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The Cat lady Song, just released on Siamese Records :laugh::

 

Because you know I'm all about my cats,

'Bout my cats, no boyfriend

I'm all 'bout my cats, 'bout my cats, no boyfriend

I'm all 'bout my cats, 'bout my cats, no boyfriend

I'm all 'bout my cats, 'bout my cats

 

Yeah it's pretty clear, I am a cat lady

And I can scoop it, scoop it like I'm supposed to do

'Cause I got that litter litter that all my cats like

All the right catfood at all the right prices

 

I see the cat magazines working that cat profile

We know that cat shows are rigged

Come on now, make it stop

 

If you got cats cats just squeeze 'em tight

'Cause every inch of your cat is perfect

From the bottom to the top

 

Yeah, my momma she told me don't worry about your life

She says, cats they are more available then men to hold at night

You know I won't be no dog lady, because I am allergic,

So, if that's what's you're into

Then go ahead and move along

 

Because you know I'm all about my cats,

'Bout my cats, no boyfriend

I'm all 'bout my cats, 'bout my cats, no boyfriend

I'm all 'bout my cats, 'bout my cats, no boyfriend

I'm all 'bout my cats, 'bout my cats

  • Like 2
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I am if the opinion that you should be more selective in who you date in order to not burn out and disappoint youself and others.

  • Like 2
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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[Note: most of what’s written below is just a rant so feel free to bypass it and simply reply to the title question.]

 

At any rate, as the title says, I’ve lost interest in dating. I’ve been going out with a couple different guys intermittently for a while now but I just don’t care anymore. I’m not sad or depressed or feeling hopeless and giving up; I just have zero interest in dating whatsoever. I’m bored, I’m tired, I’m unimpressed by a majority of the guys I encounter and am completely unmotivated to do anything that even resembles having to put in the work or send out the signals I’m interested…because I’m not anymore.

 

I got a text from a guy I was previously really, really into inviting me out both tonight and to a music festival in a few weeks that he knew I was really excited about. I glanced at the text, set my phone down and went back to my book (the ASOIAF series is great BTW). Not one bone in my body could even be bothered to reply. I’m supposed to go out to dinner with another guy tomorrow and I’ve been thinking of cancelling for days now and barring that, changing the venue to a cheap cantina so I don’t have to get dressed up.

 

I think I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but only recently came to terms with it when I realized how my behavior/demeanor has changed as of late. Someone recently brought it to my attention I’d been saying some pretty off-the-wall stuff and I realized it was because I had no interest in trying to impress them.

 

As I said, I’ve been grappling with diminished interest for a while but one of the biggest motivators for my continuing to flirt, say yes to dates, etc was that I felt it was important to maintain sort of presence on the dating scene. But now it feels like it’s doing more harm than good. Like I said, I’m bored. I can’t even muster the desire to feign being interested…or interesting so in the end, I feel like I’m basically wasting the time of otherwise perfectly decent guys for the sake of staying sharp…ish, which my rational brain knows is both silly and unfair.

 

Still, I worry (perhaps irrationally) that somehow I’ll find myself six or nine months down the line acting awkward and completely unaware of how to function in terms of being ‘single and looking’ and, well, rusty I guess. Basically, I guess my question/dilemma is how the hell do I sort of check out while still staying somewhat plugged in? Or do I just keep going along as I have been and date though whatever this is in the hopes that some guy miraculously comes along who changes my mindset or something or do I just take the plunge and go full…WGTOW?

 

I would take a break from dating for a little while until you are clear in your head about what you want for yourself in the long run.

 

What you are doing now is going through the motions, mechanically, dating and not in the moment. There is no point in doing that. And, even though you've said you're not depressed, I suspect you may be a little depressed. Millions of people are struggling with depression and don't identify it as such. Doing things without enthusiasm or interest or doing it just to do it are signs of depression -- you don't even want to get dressed up -- girls like that usually :)

 

I recommend working on doing things that make you happy as an individual. If you don't have hobbies or interests, develop at least one.

Reconnect with friends you haven't talked to in a while. Do nice things for yourself, buy something you've been wanting. Do something different to shake up your personal routine.

 

Be patient with yourself and focus on the things you like best about yourself and work on some of the things you don't like, one at a time.

  • Like 1
WomenWubber Established Member

WomenWubber

Posted
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I have a theory that rottweilers are the best dog to get......i have one of those and two collies a terrier cross and at the moment five cats....i think i have this invisible motel sign out the front of my house that lost and unwanted animals come here.....plus the next door neighbour dog who has taken up residence...i cant seem to get him to go home he is a great dane cross and its pitiful to see him squeeze under the fence to get in when we block it he hurts himself....to move the brick or the wood....so we stopped blocking it......had a few guys say why dont you get rid of them......i say yeah i should huh......they dont get invited back....

 

 

my rottie has disliked only one man she hates him.....and when he comes she bars my room,if i am in it....will not let him talk to me without barking at him..sits on my feet and wont move.....she is not like this at all with anyone else.....luckily he has disappeared for now...my rottie probably ate him.......

 

Wow, that's awesome.

 

I love dogs and labs are my fav. My aunt has one and she's the epitome of adorable and she's HUGE even for a lab. Even with her size she can't intimidate a fly, lol.

 

I don't know about much about rotties. They have gained a bad rep where I live, just like pits. But I hear it's mainly the owner's fault, because they breed them to be aggresive gangsta dogs.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
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Wow, that's awesome.

 

I love dogs and labs are my fav. My aunt has one and she's the epitome of adorable and she's HUGE even for a lab. Even with her size she can't intimidate a fly, lol.

 

I don't know about much about rotties. They have gained a bad rep where I live, just like pits. But I hear it's mainly the owner's fault, because they breed them to be aggresive gangsta dogs.

 

i have owned two rotties...neither of them have ever bitten anyone.....but around me and my family they are angelic......normally...and the best rottweiler breeders are required by law to breed good even tempered dogs..their disposition and nature is as important as the coat and their massive head.......rottweilers are goofy smart.....my rottie back on topic also allows the cats to groom her......and bite her tail...when the cats have a fight my rottweiler places her aloof head in between them....and breaks the fight up...you are right its the owners responsibility to enhance the best traits of a rottie not the worst...if i didnt condition her to love cats from puppyhood on...she would probably eat them and use them as dental floss......i have no doubt my rottie can do damage....me trying to get her in the bath is no mean feat and i lift couches and fridges by myself..she is powerful...i have never really seen her angry bar that one guy....and he wouldnt come within ten foot of her she never bit him just looked at him and snarled......that was enough .

 

animals are beautiful creatures and as companions they are not to be replaced or given up...its a lifetime commitment..their lifetime which is far shorter than ours......any guy that comes after an animal...has to learn to love them too...owning an animal is like having a child......they are lower than their human family counterparts and it must always be that way in the hierarchy.they must have a place they understand........but they are family..

 

getting a pet shouldnt be a whim

 

i have found guys that say and prove they like cats.....have gentle spirits......my oldest cat has tried to groom only one guy......and yes that guy has a gentle spirit....most guys shoo my old fat sleepy cat away....this guy didnt...and my cat licked him..smilin......deb

Edited by todreaminblue
  • Like 1
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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Is it a tiny dog? Because that is the same thing as a cat.

 

Well...I had a dobie mix, but she died. Now I only have a weenie dog. Am I still a crazy dog lady? :D

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Rotties are ok, and yes, their temperament has a lot to do with their owners...just trust me on this one.

 

But, I don't like pitbulls. I think that while their owners have influence in their temperament, they also are bred to be a certain way and when they flip, there's no coming back from it.

 

Eh, cats are evil and selfish. They will try to even kill you in your sleep....

 

I am f-ing tired of dating. I want to get laid. I hate my life.

 

Join the club of people fed up with dating.

 

I don't know what to tell you what to do because I'm burnt out too. Too many losers out there.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Rotties are ok, and yes, their temperament has a lot to do with their owners...just trust me on this one.

 

But, I don't like pitbulls. I think that while their owners have influence in their temperament, they also are bred to be a certain way and when they flip, there's no coming back from it.

 

Eh, cats are evil and selfish. They will try to even kill you in your sleep....

 

I am f-ing tired of dating. I want to get laid. I hate my life.

 

Join the club of people fed up with dating.

 

I don't know what to tell you what to do because I'm burnt out too. Too many losers out there.

 

 

I would never own a pitbull as they have lock jaw....its virtually impossible to get them to release of they were to latch on.....they were bred to fight rather than guard...i think their disposition is getting better as fighting becomes more outlawed...it will be bred out of them that instinct.....it can be bred out of them......their lock jaw however...means you basically really have to kill certain dogs...to get them to release.....i dont want to ever have to do that horrid an action on a dog...or be privy to a lockjaw bite on someone or some animal that serious.....that i couldnt make the dog let go..especially a child...i would have to kill the dog..so i am joining you i am not a fan of pit bulls and families together.....

 

 

i am sorry gloria that you are fed up with dating.......dont give up.....just take a sabbatical.....and the right guy...well you will know it when he shows up......:0)....he is out there........deb

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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I would never own a pitbull as they have lock jaw....its virtually impossible to get them to release of they were to latch on.....they were bred to fight rather than guard...i think their disposition is getting better as fighting becomes more outlawed...it will be bred out of them that instinct.....it can be bred out of them......their lock jaw however...means you basically really have to kill certain dogs...to get them to release.....i dont want to ever have to do that horrid an action on a dog...or be privy to a lockjaw bite on someone or some animal that serious.....that i couldnt make the dog let go..especially a child...i would have to kill the dog..so i am joining you i am not a fan of pit bulls and families together.....

 

 

i am sorry gloria that you are fed up with dating.......dont give up.....just take a sabbatical.....and the right guy...well you will know it when he shows up......:0)....he is out there........deb

 

Yep, the lock jaw is a biggie on why you don't mess with them. Even if you get them to release, they can take a chunk out of you.

 

I still got a small nip by one of them (thankfully)...it could have been worst, but left me with a sizable scar.

 

deb, I'm so fing fed up and upset. I wish I could stab myself in the head with a screwdriver and lose all desire to find a man/mate.

 

And, when I watch all the losers, manipulators, and slugs end up with guys I wonder WTF am I doing wrong. I'm so fing tired of the poop.

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