binrob Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 So my ex and I were together 4 years, we were each others first love and first sexual partners. I have posted my full story in other posts but basically she left me, started dating another guy almost immediately, then after 1 1/2 month of NC I contact her and we start talking, and she says she loves me and wants to try again. 3 weeks later she changes her mind saying no, I can't do this and breaks up with me. I ask her how she could say she loves me and wants to try again and then break up with me. No answer. 2 weeks later I see her with a new guy holding hands. Not the same from before. It's been over 3 months and they are in a relationship and going strong. They even went on a vacation together 1 month after we broke up for the last time. I only contacted 3 times total since the break up with pretty much a month in between each time but getting no reply. The last time her father called and told me to stay away or he would call the police. Like I was some sort of abusive or stalker ex boyfriend. Now I have come to terms with it being over. It still hurts but I know I'm screwed. But she has cut me out of her life like I was some disease and I don't understand why and how. She was my lover and best friend for 4 years of my life. I miss my best friend. I miss just saying hi. To have my existence acknowledged by her. To know what's going on with her. I don't want her back. Because that's not what she wants, and after how she has treated me and what she has done I don't think I could take her back. But it doesn't stop me from missing my friend. It's the missing that's the hardest. I just want to reach out. Talk to her. Just talk. But she doesn't care. Doesn't want to. She could forget about me in a blink of an eye. How should I cope with this feeling? I don't want to contact her since she obviously hates me or doesn't want me near her for some reason. I just miss her so much.
AaronSG Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 First off, let me say that I'm sorry your having to go through this very painful and confusing time in your life. Next, you might not want to hear this, but it time pack up your troubles and move on down the road, there's nothing there for you anymore! One thing that you may or may not know, seeing that she "dumped" you and moved on to another guy so rapidly, proves to me that mentally, at some point before telling you it was "over", it was already "over" between you two in her head way before she told you! That's why she was able to move on from you and into another person so quickly. Because for an unknown period of time she was already mentally broken up with you, she was already making peace with herself about the idea, she was already starting to cope way before you knew what was coming. So mentally she had already "checked out" before she told you that it was over! Trust me, your not the only one to have suffered from the one they love to have already mentally checked out way before they tell you, it happened to me! My closest friends, family and others that were either directly or indirectly exposed to my relationship with my ex-fiancé, admit that they could see a couple months before she told me that she was ending things, they could sense that she was mentally checked out way before telling me! Thats why she moved on so quickly and your standing there feeling like you just hit by a mack truck! As far as the whole getting back together with you and three weeks later she ditches you again, she didn't get back together with you out of love, she got back together because of own personal conflicts inside her head and she was probably feeling a lot of guilt for have hurting you. She did the old "push/pull" with you! Push you away, they feel bad and are conflicted and pull you right back again, not because they love you, but only to temperately satisfy their own conflictedness and personal guilt. As far as her Father contacting you and recommending that you stop all contact or he'd call the Police on you, well, don't do it, don't even think about talking to this woman anymore! If ones own Father can be so bold with you over the phone and treat you like you did something criminally wrong with his Daughter, then she got to him, perhaps filled her Fathers head with a pack full of lies about you! She might have made it sound like you should be on some Americas Most Wanted TV show and are a dangerous criminal. Whatever she did, she got to her Father, told him wise tails and story's and now your public enemy number one! Don't call, don't e-mail, don't text, don't send a card in the mail, no Facebook, no Google+...........no nothing! And as far as her current relationship, and it appears to be as you said "going strong"......who cares! She's the one that dropped you like a hot rock, she's the one in very short order ran off to some other guy, she had already mentally checked out way before talking about it with you, she push/pulled you for a three week time period, now she's with some other guy, all I can say is.......who cares! After being done the way you were done you shouldn't care so much. Do you think she's sitting back where ever she is and pinging hard about you, caring, concerned, wondering about you..........nope..........she's with her new love and perhaps would care less about choosing to think about the past. As someone who was dumped I know that for us, the dumpee's it feels like everything came out of the blue, hit you like an unexpected ton of bricks! But when I first heard the news, my ex-fiancé already had several months to work it out in her head. She had plenty of time to work out a plan of attack with herself and her parents. They were all on the same page of sheet music for a good period of time, and when I least expected it.....(((pow))).....mack truck time! So I don't blame you for caring and wondering, pondering, wallowing, confused and hurt, you have ever right to be. But when it comes to her, I suspect she's way beyond any of that, she's already moved on and checked out on you a long time ago. I know you miss her, I hear it, I feel you! For me it's been slightly over 7 months since my ex-fiancé walked out the door here for the last and final time and, boarded a shuttle van, got whisked away to the Airport and flew back home to Ohio to live with her parents again. Yeah, over 7 months later and like you, at times I miss her, miss her company, miss her humor, miss her help, miss her companionship, miss her love and miss the between the sheets stuff. But even with all the "missing her in the world" I have tried to drum her out of my head, fight the tiny little temptations that creep up once in a while to contact her. I just had to eventually tell myself it was fun while it lasted, we had some great times, we had some not so great times, and it is what it is and was what it was.......but Aaron.....it's truly over, let's try to move on and do our best to let it go! You just have to try and find a way to move on! Good luck to you! 3
Ruby65 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 It's very rare for first relationships to last forever. In time, you'll be able to move past this and one day -- hard as it is to imagine now -- you'll actually be RELIEVED that this ended, because your future relationships will be so much better. Every significant relationship you have becomes a best-friendship too. What you had with your ex -- while strong -- wasn't a once-in-a-lifetime event and you'll see that much of what you miss about her isn't so much specific to HER, but generic relationship stuff that you'll have again with your next love. Keep up with the No Contact. It gets easier! There's a great guide posted on this site to help you with that. (And no, your ex doesn't HATE you. She's just moving on and wants you to respect that.) Here's a guide that will help your recovery: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 2
Author binrob Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 You made several mistakes. The first you should have STUCK to NC. Blocked her/deleted her. If she really wanted to get back with you, you should have made her work for it. It seems that you were so willing to get back with her, you lowered your value. It was too easy for her. Finally when you did have the chance to get back together, you should have taken it slow and discussed solutions to the problems that were responsible for the first break up. Understand this, women are emotional creatures. Never rationalize their actions. Also is there something you are not telling us? For her father to have such an adverse reaction to you (calling the cops), did you do something to her? Have you been stalking her or taking no for an answer? If like the other poster remarked, she poisoned her father against you, why would you want her back? Yes I know I shouldn't have contacted her. It was stupid, but was so depressed and desperate that I couldn't think about anything but getting her back in my life. When we got back together I told her that we should take it slow and try to start fresh so that we didn't jump right back to where we were which obviously wasn't working. She agreed and thought it was a good idea. Of course somethings happened. Not sex but still sexual things. I only chased after her the first time she broke up with me. Mostly because I was in shock and didn't know what to do. But the second time as I said, I only contacted her once or twice after she broke up to ask her how she could do what she did after coming back and saying she loved me and wanted to try again. But no answer to my question. Then the second time was a month after I had seen her with this new guy. I had just seen on facebook that they had already been on a vacation together. Lots of pics of them together, kissing, being happy. It crushed me and I texted her letting her know how I thought she was false and that she lied to me about her love. One text about 3 sentences long. That was it. The last time I contacted her was by mistake a month later. I was going to block and delete her number but I accidentally called but hung up right away. The day after her father called. So yeah, I don't know what caused her father to go to such extreme actions or why she would even run to her father for such a minor thing. She threw me away like yesterdays garbage without answers and moved on in less than 2 weeks after 4 years of being together and she can't handle me contacting her 3 times over the course of 3 months?
Author binrob Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 Is her? No actually she was very loving and caring when we were together. I thought she truly loved me, maybe even loved me more than I loved her. She could get easily upset by minor things but she was still loving. It wasn't until the break up that she did a complete 180 and shut me out. Cutting me out of her life. It's why I'm so confused and hurt. 1
Lolita_Sky Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 No actually she was very loving and caring when we were together. I thought she truly loved me, maybe even loved me more than I loved her. She could get easily upset by minor things but she was still loving. It wasn't until the break up that she did a complete 180 and shut me out. Cutting me out of her life. It's why I'm so confused and hurt. Sounds exactly like how my ex treated me. They've found someone else. That's all there is to it. 1
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