What constitutes of begging and pleading? And when does it start?

[Karin2rinkashi]

I broke up with my gf 2 weeks ago. 10 days before that, we were in this on and off thing where she wanted to pause and i wanted answers. She was giving me different answers for everything. And she asked for a pause. At first i said "no pause" (and i stuck to it) i told her that either we stay or we go. No pauses because she mentioned something about a guy. Then i told her that i am done with this **** and that we should break up. She started crying and pleading for me to see her. It is a 2 month LDR out of 8 months, by the way. So we drive half way. Emotions were high, and we both had our fair share of crying. I mean, i NEVER cry, but this **** was emotional as ****. At the end of that weekend we spent together, she was happy again and talking about seeing me again. But she goes back and she is back to her silent ways. All stressed and not telling me much (she used to tell me all before). She isn't big on self confidence or self esteem. She is very conscious about what people have to say about her. She wants everyone to see her in a good light.

So, now she is being the same mean girl again so i say enough is enough. I tell her that i am done with her. We break off on a good note. But then i text her next day saying that i didn't want this, i was forced into that decision. She acted in a such bad way, so hot and cold all the time. So then she said that "I can't do this. Idk what to say.... you don't understand that i have so many other things to worry about."

She has recently moved to her new college and has a lot more responsibilities to handle. Her grandmother passed away recently which she took hard. She has a lot of attention around her while i live 10 hours away.

Anyways... i said ok fine. i understand, it is what it is. We dont talk for a week and then i call her. Because she still hasn't given me an answer on WHY she wanted that pause? She mentioned that guy but then she denied it million times and said that it was her responsibilities... she didn't think it was going to be so tough. And during that last call she was MEAN as hell. She even went so far to say that "When i left, that obviously should tell you that i made my choice. Next time make sure that you have someone who puts you as a priority, and commits." But SHE was the one who would talk about buying a house in her new city and also future plans. WTF?

So i told her fine... i understand. Next day she asks me how i am doing. I didn't reply. She said she was sorry for how the call ended last night (more confusion).

So another few days go by and i asked her... " are you satisfied with your decision?" She said "so far i am... " So i said "Well, i can't be in this position where i am your friend." She said " I would still like to know how you are doing" i said "This is it. I am not going to be friends. Bye" She said " Bye *nickname that she gave me when we were together*" So ****ed up!

 

I also sent her an email the next day telling her that only one month of moving has changed her so much so that "I am not going to be like other exes you are used to and be your pet sheep until you find a bear to cuddle with. Her relationship is down the toiled, her dream that she talked about for so long is down the toilet (she gave up her dream!), she passed out drunk once (unlike her), she got hemorrhage in her eye because she threw up too hard after too much partying (unlike her). I told her that i am not going to leave on a "good" note. I want to give her a reality check. And that is the reality"

Haven't talked since.... Did i beg or plead too much in their? I did cry and so did she... but maybe 2wice... we were both STRESSED out and really emo most of the time we talked but..... IDK.. what do you guys think? Through out, she wanted to just end it for many reasons and i tried to show her many reasons to stay. I never said i am nothing without her or i will die or non sense like that. I did say that i know i can go and find someone else but i don't want to. I said i know i can go and get anther girl but why should i? I have you, i know you. You know me..

[mightycpa]

Sounds like you both broke up when you were at the height of your emotions, that's why it is so hard.

 

The ugly truth is that you can't be 10 hours away from a new college girl and expect her not to meet very interesting guys and throw you off to the side. I guess you're figuring that out the hard way. Accept this hard truth, and you'll be just fine.

 

Good luck.

[Karin2rinkashi]

She is 24. I am 24. I work fulltime, she is doing her masters.

I thought she knew what she wanted... and i could go see her and even move up there when i can.

 

Even at this point of our lives, was it too much from me to ask for a stable relationship?

[mightycpa]

She is 24. I am 24. I work fulltime, she is doing her masters.

I thought she knew what she wanted... and i could go see her and even move up there when i can.

 

Even at this point of our lives, was it too much from me to ask for a stable relationship?

 

From her, yes, I think so. Isn't it obvious from the way she's acting? If she's pursuing higher ed, then you and she are in different worlds (unless you are too), and will be ready for marriage at different points in your life.

 

Still, at any age, the 10 hours away is a big deal. Look locally for somebody whose life mirrors yours a little better.

[Karin2rinkashi]

Maybe you are right. I know you are.... but...

 

The confidence in those words man... "I don't want anyone else in my life..."

 

Of the confidence..... rips through my heart.... But it is ok!

[Tayla]

I liked your one line " I can go, I just don't want to", That is the difference in someone who is mature in loving. They understand that the person is free to go, and at the same time...they choose to stay.

 

You sound conflicted though, and I can assure you its absolutely normal to go thru those phases.

 

Distance in miles can be worked thru, as easily as Distance of the heart, Ppl have different views yet I have been a firm believer that one can love, be it near or far away....She doesn't sound like she can fully grasp genuine love....

[Karin2rinkashi]

I would like to tell you that i was raised in a middle eastern society. There, relationships are taken seriously. I am not saying that in the US they don't take it seriously. But there is always this plan B, this way out. I am an ambitious recent graduate, working in a successful job. I understand opportunity, but living 6+ years away from almost ANY family taught me the lesson of how it is like to lose people who really, genuinely love you.

 

When i met her half way through, i swear to you, i sat her down. I looked in the eyes, like a friend. I said, you want to regret this day 10 years from now? Do you want to look back 10 years from now and see both of us struggling to find a right match because we let go of what we have now? She said that i think about it too BUT.... She had so many buts that i just felt so hopeless.

 

I don't know if i am weird in this society, or this society is weird around me. I don't believe in giving up (Professional life, affections, whatever it might be).

 

I understand that we grow up in a society where there is always a Plan B. There is always a new phone, a new computer, a new friend, a new car. No one fixes **** anymore. And that is being projected onto more serious things like relationships now.

 

She just didn't get it...... I am more worried for her than myself... i HOPE she never regrets it!

[Karin2rinkashi]

Maybe you are right. I know you are.... but...

 

The confidence in those words man... "I don't want anyone else in my life..."

 

Of the confidence..... rips through my heart.... But it is ok!

 

sorry, forgot to hit reply to your comment..