adwall Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) 4 days ago, I finally broke up with my ex, we started dating 3yrs ago, during the first months of dating everything was ok, but coming to the 2nd month i found out that she has been telling lies about her past, i found out some things she has done which she didn’t tell me about, i understand that the past is the past but i just prefer people telling me the truth from the beginning because i did the same thing, so when this happened i told her to tell me again and not miss anything out she said ok, so she did and i forgave her and we move on, after another month she stays on campus at uni, one day she told me to help her sister with some stuffs cause she’s not around to help her so i took time out and helped her sister, but then when i was done i called like about 4 times but no answer so i waited for a bit then she called me back saying sorry she was with friends having a drink so i said ok but you could have picked up, you always pick up even when your with your friends many times, my instinct tells me to ask her again and put more pressure but she kept saying she was with friends so i said ok and left it. Later that night my friend who goes to the uni tells me that she saw her coming out of another guys room earlier on so i called her straight and confronted her then she admitted it, she said he was just a friend that if she told me i would never have let her go and i said yes but why his room and how can you do that anyway, i just came back from helping your sister and this is what i get? she kept saying she’s sorry that she loves me and obviously asked her did you sleep with him but she keeps saying no, at that time i just couldn’t believe her to i ended it straight away on the phone, she kept calling me non-stop but i didn’t pick up the phone, later that night i hear a knock on my door and then she was there, she started telling me sorry that i should give her one more chance, so i gave her another then she messes up again with her lies but i kept taking her back for the past 3yrs and I know you all be wondering why but the reason i kept doing this is because she knows everything about me and also about my illness but she accepted it and also shes my first love and girlfriend. So we kept being on/off for past years but early this year February we decided to give each other a long break, but then 3weeks we bumped into eachother again and we starting and it felt like old times when we was good together so we decided to give it another chance to work on her trust but before then i asked her if she has been talking or seeing anyone but she said no that she has been trying to find herself, but just to be sure i asked her again and she said that’s actually truth. So now last sunday she was in my house, she was downstairs and i was upstairs i took her ipad and started playing with it then i went to the note pad and on it, it shows random mobile numbers with one later words like 4 of them. at this time it became suspicious, so i entered each numbers on my iphone and added them all so i can see their watsapp pictures, when i did i saw four different guys pictures, at that moment i knew what was going on, so i closed the ipad and left it. Later that night i asked her if she has anything to tell me but she said no so i left it till morning. When she went to take her bath she receives a text on her phone with a random number which was one of the numbers i found and it says make sure you come see me today. at that time i knew she has been talking to other guys then i confronted her again and she said yh she has been talking to guys but it was for protection in case we never work out that she’s sorry again. thats when i finally told her to go. it has been 4 days now that we aint spoken. Even with all her lies i still want to be with her, she is a good person overall apart from her lies and i just wish she can change. i can’t really focus on anything she keeps calling me to take her back but im not answering because i don’t know. i want to be with her but i don’t want to be taken for granted as well. Also am afraid i will never find someone that will accept my illness and my insecurities the way she did. Edited March 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs best I could see in a wall of text
badpenny Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 You really don't need to worry about her changing, because, no - she won't. And anyway, if anybody is going to implement a change in her, it has to be her, and it has to be because she wants to. I don't see any evidence of her wanting to at all. The person you need to change, is you. You've grown dependent on her presence, and you think you need her, or that nobody else can take her place. Neither is correct. You need to move on, and quit hanging your life on her shoulders, because the more you accommodate her, the more she will carry on regardless.
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Anyone can change - if they want to. She seems to have no motivation nor inclination to want to change. She is perfectly happy with the way she is, and it's working out just peachy for her (you keep on taking her back), so why would she bother to change? She can have her cake and eat it. She is a good person apart form her lies?? That is like saying cyanide is a good flavouring for cake frosting apart from it's fatal. 2
Author adwall Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Anyone can change - if they want to. She seems to have no motivation nor inclination to want to change. She is perfectly happy with the way she is, and it's working out just peachy for her (you keep on taking her back), so why would she bother to change? She can have her cake and eat it. She is a good person apart form her lies?? That is like saying cyanide is a good flavouring for cake frosting apart from it's fatal. Thank you... I understand where your coming from, i just keep wishing she could change.
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 If wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak.
Zahara Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 she is a good person overall apart from her lies and i just wish she can change. I didn't know that lying and manipulation were traits of a good person? Do you see how absurd your perception is? Don't wait for change. It normally doesn't happen. i can’t really focus on anything she keeps calling me to take her back but im not answering because i don’t know. i want to be with her but i don’t want to be taken for granted as well. Well, you can't have it both ways. Three years and the lying hasn't stopped. Time to do something different. Cut away and move on. Also am afraid i will never find someone that will accept my illness and my insecurities the way she did. Instead of staying with someone that triggers and feeds those insecurities, you should start working and fixing your own confidence issues. Being with someone that makes you feel devalued is you enabling your issues. And stop worrying about your illness, someone that cares about who you are will likely look past it and support you.
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