fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 What has always cracked me up, is that people are so insistent on calling an online first date, a "first meet". I mean honestly ladies, when talking with your girlfriends do you really say "I'm excited for my first meet tonight"? As long as she isn't a "catfish", my mindset is that it is a first date. I actually think this plays in my favor with women I meet online. I'm not interviewing them, or "sizing them up". I just have fun, get to know her a little bit, and playfully tease/flirt with her. You ask a woman about her worst online dates and it's usually "he's really nice but". Socially awkward timid guys that text a good game, but clearly don't understand women in person. 2
SmartDude Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Online dating ahh so fun! What I do is just make an effort to keep communication to the absolute minumum, until that first date, meet up, hang out, or whatever it is called. I make it pretty clear that I am not going to get to know you online first, before meeting in person. All communications up until that first date are just basic info sharring, but mostly just planning for that first date. Time is short and I don't have any to waste now:(
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I prefer to avoid labels altogether. Why do you have to call it anything at all? You are meeting someone for the first time and are hoping that it will lead to something romantic. Whether you call it a meet or a date or a pound of sardines, doesn't change what it is. In fact avoiding calling it anything can reduce pressure and expectations, and lead to a more relaxed (and therefore more successful) meeting, I have found. 4
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Online dating ahh so fun! What I do is just make an effort to keep communication to the absolute minumum, until that first date, meet up, hang out, or whatever it is called. I make it pretty clear that I am not going to get to know you online first, before meeting in person. All communications up until that first date are just basic info sharring, but mostly just planning for that first date. Time is short and I don't have any to waste now:( This is my exact mindset as well. 2-3 emails max, suggesting getting together, and then calling to make definite plans when she says she'd be interested.
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 What has always cracked me up, is that people are so insistent on calling an online first date, a "first meet". I mean honestly ladies, when talking with your girlfriends do you really say "I'm excited for my first meet tonight"? . No what I would tell my friends is "I'm looking forward to 'meeting' him tonight." Tbh though, I have never been into labels, boyfriend/girlfriend, date/meeting....I don't care. I am more into the substance of the interaction, rather than what's it's called. But that's just me...I realize I am a little outside the box of what most would deem normal. Just meet and have fun! If you click, meet again. If not, don't. If it makes you feel better, call it a date. That's my philosophy! 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Idk, I refer to it as a first date myself.
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I think you have to be clear from the start how you are defining your first real-life meet. I don't think it is a good idea to call it a date. You absolutely have to meet in person before you have any idea if there is connection or not. I don't mean this in a superficial way, either. This brings to mind so many first meets where the guy assumed it was a romantic date, and expected hand holding, kissing, etc. when I had only just met him. Those dates are incredibly awkward. So yes, I think its a good idea to call a first meet something different than a date. These are not even "blind dates." Its different these days, with all the lies and cons occurring online. You are going to meet someone you don't even know for sure is real until you actually meet them and confirm things.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I think you have to be clear from the start how you are defining your first real-life meet. I don't think it is a good idea to call it a date. You absolutely have to meet in person before you have any idea if there is connection or not. I don't mean this in a superficial way, either. This brings to mind so many first meets where the guy assumed it was a romantic date, and expected hand holding, kissing, etc. when I had only just met him. Those dates are incredibly awkward. So yes, I think its a good idea to call a first meet something different than a date. These are not even "blind dates." Its different these days, with all the lies and cons occurring online. You are going to meet someone you don't even know for sure is real until you actually meet them and confirm things. I usually don't refer to it as a date to the other person - helps keep it more low pressure. But it IS a date, and I will refer to it as such otherwise. 3
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 I think you have to be clear from the start how you are defining your first real-life meet. I don't think it is a good idea to call it a date. You absolutely have to meet in person before you have any idea if there is connection or not. I don't mean this in a superficial way, either. This brings to mind so many first meets where the guy assumed it was a romantic date, and expected hand holding, kissing, etc. when I had only just met him. Those dates are incredibly awkward. So yes, I think its a good idea to call a first meet something different than a date. These are not even "blind dates." Its different these days, with all the lies and cons occurring online. You are going to meet someone you don't even know for sure is real until you actually meet them and confirm things. Let's say that you're approached in real life. You talk to the guy for a few minutes tops, he gets your number, and plans a date with you. He is still a stranger and you're basically meeting him for the first time on the date. So why does that extremely brief initial contact change the dynamic so drastically? But you obviously have to use common sense, give a woman plenty of space, and only escalate physically if there is obvious chemistry. Being a gentleman is what's ultimately important. However, if you don't carry yourself like you would on a first date letting things happen naturally, no chemistry is going to develop. That's why women have so many awful first meets IMO. I usually don't refer to it as a date to the other person - helps keep it more low pressure. But it IS a date, and I will refer to it as such otherwise. Exactly. It's simply about having that mindset and carrying yourself like you would on any real life date. I've never had a label for a first date, meet, etc come up in conversation. It was just my way of thinking and how I carried myself. 2
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Let's say that you're approached in real life. You talk to the guy for a few minutes tops, he gets your number, and plans a date with you. He is still a stranger and you're basically meeting him for the first time on the date. So why does that extremely brief initial contact change the dynamic so drastically? If you are approached in real life you: 1) Know the guy actually exists, lol 2) Immediately know exactly what he looks like 3)Know how he carries himself and other nuances of his behavior and the way he communicates. Thats just three things, but there are many other things that go into a real-life connection. Years back, I once had a long phone and email relationship with someone who lives in different state. Thats the only LDR I have ever had, but we were both going through financial turmoil so it was fabulous to have him as a friend and both of us felt there was more to it all, even though the timing to get together was poor. I had seen a multitude of recent photographs of him. Finally I was able to go meet him in person. After all the photos I had seen, he actually looked different, and I was not attracted to him at all, even though I loved him as a person. He wasn't "unattractive" in general, just not attractive to me. Also I knew he drank a lot, but it seemed manageable from my stance afar. I learned that he actually drank vodka all day and although he spoke very clearly and intelligently, his actions/behavior was NOT clear. And I knew he smoked, but he had huge piles of cigarette butts all over his place and it physically nauseated me, which didn't help with the attraction. I was pretty bummed out by not feeling it, after all the hours upon hours we spent communicating. We are still friends and he is now very happily married, and I am very happy for him. Conversely, I have (also years back) met a guy from OLD that I was wildly attracted to from the first time we met in person. He was not conventionally handsome, but for whatever reason, I was highly attracted. I wouldn't have known this from the first phone call, because he didn't have a great phone voice, which obviously is something I easily looked past after I experienced his energy in person. OK, so that was a little bit of a tangent but my best descriptive explanation why I feel you simply cannot know animalistic instinct connections until you have shared physical space with the other person and their energy.
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Because of the costs & the inherently high #s of these encounters, to me the difference between a "meet" and a "date" was usually duration & to some extent cost. I don't mean the latter to sound like a gold digger but coffee or one drink is generally less expensive then a meal. Anywhere the vibe, the level of politeness / graciousness should not change depending on the label attached or the amount of time / money spent. Whatever it's called -- best behavior & a genuine interest in the other person are required. 2
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 But I also want to add that OLD has changed in recent years, the lies, games and GIGS are much more prevalent and although it is "possible" to find a connection via OLD, it isn't likely, at least not until after meeting lots of people, whom, if you had met them in real life to start with, you would have never agreed to the date.
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 3)Know how he carries himself and other nuances of his behavior and the way he communicates. Exactly. 80% of human communication is non-verbal and you miss out on all of that when you're exchanging messages on a website. If you meet in real life - although you don't get an instant summary of what hobbies you share - you get a much better idea of what someone is like as a person. although it is "possible" to find a connection via OLD, it isn't likely, at least not until after meeting lots of people, whom, if you had met them in real life to start with, you would have never agreed to the date. That goes totally against my experience. I met around 30, and all of them were decent, nice people. Sure I didn't "click" with all of them and most were just one-and-done. But they were all people I would definitely have agreed to date if I'd met in real life. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 although it is "possible" to find a connection via OLD, it isn't likely, at least not until after meeting lots of people, whom, if you had met them in real life to start with, you would have never agreed to the date. I found that too. The few OLD dates I had were with men I never would have gone out with had I met them IRL 1st. That spark just wasn't there 1
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I found that too. The few OLD dates I had were with men I never would have gone out with had I met them IRL 1st. That spark just wasn't there Yes, and then you have to go through the discomfort of turning someone down over and over and that truly is not fun. Its much better to meet IRL first, and go from there. Things are much more natural (if thats even possible anymore.)
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Because of the costs & the inherently high #s of these encounters, to me the difference between a "meet" and a "date" was usually duration & to some extent cost. I don't mean the latter to sound like a gold digger but coffee or one drink is generally less expensive then a meal. I'll be the first to say I LOVE spoiling a woman with great dates when she's proven herself. I'm 100% old school gentleman. It's how I was raised. But until she's demonstrated value, the only thing she's entitled to is my company and a fun/safe experience. If a woman's intentions are honorable and she genuinely likes me, she won't care what we're doing. My company will be enough. However, if a woman drifts out of my life because I didn't wine and dine her after a few dates, she's too high maintenance for me anyways. Plus, I think it shows more confidence when you rely on your personality instead of feeling the need to throw money at a woman to impress her. 1
Starship Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I only met 3 men on OLD...the third being my boyfriend. We always met in a lounge for a glass of wine. Is that a meet? Date? Who cares. I expect a man to wear a clean shirt, shoes, etc. I wore a dress, heels, let my hair down. Others have their own expectations. As for a second date, etc. I want a man who has enthusiasm, enjoys the moment. Doesn't see a woman as 'high maintenance' but thrives on the courtship. Could be a hike in the mountains, theatre and a nice restaurant...doesn't really matter as long as he has energy and confidence. I am definitely high maintenance if it means that I want a man to fall in love with me and make me the centre of his universe. I want to be THE object of his existence just as he is mine.
2nd tyme Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I want a man to fall in love with me and make me the centre of his universe. I want to be THE object of his existence just as he is mine. Wow, what do you want on the 3rd date then?
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I'll be the first to say I LOVE spoiling a woman with great dates when she's proven herself. I'm 100% old school gentleman. It's how I was raised. But until she's demonstrated value, the only thing she's entitled to is my company and a fun/safe experience. If a woman's intentions are honorable and she genuinely likes me, she won't care what we're doing. My company will be enough. However, if a woman drifts out of my life because I didn't wine and dine her after a few dates, she's too high maintenance for me anyways. Plus, I think it shows more confidence when you rely on your personality instead of feeling the need to throw money at a woman to impress her. I don't think that's what she meant, it's certainly not how I interpreted her post anyway. But then again, I focused more on the second paragraph in that post, so it's possible I may have interpreted it incorrectly.......
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I only met 3 men on OLD...the third being my boyfriend. We always met in a lounge for a glass of wine. Is that a meet? Date? Who cares. I expect a man to wear a clean shirt, shoes, etc. I wore a dress, heels, let my hair down. Others have their own expectations. As for a second date, etc. I want a man who has enthusiasm, enjoys the moment. Doesn't see a woman as 'high maintenance' but thrives on the courtship. Could be a hike in the mountains, theatre and a nice restaurant...doesn't really matter as long as he has energy and confidence. I am definitely high maintenance if it means that I want a man to fall in love with me and make me the centre of his universe. I want to be THE object of his existence just as he is mine. Re your last paragraph, well that's a little much IMO....not to mention I have no desire to be a man's "object" of anything!
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Re your last paragraph, well that's a little much IMO....not to mention I have no desire to be a man's "object" of anything! Haha..Classic Katie. However, I'm sure you like being desired as a sexual object so there are exceptions.
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I don't think that's what she meant, it's certainly not how I interpreted her post anyway. But then again, I focused more on the second paragraph in that post, so it's possible I may have interpreted it incorrectly....... It's totally not what I meant. I earn enough money to treat myself well. I don't need anyone to buy me stuff or fancy dinners. But the proving yourself goes both ways. Although I wouldn't be crazy about a fast food 1st date for example, if I was treated like a lady by the gentleman in question that would be more important than some guy who bought me an expensive dinner but was rude. 1
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 It's totally not what I meant. I earn enough money to treat myself well. I don't need anyone to buy me stuff or fancy dinners. But the proving yourself goes both ways. Although I wouldn't be crazy about a fast food 1st date for example, if I was treated like a lady by the gentleman in question that would be more important than some guy who bought me an expensive dinner but was rude. If someone I was interested in was having financial problems, I would rather have a picnic lunch than fast food. There just something about the term fast food that's just not romantic. There are so many things you can do that are free, or nearly free and a lot of fun. On the other hand, its offensive when it is clear that a guy makes a much larger salary, but expects a dutch date. Kind of ewww. 1
kendahke Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I prefer to avoid labels altogether. Why do you have to call it anything at all? You are meeting someone for the first time. I agree with this. I call a first date something that is predicated upon the two of us already having met in person, as it was done back in the day before the internet. You met someone while out and about, you talked face to face then they asked you out on a date. 1
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Haha..Classic Katie. However, I'm sure you like being desired as a sexual object so there are exceptions. Haha ...... there's a time and a place. ;)
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