abcd12345 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Ill keep this short as possible, so not all details here. Been talking to this girl my age (mid-twenties) for 6 weeks and have had multiple dates. Each date went better and lasted longer than the previous and we have lots in common. She has a very busy job and I was supposed to call her last week to plan another date. Before I called she texted me that she was working late (very common) but told me exactly when she was free (only 2 days from then). Texted her back that Id call then, no reply. Called her the day she said she'd be free, no answer. Left her a voicemail to call back. I have not heard back from her in 5 days. Appears she lost interest/ignored me in a 2 day span. Its really sudden because she wasnt becoming slowly distant. She is legit busy with a great job and works 60+ hrs a week and has always texted/called back, which I took as a strong sign of interest. Could be another guy, but she doesnt have much time to date around. Do I give up after one unreturned text/call? Our communication has always been very balanced, so this is the first time Ive had to make this decision. She is very polite and professional and doesnt seem like the type to sketch out suddenly. If I did deicide to send a follow up text is there anything at all to say and not look desperate? Why would she text me the exact days she is free to hang out if she was going to avoid me? I feel like a non interested girl would give me a vague time when she was free or a lame excuse, not the specific days. My friends that know all details are just as confused as me and say it would be okay to text her one more time. Id like some outsiders opinions on what to text or if to text at all. I will most likely just move one and not contact her again though.
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I would text her one last time, "Hi, haven't heard from you for ages. Are you OK?" If no answer then move on.
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Like I just posted on another thread, don't invest yourself unless you are officially in a relationship. You should be going out with other women in the meantime. You already put it out there to see her again... leave it. If you don't hear from her by the weekend, call up someone else for date....
Redhead14 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) Ill keep this short as possible, so not all details here. Been talking to this girl my age (mid-twenties) for 6 weeks and have had multiple dates. Each date went better and lasted longer than the previous and we have lots in common. She has a very busy job and I was supposed to call her last week to plan another date. Before I called she texted me that she was working late (very common) but told me exactly when she was free (only 2 days from then). Texted her back that Id call then, no reply. Called her the day she said she'd be free, no answer. Left her a voicemail to call back. I have not heard back from her in 5 days. Appears she lost interest/ignored me in a 2 day span. Its really sudden because she wasnt becoming slowly distant. She is legit busy with a great job and works 60+ hrs a week and has always texted/called back, which I took as a strong sign of interest. Could be another guy, but she doesnt have much time to date around. Do I give up after one unreturned text/call? Our communication has always been very balanced, so this is the first time Ive had to make this decision. She is very polite and professional and doesnt seem like the type to sketch out suddenly. If I do decide to send a follow up text is there anything at all to say and not look desperate? Why would she text me the exact days she is free to hang out if she was going to avoid me? I feel like a non interested girl would give me a vague time when she was free or a lame excuse, not the specific days. My friends that know all details are just as confused as me and say it would be okay to text her one more time. Id like some outsiders opinions on what to text or if to text at all. I will most likely just move one and not contact her again though. If you are going to reach out to her at all, make it a phone call, no more texts. Simply say, hey, the other day you told me you were available on X day, is that still the case and do you want to go to _____ that day? If she says no, she says no. If she says, yes, make a specific plan. If she doesn't answer, drop it altogether. You have no idea why she's not returning the call. We can make a ton of assumptions, but no one knows for sure. I'd say though that usually when we start making all kinds of assumptions and manufacturing scenarios in our heads and hesitating to make a move, it's because we are afraid of the real answer. In dating, we need to learn to be able to accept hearing a possible rejection, especially when it's early in the dating process with a new prospect. If you do get rejected, don't view it as a rejection. They can't really reject you, per se, because they don't even know you well yet. They just didn't feel enough of a connection that works for them. My point is, that we spend so much more anxious energy in manufacturing possibilities, than we do by simply facing it head on and getting it over with. Rip off the band aid so to speak. And, if you worried at all about coming off as needy, clingy or desperate in this case, I wouldn't. You've let this sit for 5 days. Call her and hope for the best. And these kinds of things are always "sudden". No one tells you ahead of time that they aren't going to return your calls or answer your texts Edited March 13, 2015 by Redhead14
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Here's a question. If she says that she is free in two days, why not just make a definite date on the spot and get together in two days? Calling her day of to try and arrange a last minute date makes no sense to me. Give it a few more days so a full week has passed. Then give her a call. Most likely you'll have to leave a voice mail. So just make sure you're upbeat and indifferent to not hearing from her. Have this be the last time you contact her. If she eventually reaches out, great. Make a definite date and avoid this day of nonsense. But assume that you won't and pursue other women never contacting her again. 1
Author abcd12345 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) Well I wanted to text this time because the phone call did not work. She has an old phone and we have had trouble communicating over the phone before anyways but never had trouble texting. Not even sure if she checks her voicemail. But I know she for sure looks at texts, plus she likes texting. She works unpredictable hours so I never know when a good time is to call anyways. I probably should have set up a date when she texted me the days shes free. But she was at work and it felt rude trying to make plans while she was at the office. She gave me like 4 days she was free, so I was going to call on day one and set up a date a few days later. Ill probably just wait until a week has passed, and send just a very innocent text. If she responds then I can ease into seeing whats going on. If she doesnt respond then thatll be my answer and ill move on. Edited March 13, 2015 by abcd12345
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I probably should have set up a date when she texted me the days shes free. But she was at work and it felt rude trying to make plans while she was at the office. She gave me like 4 days she was free, so I was going to call on day one and set up a date a few days later.. Haha.. Dude if she gave you four days she was free, she WANTED you to make plans with her right then. Otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up. It's funny because sometimes women make it so simple for us when they're interested, and some guys still continue not to walk through open doors they're given.
deathandtaxes Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I'd say there's another guy. call again. if she doesn't answer or respond, there's your answer. if she was really interested, she'd clear the decks and make time for you. people who are really interested don't play stupid games.
mightycpa Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I probably should have set up a date when she texted me the days shes free. Probably? She gave you an opening, you didn't take it, and I'm sure she made a point of not being available to you for a same-day call. You were one step less clear than saying "I'm not that interested." If you want this to move forward, call her by voice, own up to your stupid behavior, apologize and ask her out on her next day off.
preraph Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Ill keep this short as possible, so not all details here. Been talking to this girl my age (mid-twenties) for 6 weeks and have had multiple dates. Each date went better and lasted longer than the previous and we have lots in common. She has a very busy job and I was supposed to call her last week to plan another date. Before I called she texted me that she was working late (very common) but told me exactly when she was free (only 2 days from then). Texted her back that Id call then, no reply. Called her the day she said she'd be free, no answer. Left her a voicemail to call back. I have not heard back from her in 5 days. Appears she lost interest/ignored me in a 2 day span. Its really sudden because she wasnt becoming slowly distant. She is legit busy with a great job and works 60+ hrs a week and has always texted/called back, which I took as a strong sign of interest. Could be another guy, but she doesnt have much time to date around. Do I give up after one unreturned text/call? Our communication has always been very balanced, so this is the first time Ive had to make this decision. She is very polite and professional and doesnt seem like the type to sketch out suddenly. If I did deicide to send a follow up text is there anything at all to say and not look desperate? Why would she text me the exact days she is free to hang out if she was going to avoid me? I feel like a non interested girl would give me a vague time when she was free or a lame excuse, not the specific days. My friends that know all details are just as confused as me and say it would be okay to text her one more time. Id like some outsiders opinions on what to text or if to text at all. I will most likely just move one and not contact her again though. When she told you the two available days, why didn't you pick one and say, "Okay, Tuesday is good. Can I pick you up at 7?" Why did you just tell her you'd text her that day? She's trying to fit you in and you just put her off instead of booking it.
Author abcd12345 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 My friend told me the same thing, I should have made plans then. Its my fault and I am inexperienced at dating anyways. I just felt like trying to text plans while she was working was rude, but I guess it wouldnt have been. Hopefully I can get in touch with her and fix this. She is super nice, so I hope I get another chance. I just felt like telling her Ill call her on ___ day to set up plans was the right move, because it has worked on previous dates. Only reason I'd like to text her next is because she will for sure get the text and seems to prefer it.
deathandtaxes Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 When she told you the two available days, why didn't you pick one and say, "Okay, Tuesday is good. Can I pick you up at 7?" Why did you just tell her you'd text her that day? She's trying to fit you in and you just put her off instead of booking it. If she were REALLY interested, she wouldn't have mind waiting. The games people play, the non-response, etc, is when they're not that interested. People will move heaven and earth (and wait days) when they are truly interested. Don't settle for anything else. 1
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 If they don't return a text or voicemail, they are not interested or not a catch. Keep in mind you don't have a foundation for a relationship for 2 months, so don't take them too seriously until then. No problem, there are other fish in the sea.
Author abcd12345 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Well despite her busy schedule, she has always gotten back to me and said yes to every date. Thats why I think she was very interested. She probably got a little upset that I put off making plans. Maybe I can just text her and apologize and tell her the reason why I wanted to wait to make plans was because I didnt want to interfere with her work that night. Ill either do that or just move on. I have 2 days to make a decision, because Sunday would probably be the best day to get in touch.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Well despite her busy schedule, she has always gotten back to me and said yes to every date. Thats why I think she was very interested. She probably got a little upset that I put off making plans. Maybe I can just text her and apologize and tell her the reason why I wanted to wait to make plans was because I didnt want to interfere with her work that night. Ill either do that or just move on. I have 2 days to make a decision, because Sunday would probably be the best day to get in touch. Women like to feel like a priority, not an option. When you make plans ahead of time, you're showing her that you respect her time and that she's important enough to give your time to. But when you try to schedule something last minute, it makes her feel like you're contacting her out of convenience. But I will say that in certain cases, women LOVE spontaneous dates. Let's say that you've already made definite plans for 5 days out. But then an activity with limited shelf life pops up that she'd love a few days before the date. So what I do is send a quick text saying "Limited time offer for me to sweep you off your feet that expires tonight. In or out?" This always gets a woman excited and you simply tell her to wear something hot and be ready at the given time.
jt27 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Yeah, you screwed up by not making plans when she gave you her days available. But I agree with deathandtaxes...if she was really interested and really liked you, she will make time for you. Plain and simple. Don't put up with texting games. Be careful of women that only want to text and not speak at all on the phone. Yes, a lot are too busy to call but it's so impersonal. She might just be keeping you as an option.
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Well despite her busy schedule, she has always gotten back to me and said yes to every date. Thats why I think she was very interested. She probably got a little upset that I put off making plans. Maybe I can just text her and apologize and tell her the reason why I wanted to wait to make plans was because I didnt want to interfere with her work that night. Ill either do that or just move on. I have 2 days to make a decision, because Sunday would probably be the best day to get in touch. - very interested yesterday does not mean interested today. In the first two months, you have to take it day-by-day, date-by-date. They can flake more easily within the first two months because they haven't had enough time to fall in love yet.
preraph Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 If she were REALLY interested, she wouldn't have mind waiting. The games people play, the non-response, etc, is when they're not that interested. People will move heaven and earth (and wait days) when they are truly interested. Don't settle for anything else. I disagree. You make a date a couple of days ahead of time at least. You don't wait until the day of and expect them to still be free. If I was her, I'd have booked something else not knowing if he was just putting me off or was being disrespectful.
Author abcd12345 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 I disagree. You make a date a couple of days ahead of time at least. You don't wait until the day of and expect them to still be free. If I was her, I'd have booked something else not knowing if he was just putting me off or was being disrespectful. I wasnt calling the day of. There was actually a 3 day span she was free. I called the first day she was free and was going to try and make plans for the next day or the day after. But yes I agree, she probably went ahead and made plans since I didnt lock anything down the day she texted me. I will let her know why I chose to wait was because she was working and I didnt want to bother her by continuing to text. I wasnt trying to be disrespectful by making her wait at all. Maybe she will accept that and give me another shot. If not, Ill learn from it and move on...
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