I need some kind of support feel like I'm about to burst at the seams from stress.

[Lolita_Sky]

I broke up with my boyfriend over things I fabricated in my head. To be fair he didn't actually do anything wrong but withdraw from me. At first it was sex... we stopped having sex as often because I couldn't come. Basically I can't "squirt" which is a huge turn on for him. We had a talk about it and I had been trying to find ways to better our sex life. He on the other hand simply stopped having sex with me. Which hurt me a lot. I was really trying. I'd go back to him and tell him the information I'd find and how I'd been trying to get to the point of vaginal orgasm. All he'd say is: "that's good baby" I'm in tears as I write this because I'm starting to realize just how much he hurt me in that relationship.

 

I tried talking to him asking why he isn't interested in having sex anymore. His response was that everything is fine. He could never ejaculate and he kept going soft the majority of the time we had sex. The last time we had sex was well over a month ago.

 

He has pushed me away entirely this past month. He stopped calling me and wouldn't even return my text messages. He'd always pick up when I called though. Or he'd return my calls very promptly. He just never replied to my texts anymore. I didn't understand that.

 

Anyway we got into a huge argument after I found out he lied about where he was. Right after that is when he stopped calling and texting. He texted me in a rage (the same day we got into that argument)

 

He texted me saying he hasn't been sexually attracted to me because of my "negativity" that I'm always stirring up drama. Which isn't true. That was the first time in months that we had a big argument like that. To make a long story short he wanted to go on break. He didn't want to break up he just wanted to go on a 1 month long break to get his thoughts together about us.

 

I expressed to him how I felt that long of a break doesn't really help the relationship. There are still problems we have that aren't going to be resolved just by going on "break" and it isn't fair to have me waiting on the side lines while he decides if I'm actually worth the effort.

 

I have been trying really hard to be a better girlfriend. Despite our problems I was actively looking for solutions to them. He hasn't.

I threatened to break up with him and went to get my things from his apartment a week ago. Well I got my things and he just watched me without saying anything. I left and he just closed and locked the door behind me. I later call him about my remote to my tv.

 

He acted like he didn't want to get off the phone so I asked him what was on his mind. He basically said he didn't want to break up. We talk on the phone for an hour it's decided I'd go get the remote to the TV the next day. I go over there after I get off its pretty late mind you. I give him this valentines gift I drew for him that I never got the chance to give to him. He placed it in his apartment so that when he comes in its the first thing that he sees. We have a talk and he says he loves me but he need his space to do his own thing that this way we both can take care of things we're trying to do.. Said that it's needed to help the relationship. Said that we don't date anyone else that we are still together. I agree and we hug I hang out for a while and I go home. A few days pass and I realize we never discussed how long the "space" would be. So I call him up and that's when he tells me for a whole month. I'm like A MONTH!! I can understand 2 weeks but why a month??

 

 

Anyway I broke up with him this week because I can't wait on the side lines for a months that's extremely selfish. He sounded so indifferent to the break up and his mom has told me he hasn't uttered a word about me says that he is "happy" which breaks my heart. It hurts SO MUCH because I truly tried. I gave him my very best and he just sucked it all up and doesn't even care.

 

On top of while going through all of this I've been trying desperately to get a better job to pay my bills. I was struggling with this while dealing with our relationship issues which made me far more emotionally unstable than usual. I would have handled this whole situation a lot better if my life wasn't so unstable right now. I am constantly looking for work but the majority of the places hiring right now are only looking for part time employees.

 

On top of all of this I feel like I'm the bad guy in this break up. I feel like despite my hardest efforts I still fall short. I'm trying really hard to stay afloat and just not snap. Emotionally I'm spent and physically I just feel like crap. I've been pushing myself to exercise and draw to help me cope but there are days I feel so overwhelmed. Like today.

 

Sorry for such a long post.

Edited March 13, 2015 by Lolita_Sky

[amaysngrace]

He needs a whole month to figure out how to keep a boner?

[Auspecial]

It just wasn't the right timing for you two, and timing is everything.

 

 

I think you were trying so hard with your work life, that spilled over onto your romantic life and you started trying too hard in that too, when you should have let it go long ago.

 

 

Try not to focus on who did what wrong or right. Focus on the fact that it wasn't the right time/right guy and move on.

[Lolita_Sky]

It just wasn't the right timing for you two, and timing is everything.

 

 

I think you were trying so hard with your work life, that spilled over onto your romantic life and you started trying too hard in that too, when you should have let it go long ago.

 

 

Try not to focus on who did what wrong or right. Focus on the fact that it wasn't the right time/right guy and move on.

 

Yeah I am. But it still doesn't help with how I feel. A part of me wants him back but then deep down I know he isn't right for me.

 

I just don't understand why he wanted to hold onto me.

[Lolita_Sky]

He needs a whole month to figure out how to keep a boner?

 

LOL I think he suffers from Erectile dysfunction. He doesn't want to face "the facts". When we had sex for the very first time he went soft. I tried talking with him about it but he just sort of brushed it off. I tried to tell him if there is anything going on I'd still love him. He's going to experience the same issues with the next woman. I at first thought he was cheating on me but that isn't the case. He just can't keep it up.

[Itspointless]

Lolita I understand you are in pain, but trust me as a guy, he is an a-hole. The first paragraph already told me that, the rest confirmed it. You did not do anything wrong, what an idiot. Grief your pain and find yourself someone nicer.

[Lolita_Sky]

Lolita I understand you are in pain, but trust me as a guy, he is an a-hole. The first paragraph already told me that, the rest confirmed it. You did not do anything wrong, what an idiot. Grief your pain and find yourself someone nicer.

 

I just don't understand though. I feel conflicted about the sex issue because a part of me feels like HE may have the problem sexually. I believe he may have Erectile Dysfunction. He could never keep it up too long. It was very rare that he'd keep it long enough until he'd ejaculate. Just as of recent he's just withdrawn sexually completely. It wasn't until he started back smoking weed that things went down hill.

 

He'd communicate with me we'd talk about our issues instead of hearing "everything's fine". It was just this past month that we had these major issues. So it's not like they were consistently going on.

 

I can honestly say if he sobers up and just smokes weed maybe once a day I'd take him back. But I can't not like how he is now.

[Itspointless]

I just don't understand though. I feel conflicted about the sex issue because a part of me feels like HE may have the problem sexually. I believe he may have Erectile Dysfunction. He could never keep it up too long. It was very rare that he'd keep it long enough until he'd ejaculate. Just as of recent he's just withdrawn sexually completely. It wasn't until he started back smoking weed that things went down hill.

 

He'd communicate with me we'd talk about our issues instead of hearing "everything's fine". It was just this past month that we had these major issues. So it's not like they were consistently going on.

 

I can honestly say if he sobers up and just smokes weed maybe once a day I'd take him back. But I can't not like how he is now.

Well it could be a defence mechanism called 'displacement': What Is Displacement? - Defense Mechanisms

[Lolita_Sky]

Well it could be a defence mechanism called 'displacement': What Is Displacement? - Defense Mechanisms

 

I saw him for the first time coming from work and he looked so freaking unhappy. I mean I'd never seen him look like that I wanted to say something but he wasn't talking to me. That was the day I went to go get my things from him...When I was about to break up with him but didn't.

[Lolita_Sky]

I've decided despite my financial situation I'm going to see a therapist. I'll go crazy if I don't talk to someone. I need help and I don't want to spiral into depression. I have so many goals that I want to accomplish.

 

I need to get a foothold and find out what's wrong.

 

I just got off the phone with a local therapist. We're working on having me come in some time next week. I really hope this helps.

[Itspointless]

I saw him for the first time coming from work and he looked so freaking unhappy. I mean I'd never seen him look like that I wanted to say something but he wasn't talking to me. That was the day I went to go get my things from him...When I was about to break up with him but didn't.

Lolita, I understand, but I want you to consider something. My ex is the reason I joined this site in 2013. She had trouble trusting people and found it hard to share. Unfortunately she got ill again (she had a medical history). Before I knew felt her distancing a bit, which I held as a consequence of the stress and pain she endured. When she finally found out it was big trouble. She told me she already knew but had kept it a secret for a week and asked me time. After that she was away to family for a couple of weeks. She went away saying she would miss me, when she came back she broke with me. We were only together for a couple of months but I totally had missed the signs that she was dismissive-avoidant attached (I wish I had known about those styles before, she was textbook). I am not saying he is attached like that, but if this is the way he deals with insecurity or stress does that make him a reliable partner? If he does it once ...

[Lolita_Sky]

Lolita, I understand, but I want you to consider something. My ex is the reason I joined this site in 2013. She had trouble trusting people and found it hard to share. Unfortunately she got ill again (she had a medical history). Before I knew felt her distancing a bit, which I held as a consequence of the stress and pain she endured. When she finally found out it was big trouble. She told me she already knew but had kept it a secret for a week and asked me time. After that she was away to family for a couple of weeks. She went away saying she would miss me, when she came back she broke with me. We were only together for a couple of months but I totally had missed the signs that she was dismissive-avoidant attached (I wish I had known about those styles before, she was textbook). I am not saying he is attached like that, but if this is the way he deals with insecurity or stress does that make him a reliable partner? If he does it once ...

 

Not at all. I know he's not happy though. His mother claims that he is. She checks up on him but of course he'd say that so she wouldn't worry.

 

I'm going to check up on him in a month. In the mean time though I'll be focusing on myself. If he truly cares about me he'll wish me a Happy Birthday in April. I never said he couldn't contact me so he's open to reach out to me. I have a feeling he may not though, I don't know.

[Itspointless]

I'm going to check up on him in a month

If you can handle it, you perhaps better see if he will check up on you in the following six weeks.

[Lolita_Sky]

If you can handle it, you perhaps better see if he will check up on you in the following six weeks.

 

Why would he though? I broke up with him. In his mind I left him. That's how he'd see it. He may contact me on my birthday which is on the 4th of next month.

[Itspointless]

Why would he though? I broke up with him. In his mind I left him. That's how he'd see it. He may contact me on my birthday which is on the 4th of next month.

On this site people always say that there is no such thing as a break. Following that inside you made a healthy choice. He has to make a major effort as he has triggered you in coming up for yourself, which is a good thing.

[bigtrouble]

Hmmm...

Seems he is falling out of love...

From here it becomes a conscious choice...

[Lolita_Sky]

Hmmm...

Seems he is falling out of love...

From here it becomes a conscious choice...

 

He was actually manipulating me. I found out today that I was in a relationship with an emotional manipulator.

 

He made me feel so terrible about myself from with holding sex to just not appreciating me. Him withdrawing from me was his way of "punishing me" for my behavior.

[Itspointless]

He was actually manipulating me. I found out today that I was in a relationship with an emotional manipulator.

 

He made me feel so terrible about myself from with holding sex to just not appreciating me. Him withdrawing from me was his way of "punishing me" for my behavior.

Yes, from what you wrote he was manipulative. I am happy that you are able to see that. It is an important step in coming up for yourself, like you did when breaking up: you stepped out of his game. Love isn't a game, he has not the right to play with you. Love is about being there for one-another. You deserve that too.