edmund_morris Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I met this girl last April, she was the ex of a very good friend of mine long time ago. She was chronically ill, needed long term medical care. She got a boyfriend at that time, but they got some problems and he didn't show enough caring for her. We started to text and chat on phone a lot, and I slowly got attracted by her fun loving personality. Then by the end of last summer, she broke up with that guy. And we spent crazily long hours chatting everyday, and even got really intimate on phone (um.. you get it). Yet the problem is, everything happens only on phone and whatsapp. Of course I asked her out a lot, she refused every time. Then in September 2014, she went overseas for medical treatment. She stayed there for a few months. During that period we kept phoning and texting each other a lot, and exchange birthday and Christmas gifts. She once said I am her boyfriend when she is texting someone else, and showed me the print-screen of that message somehow. She also make me a scarf and sent me a love letter for Valentine last month. And last month she was back. I have asked her out for a few times since then, she refused. I am really confused. On one hand we get really intimate (well, on phone and texting), and sent each other stuffs like love letters and valentine presents, but on the other hand I have NEVER met her in person, not even ONCE.. I know the medication that she has to take and her illness sometimes make her really tired and lost interest in things. I don't know if that's the reason why she refused to meet me. I really, really want to meet her in person. But when I kept trying to date her, she kept refusing. What is this all about.. please give me some advice. Many thanks..
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 You should call her up and ask if she is interested in a real life relationship or not. This phone relationship obviously is not enough for you. You need to have a proper conversation (NOT TEXT) about your respective needs and expectations. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Some people can manufacture relationships through electronic communications. She may be one of them. With all that is going on with her medical conditions, real life interactions may be more than she can handle. Since this is what she has, she made it into everything. Clearly you want something more conventional. You need to tell her that. Reassure her that you won't hold her illness against her but even if it's just sitting in the sun, you would like an in person interaction.
Redhead14 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) I met this girl last April, she was the ex of a very good friend of mine long time ago. She was chronically ill, needed long term medical care. She got a boyfriend at that time, but they got some problems and he didn't show enough caring for her. We started to text and chat on phone a lot, and I slowly got attracted by her fun loving personality. Then by the end of last summer, she broke up with that guy. And we spent crazily long hours chatting everyday, and even got really intimate on phone (um.. you get it). Yet the problem is, everything happens only on phone and whatsapp. Of course I asked her out a lot, she refused every time. Then in September 2014, she went overseas for medical treatment. She stayed there for a few months. During that period we kept phoning and texting each other a lot, and exchange birthday and Christmas gifts. She once said I am her boyfriend when she is texting someone else, and showed me the print-screen of that message somehow. She also make me a scarf and sent me a love letter for Valentine last month. And last month she was back. I have asked her out for a few times since then, she refused. I am really confused. On one hand we get really intimate (well, on phone and texting), and sent each other stuffs like love letters and valentine presents, but on the other hand I have NEVER met her in person, not even ONCE.. I know the medication that she has to take and her illness sometimes make her really tired and lost interest in things. I don't know if that's the reason why she refused to meet me. I really, really want to meet her in person. But when I kept trying to date her, she kept refusing. What is this all about.. please give me some advice. Many thanks.. One possibility here, is, about the fact that she is seriously ill. She is perhaps not very ambulatory and possibility bedridden a lot. She may simply be lonely for attention and using texting, social media, what have you, to fill her need for attention because she can't get out or possibly her illness causes her to not look her best. The fact that she referred to you as her boyfriend when you haven't even met suggests to me that she is maybe fantasizing to get her mind off being ill. Was her last boyfriend a "virtual/phone/social media" boyfriend? I'd say talk to her and ask her directly why it is she won't meet in person. If her last "boyfriend" wasn't able to care for her the way she needed him to, it's likely that it was simply too much for him to handle and maybe too much for you as well. Edited March 13, 2015 by Redhead14
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Can you say catfish?! For a real relationship, she has to be sane and not have too many medical problems, and she has to want to date you in the real world.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 She's friend zoning you but keeping you on a string. If you're not ****ing her, you're not her boyfriend.
mightycpa Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I am really confused. On one hand we get really intimate, but on the other hand I have NEVER met her in person, not even ONCE.I've got news for you. You were being intimate with yourself. She was just listening in. 2
preraph Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 You started off by saying you met the girl. Then you end the post by saying you've never met her. Have you seen her in person face to face or not? She may have made up this whole illness thing specifically so she has an excuse not to meet you because she's a catfish (not who she says she is, may not even be a girl, is probably obese and not the girl in the picture.) It's been going on a year and she's avoiding meeting you, the very last thing you should be doing is putting your life on hold. You should be dating real women in the same town as you and stop investing so much on this. If she shows up sometime down the road, then fine, but this is not a good situation.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 She is probably sexually involved with a guy who treats her like crap emotionally. So she likes getting emotional support from you and having someone to talk to. But since she ultimately sees you as a friend/therapist, she'll never actually spend anytime with you. ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION TO A WOMAN'S ACTIONS. Not the words she says or types. She can call you her "boyfriend" all she wants to keep you around, but she never agrees to dates.
Buddhist Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 You are her chat buddy. That's all you are. If she was interested in more she'd meet you.
Author edmund_morris Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 thanks everyone for the advice, I will let her know what I expect and If she indeed doesn't want to meet me in person, I will move on.
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