cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 So this is the same girl I've been out with a couple of times already. We really hit it off and kissed a few times on the second meeting. Since then it's been difficult to meet due to the fact that she's had a pretty major operation and isn't very mobile at the moment. We've been in pretty much constant contact now for quite a while and this might actually be my downfall in some respects. It's a fine line trying to keep the communication up to keep the interest there whilst we can't meet in person but at the same time I don't want to appear clingy/needy or fall into the 'text buddy' trap... So I've mentioned going on a third date and she seemed keen. I said next week is good and she said she'd let me know what days were good for her but as she had just got into bed she'd look in the morning. Fair enough I thought so the next morning we exchange a couple of messages and I said something along the lines of "don't forget to check your diary!". She said she would but never actually said anything more of it. I was beginning to think she was avoiding the question. Later on in the afternoon I'm out with a friend and I exchange a few more messages with her, still no mention of a date from her so I ask one last time; "did you see when you where free next week?"... Since we use Whatsapp I could see that she saw the message then went straight offline. She didn't come back online for almost exactly 24 hours and still no reply. I'm guessing if she does communicate with me she'll completely avoid the question put to her and carry on the conversion as usual. I can't ask again as I think I've already put my foot in it to be honest and I'm not going to communicate with her until (if) she replies. I know people on here will say that I came across needy but how difficult is it for her to answer an open question like that? If she didn't want to meet she had the opportunity to say so. And if she thinks I'm pestering her then she should have had the courtesy to answer me. It really shouldn't be this difficult. Any suggestions? I'm guessing just wait it out and I'll get my answer one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I know people on here will say that I came across needy but how difficult is it for her to answer an open question like that? If she didn't want to meet she had the opportunity to say so. And if she thinks I'm pestering her then she should have had the courtesy to answer me. No you're not needy. You're just trying to get blood from a stone. If she wanted another date then she would have given you a date/time by now. She may have had the opportunity to say she didn't want to meet again, but what motivation does she have to do so? She may be enjoying the text conversation and attention and not want that to stop. If she says she doesn't want ot meet then no doubt you would stop communicating with her. She should have the courtesy to tell you, yes, but many people lack courtesy. You have to draw your own conclusions based on their behaviour. She has clearly shown you, from her lack of enthusiasm, that she is not interested in another date. Time to move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Thanks for the reply Pete. It's frustrating to say the least and it seems to be the majority of women that act this way, not the minority, based on my experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 She is the same girl that agreed with me when I said I hate dating 'games' and bull**** and up until now she's been very honest and upfront which is great, it's what I like in a girl and in people generally. With that in mind I'm half tempted to just be upfront and frank with her. Just ask her if she really wants to meet because I'm getting a vibe that maybe she doesn't. Chances are It'll backfire and push her away altogether but then maybe I'd know where I stand at least. I really did think she was different from most women in this respect. Maybe there is a genuine reason she hasn't responded yet, I don't know. I'll be rational and try not to jump to any conclusions, though I admit it doesn't look great for me. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Go for it, at this point you have nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 I guess I don't, you're right. Maybe I'll wait it out a day or two see what happens. It's the weekend, I'm going to enjoy myself so no rush! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Speaking personally, I have times when my work schedule is busier than other times. It is very frustrating when I have someone I am interested in, repeatedly ask me when I am available during those peak time frames when my schedule is erratic and I do not know when I am available. UNTIL I AM available. This woman just had surgery so she is likely in the same boat. She does not know when she is available. She probably feels like crap. I think you should cut her some slack and give her some breathing room. Let her come to you when she is able, and stop pressuring her at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Auspecial, I agree to a point with that. However, I know she has seen the message and I know she is sat at home most of the day. That might sound like I'm having a pop at her there, it really isn't. Like you say, I have no idea what she has been up to or what is going through her mind which is why I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She's a very sound girl and I like to think she'd be honest with me so let's see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 You are doing it all wrong....don't date one at a time, and don't invest yourself until you are officially in a relationship. Your problem is that you are trying to push things along into a relationship....let the girl take on that responsibility and you keep yourself busy getting with other girls. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 cessna, your biggest worry shouldn't be that you'll come across as needy. It should be that you'll come across as uncaring and insensitive. She's just had major surgery. She's probably feeling lousy. Maybe nauseous, maybe dizzy. Maybe she's come face-to-face with her mortality and is feeling vulnerable. Honestly, if any of this is true, a date is probably very far from her mind. And your insistence could make her think you're self-centered (i.e. you care more about getting your date than about her well-being). Link to post Share on other sites
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 In general - if you think she is ignoring you, she probably is. that or you're too needy. In her case - she just had surgery, give her some space and let her initiate with you. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 ...so I ask one last time; "did you see when you where free next week?"... Since we use Whatsapp I could see that she saw the message then went straight offline. She didn't come back online for almost exactly 24 hours and still no reply. She knows that she's in control, and has left you dangling. She came back on a day later to see if you were checking the app. It's head games regardless of the exact motivation... maybe she has cooled off, maybe she's has another guy on the queue and is waiting to see how that plays out, maybe she's just asserting that she is less interested than you and as such is in control and will answer when and if she damn well feels like it. Regardless, your only play here is to take a chill pill and don't check the app. Maybe even delete the app. That will send the message that she overplayed and you're not waiting around. If she's just playing head games she'll realize you're walking and maybe she'll contact you. If she has cooled or has another guy on the hook then at least you haven't behaved like a clinger. Chances are that she's lost interest. Let it go. Set up a date with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 You are doing it all wrong....don't date one at a time, and don't invest yourself until you are officially in a relationship. Your problem is that you are trying to push things along into a relationship....let the girl take on that responsibility and you keep yourself busy getting with other girls. I agree with the above. OP why are you so upset about this one girl who won't give you a third date? You two are not exclusive and you should be dating more than one woman at this point. You are not in a relationship with this one so why get so upset after only 2 dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 I'm not upset stillafool, I just don't fully understand what's going on. Acacia98, I've actually been very thoughtful about the operation and her recovery. I've not put her under any pressure and she's told me that she is fed up with staying in which is why I told her I'd take her out and try and cheer her up. I probably should be going out and getting other dates but I'm not the most desirable of guys in all honesty... Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 How do you know if she's really sick or just trying to get rid of you? Sometimes it's just an excuse. If she's sick, leave her alone, she's not physically available.... if she's a good one, she'll let you know when she is better and if she can go out. In the mean time, date other girls, don't put all your eggs in one basket. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 I know 100 percent that this operation happened, I've known of her problem for a long time and when we meet previously she wasn't fully mobile so I know it's all absolutely true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cessna Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Okay, so the weekend has been and gone and still nothing from her. In fact she's not even been online since Thursday... Do I keep quiet still or say something? I'm thinking keep quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Okay, so the weekend has been and gone and still nothing from her. In fact she's not even been online since Thursday... Do I keep quiet still or say something? I'm thinking keep quiet. Absolutely. Keep quiet. If you were thoughtful and considerate in your previous communications with her (as you indicated in your response to me) then you've done all that you can do. She knows how to reach you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
An0nymiss666 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I agree that you're not needy. She just isn't interested, for whatever reason, and can't even be courteous enough to tell you. I just went through this situation, but I'm the girl. But I straight up told the guy, nicely. It was a one-and-done innocent date, but he clearly was more interested than I was and I'm just not about getting back into the dating scene at the moment. Being honest is not that difficult, I mean that's the best you can do for someone else. If she can't even do that, then shame on her. I suppose there's always the chance she physically can't or isn't available to contact you if she just had a major surgery. Either way, just lay low and try to move on from it. If she's genuinely interested, she'll talk to you and have an explanation. If she acts like nothing happened or doesn't explain herself I'd confront her on it. In a reasonable way, of course. I mean you don't just disappear and then come back like nothing happened, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
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